Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Billie's Bordello

Bo directs things at the charred remains of his house. Hope thinks it was arson. The lock was jimmied. She heard someone downstairs. Billie wonders if it could have been Chelsea. Hope wants to know what that's all about.

The brat sleeps in the dark and lonely garage. We pan back from her in a vertigo-inducing shot, crossing the desk littered with the debris of yesterday's business transactions. We back up to the end of the room, leaving the brat as a pinpoint of light on the other side. Federico Fellini looks down on the scene and says, "OMG! If I could have come up with stuff like that I might have amounted to something."

Outside, Nick meets Abby, who has been waiting for him. Jed called Abby and told her where Chelsea is. Abby tells Nick before he goes in he'd better figure out what he is going to say to her.

Father Kelly meets Kate, who is at the church to go over her reading for the mass. Father Kelly believes God called her there for another reason, "And I'd be happy to take your confession, but I can't afford to lose an entire week." He points out a man praying at the altar.

Father Kelly leaves. Kate walks in and joins Phillip, "Who are you praying for."

"Claire," says Phillip, "I lit a candle for my little girl. And so did Willow. She may not be dead. She may be lost out there somewhere. It's killing me."

Shawn runs into an island bar screaming for help, "Is anybody here?"

Mr. Nasty points a rifle at his back and says, "Who the hell are you?"

Shawn tells the guy his little girl is sick and needs help. "Show me," says the grouch.

"Put the gun down."

Grouchy keeps the gun right where it is, "Lead the way, son."

Bo says Hope knows as much as he does about what happened. Billie defends the brat. Hope and Billie argue. Hope wonders why Chelsea would be so shook up. Bo says, "She and Nick have become close and they had a little disagreement."

Hope can't let it go. Finally Billie blows up, "It was me! I am the reason Chelsea ran away! I had a one-night stand with Nick!"

Nick hesitates. Abby wants to know what he is waiting for. Abby goes ahead to see what he's getting into. She knocks and asks if she can come in. The brat tells her she can come in if she is alone.

"You need to go home," says Abby.

"What," snorts the brat, "Back to Billie's bordello? Once a whore always a whore. My mom – The de-virginator. I haven't figured out what I will do, but I'm going away."

Nick runs in.

The brat reminds Abby she told her she was alone, "I am surrounded by liars!"

"You don't understand," says Abby.

Chelsea screams, "No, you don't understand. I never want to see Nick Fallon's lying face again."

Hope can't believe it. She tees off on Billie, "Were you that desperate."

"Yeah," says Billie, "I just got dumped." Hope rants about Billie's daughter. Billie reminds her the brat is Bo's daughter, too. Bo recommends a little reason. It's a shame, because he could have used the breath he just wasted for something productive. Billie wonders who will be there to help Chelsea. Bo says he will step in and help.

Hope chimes in, "So will I."

The brat nukes Nick. She wails. He has been a great friend and made good things happen to her. But now he's nothing to her but a liar, "Because of you I have a porn running through my head of my boyfriend and mother doing it!"

Nick still thinks she is the most amazing woman he has ever met.

"Then live with it and suffer," she screams, "I am through with you!"

Nick holds his debit card in front of her, "If you wanna skip town, take it. Everything I have is yours."

"Too bad you already hocked your watch," says Chelsea.

Kate reminisces about her childhood in church. She remembers that day well. She tells Phillip he has to have hope. If Claire is still alive someone will recognize her from the amber alerts. Phillip isn't sure remote Pacific islands get news from Salem. He can't sit around and wait. He thought about bugging Marlena and Bo's phones in case they got a call from Shawn or Belle, but Victor stopped him, "Face it, Mom. I failed Claire. I failed myself. I lost face."

The old snort's name is Duck. He leads the kiddie corps back to his bar and agrees Claire needs a doctor. Gabrielle, Gabby for short, is his daughter. She comes up and comforts Claire. It's strange how comforting Claire also involves drooling over Shawn. She tells Duck the island doctor is usually at the beach checking his lobster traps this time of day. She asks Duck to go get him and leans in and whispers, "Le bébé pourrait mourir." Duck gets it. He realizes the baby could die, and he scurries off to get the doc.

"OMG," says Belle, "I speak French! You mean on top of everything else it's going to rain? " Gabby goes into action helping with Claire.

Gabby tells them the closest hospital is two hours away. Shawn says Claire's temperature is 103. Belle does what Belle does best. She freaks. Gabby walks away from the maelstrom and Shawn tries to calm her down. They worry about what questions will be asked as Gabby listens.

Bo, Hope and Billie are at her place. Roman has put out an unofficial report on the brat. Billie freaks. She wants Bo to find her before the cops do.

"Smooth, Fallon," cries the brat, "No pin number. I can't use the card without that, and you know it."

"I'll give you my pin number," says Nick, "I'll go with you to get the money."

"What," she asks, "And sell me out? I think you would do that. You've been nothing to me but a big fat sucker."

"OK," says Nick, "You can drive."

"You're damn right I will," says Chelsea, "And then you will never see ma again."

Abby makes a call.

Bo starts to leave but stops to answer his phone. Abby tells him they found Chelsea at the garage. Bo is on the way. Billie wants to go. Bo thinks that's a bad idea. Billie gives in, "Please just bring her home."

Hope talks to Bo in private. She asks if Bo thinks the brat started the fire.

Bo says a couple of hours ago he would have thought Elvis was the one who turned their house into a hunka hunka burnin' junk, "The fire has amateur written all over it, kind of like this script. Chelsea is a likely suspect. But as her father I wish I had instincts telling me to stick by my kid. But I don't. When I find her, I'll hug her, tell her that I loves her, and then break every bone in her body." Bo heads out on his mission.

Hope goes back inside with Billie. Billie says there is nothing she can do to take it back, "I am the worst mother in the world."

"I'll bet Nick doesn't think so," says Hope.

Gabriella and Belle work on Claire. Shawn watches. Claire cries. Shawn asks about the doctor. Gabby says he's big on potions and old remedies. He's lost his license in the states, so he works on Tinda Lao. Gabby tells them a lot of the people there are either outcasts or fugitives.

"So which are you," asks Gabby, "Outcasts or fugitives?"

"Neither," says Belle, "We're just plain idiots." Belle makes up a lame vacationing story. Their yacht sunk when Shawn tried to ram it into a luxury liner. She doesn't want to talk about it. Gabby invites her up to her room to change. Claire's Belle-genes kick in. Her tears roll in like the rising tide. Shawn tries to calm her down and tells her she is with friends, "At least daddy hopes so." Not to worry. Gabby seems to be feeling pretty friendly toward Shawn and his rippling muscles.

Kate tells Phillip how wonderful he is. Phillip is down on himself, "I chased after Shawn and Belle like a hound from hell. Dad was so proud of me until I came home without Claire and had to face him. He could barely disguise his contempt for me."

Kate tells him to face the truth. He will never satisfy Victor. He will never be like him.

Abby comes back. Chelsea is in the office getting ready. Then they will go to the ATM and then she will take the bus to Chicago. Abby thinks Chelsea needs a therapist not a one-way ticket to a shelter.

Nick asks if the brat wants to stop by her mom's first to get things. No. She's outta there. She will pick up whatever she needs when she gets to Chicago – Nick's paltry life savings will go a long way on the Miracle Mile. The brat starts to leave, but Abby stops her, "What do I get for being your best friend? Not even a 'see ya later?'"

"I'll send you a post card from Chicago," says Chelsea. She thanks her for the memories but they aren't enough to keep her there.

Superdad flies in, "How about your dad? Can I keep you here?"

Claire bawls. Dr. Mulder works on her. He gives her penicillin, and says he thinks it will knock out the infection. He wants fifty bucks for the bar-call. Shawn tells him they lost everything. Gabby decides she will pay. Duck tries to stop her, but she tells him to take it out of her tips.

Gabby suggests getting Claire some food. She and Belle take Claire off to feed her.

Shawn thanks Duck, "I really appreciate what you have done for us, sir."

"No one has called me 'sir' since my last hitch," snorts Duck, "My name is Duck. You got it?" Duck slams down a shot of whiskey, "So when are you leaving?"

Shawn wasn't planning on going anywhere until Claire is well. He offers to help out by doing repairs or something.

"Sorry kid," says Duck, "You got my help and my fifty bucks and that's all you're getting."

Chelsea rants at Nick. She thinks he kept her there until Bo arrived. Abby says she is the one who called Bo. The brat lectures. She needs to get out of town. Bo wants to know why she didn't come to his place to talk. She says she stopped by, but the lights were off. She left a note.

Bo says in the list of evidence at the scene there was no note.

"What scene," asks Chelsea.

"The fire that could have killed Hope and your baby sister."

Kate doesn't think Phillip should try to be like Victor. He does love Phillip though. She tells Phillip he won't get Belle and Claire back by acting like Victor. It's time for Phillip to remember that, and Kate knows how he can begin. She suggests extending an olive branch to Bo and Hope. Phillip rejects the idea, "A Kiriakis never surrenders."

"What about a Roberts," asks Kate.

"You tear people to shreds," says Phillip, "Lucas hits them with practical jokes."

Kate is having dinner tomorrow with Lucas, Sami and Billie. She invites him to join them. Phillip stares.

Shawn tries to convince Duck to let them stay. Gabby goes to bat for him, "Shawn could be put to good use around here, and you could use him for a few things, too."

Duck growls, "Don't make yourself too much at home, sonny boy."

Billie holds up a bottle of wine and says that is what cost her a relationship with her daughter. Hope says she doesn't think she's a bad mother, "You're not a saint, but none of us are." She goes though Billie's excruciating history with Chelsea, "That's a lot to go through."

Billie says they were just learning to trust each other, and now that will never happen.


Bo says the fire is still under investigation, but everybody is OK. "Accidents happen," says the usual suspect.

"It was no accident," says Bo, "It was arson."

"Who would do something like that," asks Chelsea, "It's sick and twisted and... OMG! you think I did it!"

Gabby and the kiddie corps come downstairs. Claire is asleep. Gabby tells them to ignore her dad, "He's a crusty old war horse, but his bark is worse than his bite."

"I didn't know horses barked," says Belle.

Gabby leaves. Shawn and Belle argue about staying on the island. Belle wants to stay. Shawn doesn't want to wear out their welcome, but he gives in.

Phillip thinks it might be a little uncomfortable if he showed up at the dinner. Kate urges him to come, "Tomorrow night – 7PM at Chez Rouge." Kate leaves.

Hope suggests waiting for Bo to come back. Billie thinks Chelsea probably set the fire. She opens the wine bottle. Hope takes if from her and tells her life is too short to hold on to anger on hurt. Billie should start forgiving herself. They decide to shake their old bad habits together. Billie pours the wine down the sink, Haut Brion Bordeaux, $595 per bottle.

Chelsea has a meltdown at Bo for thinking she set the fire. Bo shakes her back to reality, "This has to do with a crime that could have taken everything form me. I need to know where you were and when. Not the version according to Chelsea, but God's honest truth." The brat gives him a look that could kill.

Education has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
–G. M. Trevelyan, British Historian, 1876 - 1962

Television has produced a vast popoulation able to watch but unable to distinguish what is worth watching. Therefore, DOOL remains on the air.
-Prevuze, DOOL Dis torian, 2007


EJ says to Willow, "I make it a rule not to do any kind of business with psychotic arsonists. I either avoid them or I eliminate them. What's it gonna be with you, eh?"

Duck tells Gabby, "You're wasting your time. They're a couple. Leave the guy alone, OK?"

Billie says, "I would die for you Chelsea. That's probably what you want me to do right now." Chelsea says, "You're right."

Patch drags Kayla through a door yelling, "I've got a knife at her back. I will use it if you get in my way."


Blogger Bulldog said...

OMG! Prevuze was in rare form today. One great thing after another, starting with the "princess" of queens, Phil losing face, barking horses and the great Daze Distorian.

I will certainly be laughing over all of it today (and disturbing my coworkers in the process).

Thanks, Prevuze! :D

7:31 AM  
Anonymous applecheeks said...

Amen. Not to mention:

Jed as Jughead

Shawn sinking their yatch trying to ram a luxury liner

And, Maggie's new monogrammed napkins.

Funny funny Prevuze today!

9:17 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

I will certainly be laughing over all of it today (and disturbing my coworkers in the process).

Disturbing one's coworkers is one of the main goals of the Prevuze mission. If we can't have our readers tossed into a padded cell next to Patch, we are not doing our job.

9:35 AM  

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