Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Thar She Blows!

EJ wonders why Sami would ask if he wants to sabotage her McWedding day. She tells him it's because of this morning. EJ tells her he knows it was a very passionate kiss, but he certainly wouldn't want to ruin her wedding day over it. Sami brings up the fact he also asked her about her love for Lucas. The cop interrupts and asks for EJ's license and registration, “You were doing 75 in a 40 zone. I've been waiting for someone like you all day long.”

“Really officer,” says the ever-smooth EJ, “Well, I got here as fast as I could.”

“Well, I'll be damned,” says the cop, “It's not every day I get to stop a famous race driver. And I'm not only a racing fan, I'm an EJ Wells fan.” The cop lets the ticket slide in exchange for an autograph. Miss Samantha is quite impressed. That only lasts a couple seconds, though, until she's back to barking at EJ to get her to the church on time. EJ grinds the starter and proudly announces the car is dead.

Mimi says she just doesn't know what's wrong with men, “You get angry and go crash a race car and Shawn gets angry and practically drinks himself into oblivion.”

Belle gets her hackles up, “Hey, you're not making this Shawn's fault.”

“No,” says Mimi, “I'm making this my fault.” Phillip jumps into the blame game and figures it was his fault.

“We're all adults,” says Mimi.

Zero out of four ain't bad,” says Phillip.

“Shawn knew what he was getting into,” insists Mimi.

“Shawn has had a drinking problem for quite some time,” says Belle.

Mimi jumps to his defense, “It's not like he's an alcoholic.”

You're absolutely right,” says Phillip, “He's just ruining his life with drugs and alcohol and can't stop drinking.”

Mimi decides to go to the chapel to see if she can find a stranger to talk to. “Lord, please let him be OK,” she whispers.

Bo tells Hope he's going to go check on Shawn. Hope stops him and thanks him for telling Shawn he would always be there for him. Bo says he will do everything he can to live up to that promise.

Hope hits below the belt, “What about the promise you made to Chelsea – that you'd always be there for her?” Bo says he can't have loyalty to someone who doesn't respect him or the people he loves. The brat is going to have to earn his trust. Hope asks, “Do you think that is even possible?”

Bo has a firm grasp of the obvious, “No... I don't.”

The brat is on the phone with Abby giving the recap of what she did with the file. She left it right where the father will find it. Billie interrupts and reminds the brat they have to go to the McWedding. The brat tells her she isn't going. Billie lectures her about commitment. The brat says, “Look, if being short a bridesmaid or two is the worst thing that happens to Sami today, she should consider herself extremely lucky. And you and I both know that Uncle Austin would be extremely lucky if the whole thing got called off altogether. One way or another, Sami will think of a way to screw it up.”

“Yeah, but you not being there is gonna help her to screw it up,” says Billie.

The brat says, “I'm not going anywhere until I know Shawn is OK, and at least able to read whatever might be sitting beside him on his bedside table.”

Sami begs EJ to tell her he is kidding. He warns her not to insult his sensitive car. He tells her he doesn't know much about engines. He just drives.

“Please tell me you are kidding.”

“OK, kidding.” He suggests she call for help on her cell phone.

Sami makes calls but gets a string of voice mail because everyone is at the church waiting for her. Of course none of them owns a cell phone. “Why the hell is this happening to me,” whimpers Sami.

Shawn begins to wake up. The doctor examines him, “Shawn! It's Dr. Berman. Can you hear me? I see the lights are on but nobody's home. He's just about made a full recovery.”

Shawn's mind is in a fog, but he's used to it. The doctor asks him several questions and Shawn pretty much passes the test. Time for the lecture. The doctor tells him what he did would be considered binge drinking. His blood alcohol was three times the legal limit.

Dr. Berman decides Shawn is recovering well and leaves him with Lexie since he no longer needs medical attention. Lexie questions him about last night, “You have a waiting room full of people worried about you.”

“Belle, too,” asks Shawn.

Dr. Slut is disgusted, “Yes, Belle too!” Lexie gets a call and excuses herself.

Sami can't believe she is getting all these voice mails. She calls a cab, “FORTY-FIVE MINUTES! Have you lost your mind? This is Salem. It's not Manhattan. How long can it possibly take you to get a cab here... Hello? They hung up on me! That bastard!”

“I can't imagine why,” drones EJ. Sami decides to call the cab company back. BUT, say it in unison, kids... Her cell phone is broken. EJ hands her his phone. BUT, say it in unison, kids... his phone isn't getting service in that part of town. EJ snickers.

Sami nukes, “DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?! I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS A SIGN I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED TODAY!” EJ wonders how so. Sami brings up the notes she has been getting.

“You think this is the universe's last ditch attempt to keep you from getting humiliated at the altar,” he asks.

“Maybe,” says Sami, “What if the person who has been sending me those notes is at the church right now waiting to humiliate me in front of the entire town?”

“I'll be there for you,” says EJ, “The only thing you need to focus on is marrying the man you love. Or Austin. Besides, I think I have figured out what is wrong with the car engine. I think I can fix it, but I will need your help.”

Sami turns squeamish, “From me? You want me to help work on a car engine? I have been through every single possible worst-case scenario a bride can go through on her McWedding day... Oh, God, I hope I didn't just jinx myself."

Shawn wonders when he can get out of the hospital. Lexie says they will have to see how things go, “Shawn, the way you were drinking you are lucky you didn't have any permanent mental damage. We ran tests to see if you did, but with you, we couldn't tell the difference. I'm not making any promises, but if you continue to respond well, you should be able to go home later today.”

Cool,” says Shawn, “Maybe I can go out drinking tonight to celebrate my recovery.”

Lexie goes out into the waiting area and updates everyone on Shawn's condition. “Any brain damage,” asks Hope.

It is physically impossible to damage a vacuum,” says Lexie, “So there is no need for concern.”

The brat chimes in, “When could I go see him?”

Hope gives her a look that would kill a charging rhinoceros, “DON'T!” Phillip runs to give Mimi the news.

Mimi lights a candle. She kneels, prays and tries to work God, “We don't get many second chances in life and I'm not saying I deserve one, but Shawn does. He shouldn't die without knowing he has a daughter. Please let him live and be a real father to Claire. And I promise if you do I will finally tell him the truth.” God laughs uncontrollably.

EJ suggests they do something to pass the time while he works on the car. “Let's play 20 questions,” says Sami, “For starters, what does EJ stand for?”

“It's something French,” says EJ.

“Oh, something embarrassing,” says Sami, “How about Edgar... Elijah...”

“Actually it's Edgar, “he says, “You got it right. Or Igor.” Well, it certainly isn't Einstein.

Sami laughs, “I'll call you Eddie.”

EJ announces he has the problem figured out. It's a vapor lock and they have to let the car cool. Sami blows her stack, “We don't have time to let the car cool!” She charges him. He cautions her to keep her hands on the radiator cap so it won't blow. He changes the subject and tells her about the time he worked on Prince William's car at Eaton. Sami giggles and wants to hear all about it. She asks what Prince William is like.

“He's just a regular bloke,” says EJ.

“That is so cool,” says the giddy schoolgirl, “Did you ever get to go to Buckingham Palace? What's the Queen like?” In her excitement, she takes her hands away and Thar she blows!

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, the brat watches and wonders how things are going with a certain file. Billie watches and wonders what's up with the brat. She goes over to her and asks if she wants to go in and see Shawn. The brat says she doesn't want to upset Bo and Hope.

“Well,” says Billie, “If you didn't want to upset Bo and Hope you shouldn't have come in the first place.” The brat thinks things are under control. She says now that they know Shawn is OK, they probably should get to the wedding. Billie thinks that's a fine idea.

Foghead rubs his eyes. Bo and Hope come in. He apologizes for putting them through this. He asks where Mimi is and says he hopes she isn't blaming herself for this. Hope starts to lecture, but Shawn assures her it won't happen again, “I had some problems with drinking last year but I have my act together now.” It must be an easy-assembly act.”

Bo says he doesn't know if Shawn could hear them before, but he's sorry for whatever he did to contribute to this, “You said this was an accident.”

“It was an accident,” claims Shawn, “I accidentally guzzled a few gallons of booze. But I accept responsibility for my actions unlike some members of this family. Why the hell did you let Chelsea in here? If you would have lost me last night, it wouldn't have been that big of a deal because you would still have your daughter and that's all you care about, right?” Bo stares.

Hope jumps to Bo's defense. She tells Shawn Bo asked the brat to leave tonight. “Because of me,” asks picklebrain.

Bo says, “I found out something that if I had known before, everything would be different.” Bo explains the email switcheroo, “So I told Chelsea she's out of my life until she can straighten up and be a decent person.”

Wow, you kicked her out of your life forever,” says Shawn. He asks if Bo and Hope are getting back together now that they know the truth. Hope stares. Bo stares.

Mimi prays, "I'm the one who deserves to be punished for lying to Shawn about Claire all of these months. I'll take whatever punishment I deserve. Please..."


The Lord God booms, “Mimi, we'll talk about that later, but from my viewpoint up here, I think your top is a bit too low cut.” Phillip walks in. Staredown.

When the steam blew it burned Sami's face and hands. EJ tells her she has first degree burns, “You're very lucky, young lady. You could have been hurt very badly.”

“EJ, what does my face look like?”

Does the name Chloe Lane mean anything to you,” asks EJ. He thinks a little make up will cover it up.

Sami runs over and grabs her compact, “OMG! How am I supposed to get married looking like this,” yells Chloe.

Hope tells Shawn she and Bo have issues other than Chelsea. Until they are resolved, there is no way they can get back together. Bo says he has to prove he didn't steal the evidence against her. “If he can do that,” says Hope, “Well, then we'll talk.”

Bo asks, “You really mean that?”

“There were things out of your control,” says Hope, “But there were so many lies, Bo. Let's just be grateful our son is OK.”

“You guys are my family,” says Bo, “I'm not losing any more ground with you. The happiest Days Of Our Lives are the ones we have spent together. I have made mistakes. We allPatrickhave. I am sorry for the pain it has caused. I will make it up to you.” Bo suggests they let their son get some rest. They leave. The file sits on Shawn's table just begging to be read.

Mimi tells Phillip she can explain, “I don't know what you just heard.”

“What are you talking about and why are you so nervous,” asks Phillip. Mimi says she's nervous because her husband is so ill. Phillip gives her the good news. Mimi is so relieved, and hopes God has a bad memory.

Bo and Hope come out into the waiting area. They tell Belle she can go in. Belle doesn't waste any time. Hope thanks Bo for what he did in Shawn's room.

“Shawn got a second chance,” says Bo, “I'm hoping I'll get one too.”

Hope asks, "Don't you have a McWedding to go to?"

Bo asks, "Does that mean you aren't going?" They bicker about it, but Hope decides to go.

Shawn wonders how long Belle has been there. Just a couple of minutes. She's glad he's going to be OK. He assures her she won't lose him. Belle can't imagine the world without him in it. They hold hands.

EJ just happens to have aloe in his glove box. Sami worries about her Chloe face. EJ promises things will work out. He decides to walk to the gas station down the road and see if Sami can get a ride to the church, “What else could possibly go wrong.” Thunder rolls. The heavens open. Sami melts.

Belle says she was scared their child would grow up without a daddy. Shawn promises he will be there for the kid, no matter what Mimi and Phillip think. Shawn writhes in pain with the worst hangover ever. Belle pours him some water and discovers the file. Shawn asks what it is. Belle reads and says, "It's a file with Claire's name on it... OMG." FF.


Belle says, “It says that Claire isn't Phillip's daughter. She's yours.”

EJ and Sami dance.

Carrie says, “I guess Belle and Phillip will be here soon.” The brat says, “Oh, I wouldn't count on that.”

Phillip lectures the clueless quad, “Someone has a grudge against us. If the three of you want to sit there and do nothing about it, that's fine. But I'm not gonna stand for it.”


Blogger Michelle said...

Holy hysterics! "It's physically impossible to damage a vacuum" and "Chloe face". Leaving Shawn with Lexie "because he doesn't need medical attention"...just a few of some of best Prevuze lines ever! Great Prevuze today!

5:51 AM  
Anonymous applecheeks said...

Let me add to Michelle's list...Bo's firm grasp on the obvious, Snakes on a Show and Bulldog's permanent record. HAHAHA

Sami & EJ should set a fire - the Salem Fire Department seems to be the fastest responding organization in the City. Maybe they could give her a lift to the McWedding.

Fabulous Prevuze as always.

6:41 AM  
Blogger Bulldog said...

What way did EJ and Sami take to the McWedding, the most deserted country roads possible??

Let me add to the lists above: God's warning to Mimi about her top, the doctors not being able to tell the difference of Shawn being mentally damaged or not and especially the subliminal "we allPatrickhave". HAHAHAHAHA

Excellent Prevuze!!

7:54 AM  

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