Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Gospel According To Prevuze

I recently saw an interview with a television preacher. (I know, I just lost half the readers, but I think the guy was being sincere so if I haven't lost you, keep reading and see what you think).

The preacher in question, in his kind and sensitive Father Matt tones, said he was disappointed that so many people watch soap operas. Again, before you jump ship on me, let's try to look at this from his point of view.

What he meant was the story lines on soap operas teach bad lessons. I mean, if Days Of Our Lives, for example, has left one of the Commandments unbroken, it must be that undiscovered 11th Commandment. On the other hand, maybe the 11th Commandment is, "Thou shalt not write dull drama by writing stories where none of the other Commandments is broken." I will not even attempt to analyze why the DOOL writers can break all the Commandments and still write dull drama, however.

I will admit (dull plots notwithstanding) DOOL shows bad situations. But I think our preacher friend believes it's a monkey-see-monkey-do kind of thing. So, taking this week's far-fetched Phillip-Chloe romp-fest as an example he might say it teaches viewers if their spouses (let's use the term 'spouses' to avoid any additional baggage) cheat on them, they should get back at the aforementioned spouses by seeking retribution in the form of cheating and retaliation; or, as I prefer to call it, retributory-cheataliation.

Is that what YOU got out of this story line? I doubt it. I've read your posts, comments and bulletin boards and I haven't read a single comment that said Phillip and Chloe did the right thing. So, you may ask, what did we learn? And that, my flock, brings me to the heart of today's sermon.

Follow with me as I read today's scripture from the King James version:

"Romans 12:9 — Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."

Now, for clarification, let me read the same passage from The Gospel According To Prevuze:

"Romans 12:9 — Hey guys, two wrongs do not make a right. Cool your jets and let me, the Lord, handle things. That's my job, not yours."

And, if you're not scriptured-out, let me add this from the New Revised International Prevuze Edition With Commentary:

"Romans 12:9 — So if you even suspect your spouse, significant other, main squeeze or that special one-night-stand has cheated on you don't retaliate by running out and hammering the first guy or gal you run into. And, by the way, if you do, don't go whining around that you were drunk and thinking that's an excuse. Do that, and you'll wind up getting a few more choice scriptures about the evils of demon rum."

Isn't THAT what you got from this little scenario? And don't you think THAT, in time, is the lesson Chloe and Phillip will learn? Y'ur darn right. All of which goes to prove, contrary to the belief that soap operas are disgusting soft porn, they are little morality plays. In fact...

THEY SHOULD BE SHOWING 'DAYS OF OUR LIVES' IN CHURCH!

Thus sayeth Prevuze.

So, my flock, please go out and make it a good weekend. Oh, I just remembered, THAT'S the 11th Commandment.

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze

Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE


13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love God talking to Chloe, but she mostly sticks to breaking one commandment over and over again.

Prevuze, the best religious blog on the web?

7:44 AM  
Anonymous Lady Bug said...

I've read elsewhere that many Phloe fans think this drunken, revenge fueled romp was wonderful.

I don't get it myself and I really don't understand how a Chloe fan can be thrilled with her lack of morals.

8:01 AM  
Blogger Klaus said...

Phloe fans
Such a thing is unthinkable.

Victor can now rub his 'I-told-so's all over Daniels face, like he did with Lucas.

I guess now Daniel can have a revenge grope. But who will be his unfortunate victim... Sami? Wait, have Daniel and Sami even met??

9:08 AM  
Blogger Sarolite said...

Daniel and Sami met when Grace was in the hospital, because Salem University Hospital has no pediatricians.

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Betyar said...

Thanks for the sermon Prevuze...I always believed there must be some justification as to why I keep watching DOOL(even though the writing is awful 2 out of 3 days)...and now I know. It's to keep my moral compass in check, and to NOT do what they do onto others(mainly Phil & Chloe).

12:08 PM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

The King James Buffet version of the gospel goes something like this -

Why don't we get drunk and screw
I just bought a waterbed
It's filled up for me and you

They say you are a snub queen
Honey I don't think that's true
So why don't we get drunk and screw

Yah now baby

Why dont we get drunk and screw

Maybe this isn't about morality. It could just be that Phillip had an epiphany. After two months of marriage to Melanie, Phillip has finally committed to being a boob man. He prefers a cup that runneth over.

1:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Phloe hook-up friday was hilarious !!!!!!!!
Jay Johnson (Philip) rocked as the drunk, cheating married man. Seriously his acting was good even a bit realistic and hilarious in a good way. On the other hand NB (Chloe) was awful she didn't seem drunk at all but her awful acting was also hilarious too but in a different way.
I kind of like Phloe and think they have some chemistry but this time their romp was not sexy but rather funny !! LMAO.

2:42 PM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

The King James Buffet version of the gospel goes something like this

It sounds like maybe King James Buffet could be a candidate for one of Prevuze' fire and brimstone specials.

4:04 PM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

What an inspired Prevuze today! I feel cleansed of my evil thoughts; inspired to do good deeds; called to rise up and smite the Philistines who dare to diss Prevuze.

Along with further glimpses of the Guy Manual I eagerly await more from the Gospel of Prevuze. Surely it's one of the lost books of the Bible.

(BEHOLD THE WORD VERIFICATION AND THAT WORD IS TENDUCK.)

Bless you, Prevuze and the tenduck you rode in on.

5:00 PM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Bless you, Prevuze and the tenduck you rode in on.

I only rode in on nine ducks. I always keep one in reserve.

5:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Phloe hook-up friday was hilarious !!!!!!!!
Jay Johnson (Philip) rocked as the drunk, cheating married man. Seriously his acting was good even a bit realistic and hilarious in a good way. On the other hand NB (Chloe) was awful she didn't seem drunk at all but her awful acting was also hilarious too but in a different way.
I kind of like Phloe and think they have some chemistry but this time their romp was not sexy but rather funny !! LMAO.

2:42 PM

That's my only problem with Phloe. That's why he should have had a drunken romp with Nicole instead of Chloe. I know it doesn't further the story as well, but it would have been amusing.

12:57 AM  
Anonymous Saggy Baskets said...

I would have much rather seen a drunk romp with Phil and Nicole.

Now THAT would have been entertaining instead of making my eyes bleed.

5:36 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

THEY SHOULD BE SHOWING 'DAYS OF OUR LIVES' IN CHURCH!

Thus sayeth Prevuze.


Thus sayeth me, too!! I'd go to church every Sunday if they did.

If I wanted to jump into the sack with Phillip I'd have to be drunk, too, just to get past his greasy and uncombed hair. HA

And I wonder if the Ejami's have calmed down or are still on a wild weekend of celebration after seeing Prevuze II?

How appropriate I forgot to check in on Prevuze yesterday and caught it on this gloomy and rainy Sunday. Thanks for the sermon with chuckles this morning, Prevuze!

PS: Word verification: testurs as in the shenanigans in Salem are the testurs of good and bad morality.

7:56 AM  

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