Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Tasty Merchandise

We pan back from the scene of the action as Phillip and Melanie bask in the aftermath... uh I mean glow... afterglow. Yep, it's the proverbial morning after. Melanie opens her eyes and looks around the room like some WWI doughboy-ette wondering if Baron von Richthofen is up there somewhere. Phillip wakes up and casts a glance her way. Melanie bites her thumbnail, "Uh, are you surprised I'm here?"

"Yeah," grunts Phillip.

Melanie chokes out an uncomfortable, "Oh."

Phillip recovers, "Only because it took us so long to get here."

Stephanie comes up to the nurses station and asks if Phillip was admitted last night. Maxine tells her no. Lucas steps up and Stephanie says she can't find him. She breaks the news about Ciara.

"Ciara," gasps Lucas, "I didn't know. I've been out of touch."

"For how long," asks Stephanie.

"About 35 years," says Lucas. Stephanie fills him in on the kidnapping as Lucas tries to calm her down. Stephanie leaves. Lucas stares at Chloe's door.

Daniel paces at the pier. He calls Brady about their plan to get into the hospital. Kate comes up, "It's hard to believe you made bail and slithered out of jail." The accusation tossing begins.

Hope fidgets with her cell phone and waits as Bo tells Roman about the ransom call. He says they figure they have to pay the ransom assuming Victor gets the money to them in time. Hope falls apart as Clyde watches.

Mr. Sucker tries to get Ciara to eat. She refuses. Bonnie gives it a shot. She tells Ciara when she dies she'll never see her mommy and daddy again. Nice touch.

Phillip and Melanie cuddle and reminisce about the good old days when they hated each other. Melanie, of course, has at least a passing interest in his feelings about Stephanie. Phillip mumbles, "Stephanie... that part of my life is gone for good."

Melanie asks, "Is that one of your real parts or an artificial part?"

Justin brings a suitcase full of cash. Bo assures Hope this money will bring Ciara home, "She's even more expensive than Chelsea."

Hope stares at the suitcase, "Five million dollars. Just think, that money could have gone to a good cause. You could bribe someone to marry Lucas for that kind of money."

Bonnie uses the tender touch on Ciara, "You don't wanna die do you, squirt?" Bonnie force-feeds her as Clyde calls and tells her the money just arrived. She leaves the cabin and they continue to talk. He reminds Bonnie she has to know what to do. "Don't worry," growls Bonnie, "When I'm done with her she won't be a problem for anyone."

Clyde hangs up and crushes his cell phone.

Kate and Daniel continue to bicker about who did what to whom when and how and who would accept it as truth.

Lucas sees Nathan and asks for news about Ciara. Nate don' know much. Stephanie comes up, listens and then proceeds to ask the same thing. Stephanie couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel. Lucas leaves and Stephanie frets about Phillip.

Phillip contemplates things, "I don't know what comes next."

Melanie knows, "The pregnancy test."

They both think last night was great and decide they need more practice. They fire things up for the next lightning round,

BAM-BAM-BAM-SLAM-BANG!

Hope blathers around.

Clyde arrives back at the shack where Ciara is tied up and blindfolded, making the previous cell phone call not only unnecessary, but just plain stupid.

Bo says the phone couldn't be traced during the ransom call. Roman leaves to check into things, but reminds them if the media gets hold of this it will turn into a circus instead of just poor drama.

Clyde rages about Hope, "That bitch has had everything handed to her on a silver platter."

"She'll be a lot poorer in a couple hours," says Bonnie.

Clyde freaks, "You know what chaps my ass?"

"Sitting in a Patch of poison ivy for a couple hours?"

Clyde sneers, "I watched Hope get promoted after working my butt off. I did all the work and she got the credit. Now it's time for payback. It's showtime!"

Out in the audience, Mabel turns to Gert, "I hope it's a better show than this one."

Stephanie thinks Nathan is steady and strong in the middle of the Ciara crisis. He asks about Phillip walking away from everything for her, "What are you going to do about it?"

"I decided there is only one thing I can do," says Stephanie.

Melanie and Phillip dress as Phillip opens the door and finds the building superintendent Grabowski hammering around on things. Grabowski sees Phillip and tells him he's working on the air conditioning, "Say, that chick you brought in looks like tasty merchandise. How about leaving her number with me?" Phillip attacks as Melanie comes out and watches.

Phillip slams Grabowski up against the doorjamb. "I outweigh you by a hundred pounds," says Grabowski, "How on earth do you think you can take me."

"I'll rip off my artificial leg and beat you with it," threatens Phillip.


Roman rushes up with a list of prison releases, "These are people Hope helped put away and they've all been released within the past few weeks." Clyde listens. Bo calls him over for a report. Clyde says everything is nominal and mentions this all started when Justin showed up. Bo sloughs it off. The phone rings and everyone goes into action. Hope answers.

Bonnie taunts, "Hello, Mommy you got the money?"

"Yes."

"Good for you," sneers Bonnie, "If you ever want to see your girl alive again you'll do exactly what I say, understood?" Hope nods. Apparently, they're using one of those newfangled picture phones.

Stephanie says she'll suggest that she and Phillip talk. Dejected Nathan wonders what she will say. Stephanie says she hasn't decided yet, but she knows she felt better after being with Nathan the previous night. She heads off.

Phillip gets rough with Grabowski, who takes off. Phillip goes back inside as Melanie watches. She is happy Phillip was defending her honor, "You're my hero."

"I don't feel much like a hero," says Phillip, "But you don't have much honor to defend." He suggests they leave the dump. Phillip notices his cell phone is dead. They decide to get together later at the house for another helping of the Phillip-Melanie buffet. Phillip moves in for appetizers.

Hope snivels and falls apart. Bo grabs the phone and tosses threats. Bonnie tells him to check his wife's email and ends the call. Roman shrugs his shoulders and says they didn't get the trace. Bo goes to the computer. Hope looks over his shoulder, "Blubber, blubber, snot, gzort, sob, blub, snivel, znork." Bo brings up a picture of Ciara holding today's newspaper.

Kate thinks Daniel is his own worst enemy since he got out of prison and ran straight to Chloe's room. Somehow she feels that made him look guilty. He insists he will find a way to help Chloe. "You just can't control your urges can you," asks Kate, "You run after the doe eyed slut and when she rejects you, you try to kill her."

Daniel shakes his head, "You are one sick lady."

Melanie rushes up to the nurses' station. Maxine can't believe Melanie is there so early. Melanie announces she's taking a personal day and cutting classes.

Maxine warns her, "You'll get kicked out of nursing school if they do that."

"I'd like to see them try," boasts Melanie, "Go ahead, make my day."

Nathan walks up. Maxine tattles, "Little miss attitude is blowing it at nursing school."

Nathan asks, "You're not backing out of medicine because of me, are you?"

Melanie giggles, "What does nursing school have to do with medicine?"

Phillip arrives home and finds Stephanie. She walks up to him, "I want to talk."

"What else is new," says Phillip, "I thought I was the last guy on earth you'd want to talk to."

Bo and Hope worry as Clyde watches. Bo turns to Roman, "I want you to enhance this picture pixel by pixel and see if you can find anything."

"Sure," says Roman, "By the way... what's a pixel?"

"Don't you know anything," chides Bo, "Pixels are cute little creatures with pointed ears that run around spreading pixel dust."

Clyde watches as Bo barks orders. Bo tells Hope the kidnappers will call again since they didn't tell them where to drop the money. The call comes and Hope answers. Bonnie tells her to make the drop in one hour on the west side of the river off Centerline Road. "Got it," says Hope, "The west side of the road in the center of the river."

Bonnie hangs up and Hope completely collapses into a fountain of tears. Because she's a ggiiiirrrrrlllll.

Kate insists she isn't sick, but Daniel is. She says when he gets the death penalty, she'll be in the death chamber watching and smiling. Daniel reminds her Chloe saved her life. Kate thinks Chloe did that for attention. Daniel fires off a few insults. Kate hauls off and takes a swing. Daniel grabs her arm and they stare at each other. And stare. And stare.

Lucas stands in Chloe's room. The silence gets to him, "Our house is silent, too. Especially since I have no clue where Allie is. We said we were going to fill our house with a bunch of kids. That won't happen. There aren't enough babysitters in Salem. I started clearing things out out and I found this..." He waves an envelope.

Melanie rants about Nathan switching to Stephanie during their date. Nate apologizes. Melanie shrugs it off, "It's cool. I know you're not that into me..."

Censored links take time and are somewhat difficult to make. Although this response calls for one, I'm sure you know what it would be, so just use your imagination and I can save the time and trouble of making one.

Stephanie tells Phillip about Ciara. She says she heard about Phillip renouncing his family. He says he's just there to pick up a few things. She's proud of him for making a clean break. She thinks they should talk.

Chaos reigns at the cop shop. Bo refuses to let Hope go alone. Hope bellows, "You don't think I can handle this!"

"You couldn't handle the phone call." Justin and Clyde watch the show. For free.

Kate and Daniel stare and stare and stare. Animal magnetism. Kate frees herself and reminds him she'll watch when he is executed.

Nathan interrupts Lucas and Chloe's tender moment. Lucas shows Nathan the envelope he's been waving around. Nathan reads what's inside and discovers it's a living will, "I see. She wants no extraordinary measures taken to save her life unless there is a chance her scars will heal." Nathan says if this isn't registered with an attorney then the hospital can't honor it.

Lucas ponders, "So her life is in my hands."

Bo and Hope argue. Justin steps in and says if it were his child he'd do it Hope's way. Roman reminds Bo, "If we go by the book the odds are on our side."

"Oh," asks Bo, "Are we using a new book?"

Hope steps in, "Beauregard..." When she calls him Beauregard, it's over., "Beauregard, we can't lose our baby. We can't lose her."

"And we won't," says Bo, "because we won't take any chances."

"That's why we have to do what they say."

Bo begs, "Hope, focus, if this were any other case..."

"I know," says Hope, "But it isn't. I'm the only one who can make this right. Please let me blow it."

Bo hugs her, "You come back to me and you bring our daughter home." He gives Hope the suitcase. They kiss and Hope runs out. Bo steams.

Phillip tells Stephanie they have both moved on. Stephanie says she hasn't. She thinks she had something to do with him disowning his family. Phillip's official Guy Manual cell phone (known as the iGuy) beeps with an emergency text message, "It would be advantageous to get her out of here before Melanie arrives."

Too late Melanie stands in the door and soaks it in.

Phillip says Stephanie might have had a little bit to do with his Victordisownification. She wonders if something happened that he doesn't want to get back together with her. Melanie stands outside and remembers the something that happened. In graphic detail.

Clyde texts Bonnie on her iKidnapper. She reads, "OK... it's time." They pack up squirt, "Mommy's gonna show us the money."

Meanwhile, Mommy stands in the woods and stares.

Bo looks at the picture of Ciara holding today's newspaper.

Prevuze

Suddenly, he gets another vision: Hope stands in the woods and calls for Ciara. Ciara starts running for her as a couple of masked guys stand behind her and watch. One of the masked men pulls out a pistol and aims at Ciara.

BANG!

Ciara falls into a lump. Hope scoops up Ciara's lifeless body and wails.

Bo huffs, "OMG! NO!"

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze

Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE


15 Comments:

Anonymous Leslie said...

Stephanie comes up to the nurses station and asks if Phillip was admitted last night. Maxine tells her no. Lucas steps up and Stephanie says she can't find him.

Let’s see. Phillip had it out with his father and left the Kiriakis compound in a huff. He’s an adult, has been to war, has one good leg, and shows signs of occasional intelligence. Just because Phillip is not in his usual haunts, Stephanie just assumes he’s in the hospital. Even though he wasn’t with Lucas, Stephanie should have at least confirmed Phillip wasn’t crashing with his bro before panicking.

Kate comes up, "It's hard to believe you made bail and slithered out of jail."

If anyone knows anything about slithering, it most assuredly is Kate.

Hope stares at the suitcase, "Five million dollars. Just think, that money could have gone to a good cause. You could bribe someone to marry Lucas for that kind of money."

Once Chloe is decomatized, Lucas may need that cash.

Clyde sneers, "I watched Hope get promoted after working my butt off.”

It’s called nepotism Clyde. Clyde should have gone the Human Resources route before kidnapping Ciara.

"I decided there is only one thing I can do," says Stephanie.

…bawl, snivel, and weep. OK, that’s more than one but heck Stephanie is a certifiable crying machine.

"I don't feel much like a hero," says Phillip, "But you don't have much honor to defend."

Isn’t that the truth.

Hope looks over his shoulder, "Blubber, blubber, snot, gzort, sob, blub, snivel, znork."

Very good Prevuze. With the amount of blubbing on this soap, it takes real creativity to not be redundant.

DOOL – the soap were creepy things happen to kids. Do TPTB really think the viewers enjoy watching this kind of stuff? Wasn’t Grace’s death enough? Apparently, not. On that cheery note, have a happy h@@p day everyone!

Word verification - brammin - something that Stephanie's boobs are always falling out of.

6:18 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

“I've been out of touch." "For how long," asks Stephanie. "About 35 years," says Lucas.

CLASSIC Prevuism! Short. Sweet. Right on the money. And speaking of money:

"Five million dollars. Just think…You could bribe someone to marry Lucas for that kind of money."

Unlike DOOL writers, Prevuze can work the show’s history into the dialog to make it more interesting.

Stephanie couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

You might have to stop and think about that for a second. LOL

Clyde freaks, "You know what chaps my ass?" "Sitting in a patch of poison ivy for a couple hours?" Clyde sneers, "I watched Hope get promoted after working my butt off. I did all the work and she got the credit.

Aside from the great Prevuism, Clyde finally acknowledges what I’d been thinking since I heard him say he couldn’t wait to see “that bitch’s face” when she got the phone call. Seemed like it was for more than money. I figured it was along the lines of being ticked off the Bradys could waltz out of their jobs for months at a time, pop back in at a moment’s notice and still get promotions to commissioner and detective over cops who actually stayed on the job like normal folk.

My HUH?! Moment:
Roman rushes up with a list of prison releases, "These are people Hope helped put away…”

Uh, Ciara is Bo’s kid too. Why assume this all has to do with someone out to get Hope?

As the semi-good bad guy I can forsee Mr. Sucker ultimately saving Ciara from Bonnie & Clyde.

Loved the iGuy phone and the headline on Ciara's newspaper.

My word verification, "syntingy", but Prevuze is never "syntingy" with the snark and that's the way Prevuze rolls!!

6:34 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

It’s called nepotism Clyde. Clyde should have gone the Human Resources route before kidnapping Ciara.

If Clyde is a Salem cop, one has to assume thinking things through is not one of his strong suits.

7:18 AM  
Blogger cfish said...

Roman reminds Bo, "If we go by the book the odds are on our side."
"Oh," asks Bo, "Are we using a new book?"


Prevuze always gets me chuckling, but for some reason that got me LOL, which lead to me trying to stifle the laughter, which lead to a coughing fit, which lead to tears streaming down my face, which lead to red eyes, which lead to blurry vision, which lead to me not being able to finish reading Prevuze until I recovered -- probably a good thing. I wouldn't know what to put on the Emergency Room form under "Reason for visit"...


My word verification is "lownnes", which is something the DOOL writers have sunk to new depths of.

7:32 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

My HUH?! Moment:
Roman rushes up with a list of prison releases, "These are people Hope helped put away…”

Uh, Ciara is Bo’s kid too. Why assume this all has to do with someone out to get Hope?


Remember back when Patrick and Hope were cavorting all over the Caribbean and Bo & Hope hadn't had sex for over a year, then Hope popped the kid and somehow it came out she had a miraculous twelve-month pregnancy and the kid turned out to be Bo's? Even the Salem cops, dumb kidnappers and ex-cons can figure out there is something fishy about a 12-month pregnancy. It's not really that they're positive the kid is Patrick's, but they know for sure Ciara is Hope's child since we all had to witness the excruciating warehouse birth scene in living color. So the safe route is to figure everyone wants to get Hope.

Besides, on this show, the women always fall apart in a crisis (a la Hope today), but the men don't have the capacity to care about their kids.

7:48 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Applecheeks - Roman rushes up with a list of prison releases, "These are people Hope helped put away…”

Uh, Ciara is Bo’s kid too. Why assume this all has to do with someone out to get Hope?


Because if they're checking out criminals actually caught I don't think Bo has ever caught one. Hope, either, for that matter but they had to say something. I LOVE that it's all payback for their big nepotism! (I figure the employees at the Brady Pub are considering similar actions after Arianna waltzed in and was made the manager.)

OK, Bo's dramatic vision of the gunshot. Anyone thinking they'll actually shoot Hope and/or Ciara please speak up.......
c r i c k e t s.....

Chloe illustrating the DOOL stare was perfect and thanks for the announcement of the new iGuy and iKidnapper. Let's hope the writers can get one of those new iCreativewriting tools soon.

Prevuze doesn't need one. Thanks for the chuckles on a dreary day.

7:48 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Prevuze always gets me chuckling, but for some reason that got me LOL, which lead to me trying to stifle the laughter, which lead to a coughing fit, which lead to tears streaming down my face, which lead to red eyes, which lead to blurry vision, which lead to me not being able to finish reading Prevuze until I recovered -- probably a good thing. I wouldn't know what to put on the Emergency Room form under "Reason for visit"...

Ah, another small victory. If we can bring a smile to you're face, we've done our job. Tears of laughter that nearly send you to the ER... priceless.

7:51 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

OK, Bo's dramatic vision of the gunshot. Anyone thinking they'll actually shoot Hope and/or Ciara please speak up.......
c r i c k e t s.....


Actually, in the preview, the kidnappers fire and miss. Hope pulls out her gun, shoots back and her bullet ricochets off a tree, travels across town and hits Kayla.

7:54 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

Actually, in the preview, the kidnappers fire and miss. Hope pulls out her gun, shoots back and her bullet ricochets off a tree, travels across town and hits Kayla.

...but Kayla is in Bora Bora. Continuity, Prevuze, continuity!

8:29 AM  
Anonymous chaya said...

"Don't you know anything," chides Bo, "Pixels are cute little creatures with pointed ears that run around spreading pixel dust."

Does an enhanced pixel leave pixel dirt instead of pixel dust???

9:34 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

...but Kayla is in Bora Bora. Continuity, Prevuze, continuity!

But isn't Salem right next to Bora Bora like it's next to Chicago, Paris, Beijing, Tanganyika, the 32nd parallel, the Black Sea, the Red Sea, the Yellow River, Green Mountain, the Blue Water Bridge and the Pink Flamingo?

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Victordisownification....another great word in the Prevuze lexicon. Thanks for taking another boring bullet for the team. Goodness, if someone doesn't do something to Kate soon, I think I'm gonna scream. I just hate the Kate.

11:18 AM  
Anonymous I Challenge You To A DOOL said...

The comments lately, but especially today, are as snarky and enjoyable as Prevuze! Let's hear it for Mabel and Gert, The Gal In The Audience, and The Peanut Gallery!

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I Challenge: I was thinking the same thing! I'm laughing as much with the stuff that shows up in Comments as the recap itself like pixel dirt, iCreativewritingcourse, ER visits, richoceting bullets...

Prevuze inspires us all to silliness.

KOTU

Word Verification - kerbsta
DOOL needs to kick their writers to the kerbsta and hire Prevuze folk instead!

1:27 PM  
Blogger Gerri said...

Stephanie couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

How true! Stephannoying is an idiot.

I love your column. You are so funny!!!!

10:42 PM  

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