Monday, July 28, 2008

Al Gore Invented The Internet

No Prevuze today, gang. We're on the road and everything is fine on this end but back at the Prevuze Compound, unreliable Sprint (Now Embarq – which is short for go ahead and embarq on your journey, but don't count on us) has failed us.

Did you chuckle when you read that title? Al Gore made this outlandish claim in an interview back during his '00 presidential campaign. It was met with instant guffaws and ridicule, not only from the technical world but also from everyone in general. It still serves as a hilarious joke today anytime someone brings it up.

So what would you say if I told you there is a grain of truth to it? I mean, think about it – why would Al make such a preposterous claim out of thin air?

Back in the eighties, then Senator Alphonse Gore (as he was usually called in the news when he was an unknown), introduced legislation, which would have set up a nationwide network as an Internet backbone, primarily using fiber-optic cable. I can promise you, had Alphonse's bill passed, the Internet would be a much better place to surf today.

However, the legislation never had a chance. Why? Three guesses... When the sleazy phone companies caught wind of Alphonse's plan, they realized they would make more money using the existing cobbled-together infrastructure they had in place. That infrastructure, of course, was based on the same 64K lines to your house that Alexander Graham Bell used to contact Watson on his first phone call. Now that's progress.

So the sleazy phone companies went into action, sent their lobbyists to congress and poured gazillions of buckskins (as John would say) into the effort to squash Alphonse's folly.

I’m sure you know what happened. Owing to the fact that we have the best congress money can buy, Alphonse's wild hair of a plan went down like a sailboat with Shawn Douglas at the helm.

As a part of the deal, the sleazy phone companies got congress no only to crush Gore's bill, but they also got it to authorize a "tax" which went to the phone companies. The phone companies promised to use this "tax" to lay fiber optic cable across 80% of the US by the far-off year 2000.

The rest, as they say, is history. Here is it 2008 and less than 5% of the US has that promised fiber optic cable. Instead, we limp along with the same infrastructure Alexander Graham Bell used for the first phone call (and you still get to pay that "tax" with every phone bill). If you don't have cable (we won't get into the shortcomings of the cable companies) instead of fiber, you still depend on those 64K lines coming into your house. The only reason you get a little faster service is someone figured out how to compress the signal and called it DSL. AND CHARGED YOU OUT THE WAZOO FOR IT.

So what's the point? Had Gore's bill passed, and had the country followed through with implementing it, you'd have an Internet that is... oh, say 100 times faster than it is today. It would be far more reliable and consistent and your service would virtually never go down.

And you would have Prevuze.

Have a great day, gang. We're working long distance on the problems back at the Prevuze compound and will try again tomorrow.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Leslie said...

Prevuze, I hope you’re having a fun and refreshing road trip. Without your snarky updates and funny musings, I’m not sure how I’m going to jump start my heart in the morning. I am also not sure how I’m actually going to get through an entire episode of Daze. Lord knows I have done that in long time.

5:47 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Here's a bit of an update on our Internet situation. I called Sprint Friday complaining about a problem and service (I use the term loosely) told me there was no problem in the area of the Prevuze Compound.

I called again yesterday and told the operator things were still down. She checked and discovered there are problems in our area. I'm sure when she discovered the Internet was dead that gave her a clue. Anyway, she said the problem should be fixed later today, so check in tomorrow and perhaps we can bring you another exciting installment. If we can't do that, maybe we can post an episode of DOOL instead.

Prevuze

6:09 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Monday morning and no Prevuze.

The pain! The agony! The thought of watching DOOL without Prevuze snarky take on it to make it bearable!!

I guess I'll make it through somehow.

Deb! Where are you girl?

6:15 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Yeah! The thought of a Prevueless day might just send me back to bed with the covers over my head.

But then I'd be about as productive as the entire Salem workforce so I guess I'll pretend to be doing something.

We'll hope for the best tomorrow!

6:34 AM  
Anonymous Judy said...

Thanks for reporting on the AlGore/Internet thing. I always get kind of angry when people laugh at that when in reality, he had a big role in the creation of the internet. Thanks again.

6:34 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

While that was a clever means of venting your situation this morning, you failed to debunk the actual myth. ALBERT Gore never said he invented the internet. He said: "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet," then went on to explain the legislation he introduced. Then former House majority leader Dick Armey decided to twist his words, and feed it to the scandal-hungry press corp. Jokes ensued, and everyone had a good, hearty laugh at the man who would go on to lose to the other man who would incite more tears than laughter.

8:21 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

NEVER FEAR!!
YES I AM HERE!! LOL

Summer fun, blog post everyone.
Prevuze, dear, you have my email, a little heads up next time!! LOL JK you know I work best under pressure!

These Are The Daze Of Our Lives

9:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved that last line of previews for tomorrow's show with Trent and Marlena talking. He said, "I am sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."

She said, "Well, you were."

He said, "Who died and made you an authority on coffeehouse etiquette?"

I guess the fact that she is a daytime soap diva gives her that right huh?

It will be good to see her incapable of talking for awhile soon when Stefano paralyzes her when someone breaks into her apartment. Wonder how he knew where she lives?

11:07 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

you failed to debunk the actual myth. ALBERT Gore never said he invented the internet. He said: "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet," then went on to explain the legislation he introduced.

Sorry about calling him Alphonse. Several years ago I wrote an article about Gore's role in the legislation you speak of, did not have the benefit of the Internet last night, and could only remember he wasn't called back then what he is now.

The point of this post other than lamenting the fact that my little corner of the Internet was down was to applaud Gore's effort. Had his efforts gone forward, that part of the US infrastructure would be far more advanced than it is today. It's a real stretch to claim he had any role in inventing, creating or conjuring up the Internet, since it's forerunner was conceived when young Albert was 9 years old and evolved into a form of what we know as the Internet when he was still in college.

Gore is definitely an Internet pioneer from a legislative and promotional standpoint. Regrettably, very regrettably, his progressive efforts to create a fiber network failed.

4:31 PM  
Blogger Embarq_lamontl said...

Hello Prevuze,

I am happy to see that the service has been corrected and you are back online. Please send your phone number in an email or private message if you have any other concerns with you Embarq service. We continue to look for opportunities to improve out services with your help. Thank you for using Embarq, your complete communications solution.

Lamont L.
Embarq Customer Support
embarq_lamont@embarq.com
For additional support please visit www.embarq.com/freetv or call 1-877-646-3282
Voice | Data | Internet | Wireless | Entertainment

8:33 AM  

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