Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Deep Guano

The drama continues in Bo's hospital room. Hope begs him to hold on and she says a little prayer.

Big Eddie tells Ava he doesn't think the woman in the picture is Patch's wife. Ava obsesses. She holds up the picture of Hope hugging Patch and tells Big Eddie, "Come on, look at her. It's obvious. This is the bitch who stole Patch from me."

Patch and Kayla snuggle in bed and talk about how good it was. Apparently, they ordered pizza. Patch tells her not to fight him the next time she needs to stop and catch her breath. "If this was meant to catch my breath," says Kayla, "you didn't do a very good job."

"Next time don't run away from me screaming," says Patch.

Lexie is completely unglued. She and Jonas bicker. Lexie apologizes for her outburst and they decide to work together. Lexie peers into her microscope and gasps, "Look at this. Whatever this contraption is, it makes my diamond ring look really big."

Kayla helps Patch with his shirt. "I like it when you dress me," says Patch, "But I promise someday I'll be a big boy and learn to button my shirt by myself." Patch and Kayla talk about Bo. Patch doesn't think there is much he can do, "But you're gonna save his life."

Kayla says, "I'm gonna try."

Daniel goes over and peers into Lexie's microscope, "Duuuude, we are locked on."

Bo wakes with a start. Shawn and Belle join them. Hugs all around. Bo asks Belle to be there for Shawn no matter what. Belle and Hope decide Bo will be there with them, too.

Kayla joins the doctors who are busy bickering again. Kayla defends Lexie. "Our patient is in trouble," says Daniel.

Kayla snorts, "Our patient's name is Bo Brady."

Daniel turns away from the microscope, "Well, our patient is in pretty deep guano right now."

Big Eddie tells Ava he and George have checked this out. Ava argues and kicks him out. Big Eddie says he will go do more research, but he already knows what he will find. Ava looks at the picture of Patch and Hope, "Patch used to hold me just like this. Someday he will again." Music straight out of The Exorcist plays in the background. Ava turns her head 360° and spews green pea soup.

Patch joins the crowd in Bo's room. Bo asks to talk to him alone. The rest leave. Patch asks, "What's on your mind, bro?"

"A vacuum."

Outside, Belle, Hope and Shawn take rationalization to new levels as they decide Bo will be OK.

Bo wants Patch to be there for Hope if he kicks off, "This is gonna test her limits. Let's talk man to man. This operation isn't a sure thing. Dr. Jonas said I might not make it. I'm asking you, my best friend, if I don't make it that you be there for Hope and the kids. I'm not asking you to take care of her. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. She's gonna need a shoulder. Please keep an eye on her."

"One is all I got," says Patch, "My shoulder is there for anyone in the family, but you are jumping the gun."

"You got that right."

Big Eddie comes back in as Ava rants. Eddie insists the woman in the picture isn't the woman Ava is looking for. Ava freaks. Big Eddie tells her the blonde one is the one she wants. Ava rants about the mistake Eddie made at the airport. Big Eddie defends himself. All Ava wanted to do was talk to Patch. Big Eddie wonders why she had to go to all the trouble of sabotaging the plane just to do that. Ava thinks Patch would have been furious with her if they had taken off without him, so all she wanted Eddie to do was prevent the plane from taking off. She knows Patch has a temper. She wants to sweet talk him just the way she used to. To do that she has to get him away from his despicable wife.

Patch comes out of Bo's room. Hope, of course, immediately attacks him like a hungry piranha and wants to know what Bo said. Patch says Bo is just worried about her.

Ava's remote seems to be missing a few buttons. She goes off the deep end, "You are an idiot! You could have killed him! You work for me!"

"No," says Big Eddie, "I work for your father and I'm going behind his back to help you. I hated what Patch did to you. I wanted to see him pay for breaking your heart. I don't need this. Ever since you've been messed up in the head I've felt sorry for you." Big Eddie turns to leave.

Ava comes totally off her hinges, "I AM NOT MESSED UP IN THE HEAD!"

GASP! The docs find something. "Maybe now we can move on," says Daniel.

Patch tells Shawn Bo wants to talk to him. Shawn goes in. Bo talks about the women in the family, "They're tough. Your mom, Chelsea... all of them. Claire will be a handful and Ciara will be a spitfire if we can ever find them. Never underestimate them."

"Why are you telling me this," asks Shawn.

"It's important to be strong even for the strongest of women," says Bo, "You gotta be when you become the man of this family."

"That will not happen for a long time."

"Maybe sooner than you think," says Bo, "Are you gonna be there for your mom?"

Hope is such a strong woman she has turned into a complete blithering wreck. She wants to know why Bo wanted to see Shawn alone, and she asks Patch, "What were you talking about in there?"

Shawn vows always to be there for Hope. He believes Bo will, too. Shawn tells Bo about their plans to sail the world.

Hope is really putting on a show out in the lobby. Patch tries to calm her down. Belle steps in and tells her to cool it. When Belle is the voice of reason you know someone has really gone off the deep end...

Bo asks, "So you want me to pull through so you can go sailing?"

"How do you think this makes me feel," asks Shawn, "You're being selfish. I'm out of cards to play. You are selfless and selfish at the same time. OMB did what he did for you. He wouldn't have taken the mask off if there was enough oxygen."

Bo asks, "You think that's what I'm doing?"

"Think of your family," says Shawn.

"I am," says Bo, "But I want to live anyway."

"Then don't die," says Shawn, "Fight."

"I'm sorry, son," says Bo, "There are some fights you just can't win. Most of them are with your mother."

Belle goes to get Hope some tea. She'd better drop a couple Prozac in it.

Hope says, "We both know what Shawn and Bo are talking about in there."

"That's between a father and a son," says Patch.

George asks Ava what's up with Eddie. Ava dunno. He tells her Big Eddie just quit. Ava is so sorry about that. She wants a favor.

"No can do," says George, "You know the rules: No newspapers. No computers and no sneaking out."

The docs confer. Daniel peers back into his microscope, "And the answer is... let's get him prepped and into surgery!"

Shawn gives Bo a lecture. "I'm tired," says Bo, "Physically, emotionally, mentally. I'm sorry. I got no more fight left in me. It's taken every ounce of strength to tell you this."

"Then don't tell me any more," says Shawn, "Save your strength. Just hang in there."

"I'm trying," says Bo, "Now, go out and win one for the Gipper."

Shawn hugs him and leaves. When Shawn comes out into the waiting area, Hope attacks him like a hungry dog after a T-bone, "What did he say?"

"He just wanted to talk."

Shawn isn't going to get off that easy. Hope presses. Patch interrupts. He says neither of them can tell her what Bo said, "But I can tell you he knows he needs to make arrangements..." Every once in a while, Patch thinks it's fun to throw gasoline onto a roaring fire.

George comes back in. Ava tries to sweet talk him. She says she and Big Eddie had a little "tiff." George is just there to tell her it's time for her therapy.

"Goody."

"I'll go get him."

Daniel barks orders. He doesn't want Kayla in there since she is family. Kayla whines around about wanting to stay with Bo and Lexie Carver, Chief of Staph, approves it. Daniel asks if the donor is still there. Kayla and Lexie each stare into the void. That's because they are staring at each other.

Hope goes completely off the scale, "ARRANGEMENTS?" Shawn tries damage control. He quickly tells Hope about their sailing plans and says he told Bo they wouldn't be able to sail if he died. Hope practically breaks the door down running into Bo's room, "Don't you dare pull this! You're alive and you're going to stay that way!"

Bo already wishes he were dead, "I just want you to be ready for anything."

Daniel needs someone to find the donor. He starts reeling off hotshot medical terms that mean little to you and me, less to Lexie and Kayla. "I don't want to be caught off guard," he says.

"I don't want to be caught off guard," says Hope. Oh, the artistry! "This is a fight and I'd bet on you."

"This opponent is kinda mean," says Bo, "Almost as mean as you." Hope tells him to fight. Bo agrees to beat this thing, "I feel better already."

Time passes. We pan down from Bo's machines. Hope hugs him as he lies unconscious, "Hang on, Brady. We have to trust the docs. But you have to do some of the work, too." Bo vegetates.

Shawn and Patch argue about whether or not Bo will die. Shawn thinks Hope's tough love isn't working, "There has to be something else we can do." Patch goes into Bo's room. Hope says Bo isn't doing well.

George brings Dr. Nusbaum to see Ava. Ava is distant. "Are we gonna have another one of those sessions," says Dr. Nusbaum, "It's OK if you don't want to talk right now."

Ava would rather talk than listen to him blather. He asks about dreams. "I don't dream," says Ava.

"Not even when you're awake," asks the doctor.

"You think everything I do is a dream."

"Tell me what happened today."

"No one ever believes me," she whines.

"I do."

"Sure you do," snorts Ava, "That's why you tell me I can't differentiate between fantasy and reality."

"No," says Dr. Nusbaum, "I tell you that because you watch DOOL."

Ava whispers, "Take your theories and go straight to hell."

Daniel tells Lexie not to get her hopes up. "A chance is all we need," says Lexie.

Kayla finds Shawn and Belle. She asks to talk to Shawn alone. Belle moves off and Kayla tells Shawn they found a donor.

Shawn gasps, "Who is it?"

Previews
========

You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website.

16 Comments:

Anonymous Leslie said...

Patch and Kayla snuggle in bed and talk about how good it was. Apparently, they ordered pizza. Patch tells her not to fight him the next time she needs to stop and catch her breath. "If this was meant to catch my breath," says Kayla, "you didn't do a very good job."

"Next time don't run away from me screaming," says Patch.


Oh, Prevuze, that was a real keyboard soaker!!!!!

Daniel goes over and peers into Lexie's microscope, "Duuuude, we are locked on."

…and, dude, you’re getting a Dell!!!

"Well, our patient is in pretty deep guano right now."

OK, I had to Google that one. For anyone as uninformed as I am, guano is poop.

Kayla and Lexie each stare into the void. That's because they are staring at each other.

…and another Prevuze snark attack that hits the mark!!!

Prevuze that Elliot Spitzer picture and caption is the best. I love it when you mix politics and DOOL!!! Great, great, Prevuze!!!

5:41 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Doesn't Max look like a real rube in that picture?? At least he didn't pull a Jerry Lewis and stick the pencil up his nose or something.

I wish someone would give that Hope a Prozac. Something! Maybe Bo's had it and is faking his death as an escape from her.

Great Prevuisms - Patch throwing gasoling onto the fire and it makes my diamond look really big. HAHAHAHA Love the "Ginsu" picture, too. Excellent Prevuze!

7:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So let me get this straight, her brother is on 'death's doorstep' and she's 'romping' with her husband? Man, these two are ANIMALS!

Boy, it sure seems like Hope is going 'bonkers' that she is being kept out of those conversations! I bet She needs alittle pep talk from the 'veteran Salem busy-body', - - - enter Maggie Horton... LOL!!!!

I wonder how it makes Bo feel that Shawn sprung it on him - so nonchalantly, that Belle, Clair and he are leaving Salem? Why would you tell him that...now? Just something else for Bo to worry about... Oh and by the way, does Hope know????? She'll go into cardiac arrest!!!! LOL!!!!

Why are they dragging this whole Ava storyline out - with bodyguards and psych dr's.? Does anyone even care? (**cricket, cricket**)I didn't think sooo! -

And how many times is she gonna stare at those stupid pictures???? By now, she should know every mole and nose hair on each one of them!!! LOL!!!

Thanks Prevuze for all of your WIT!!!! Still prefer reading your version - than actually watching it!

8:14 AM  
Anonymous readyfreddie said...

guano isn't just your run of the mill poop, it's bat poop.

i'm glad prevuze is good, cuz the show has been pretty boring for the last three/four days.

8:20 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

guano isn't just your run of the mill poop, it's bat poop.

Droppings from sea birds and seals, by definition, are also guano. For years, the bats, birds and seals have been at odds over who really produces the guano. The birds claim they win because they produce more overall guano due to their sheer numbers. The seals claim the title, because they are bigger and produce more guano per individual animal. The bats contend they win because they are the only source of night guano. This debate raged forever until someone discovered that bulls also produce guano. Even though the bulls clearly win in all categories, that didn't give them the title. Instead, the DOOL writers won hands-down since they produce more bull "guano" than all the other species combined.

8:44 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I have a confession, that won't come as a surprise to most of you...I have been skipping the actual show and just reading Prevuze.

I have no idea where they think they are going with this Bo is sick thing, but I gotta tell ya, it must be like watching paint dry.

It's like every day the same thing.
Bo is sicker
Hope freaks out
Lexie looks concerned
Kayla pretends to care.

I don't know how you watch it Prevuze.

It's even getting hard to make fun of the whole thing on my blog. LOL!!

New blog today, sorry so late!
These Are The Daze Of Our Lives

8:50 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

I don't know how you watch it Prevuze.

One splat of guano at a time.

9:35 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

"One splat of guano at a time." Now THERE'S a fabulous marketing phrase/tag line for something. Just don't know what it is yet.

Outstanding Prevuze today!! The Starbucks picture, however, was a stab through the heart. I desperately wanted a latte this morning, but couldn't get out of the house in time to swing by before work! [huge sigh]

I always enjoy those great snarks at the Chief of Staph's competence and there were a couple of good ones today.

Also LOL at What's on your mind? A vacuum.

As Chief of the Continuity Police may I point out my HUH? for today? Ava whines to her minion that all she wanted to do in Ireland was to talk to Patch. So, why did she run when he got off the plane to talk to her?? TLT

Bulldog - if you haven't aready, you need to read Deb's blog of yesterday. That is, indeed, Bo's plan. HAHAHA

10:08 AM  
Anonymous I challenge you to a DOOL said...

nana nana nana nana
nana nana nana nana
Bat Poooop!
Bat Poooop!

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

Even though the bulls clearly win in all categories, that didn't give them the title. Instead, the DOOL writers won hands-down since they produce more bull "guano" than all the other species combined.

Oh my goodness, Prevuze, you make me smile and laugh out loud every day!!! This is sooooooo funny and ever sooooooo true!!!

,Doesn't Max look like a real rube in that picture?? At least he didn't pull a Jerry Lewis and stick the pencil up his nose or something.

Actually, Bulldog, I think pencils would be an improvement

10:36 AM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

Short and sweet... I MISS THE SCAB WRITERS! These story lines are moving so frickin' slow... If I missed a week's worth of episodes I'd be missing nothing...

Let's get on with it!

Thank god for spoilers...
At least they give me hope the storyline has a rats chance of going somewhere...

Painful, painful...
Thanks for Prevuze's funny humor, that makes it worth a chuckle.

-Jen

11:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prevuze II?

11:19 AM  
Blogger Brendamouse said...

It's important to be strong even for the strongest of women," says Bo, "You gotta be when you become the man of this family."

"That will not happen for a long time."

Shawn, the man of the family? Never! Cripes, he can't hold a job, he's trashed cars, boats, buildings and I'd like to blame him for the plane too.


Why would Ava even want Patch back? Oh yeah, she's nuts!

11:21 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Prevuze II?

Sorry. I got caught in the cold, cruel outside world without a computer. Prevuze II is now up.

2:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks! :)

2:19 PM  
Blogger Fwickafwee said...

awesome post, Prevuze! Nice tie-in with the comment about Kate on the Elliot Spitzer pic. bravo!

6:06 PM  

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