Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Revenge Is Like Ice Cream - Best Served Cold

Nick and the brat are on the plane to Toronto. Chelsea snoozes on his shoulder. Nick slowly leans down a little and sniffs her hair. Like, most people, though, he's allergic to the toxic little spore. He suddenly whangs out a sneeze that practically changes the course of the plane, if not the earth itself. The brat wakes up and sarcastically snaps, "WHAT WAS THAT – A WING?" ARE WE GOING DOWN?"

Nick says it was just a sneeze. She asks what he is reading. "An article on the molecular structure of molecules," says Nick the Geek.

Chelsea grabs the magazine from him and finds it is a bridal guide, "Nick, are you sick? Your hands are clammy. Your heart is beating a mile a minute. Are you in love?"

Shawn and Belle cuddle. Belle claims Claire slept through the night due to the fact that Shawn is superdad. She is worried Phillip will show up, however. Shawn says the freighter leaves tonight. All they have to do is wait for the money. Belle starts getting their stuff together and Shawn says he will get food. Belle hands him his shirt and they inadvertently touch hands. Oh! The magic! Belle thanks him for making Claire safe. Its' the way her dad made her feel.

"I'm not your dad," says Shawn.

"Not yet," says Belle. The tangled mess of shorted-out synapses that concocts this girl's excuse for a brain could single-handedly create a totally new branch of psychiatry.

Phillip sits zip-tied to a chair. Willow brings water. Carson, the cop sitting with Phillip, says water won't do it for him after the rough night Phillip has given him. He doesn't buy Phillip's story that Nick hid the knife in his bag. Carson gets called out of the room.

Phillip tells willow to cut the zip-tie. She refuses. Phillip argues. Willow refuses to break the law. She tells him to send her to Toronto by herself. That probably won't happen. It's his hand that is immobile, not his brain.

Phillip asks, "How much did Bo and Hope pay you to look the other way when Nick hid that knife in my bag?"

"Not a cent," says Willow, "I just wanna see the look on Shawn's face. I am on your side."

"You'd better be," growls Phillip, "If I find out otherwise..." He draws his hand across neck.

The brat thinks Nick is in love. She wants to know if it is a fellow geek. "Or is it another man? Or an older woman? How much older? A few years wouldn't be bad."

"Marge is her name," says Nick.

"How old is she," asks the brat.

"She's ageless."

"Marge," she repeats, "As in Margo?"

"As in Marge Simpson."

She wants to know why he's reading a bridal magazine. He claims he's a white-knuckle flyer. He reads so he doesn't think about it. She doesn't buy it. Suddenly, the plane bounces around. The brat panics. Nick calms her down.

"What happened to your white knuckles," she asks.


"You're a liar," she says. Nick comes clean. He says he was looking at her, "Not in a perverted kind of way – I was just resting my eyes on your face, not like a creep." He bolts.

Willow starts to leave. She doesn't like being threatened. Phillip yells an apology. She tells him she lied in court. She has been a big help. If he doesn't start respecting her she can be a big help to the cops. She lectures. They should be working together. He should send her to Toronto.

Phillip says, "For me to give you money, I'd have to trust you."

Willow snorts, "Later, loser."

Victor arrives. He kicks Willow and Carson out. He promises Phillip Shawn will pay. Phillip says he will collect the debt.

Belle claims Shawn and her dad are both men who can be counted on. Shawn thinks he doesn't live up to what John has done. Belle doesn't want him to be John. He wants Shawn to be himself. Shawn has enough trouble handling that. Shawn says if he could be like John he would. But he can't. Actually, since John is currently a mental vegetable, they have a lot in common. They argue about whether or not Shawn is a doofus. Belle thinks he isn't. Shawn thinks he is. Shawn wins.

Shawn says whatever happens, he will protect her against Phillip. Belle gets a twinkle in her eye, "I always did have your number – Zero." Closer... closer...

Wojo-Merle interrupts, "Something is going down." He says he got a tip. His advice is to start packing. Shawn heads for the store. Belle doesn't want him to go.

"Our test has begun," says Shawn.

"OMG," says Belle, "I didn't study for it."

Victor wants Claire back, not revenge. Phillip claims he can get both. Victor tells Phillip Shawn distracts him, "Walk away!"

"Don't you mean limp away," asks Pegleg, "When did you ever show an enemy mercy?"

"Never," snorts Victor, "That's why I lost sometimes." Phillip claims Victor stepped up and helped with Claire because he thought Phillip would fail. In the Marines his superiors assumed he would complete any fight. Phillip turns his back and starts to leave.

"If you walk through that door, you're on your own," says Victor, "You gotta trust me, or you'll never see Claire again." Staredown.

Nick returns to his seat. Chelsea found a quiz in the magazine. She thinks they should take it together. Nick is reluctant to see what kind of bride he will be.

Chelsea begins the quiz, "Are you smarter than the average bear?"

"Yeah," says Nick, "Bears are stupid. I think the Colts will win."

Chelsea circles a "Maybe" for herself. She goes to the next question, "Are you kind an generous toward your friends?" He gives himself a "Yes" and tells her she should do the same.

She asks the next question, "Are you comfortable around the opposite sex?" Nick immediately gives that one a "Yes." Chelsea looks at him like he's lost his mind, "Are you kidding? That's a definite 'no.' And a 'yes' for me."

Time passes. "That's it," says the brat. She adds up the scores. Nick gets a 39. "That can't be right," she says, "That puts you into the 'young and inexperienced' category. YOU'RE A VIRGIN? It all makes sense."

They argue. He claims the people who wrote the article got the job writing the article because they can't get real jobs in the real world, like acting on DOOL.

"I don't care that you're a VIRGIN," she says.

Nick asks, "WILL YOU LEAVE MY VIRGINITY ALONE?" Well, to heck with the in-flight movie. This is far more entertaining. Every eye on the entire plane is now trained on them.

The brat leans forward and whispers, "Are you a virgin?"

"No, Chelsea," says Nick, "I'm not. Are you satisfied?"

"Was it Marge," asks the brat.

Merle tells everyone the place is being raided. He declares a bugout. Shawn says the cops are after them – not everyone else in the room. He asks Merle to stay and get the money for them when it arrives. Merle tells Shawn he is on his own. "No," says Belle, "You're not."

Victor tells Phillip if he makes the trip about revenge he's on his own. Phillip says he can take care of himself. Victor says he is obsessed and can't take care of Claire, "Don't throw away the lessons the Marines taught you now that you need them the most."

Chelsea hesitates. She wants to know. Nick tells her to shut up. He has work to do.

She asks, "Do you swear you're not a virgin?"


She pries, "Why don't you tell me who it was?"

"It was so long ago I can't remember," says Nick. She begs for a first name. Silence.

"OK you're not a virgin," says the brat, "By a little or a lot?"

"Are you asking me how many times I've... you know."

Chelsea squeals, "YOU ARE SO A VIRGIN! You know how I know? Because virgins can't call sex 'sex.' They refer to it as 'you know.' The more experience you have, the more you can call sex 'sex,' not 'you know.' Just tell me her name. It's not like I would ever meet her... unless I already have. OMG! Is it Abby? You had sex with Abby!"

Nick rolls his eyes, "Abby is my Cousin."

"So what? This is DOOL. Was it Stephanie?"

Nick asks about her. He wants to add up her score. She thinks her score will intimidate him, because she has been around. Nick adds.

Phillip says Victor is right. He hasn't been thinking like a soldier. Victor says now Phillip has the advantage. They expect him to come in loud and out of control, "Instead, go in quiet and cold like a fog." Phillip gets with the program. He starts to make a plan. The first thing he has to do is figure out exactly where Shawn and Belle are.

"You can do that," says Victor, "Or just ask me where they are hiding."

Bugout at the hovel. The cops bang on the door as the crowd shuffles out the back way. Belle panics like a trapped animal. She screams for Shawn, "Claire is scared and hungry." Merle scoots everyone out. Shawn hangs back. He picks up a beer can, Labatt Blue, of course, and gives himself a beer shower. He opens the door and slurs something about trying to sleep. The cops grab him. Shawn makes like he's going to hurl. If you ever want to bring a cop to his knees, puke on his shoes.

PrevuzeChelsea grabs the magazine and stuffs it away on her other side in order to stop Nick from adding up her score. She says she will tell him anything he wants to know. Nick doesn't hesitate. He asks, "Are you a virgin?"


"Really," asks Nick.

"What," she says, "That surprises you?"

"It surprises me that any guy in his right mind would touch you. OK – how many guys have you 'you knowed?'"

The brat counts on her fingers, "Ten."

Nick says that seems like an awful lot. Chelsea offers to take off her shoes and keep counting on her toes. Nick thinks he would have heard something through the grapevine. She gets up. He says, "Tell me one guy." She doesn't kiss and tell. He accuses her of lying. He says if she doesn't tell him he will add up her score. She gives in, "OK. Fine. There was Larry... And then there was Moe... And then Curly..." In other words, practically any guy in Salem.

"Ha-ha-ha," he mocks, "I'd bet my last dollar you're a virgin."

Chelsea says, "You know what? I will tell you the name of one guy that I slept with if you give me the name of your one and only."

"Forget it," he says, "Don't talk to me until we get to Toronto." He goes back to his Sudoku. It must be the Kama Sudoku.

Victor says he isn't sure of the exact location, but the cops will be raiding it. When Belle tried to pawn her ring the jeweler recognized it. Victor didn't tell the authorities about the kidnapping, so Shawn and Belle will be held on charges of theft. Phillip worries they could post bail. "With what," asks Victor. Phillip starts to call the Toronto PD to tell them Shawn and Belle abducted Claire.

Victor asks, "Do you really want the Toronto PD calling Bo and Roman and hearing their side of the story?"

Phillip hadn't thought of that. The part of is brain he uses to think about things like that is still smeared across the racetrack. Victor tells Phillip he has orchestrated all of this out of love. Hugs. "Now, go get your little girl," says Victor.

Carson comes in to get Phillip. The lawyers want him to sign a statement saying he had nothing to do with the knife. Victor and Phillip smile. Phillip leaves

Willow comes in slurping an ice cream cone, "Hey, hey, hey, it's Mr. K! I heard you had joined the party." She tells Victor she's going to Toronto with Phillip, "Revenge is like ice cream. Best served cold."

Shawn keeps up his drunk act, "Who's yer daddy... friendsh don't keep shecrets from friendsh, sho I'll tell ya, there was a cop looking around here before and everybody freaked out and left."

"Lets get this guy to the drunk tank," says Officer Dudley Doright, RCMP.

The brat comes back to her seat as Nick works. She doesn't know why he is upset. She didn't mean to hurt his feelings. He doesn't want to talk about his sex life with her. She thinks it's because she makes fun of everything. He says it's not that. She swears she wasn't laughing at him. She thinks he's a great guy, "in an ultimate Frisbee kind of way." Nick is shocked she knows he plays ultimate Frisbee. She tells him she was curious, so she Googled him. She wants to know if it was hard being a science geek.

He says the jocks gave him a hard time. But he helped them out if they needed to get out of a test. He would mix up a chemical concoction that made them break out in hives. He says he had girlfriends in high school and college. She wants to know if he lost his virginity to one of them.

"You keep wanting to know something I can't tell you," says Nick. She apologizes for pushing.

"It's OK Chelse," he says. He hesitates, "Was that too intimate?"

"No," she says. The pilot announces the plane is landing. The two sit in silence.

Willow asks, "Wanna lick?" Victor turns it down. Phillip comes back for his passport. Victor asks if he is taking Willow. Phillip says yes.

"Told ya," says Willow.

Victor turns and sneers, "You're dripping." She leaves. He turns to Phillip, "Are you going to take that appalling woman with you? Is it sex?"

Phillip about hurls, "With Willow? Are you kidding? She's smart."

Victor can't believe it, "Don't tell me you're falling for her mind! I find it interesting Willow knew who the courier was. It's almost a setup. Don't take her."

Phillip asks, "Do you remember the quote from that book you gave me? 'Keep your friends close. And your enemies closer.'"

"Yes," says Victor, "Machiavelli said that. He was a Prince, wasn't he?"

Phillip says, "I don't trust Willow. But I want to keep her in my sight until I find Claire. And then I never want to see her again."

"Be careful," says Victor.

The group comes back to the hideout. Merle tells Belle about Shawn playing drunk. He thinks Shawn may have been arrested. Belle panics. A woman with a baby hands her a bottle and tells her not to quit trying. Belle tells Claire, "Everything will be fine."

Willow comes back in and asks Phillip, "What's up with your dad? He said if I ever hurt you he would make sure I disappear."

"He knows you took a bribe," says Phillip.

"That he offered," yells Willow.

"He offered it to help me get my child back," says Phillip, "You took it out of greed." Phillip says he is leaving with or without her. He walks out of the room.

Willow says, "I'm with you Phillip. For a long, long time."

Nick and Chelsea's excellent adventure on Virgin Airlines is over. They arrive at the hideout and walk up to Belle who, not surprisingly, wonders what they are doing there. Merle comes up and tells her Shawn definitely got arrested. That does it. Belle goes into full-blown hysteria, "What am I supposed to do? We're supposed to get on that freighter."

Nick says, "Don't worry. We have plenty of money for bail. You and Shawn will be long gone before Phillip gets here."



Lucas says to Sami, "I can't work with him. The guy even tried to play the family card on me. He said I'd need the income if we had another baby."

Shawn is behind bars. Willow says, "Belle helped you take my dream away." Shawn asks, "What are you talking about?" Willow says, "Our future, our house with a white picket fence, kids." Shawn's mouth looks like the entrance to the Holland Tunnel.

Belle whines, "Shawn is in jail and Phillip is on his way. How am I supposed to protect my little girl without Shawn?"

Phillip rages as he pounds at the door, "I want Claire! You hear me?" So much for "quiet and cold like a fog.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

King Of Dorks

Nick and the brat are in a car discussing what they will do when they get to Toronto. The brat tells him they have arranged to meet Shawn and Belle, "At a door in the back of an alley." Nick feels Shawn and Belle have hooked up with the kind of people who know how to fly under the radar. The brat tells him he knows everything, which degenerates quickly into an argument over who is the most obnoxious. No contest. Nick tries to change the subject but the brat won't have it. He tells her he doesn't think she's obnoxious, "I think your are smart and brave. And I think you are plucky."

"Plucky," she repeats, "What's plucky?"

"It's Swahili for obnoxious."

As this inane banter continues, Nick utters an expletive and tells the brat someone in an expensive imported car is following them. The brat turns to look.

Willow tells Phillip she just saw Chelsea turn around. Phillip isn't concerned, "It'll put them on edge. Be afraid, kids. Be very afraid."

"Ohhhhh," squeals Willow, "You're so evil! I like that in a guy."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"We do make a great team, don't you think," asks Willow.

"You're a whore, Willow," says Phillip, "We're nothing alike. I don't take it lying down and I don't get used. Get a grip." Willow sits in shock.

The brat wonders what they are going to do about it. Nick says he is thinking about it. She tells him to think faster.

Meanwhile, music blares in Shawn and Belle's cozy little dump. Belle cradles Claire like the place is on fire. Shawn wakes up and Belle tells him it sounds like there is a party going on outside the door. Shawn goes to tell the motley crew to shut up.

Kate, Sami and Lucas are at dinner at Chez Rouge. Kate can't believe Victor fired Lucas. She also can't believe Victor forced Shawn and Belle to kidnap their own biological daughter. Lucas suggests she talk to Victor, but she says he isn't taking her advice these days. Lucas wonders if Kate has an opening for him at Mythic. Kate thinks there might be a problem with that.

The problem walks up to the table and sits down, "You don't mind if I join you, do you, everybody?"

Lucas asks Kate, "You're not still mixed up with this scuzzball, are you?"

EJ points out that "equal partnership" involves being mixed up with him to some degree. He tells Sami she looks stunning. Lucas mouth goes into high gear. He tells Kate EJ is a crook. EJ fires back with the headline in the evening edition of the Salem spectator, "Racing Star Cleared of All Charges."

Speaking of scuzzballs, Shawn walks into the room where Dumb and Dumber are partying down. Now it's Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest. Shawn slaps the radio button and the music stops. He tells them his daughter is trying to sleep in the next room and if they keep it up they will have the cops down on them. Dumb keeps boogieing to the sound of silence while Dumber wields his Labatt Blue, "What – are you jonesing?"

"No," says Shawn, "I'm bradying. He slings the radio across the room and tells them to get out of there. Dumb and Dumber leave. Shawn turns and sees the shadow of a man in uniform sneaking around. He hides as officer Doright walks in and surveys the scene.

Nick tells the brat to relax. Mickey and Maggie live nearby and he's going to stop at their house to pick something up. He makes the turn.

The Phillow car follows. Willow recognizes the neighborhood, "This is where my old boss used to live."

"Your pimp?"

"Noooooo... Maggie Horton. I worked at her restaurant until that little bitch riding shotgun up there got me fired," says Willow. Willow figures that's where they are going since Nick is related to her.

Nick pulls over and turns off the lights. He tells the brat not to worry as he gets out.

"Right," she says, "'Don't worry,' says the King of Dorks, 'it'll just take a sec.'" She turns on the radio as someone gets inside the car, "You weren't kidding. That was quick."

"Found you, Chelsea," says Phillip, "Going somewhere?" The brat tells him they are going on a date. Phillip doesn't buy it. He thinks they are on the way to Toronto. He also doesn't think they would pack suitcases to go on a date.

Nick comes back and gets in the car. "Down boy. Don't hurt me," mocks Phillip. Nick tells him to get out of his car. "Or what," asks Phillip, "Relax kids. Enjoy your date. I'll be behind you all the way." He leaves.

Nick lectures the brat for not locking the car, but tells her not to worry, "I've got a few tricks up my sleeve."

Shawn hides as Dudley checks things out. After the cop leaves, Shawn knocks on the door and tells Dumb and Dumber to open up. He walks in and tells them next time to find another alley to hide in. Obscene gestures fly.

He goes over to Belle who worries that something happened out there and he isn't telling her.

"You're right," says Shawn, "Dumb and Dumber ran out of Labatt's. And there was a cop snooping around." Shawn thinks this means they will have to leave sooner than expected.

Lucas thinks it's another miscarriage of justice. Kate sighs, but EJ tells her he has earned Lucas' ire because he has let his feelings for Sami to get a little too warm. Lucas thinks the reason EJ was cleared is because the eyewitness has disappeared.

"Would that be Lexie, or would that be Tek," asks EJ, "Since their stories contradict each other, I suppose it doesn't matter." EJ says this is all behind him and he can focus on Mythic. Kate tells EJ Lucas was wondering if there are any jobs available.

"I'd rather squeegee windows in the snow up to my butt than work for this scuzzball," says Lucas..

Claire wails. Like mother like daughter. Shawn decides they shouldn't get ahead of themselves. They don't know that the cop is coming back. Claire needs sleep. Belle says she won't be getting sleep tonight since she is teething. Shawn offers to go to the pharmacy, but Belle vetoes it since he might get caught.

Willow wonders why Phillip told them they were following. Phillip points out he's the only guy in Salem who drives this type of car, so they probably already figured it out.

Nick says when they get to the terminal, he needs the brat to distract Phillip. She asks how. He reels off a number of lame options including, "Kiss him."

"So while Phillip has his tongue down my throat exactly what will you be doing?" Nick shows her a knife. He'll be getting it 'ready.'

EJ tells Lucas to get a sales executive like him on the payroll would be quite a coup. Besides, come spring he'll be back on the racing circuit and Lucas would never see him. Lucas tells him to go to hell and EJ excuses himself.

Kate lectures Lucas for letting his childish ego get in the way of an opportunity. Sami defends him but Lucas' childish ego tells her to cool it. Kate and Lucas argue about whether Lucas should consider the job. Lucas' childish ego asks Sami what she thinks. She wants him to do what is best. If this is it, she's behind him 100%. Lucas stands firm on his principles and then goes over to EJ to grovel for a job.

Shawn insists on going to the pharmacy. He's out of money. He grabs a couple of bucks from Belle's purse. Belle says they'd better hope his dad gets the money to hem soon. Shawn assures her he will.

At the airport Nick and the brat argue over who gets what seat. They both hate the aisle. Chelsea decides Nick has to sit there because he's the man and that's the way things work.

Phillip shows up with Willow. Nick tells the brat to go do that favor he asked her to do. Chelsea says, "Well, I just hope you know what you're doing, Nick."

Nick says, "So do I."

EJ and Lucas have sealed the deal. Lucas will be Vice President in charge of Mythic's new line of whoopee cushions. Lucas says they haven't worked everything out yet. He wants EJ to stay away from Sami. EJ says he has given his word that he will. Lucas doesn't think EJ's word is worth much. He also doesn't like EJ living across the hall, so he wants him to move. EJ says the real issue is Sami, "She has made it very clear she isn't interested, and I accept that. So, you must be planning a wedding. Any plans for children in the near future?"

Kate is surprised Lucas was so worried about not having a job after one day. Sami says they have savings, but want to keep it that way. Kate says she met with a producer and told him about Sami's rescue of Lucas. He wants to tell Sami's story on TV.

Willow disses the brat as she walks up but Phillip tells her to shut up. Chelsea wants to talk to Phillip alone. He tells Willow to go powder her nose. Chelsea says, "I know you're not a guy I want to mess with. I want to tell you where Shawn and Belle are hiding."

Claire cries. One of the druggies in the room tells Belle to get her out of there so they can sleep. Belle takes Claire into the alley and tells her they just have to hang on a little while longer. Shawn comes back with the medicine. Belle gives it to Claire and she settles down.

"Every time I look into her eyes," says Shawn, "They remind me of her mom's, because they are usually full of tears. Belle decides It's OK to go back inside. Just as the door closes, Officer Doright comes back with his ominous flashlight.

Kate tells Sami about the producer and his shows, "He calls it human interest reality programming. Most people call it crap." Sami can't believe it. She thinks Kate can't stand the attention she's been getting and wonders why she's being so generous all of a sudden. Kate says the bottom line is both of them are stubborn and ambitious and neither wants to share the spotlight with someone else. But she is grateful to Sami for saving Lucas, "So if you're interested, just give me the word and I'll set up the meeting." Sami stares.

Lucas tells EJ they aren't planning on having more kids. He wonders why EJ is asking. EJ says it's just friendly conversation. "I'd rather not be your friend," says Lucas. EJ pulls a handy-dandy contract out of his pocket and tells Lucas if he signs it he will move out of his apartment and stay away from Sami. Lucas decides to take the contract over to show mommy, "I'll see you tomorrow, man." Lucas leaves.

EJ drones, "And tomorrow... and tomorrow... and tomorrow..."

Lucas comes back to the table. Sami asks, "Well?"

Lucas says, "I said yes."

Sami says, "I can't believe you're gonna be working with EJ."

Chelsea stammers around as Phillip tells her to get to the point. Meanwhile, Nick messes with Phillip's bags. Finally, the brat leans in toward Phillip's ear and screams, "THEY'RE IN CANADA, YOU JERK! START PAYING ATTENTION! If anybody is little, Phillip, it's you. that's why little guys yell so much. They overcompensate. It's especially common with guys who go away for a while and come back six inches shorter."

The brat leaves and Willow comes back. Phillip tells her to grab her bag and get on the plane. They gather things up and head for the security check. The brat and Nick make it through and then turn to watch the fun. Phillip and Willow walk through the metal detectors and then stand and wait for their bags.

The security guard points a finger at Phillip, "YOU! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!"

Belle is back in the groove, worrying like there is no tomorrow. Shawn plays his usual role of assuring her everything will be OK, just before everything falls apart.

Right on cue, Officer Dudley hammers on the door, "Police. We know somebody is in there!" Shawn and Belle huddle and shush each other. Dudley leaves, checking his radio. Belle thinks the cops are gone but worries they might come back. Shawn decides they should get some rest. He starts to bed down on the concrete, but Belle tells him they can all fit on the cot. Shawn crawls up and they all smash themselves together like last night's dinner in a trash compactor.

The security guard opens Phillip's bag. He pulls out the knife. GUNS, GUNS, GUNS, GUNS AND MORE GUNS point at Phillip as an army of guards screams at him to get down on the floor. Phillip claims the knife isn't his.

Chelsea and Nick high-five. Nick says, "I can't believe you ever doubted me, babe!"


They get on the plane as Phillip struggles with the guards and yells at Willow not to let Nick and Chelsea get away.

Lucas plays it smug. He tells Kate and Sami he told EJ he has to move or there is no deal. "Lucas," says Sami, "I love you so much when you pretend you're an adult."

Lucas wonders what they did when he was gone, "No bruises, no bites, no scratches, no blood..." Sami tells him about the producer. Lucas is thrilled. As they wrap things up, Kate says she is sure they will turn Mythic into a powerhouse. Sami and Lucas take off. EJ and Sami share a glance as Lucas gets the coats.

Kate comes over to EJ's table and asks what he is up to. Kate tells him she hopes he is not up to his old tricks. She leaves and EJ picks up his glass of wine and toasts nobody in particular, "The closer Lucas is to me, the closer I am to Samantha. So here's to the perfect plan – Samantha and me." FF



Chelsea tells Nick, "I will tell you the name of one guy that I slept with if you give me the name of your one and only."

Shawn says, "I can take care of you and Claire." Belle says, "I know." Where else can you find gripping dialogue like this?

Phillip tells Victor, "I don't trust Willow. But I want to keep her in my sight until I find Claire. And then I never want to see her again." Pan in on the woman-scorned.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Follow The Bouncing Bradys

Max drags himself into his garage. Phillip comes in to see him. Max can't believe he came down there. Phillip says he didn't come down to fight. "That's too bad," says Max, "Because you're gonna get a piece of me anyway."

"You'd get a piece of me, too," says Phillip, "But there aren't many left."

Max tells him Mimi could have died in that trunk. Phillip claims he did it what had to be done. Max grabs him, but Phillip reminds Max the Marines have trained him to kill with his bare hands. He advises Max to back off, and says he won't leave until Max helps him find his daughter.

Maggie admires Dung Beetle's picture. Hope is so worried about Shawn and Belle. Willow walks in. She tells Hope she has something to say about her baby boy.

The brat insists she should be the one to take the money to Shawn and Belle. Bo objects, "Yeah," says the brat, "I've always been the black lamb of the family."

"Sheep," says Nick, "That's black sheep."

"Whatever," says the little snot. She makes her pitch. She tells Bo there is nothing he can do to stop her from doing this. Bo smirks.

Abby reads a magazine and then pulls out her cell phone. She dials Jennifer. She says she called because she needs advice, "About the rest of my life."

Bo says he can stop the brat. "I'm old enough to make my own decisions, don't you think," asks Chelsea.

Bo mocks her in a nasally voice, "No, I don't think."

"Truer words have never been spoken," says Patch. He and Kayla chime in on Bo's side. The brat says she owes the family and begs Bo to let her do it. Bo says no. Translation: call the travel agent and buy the tickets to Toronto.

Kayla takes the brat aside and tells her she doesn't want to get involved with Victor. The brat says, "Bo thinks I will take the money and run."

Max says it's hilarious that Phillip thinks he would help him get Claire back. Phillip says he is dead serious. He thinks Max will help so he can stay out of jail, "You helped Shawn and Belle escape with Claire."

"All you have is a big mouth and your old man's money," says Max, "All I need money for is the postage stamp to mail you out of town. Is there something else you wanted?"

"Yes," says Phillip, "Since jail won't persuade you, how about some of my old man's money?"

Willow says Maggie owes her a paycheck. Maggie goes to ask about payroll. Willow tells Hope she's not there for her money. Hope remembers Willow already has plenty of Victor's. As far as she is concerned they are better off pretending Willow never existed. Willow thinks her opinion will change when she hears what she has to say, "I'm pregnant with Shawn's baby."

Phillip says this isn't a bribe. It's a chance to get back into the racing game. He'll buy Max a new racecar. Cash. No one ever has to know he was involved. Phillip opens Max' locker and pulls out a cell phone, "Do something smart for once in your life."

"No," says Max, "I want to keep my record in tact."

Bo tells the brat this doesn't have anything to do with trust. The brat says it has everything to do with trust, "The family has never trusted me. I lie, cheat, steal... even kill. I pushed everyone away."

Bo tells her even through all that they are dumb enough to love her. Nick breaks in and makes a pitch for her. Chelsea begs.

Willow says she is eight weeks along. Hope snorts, "You must think I'm a fool. You're a liar. There is no way you could say that child is Shawn's. I' doubt you are even pregnant."

Willow pulls out a note from her doctor, "This pregnancy is the real deal, and if that's not enough, I can get a note from my mommy, too."

Abby tells Jennifer this is definitely what she wants to do. She has to move on from being a kid, "There is just one more person I have to tell."

Max takes the phone. He pretends to make the call, "Shawn. It's Max. I'd like to send you a care package. How about some money for curling lessons too...."

Max folds his phone, "I'd rather change the oil in a thousand jalopies than take your money."

Phillip nukes, "I'm wearing the blood on my uniform of decent men who have been blown to bits and all I have is Claire." Max respects his sacrifices, but it doesn't entitle him to treat people like something he scraped off his shoe. If he doesn't like what he sees in the mirror it has nothing to do with his face and everything to do with the bastard he's become. Phillip says, "I will find Shawn and Belle, and when I do it won't be pretty because Shawn'll probably beat the crap out of me again." Max drops his jaw. Phillip leaves.

Hope says the note from Willow's doctor doesn't prove anything. The document doesn't say Shawn is the father. Hope says she wouldn't tell Willow even if Shawn had contacted her. Willow threatens to go to court and have Shawn named the father.

"Why can't you leave us alone," asks Hope.

"You are the only family I have," whines Willow, "I thought you might want to help. I should have known you don't have a heart. Maybe your husband will think differently."

"No," says Hope, "He thinks I don't have a heart either."

Kayla thinks Bo and Chelsea have had enough public arguments she might get in under the radar.

Bo asks, "What about your mom?"

The brat doesn't think Billie would have a problem with this. She might be proud of her. Bo agrees, "You can go on one condition. You don't travel alone." Nick practically has a hernia stepping forward to volunteer to go with her.

Chelsea says she doesn't need a chaperone.

Bo thinks Nick is level headed. "Looks like you're not gonna win this one, little lambie," says Patch.

Bo will make the reservations under Nick's name. They will look like a couple on vacation.

Chelsea asks, "A couple..."

Nick pipes in, "Sounds good to me." The brat agrees to the terms. Nick goes to tell aunt Maggie.

The group leaves the table. Bo takes the brat aside and asks if she really wants to do this.

"More than anything."

Bo is proud of her. They have had their ups and downs. The brat apologizes for all the trouble she has caused. She hopes this is a chance to make things right. Hugs.

Hope tells Willow never to throw family in her face. She would crawl to hell and back for her family.

"But you wouldn't give a dime for my children," says Willow.

"I knew this was about money," snorts Hope, "I will do everything in my power to expose you as the conniving little tramp you are."

Maggie comes back and says payroll checks won't arrive for 20 minutes. Willow says she isn't going anywhere, "I'll wait as long as I have to."

Max' boom box, circa 1983, sits on the floor and blasts out music as Max works under one of his thousand jalopies. Abby walks in. She taps Max on the leg and he jumps out like he's been struck by lightning, "I thought it was..."

"Who," asks Abby, "You looked like you wanted to hit someone."

"This morning has been full of unexpected visitors," says Max, "I'm glad you're here. The computer is doing that blue screen of death thing again."

"Aha," says Abby, "You must've hired another Blogger programmer to work on it."

"I really need you to take a look at it," says Max.

"That's why I'm here," says Abby. She stammers around and then tells Max she is quitting.

Max tells her she can't quit. The show is over, folks; he puts his shirt on, "So you won't see my heart breaking."

Ernest Hemingway looks down from his big typewriter in the sky and asks, "Why couldn't I ever come up with dialogue like that?"

Abby tells him she and Chelsea signed up at Salem U, "So... I'll... be seeing you." Max says he knows he hasn't been around much lately. He asks if she is upset he and Mimi are together.

"No," says Abby, "I'm cool with it." Translation: "Too bad you got that trunk unlocked.

Max doesn't want her to leave thinking they aren't friends, "So, as a friend, tell me what's really bothering you."

Hope is at the pub with Bo and drops the bomb about Willow being pregnant with Shawn's baby. Bo immediately starts thinking up cute little insect names for it. Hope says she doesn't believe her, "She's a tramp and a liar."

Speaking of a tramp and a liar, Bo tells Hope about Chelsea delivering the money to Shawn and Belle in Canada.

Hope gasps, "No! You're trusting our family to the girl who almost drove us apart."

Nick rushes in and tells Maggie he's leaving town for a couple days. Willow overhears as Nick tells her what's up with Shawn and Belle. Nick is giddy that he gets to go with Chelsea. Wise old Maggie says, "I can spot a man in love."

Willow walks up. Maggie gives her the check, tells her they have no more business together, and says she never expects to see her there again. Willow leaves. Maggie tells Nick to be careful.

Outside, Willow takes out her cell phone and dials, "Hey... it's me. Willow. I have some information you're really gonna like."

Abby says she likes Mimi, and Mimi seems to care about Max. Max cares about her too. Abby is soooo happy for him, BUT she used to be the one he relied on. She won't be the third wheel again. She's going to walk away and focus on school. He can focus on Mimi. Hugs. Max is going to miss her. He hopes she finds a guy who appreciates how awesome she is.

"I have already found that guy."


"Maybe I'll let you know someday," says Abby. She goes to do a shift at Chez Rouge.

Kayla tells Patch she got more than $5,000. She thought they could use it. She asks about Patch's run-in with the Michigan State Police, "And I'd also like to know about this idiot they say jumped out of the truck going 80 mph."

"If some guy jumped out of a truck at 80 mph, he would be dead," says Patch.

"You came back awfully fast this time," says Kayla, "We can't avoid the affects these episodes are having on you. You can't stand here and tell me this is under control."

Patch says he did have another attack, but he handled it. Kayla tells him he can't be reckless like that. She can't bear to lose him again. She wants him to call Marlena and schedule an appointment, "We need help. We can't do this alone."

Bo tells Hope why he OK'd the brat doing this. She wants to do this for her family. He tells her Nick is going with her. Bo makes the case for Chelsea. Hope says, "Shawn and Belle's future rests in Chelsea's hands. God help us."

Bo says, "Claire's future rests in Shawn and Belle hands. God help her."

Phillip wanders outside Chez Rouge. He meets willow. Willow wants something – Not his money. She wants to go to Canada with him and see the look on Shawn's face when they take Claire. Phillip OK's it. He asks where Shawn and Belle are hiding out. Willow tells him they are in Toronto. Big deal - he already knows they are in Toronto. Willow continues, "All we have to do is follow the bouncing Brady's." She tells him about overhearing Chelsea talking to Maggie.

Phillip says he underestimated her. "Most people do," says Willow, "and then they wind up regretting it." They shake on the deal. Abby stands there and soaks it in.

Phillip notices her, "Abby!"

"I'm sorry," says Abby, "Do we know each other?"

"It's Phillip," says the man with the new face.

"I didn't recognize you," says Abby, "You're just not the same Phillip you were."

"You'll all get used to it in time," says Phillip. Small talk about school. Abby says she has to go work her shift, and goes inside. Willow worries she may be on to them. Phillip doubts it, but says she can't stop them.

Inside, Abby tells Maggie about seeing Phillip and Willow, "They might be up to something." Maggie wonders if Willow overheard her talking to Nick. Abby runs to warn Nick and Chelsea, while Maggie calls to warn Patch and Kayla.

Patch is reluctant to try hypnosis. Kayla says they have to start someplace. The phone rings, but they decide their conversation is more important, and let voice mail pick up. They talk about the DiMeras. Kayla can't believe Benjy is part of this. Patch wants to talk to him before he does anything else. If Patch doesn't get any answers, he will make an appointment with Marlena, which will ensure he doesn't get any answers.

Hope hands Boll Weevil to Bo. They blather on about their situation. "Things might not be perfect, but at least we have our little Creepy-Crawly," says Bo.

Nick and Chelsea meet. She thanks Nick for doing this, and for sticking up for her with her dad. Nick knocks at Patch and Kayla's door. Patch has them come in and gives them the money. He advises them, "At the airport, lay low – security will stop anyone carrying large amounts of cash." Hugs all around. They promise they will be back tomorrow and then they take off for their excellent adventure.

Outside the apartment, Abby runs up and tells them about Willow and Phillip. She thinks they may know about their plans.

Chelsea asks, "What are we gonna do if Phillip knows about us?"

Nick says, "The only thing we can do. Outsmart him." FF


We don't know what good it will do, but here is a link to a Petition To Save DOOL. Couldn't hurt, huh*? Unfortunately, we couldn't find a link to a Petition to save DOOL, but actually turn it into a good show.

*Canadian Translation: Couldn't hurt, eh?


Chelsea says, "Well, I just hope you know what you're doing, Nick." Nick says, "So do I."

Sami asks, "Well?" Lucas says, "I said yes." Sami says, "I can't believe you're gonna be working with EJ."

EJ tells Kate, "The closer Lucas is to me, the closer I am to Samantha. So here's to the perfect plan – Samantha and me."

Dudley Doright pounds on the door, "Police. We know somebody is in there!" Shawn and Belle shush each other.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Blogger Problems

On Thursday, January 25, Blogger required Prevuze to convert to it's "new and improved" system, which, as it turned out, does not support large blogs. As a result, we can no longer publish to the original Blogger site until Blogger fixes its bug. We have no way of letting our readers know where we have gone because we cannot even post a small notice to let them know.

What Blogger has done is unprofessional and unconsionable, but there is nothing we can do about it.

In the future we will maintain a backup site and publish the location of that site. In the meantime, we apologize for any inconvenience. If you have friends who read Prevuze, or belong to any bulletin boards, please post messages to let people know the new location of Prevuze, until further notice, is;


Drugged Out Wild Man

Max and Mimi come into Roman's office. Roman drops the EJ bomb. Besides everything else going on they had to release him today. Mimi slams her bag-o'-bones onto Roman's desk. He asks where she found it.

Patch comes home. Kayla asks how he is doing. He says he's a little sore from being on the road. Literally. Kayla sees his bruises. He tells her about the "evasive action" he took. Kayla thinks there is more to the story. She's worried. He tries to reassure her. Kayla isn't buying it. She asks, "Did you have any more episodes?"

"Episodes are for TV," says Patch. Bo arrives.

Shawn waits for someone to pick up. The brat finally picks up the phone. They go through a round of "who is this." Shawn practically dies when he finds out it's Chelsea. She tells him he can depend on her. Shawn says he needs to get in touch with Bo. She tells him Bo isn't there. Chelsea offers to help. He asks for her to have Bo back at the pub in about an hour and a half and he will call back.

The brat hangs up. She and Nick head out on a wild Bo chase.

Roman asks Mimi for the story. Mimi hesitates, but says she found the bones in her back yard. She is evasive, but Roman presses. Mimi says she just got lame answers form Bonnie and Connor when she asks about the skeleton. Roman decides to drag Bonnie and Connor down to the cop shop. Mimi begs him not to. There is something she wants to do first – get a DNA test on the bones. Since the crime lab is so busy (they just got a new donut delivery ) Nick can do it at the hospital. If Nick is too busy, Mimi knows an eight year old kid who got a science kit for Christmas. Roman thinks they would get better results if they talked to Bonnie. Mimi begs. Roman thinks it over and relents. If they don't have an ID in one week he will talk to Bonnie.

Roman is called out of the office. An officer says a fax they got from the Michigan State Police said they traced the truck across the border, "Wait till you see who else as along for the ride."

Bo and Patch talk about Patch's excellent adventure. Bo says he owes him. Patch says he doesn't, because they are family. He tells Bo he told the Kiddie Korps they can't call because the police will be watching and tracing all phone calls, "We have to act like we haven't seen or heard from them. We have to keep playing dumb."

"In other words," says Bo, "Just act normal."

Bo worries that they may never see them again. Kayla tells him to focus on one day at a time. The brat arrives with the big news about the phone call. Bo heads for the pub. Patch follows. On the way out, Bo turns to the brat and says, "You done good."

Shawn tells Belle he got a hold of Chelsea. Belle whines, "Do you think we can trust her?"

"We don't have a choice," says Shawn. Claire is still sleeping on one of the cots. Actually, the doll that is playing Claire is laying on one of the cots wrapped up in blankets so tight it would have suffocated the real kid. Shawn suggests a nap. Belle doesn't want to wake Claire. Shawn volunteers to sleep on the floor. We have a really tedious discussion about who should sleep where. Shawn says he has been having back trouble and will be better off sleeping on the floor. Belle says, "You're very sweet. Since when ID you start having back trouble?"

Shawn stares into her eyes, which sit in front of that big empty cavity and says, "Since I ran off to Canada, I've been nagged by a pain in the butt." Belle apologizes for all this. Shawn says it's not her fault.

Belle can't miss an opportunity to whine, though, "Everything is in the past. But right now..."

Shawn interrupts, "I wanna take care of Claire. And you." They decide to get some rest. Belle asks what happens if the police find them. Shawn assures her they won't get caught, "My dad is a cop I know how they think."

"How will we stay a step ahead of Victor and Phillip," asks Belle.

"I've got Kiriakis blood too," says Shawn, "I've got my bases covered." Shawn will take care of them. He's come through so far and will find a place they can stay, "You can count on that."

"If I could count," says Belle. Night-night.

Bo waits for the call. Chelsea tells him she admires Shawn for this. Bo agrees. Patch suggests locking the door. Some ne'er-do-well might show up. Too late. Roman walks in, "Well well... Look who's all here!"

Merle wakes Shawn up. He overslept. Shawn remembers the call he was supposed to make. Belle wakes up, too. Merle has good news, "Tomorrow night a Turkish freighter leaves for the east coast of Africa. You can stowaway."

Shawn thinks it's perfect. Belle says, "Shawn, we're talking about Africa."

"Don't worry," says Shawn, "I have a friend there. I got this email from a Mr. Ashwan Amin from Nigeria offering to put millions in my bank account if I would just give him my account number. I expect the deposit any minute. I think we should do it."

Merle agrees, "It's a no brainer."

"That settles it," says Belle, "It's perfect for us."

Merle tosses a wet blanket onto all the euphoria, "This all comes at a price."

Max and Mimi are at Chez Rouge. Mimi picks at her food. Max wishes they had gone to Burger Barn for $9.95 instead of Chez Rouge for $129 plus tip. Max tells her she did the right thing at the police station. She told the truth about the bones and lied like a rug to protect her family. Mimi is worried she will be the only one in her family not locked up, but only because lying is usually not a crime. Max apologizes for not being there last night.

Mimi says there is something she didn't tell Roman today, and it's so horrible and unbelievable she hasn't told him either. Max asks, "What is it?"

Mimi whines, "Connor said that those bones – they're my father's."

Silence in the pub. Roman asks if he is interrupting anything. Bo hems and haws. He says they are just hanging out. Roman says the Canadian authorities are scouring Toronto for the Kiddie Korps.

Chelsea yells, "Why can't you just leave them alone?" Bo gives her a look that would kill and Nick hauls her out.

Roman appeals to Bo. He tells him he has to pursue this. Kayla asks him to lay off. Bo says, "He has to do his job."

"Everybody is doing what they have to do," says Patch.

Roman says he hopes what everyone is doing is the right thing. He asks them to let him know if Shawn and Belle call.

"You got it," says Bo, "If we hear anything, you get the first call." Bo does everything but throw him out the door.

Roman isn't ready to leave, "I had another interesting case dropped on me."

Bo asks, "Can we talk about this later? I mean this whole thing..."

Roman says, "It involves a stolen delivery truck so, no, we need to talk about it right now."


Belle asks what the guy wants. "Money," says Shawn.

Belle suggests pawning her ring. Merle offers to take her to a jewelry store. Belle will go and Shawn will watch Claire. Merle suggests Belle put on sunglasses and a hat as a disguise. While Belle gets the disguise Merle rambles on to Shawn, "You seem like nice kids. This guy that's after you is like this narc who busted me for having three lousy little blunts in my kit bag."

"Believe me, Merle," says Shawn, "He's worse than that." Merle leaves with Belle.

Nick asks the brat what is wrong. Nothing, but every time she thinks she has connected with her dad she blows it. Nick says she didn't blow it. Bo just wanted her to be quiet. Perfect relationships with parents don't happen. He doesn't have one. Families argue and hurt each other, "That doesn't mean they love you less. Believe me, they couldn't love you less if they tried."

Chelsea thinks she has done nothing but screwed up since she met Bo. Nick says their relationship has become better over time. The brat is waiting for that one thing that makes her shine in Bo's eyes.

Roman says, "Among other things, the Michigan authorities found a pacifier under the seat of that delivery truck."

Patch says, "So that just proves there were kids in the truck"

"Yes," says Roman, "And we have every reason to believe Claire was there, too."

Roman describes the chase. It was a high-speed chase with a drugged out wild man emptying the contents of the truck from the back. Then, the drugged out wild man jumped out at 80 mph and vanished. The smear on the highway was highly visible, however. The wild man is now wanted with 26 charges pending against him. Including conspiracy. Roman asks Steve, "Would you happen to be that drugged out wild man?" Patch says he was home all night last night.

"Were you home alone," says Roman.

"Kayla was over at Marlena's," says Patch.

Roman asks, "Where did you get those bruises?"

"Reaching for seconds," says Patch.

Roman says phone records show Kayla got a pay phone call from Michigan last night, "Kayla, Steve what do you have to say about that?"

Max thought Mimi's dad was alive. So did Mimi. She has hated him all these years for leaving. She thinks either her mom or two brothers had a part in killing him.

Belle comes back, "The pawn shops wouldn't buy the ring. We tried three shops, but Phillip has reported it stolen." Shawn goes into action. He will call Daddy.

Patch sucks down a beer. Roman didn't think they could explain the call. Kayla claims it was a wrong number. Roman thinks it doesn't add up, "That story is D-O-A."

"So what," says Patch, "The whole story line is D-U-H. OK. You got me. Take me in. I did it. I helped them escape. I stole the truck. I helped them cross the border. I tossed the cargo out the back of the truck and jumped out at 80mph."

"Is that the truth," asks Roman.

Roadkill looks him in the eye, "Roman, I was home alone all night. I don't know who made the call. That's my story."

The pay phone rings. Silence and stares.

Mimi thinks Bonnie was involved. She needs to be positive it is her dad before it goes further. If it is her dad she will make sure Bonnie pays. Max hugs her.

Bo ties to signal Chelsea or Nick to pick up the phone. Nick says he lost his cell phone and asked Dr. Rebert to call him on the pay phone if he needed anything. Nick answers, "Hello..."

"This is Shawn..."

"Oh, Dr. Rebert. Hey, it's Nick."

"This is Shawn Brady. I always wanted to be a doctor, though."

Nick tries to spell it out, "Dr. Rebert... We have company."

Bo says, "It doesn't look like anyone here can help with the stolen truck."

Roman says off the record, he is pulling for Shawn and Belle. But he has a job to do and Bo has a job to protect. He will file the report that he investigated and found nothing. If he gets a hint of another incident he has to do it by the book. He asks them not to put him in that position. Bo agrees. Roman leaves.

Bo takes the phone. "Good to hear your voice," says Shawn.

"Yours too," says Bo, "Could I hear Belle whine for old times sake? "

Max says they will get the DNA tests back and deal with it. He will be there for her. He thinks Bonnie and Connor and himself are lucky to have Mimi.

She insists underneath she is just like Bonnie and Connor. She wasn't honest with Roman. She didn't tell him the full story. She just threw him a bone. She thought about burying the bones herself last night. She feels like all she ever does is dump stuff on Max. He will be there for her (are you remembering to take a drink every time someone says that – that's twice for Max in the last twenty seconds ) Max says Mimi should get used to him being around.

Shawn tells Bo they are about to catch a boat. "Do me a favor," says Bo, "Let someone else do the sailing. We're still looking for the Fancy Face III." Shawn says he can't give details. They need five grand. Bo will get the cash. Shawn will call back.

Kayla says she will get the money. Nick says they can't do a bank transfer, "It would be too easy to trace." Patch volunteers to take the money to Shawn and Belle. Bo doesn't think that's a good idea.

Chelsea says, "I'll do it. I'll deliver the money."

Shawn tells Belle it's all taken care of. Belle says things are starting to go their way. Translation: that flushing sound you hear is not your radiator being winterized.

Outside, Dudley Doright of the RCMP leans and listens at the door. Shawn and Belle hug. FF.


Kayla says to Patch, "We need help. We can't do this alone."

Hope says, "Shawn and Belle's future rests in Chelsea's hands. God help us."

Phillip says, "I will find Shawn and Belle, and when I do it won't be pretty." Max drops his jaw.

Chelsea asks, "What are we gonna do if Phillip knows about us?" Nick says, "The only thing we can do. Outsmart him."

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Too Many 'Shrooms

Shawn and Belle both continue to suffer from a complex rectal-cranial inversion. A rectal-cranial inversion is where you think with your butt. A complex rectal-cranial inversion is where you think with your butt, but, unfortunately, you're a dumbass. They wander aimlessly through Canada and meet up with a – OMG! It's WOJO! Wojciehowicz! From Barney Miller! Wojciehowicz – "spelled just like it sounds!" Where you been, Wojo?!

Wojo says his name is Merle. But we know different. Merle stammers and grasps for words as he shows them around his shelter. He realizes he isn't making much sense, "Sorry – too many 'shrooms." He says he's been helping kids run from the draft since 'Nam. Shawn says he's not a draft dodger, "And the war is over."

"But there's some kind of war going on, isn't there," asks Wojo-Merle.

"Yes," says Shawn.

"Close enough," says Merle, as he leads them inside and shows them their cots.

Lucas tells Victor to calm down. Victor can't calm down. They have to get Claire back now. He wants Lucas on the next flight to Toronto, "I want you to find Claire and bring her home."

Lucas says, "I'm sorry, boss, but I can't do that."

Nick is on the phone with Abby. He wonders how a smart guy can make so many mistakes. Chelsea wants a job in the research lab and Dr. Rebert does the interviews. And to make matters worse, Chelsea has started to be nice to him. She said she likes him. Abby tells him to chill. He isn't locked into this job thing.

Rebert, of course, picks this moment to walk in with a job opening for a lab assistant, "You know anybody who isn't afraid of rats?"

"No," says Nick, "But I know a rat who wants a job."

Chelsea comes up to Abby and asks if Nick said anything about the job. Abby reminds Chelsea she isn't the only one looking for a job. Chelsea reminds Abby she the only one connected to Nick, though. Abby announces she decided to go back to college full time. The brat squeals.

Sami munches crackers as they bring EJ in to meet with her. EJ is infatuated, "I didn't dream it. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

Chelsea is soooooo excited. She and Abby will be college girls. She wonders which sorority they should pledge. Abby isn't sure she wants to pledge a sorority. She has heard the sisters can be pretty mean. The brat says she is the queen of mean and will protect her. Abby says, "So that's why you want to go to college – you want to find a home."

Belle says, "The place looks nice." Translation: dump.

PrevuzeWojo-Merle says, "Well, there are no bugs, no leaky roof. It's not home but that's why a lot of kids bail on going underground. It can be a rough life. Rule number uno. No dope." Uh-oh. That rules out Belle and Shawn. Merle goes on, "And keep the cell phone off 24-7. There is a pay phone over there. Keep it to three minutes, 'cause they can tap that, too." He asks if Claire is their kid, "You guys aren't kidnappers are you?"

Victor tells Lucas this wasn't a request – it was an order. Lucas says, "This doesn't have anything to do with my job. This is personal business. Shawn is your grandchild."

"Shawn is dead to me," snorts Victor, "I want Claire back." Lucas asks why he doesn't send Phillip. "Because I don't trust him," says Victor, "Every time he leaves the house, more body parts wind up missing."

Sami don' wan' no bull. She needs to talk. She starts with Lexie. EJ wonders when Lexie snapped. Maybe it was when Sami blackmailed her. EJ points out honest Abe exposed Lexie's lie. Sami thinks that doesn't mean EJ isn't responsible for her and Tek's disappearance. EJ says they have no evidence. He was in the boathouse that night, but waiting for Sami, and she didn't show up. He claims he left before John came.

Sami asks, "If you're so innocent, why did you hold me at gunpoint and force me to help you get through the roadblock?"

"Because you set me up," says EJ, "You owed me. I can forgive and forget. That night in your arms I never felt so complete."

Sami doesn't feel that way, "Shut up. You were behind both Lexie and John. You're so smooth. Just like a well-oiled snake."

EJ suggests she go to Roman if she thinks there is so much evidence against him, "You won't do it because these guys don't have a thing."

Shawn tells Wojo-Merle Claire belongs to them, "The system is trying to take her."

The 'shrooms kick back in. Merle drones, "When the revolution comes the system is what will smother and die. Just like a brain cell on 'shrooms." He gives them a world map, "The yellow countries do not have extradition with the USA."

Belle looks over their options, "Algeria, Bangladesh, Afghanistan."

Merle chimes in with his favorite, "Don't forget Russia. It's a socialist paradise."

Shawn brings him up to date on history, "Russia hasn't been socialist since the wall came down."

"What wall?"

Merle floats off into his own paradise. Shawn asks, "So... how's your Russian?"

"I can whine in any language," says Belle.

Lucas doesn't understand why Victor can't trust Phillip. Victor says, "The war and losing Claire have changed Phillip. I don't want anyone to get hurt. I want you to find Shawn and Belle and convince them I won't press charges." Lucas asks if he finds Shawn and Belle, what if they turn down the offer. Victor gives him his best "I don't like being turned down" look.

Nick studies peptide interactions in a microscope. Dr. Rebert comes in and tells him he is meeting with a promising applicant. Chelsea walks into the room, "OMG! It's you. Dr. Shane Patton. I'm your dark angel."

Oh, those crafty writers fooled you again. Back to reality. Nick tells Dr. Rebert-Patton he will let him know if he finds anyone. Dr. Rebert leaves. Nick sweats.

The brat says maybe she is looking for a home, "Sometimes I think about the Bensons and how good they were to me. And what a rat I was." She reminisces. The Bensons are history, and now it's over with Lonely Splicer, too. Billie has her own life to deal with. She thinks Billie's issue is with the guy she was with the other night. She thinks Billie is really into him, "But how much monkey sex can you have with your kid in the next room? I think she really likes him."

Sami says she doesn't have any evidence against EJ. She knows Lexie would never leave her son behind. She demands he tell her what he did with Lexie and Tek. She also says she has forgiven John. She doesn't hate anyone except EJ.

EJ chuckles. He's glad she hasn't gone completely 'Mother Teresa' on him, "I'd hate to think you were no longer the passionate woman who made love to me that night."

Sami nukes, "Made love? Are you insane? You raped me!"

EJ says, "No. That would imply some kind of resistance on your part. You can think whatever you want to, Samantha, but we both know the reason you didn't put up a fight was because you wanted it just as much as I did."

Victor says if Shawn and Belle refuse to come back, it will be Lucas' job to convince them. If they won't come with him, he has to bring Claire back. Lucas says, "One good kidnapping deserves another? I refuse to do it."

Victor does his best George Bush, "You're either with us or against us. It's time for a decision. Whose side are you on?"

Sami says she hated every second of it. EJ says, "Milady, methinks thou doth protest too much."

Sami says she came because she knows what he's capable of. She wants him to know she didn't tell anyone what happened. He has no reason to target her. He says he wouldn't put her through that. She isn't on his hit list. He doesn't have a hit list. He also thinks having him out of her life is the last thing she wants.

Shawn and Belle have 300 bucks. Jethro ciphers. That won't get them to Russia. Belle suggests pawning her wedding ring. Shawn asks if she really wants to do that. Belle says it doesn't mean anything to her, and it's worth thousands. Suddenly Brainiac sees tropical islands, sand and sun. Belle sees the blackness of despair, so they're both happy. Belle says, "We left everything behind."

Shawn asks, "So what... do you think we made a mistake?"


"Not for me," says Belle, "For you."

Lucas says Victor is unbelievable. He doesn't want any part of this.
Victor says, "I imagine, then, you'll take your opinion and your strong moral code to your next position. You'll either go or start searching the want ads."

Nick shows up at the pub. The girls tell him about their college plans. The brat asks about the job. Nick stammers. He tells her there is nothing available. She thanks him for checking. He can't believe he isn't being more insistent. Abby has to go work a shift at Chez Rouge. She's the only person left in Salem Maggie hasn't fired lately.

The brat asks if Nick remembers the night he came by to tell her Lonely Splicer's real name. "Mom's boyfriend was there that night. I was just wondering if you have any idea who it is."

EJ says, "If I had wanted you dead, Samantha, the police would have found your body in the cabin next to Lucas. I could never hurt you. I want to get back with you. I think you want the same thing."

"All I want is you out of my life."

Impossible," says EJ, "But I have an interesting proposition. My lawyers are working as we speak on getting me out of here. I'm going to rebuild my business. I want you to work for me again." Sami refuses. He says she doesn't have to make up her mind now. All Sami wants is his promise she won't wind up dead. "Your wish is my command." He kisses her hand, "I could never harm the mother of my child."

Shawn says Claire is the most important thing in his life. They have had tough times. It doesn't matter any more. They are friends. That will get them where they need to go. Claire is with her mom and dad and that's what counts. Belle says once she is old enough to understand she will tell Claire what an amazing thing Shawn did for her, but it will still be a few years before Belle is old enough to understand. She says Shawn reminds her of her dad. Shawn squints.

Victor can't have anyone working for him whose judgment he can't trust, "You won't be able to find a job anywhere. I will pass the word and have you blackballed, son."

Lucas sneers, "I am not your son, that we know of yet. I am proud of that. You can take your job and shove it." Lucas turns and leaves. Victor searches for Vaseline.

Nick says he doesn't know anything about Billie's private life. Chelsea reminds him she saw the belt. Nick chokes. She's not asking him to track the guy down unless he wants to.

Sami has been chosen to bear the next DiMera child, "Let me ask. Is there... a... bundle of joy?"

Sami says she was using protection.


"Not to me."

"I'll just have to try harder next time."

"There won't be a next time," snorts Sami, "If you try to touch me again, I'll kill you." Sami slings her purse at him on the way out. A swing and a miss. "Keep me and my family out of it!"

EJ does his best Bo imitation, "Yes, dear."

Nick says he would help if he could. The brat says she was kidding, but she understands he can't always tell because of all the times she has treated him like dirt. She moves in and kisses him.

Sami storms into her apartment. Lucas wonders where she has been. Sami says she was at the mall. She didn't know he would be upset. She goes for a kiss. Lucas backs off. He tells her Victor fired him because he wouldn't go to Canada. Sami asks if he told Bo about it, and Lucas says he did. Sami thinks he did the right thing. Lucas doesn't think so. He's unemployed and she's pregnant. He tells her about Victor threatening to have him blackballed. Sami suggests she could get a job. Lucas vetoes it. He will provide for the family.

Sami argues. Lucas doesn't want her working while pregnant. Sami says, "This is not 1957. Women work when they are pregnant."

"Just like it should be says Lucas, "Besides, with Victor blackballing me, what kind of a job do you suppose I could get – 'Welcome to burger barn. You want fries with that?"

"That's pretty much what you're qualified for with or without Victor's support says Sami, "Besides you're the kind of guy an employer would want. Just like you're the kind of guy a girl can depend on. An unemployed cripple." Sami hugs and worries.

The detective tells EJ he has been released. EJ takes his belongings, signs and leaves. Outside he makes a call to Kate and gets voice mail. He says he's sprung and wants to get together for a business meeting. Totally optional. He walks out of the cop shop, "Ahhh... the sweet smell of freedom."

Belle asks if calling home is too risky. Shawn knows of one phone in Salem that might not be tapped.

Nick hyperventilates. He has to go. Chelsea thought maybe they could hang out together. Nick stammers around and agrees. Just the two of them. As they walk out, the pay phone at the pub rungs.

"Come on," says Shawn, "Somebody pick up."

Nick urges Chelsea to let it ring, "It has to be a wrong number." Pan in on the pay phone.


Max asks, "What is it?" Mimi whines, "Connor said that those bones – they're my father's."

Chelsea says, "I'll do it. I'll deliver the money."

Belle says, "Shawn, you're talking about Africa." Shawn says, "We will take care of Claire."

Bo asks, "Can we talk about this later? I mean this whole thing..." Roman says, "It involves a stolen delivery truck so, no, we need to talk about it right now." Patch plays the bobblehead.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I'm Gonna Barf

Connor and Bonnie come back in after digging the hole to bury Bones. Bonnie worries that Connor may not have dug deep enough. Connor claims he dug so deep he hit the Great Wall of China and goes in to clean up.

Mimi comes home, takes one look at Bonnie and asks when she took up mud wrestling. Connor comes back out and Mimi asks what they are up to. Bonnie gives a nervous chuckle.

Abby says she is going to remain a part time student. The brat tells her she's wasting her time with Max, "He's into Mimi now, literally. If we go to college full time we will have all the hot guys at Salem U after us."

"What about Dr. Shane Patton," asks Abby.

Billie stands outside with Nick. She assures him Chelsea will never find out about their little peccadillo. Nick asks if Billie thinks Chelsea would be hurt if she did find out. "No," says Billie, "I think she would be grossed out. You know how kids are."

"I'm not a kid," says Nick.

"No," says Billie, "I just think your first time should have been with someone different." Nick thinks his first time was just great.

Roman comes into Sami's apartment and tells them EJ is back. Roman has arrested him. He says EJ has friends who will clear his name and Sami is the one he mentioned.

EJ meets with Kate. He holds up his cuffed hands and asks Kate if the cuffs remind her of pleasant times gone by. Kate hauls off and whaps him one.

Billie tells Nick she is glad their night together was special, but tells him it wouldn't have happened if she weren't plastered. That night was a wake up call for her. Nick hopes that wasn't all it was. Billie vows not to tell anyone, "I think you're good for Chelsea – She enrolled in Salem U! You're a good influence."

"It's not me," says Nick, "It's Dr. Shane Patton."

Chelsea tells Abby it's over with Shane. But It's OK. She's going to make a big splash in the dating pool at Salem U. They argue about who is more mature and settle it with a ketchup bottle standoff. They sit across the table, each ready to fire. Abby says, "Put it down and I'll think about going full time."

Bonnie claims there is water in the basement, and she and Connor were down there working. It hasn't rained in a while and Mimi claims they are lying, "If you're going to lie get good at it. Watch Mom every time she opens her mouth. If that doesn't work, I'm putting on an advanced seminar at the college this semester."

PrevuzeMimi goes into her room and comes right back out with a police sketch she found on the fax machine she just happens to have in there. It's a sketch of the guy who was at the morgue the night Bones was taken, "Take a look Connor. Does it look like anyone you know?"

Connor turns and looks into the mirror. He turns back, "Meems..."

"Don't 'Meems' me, Connor!"

Bonnie says, "You know, Connor looks like Matt Damon..."

"Mom, shut up," says Connor, "I didn't want to do it. She made me."

Mimi wonders what kind of a freak mother Bonnie must be, having her own son steal a bag of bones from the morgue. She holds the picture up to Connor and asks, "Is this really you?"

Connor whines, "I'm gonna barf."

Mimi asks, "Connor, what did she want with those bones?" Silence – something you don't often hear at the Lockhart household. Mimi runs out the door, "I'll find out for myself."

Connor says, "You should have told her. Mimi's smart, Mom."

"Everything is relative," says Bonnie.

Bonnie and Connor eat. Connor swears he won't go to jail. Bonnie assures him he is staying right there.

Mimi comes back hauling the bag-o'-bones, "Wet basement huh? Give me two reasons, one form each of you, why I shouldn't call the cops. You've got sixty seconds."

Billie thinks Nick has a crush on Chelsea. Nick tells her she wants Dr. Patton. Billie advises him to make a move, "You're her type. She just doesn't know it yet."

Nick says he used to get his jollies watching cells divide. Now he spends his time wondering how looking at one girl's eyes can make his heart beat a million times a minute. Billie is sorry his eyesight is so bad, but tells him not to give up. She thinks Chelsea likes him a lot more than he is willing to admit. Hugs. Billie has to go.

Nick goes back inside. He tells the girls he ran into a friend from work. The brat asks if it was a hot babe. Abby leaves, promising to think about enrolling full time. Nick sits with Chelsea and nervously asks about her college plan. She tells him he can't change the subject. Nick says he was talking to someone old enough to be her mom.

"Don't dis my mom," says the brat, "She's attractive."

Nick gulps, "I know. Which proves is heredity doesn't mean everything"

Chelsea says she was thinking about studying law. She really needs his help with a job. She wonders why he is being so negative about work, "What am I too ugly to work there?"

No," says Nick, "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, since my head injury, anyway."

She sees Nick looks embarrassed, "It's OK. Thank you. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me since that time I was a hooker trolling on Seventh Avenue."

Kate reminds EJ they work together and their assets were frozen when he left the country. "We all have our crosses to bear," says EJ, "This is not about our business. This is about the Salem PD setting me up."

Kate gets direct, "Did you shoot John or not?"

"I was halfway to Guadalajara when he was shot," lies EJ, "Kill a man in cold blood? I couldn't do that. You know that, don't you?"

Sami insists EJ is not her friend. Roman says it has been proven that Lexie lied so they have no case. He thinks the case will fall apart, even if they find Tek.

Sami says, "Tek and Lexie aren't coming back."

Lucas asks, "Why not? Why would you say that?"

Sami says, "Because they're dead. And EJ killed them!"

Roman says there is no proof of that. Sami says EJ came back because he knows there is not enough evidence to hold him. She worries that EJ will come after her, since she set him up.

Lucas comes out of left field, "Just tell him."

"Tell me what," asks Roman.

Sami blurts it out, "I'm pregnant." She nearly cries.

Roman is a little confused, "Uh... pregnant... Isn't that good news?"

"Yeah," says Sami, "It's really good news. Except for EJ..."

Lucas says Roman and the cops dropped the ball on this. He'll protect Sami, "If EJ comes anywhere near us he has to come through me and my stink bombs first."

EJ thinks this is about his name – DiMera. Kate asks if there are witnesses that will say he wasn't near the boathouse when John was shot.

"Of course," says EJ.

"And how much did you have to pay them," asks Kate.

EJ ignores it and says he's working on getting Mythic open again.

Kate is shocked, "You expect me to keep working with you?"

"I expect you to keep sleeping with me," says EJ, "There were some areas where we worked very well together

"That's beside the point," says Kate, "I care about John."

EJ says, "Admit it, Kate. You haven't had it this good in years. But you have to commit. What will it be, Kate?"

Nick thinks the brat is playing him. She says all she wants is a job. She doesn't understand why he won't recommend her for one. She bolts out of the pub. Nick chases and asks what she is doing. "Shut up," says the brat, "And let me tell you the truth."

Speaking of the truth, that's what Mimi wants. Oh, the irony! Connor asks her just to leave it alone. Mimi threatens to call the cops. Bonnie calls her bluff. Mimi calls Bonnie's bluff of calling her bluff and picks up the phone. As she starts to dial, Connor says, "Give it up, Mom." He turns to Mimi, "You're a Lockhart, Mimi, and you have a right to know."

Mimi asks, "Who is it?"

Connor says, "It's... It's dad."

Mimi collapses. Bonnie tries to explain. Mimi wants to know what happened. Bonnie cries.

Nick tells the brat when he is at work he is a real man. He doesn't want her on the scene teasing him. She understands. She apologizes.

Kate asks why EJ went to Mexico. He says he needed time to form a strategy. Kate asks how Sami fits into this, "I have a theory about that night. Would you like to hear it?"

Roman says Lucas is right. They promised EJ would go to prison when they asked Sami to help, but he's not sure they have enough evidence to hold him in jail. He wants to know when he can start spreading the word about Sami's pregnancy. Sami says they aren't going to tell anyone about the baby right now.

Roman leaves. Lucas isn't happy with the PD dropping the ball. Doorbell. Billie. Billie says she saw Roman in the hall and asks if there is something wrong. Lucas' phone rings and he heads into the other room to take it. Sami tells Billie EJ is back in town. He probably will go free after the arraignment. She has to go see him. Billie thinks that's crazy. Sami says, I want to talk to him while there are still bars between us."

The brat tells Nick she is trying to change. Nick has noticed. He says he will ask about the job, "If they ask, I will say amazing things about you."

Kate talks about Sami's rescue of Lucas. She recaps all the details of Sami's incredible feat of strength in moving a two-ton beam. EJ thinks that's a testament to the power of love.

Kate says, "The heaviest thing Sami has ever raised is a mascara wand. I think she had help. I think it was you."

"Me," says EJ, "I was halfway to Mexico."

"The only way you could get there was with help," says Kate.

"You know Kate," says EJ, "I knew you were wonderful with your imagination in bed, but this is good. You could write fantasy novels."

"I think you and Sami helped each other out," says Kate.

EJ hits below the belt, "I think you should understand Sami is about to become your daughter-in-law."

Billie says Sami can't go see EJ. Sami says, "He won't kill me. He's having too much fun torturing me. I need your help. I need you to tell Lucas we are going shopping tomorrow." Billie picks up a phone book. She has Sami swear on it that she will be careful.

Lucas comes out. Billie jumps out of her skin and starts looking up random names in the phone book. Lucas announces that Victor wants to see him first thing tomorrow. Sami says she will stay home and practice cooking, and then the guys from the fire department can stay and have dinner with them. She assures Lucas she will be fine staying alone. Billie decides she is tired and heads down to her apartment to get some sleep.

Lucas tells Sami he feels weird about leaving her alone. She insists she will be fine and will be waiting for him to come home.

The brat hopes she gets the job. She'll make Nick proud of her. Nick says she won't have to work at that. He's already proud of her. She has never known anyone who says such nice things about her, "Nick, I really like you." Poor Nick.

Mimi wants to know what happened to her dad. Bonnie takes the fifth, amendment, that is. Mimi draws her own conclusions, "OMG! You killed dad! You murdered our father!"

"I didn't say that," says Bonnie.

Mimi is an expert at lying by not saying anything, "You didn't deny it. You buried him in the back yard."

Bonnie nukes, "Well, just tell everybody!"

"Who are you," asks Mimi, "Both of you. What's left of my dad is in a bag in the living room! Connor, if you ever cared about me at all, tell me what happened to our father."

Connor would tell her if he knew. But he doesn't. Bonnie just said she needed help with the bones. Mimi tells him they promised they wouldn't turn out like Bonnie. Connor leaves to go to bed.

Mimi says she is taking the bones to the police station. She will tell them she found the bones freshly buried. She goes into her room with the bag-o'-bones.

The brat says she likes Nick. She just got used to teasing him. He's the smartest, sweetest guy she's ever known. He stood by her when she teased him. He inspires her, "I'm sorry for how I mistreated you. I want you to be my friend for all the Days Of Our Lives. Nick Fallon, you're the best." She gives him a peck on the cheek and leaves. Nick sighs.

Lucas still has a bad feeling about this – About Victor and Shawn and Belle. If Victor asks he will say he thinks Claire belongs with Shawn and Belle. And Sami will help him find a new job. Sami decides she is exhausted. Lucas gets playful, "Too exhausted to make me dinner? Too exhausted to get your groove on?" Sami is never too tired when he's being cute.

Kate insists EJ must have helped Sami rescue Lucas. EJ says for the last time he was on the way to Mexico. But he can see she isn't convinced. He will have his attorneys draw up dissolution papers for their company, "I can't run Mythic on my own. You have until the morning to make up your mind." He calls for the officer to take him away. As the officer unlocks his chains, he holds up his handcuffs, "I understand some people have a fetish for these things. Not me, of course." He stands up and walks over to Kate, "I prefer a woman of a certain age, with fire in her eyes, lust in her heart, and a comfortable desk in her office. And I'm going to miss you Kate." He kisses her. The officer takes him away.

FF Kate.



Victor says, "I want you to find Claire and bring her home." Lucas says, "I'm sorry, boss, but I can't do that."

Belle says, "We left everything behind." Shawn asks, "So what... do you think we made a mistake?"

Chelsea says to Nick, "My mom had a boyfriend over and I just wanted to know if you had any idea who it was." Nick swallows his tongue.

EJ tells Sami, "The reason you didn't put up a fight because you wanted it just as much as I did."

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Splitting The Atom

This is a SALEM Amber Alert - One Child: Claire Kiriakis; Two Juveniles: Belle Black Kiriakis, Shawn Brady; abducted 01/18/07; UNARMED and CLUELESS.
Sami bawls. Lucas doesn't get it. He asks if she is sure she is pregnant. Sami says she has been nauseated all week and bought a pregnancy test and BINGO! Lucas thinks that's great. They will be able to share this experience from the beginning, "You want this child, don't you?"

"Of course," says Sami, "I want to have your child. It's just that..."

"What's going on," asks Lucas, "What are you so damn afraid of?"

Chelsea has invited Nick and Abby to meet with her at the pub so she can ask their forgiveness.

Steve calls Kayla to give her a quick update. He'll be in touch with her as soon as the "packages" are delivered safely. Shawn asks to talk to her. He tells her they can't call his mom or dad, but to let them know they are OK. Steve cuts them off, "Time's up. Let's roll."

Shawn wants a cup o' joe. Patch vetoes it but then OK's it. He and Belle go in to get some things for the baby, too. Shawn will catch up. Once he's alone, the idiot calls Phillip to taunt him, "I hope dropping you in that hole didn't screw up that pretty new face of yours. We're just about to cross the finish line. I just wanted to call one last time to say goodbye. Claire is my daughter."

"All right, Shawn," says Phillip, "Run. But you'd better keep running, because I'm gong to find you and when I do, I swear to God I will..."

"GOD isn't listening to you any more," snorts Shawn, "He's as bored with this show as everyone else is. Have a nice life."

Phillip barges in to talk to Roman, who assures him they are on top of the situation, "Nobody is going to get out of the state."

Phillip asks, "Then how come I just got a call from your nephew saying they are doing just that?"

Roman says, "Hey, the Salem PD is doing everything it can. We've put on another pot of coffee and ordered donuts." Phillip accuses him of breaking the law to help his family. Roman tells him he heard Phillip doesn't have much respect for the law himself, since he was planning to take Claire out of the country, "Did I get that wrong? I heard Brussels. Is that where you were going to take the little sprout? "

Phillip tells him his family has businesses all over the world, and if he had to travel there, of course he would take Claire. Roman says that would violate the court agreement. Roman thinks Phillip was going to take Claire and leave the country and never come back. Phillip doesn't care what Roman thinks. Roman suggests Phillip call Victor and tell him to hire his own police force.

Phillip shifts gears and begs Roman to help him get his little girl back.

Patch drives and searches for some good road music – R&B suits his taste. Unfortunately, he finds something less musical as the sounds in his head override the radio station. Patch fights it and tells Shawn and Belle everything is cool. He was just upset at a tailgater.

Chelsea apologizes for all the mean things she has said. She never meant to hurt either of them. Nick and Abby are stunned. They have seen this act too many times before. They think she is doing this because Dr. Shane Patton told her to be nice to people.

"Well," says the brat, "He is a very smart, very wise..."

Abby interrupts, "Very good looking guy."

"He can't help it if he's attractive, Abby. It's like Kate Winslet once said, 'beauty is a curse.'"

"I'm not sure she said that," says Abby, "Maybe it was Kate Hudson. At least we know it wasn't Chelsea Benson."

Nick asks if she would still be trying to change if it weren't for Dr. Patton. The brat says he has to give her some kind of credit, "I've been bending over backwards trying not to be shallow. I admit I like looking at him; I'm not blind. But it's more about what he thinks and what he says."

Chelsea misses him with all her heart. Abby reminds her the last thing he said to her was goodbye. She thinks the brat should just move on. Chelsea says she can't. She's in love with him.

Sami thinks things are great with Lucas – better than they have ever been, but they never talked about having another child. Lucas confesses he has always wanted to have another child with her. It was all he dreamed of when he was married to Carrie. He insists Sami is a good mother and Will has always wanted a little brother or sister. He promises he will help with the 3am diaper changings and all that stuff, "I would do anything for our baby."

Sami freaks, "DON'T SAY THAT!"

Lucas says, "Wow. Those hormones have really kicked in, haven't they? Baby, this is a miracle. Our baby is a miracle. When it is older we can tell it about the night it was conceived – how you saved me and lifted that beam off me."

"Are you sure it was that night," asks Sami.

"Yeah," says Lucas, "We hadn't made love for a while before that. I keep track of those things. Sami agrees. It had to be that night. Oh, the torture!

Patch drives and zones. Shawn says, "Steve." Patch jumps out of his skin and tells Shawn to keep quiet or he'll wake the baby up.

"No," says Belle, "I wasn't sleeping." Patch gets squirrelly. Belle tells him to slow down. Patch tells her to settle down and go back to sleep. They only have twenty more miles to go to get to Canada. Shawn wonders if Steve is OK. As Steve tries to assure him he is fine, a siren wails in the background.

"Here we go," says Patch, "Everybody hang on."

The brat is really serious about her turnaround, "It's all because of Shane." She thinks the world would be a better place if everybody had someone like him in her life.

"You know what," says Nick, "I really have to go."

"Second door on the left," says Abby.

Nick starts to book as Mrs. Robinson walks in. The brat invites her to sit down with them and asks if anybody minds.

Nick is nervous, "Mind? Why would we m-m-mind?"

Billie says she doesn't have time but the brat insists. She has really exciting news for everyone.

Nick sits back down with Billie and immediately spills a glass of water all over the table. Billie and Nick argue about whose fault it was. The brat wants to know why everyone is acting so weird, "It was just water. What's wrong?"

Nick and Billie look at each other and say in unison, "Nothing."

Sami and Lucas tread the same tired ground as before. Feel free to use the button on your remote labeled "FF." Lucas offers her a drink. Sami just wants some water. Lucas decides water isn't good enough for her and limps out of the apartment to get Sami some "stuff" worthy of a mother-to-be.

Once Lucas is out, Sami's phone rings. She picks up to find daddy-candidate #2 on the other end. EJ asks, "Have you been dreaming about me?"

"Damn you, EJ, I told you not to call me!"

"Would you rather do this face-to-face," asks EJ, "I could stop by."

"OMG," says Sami, "You're here! Why?"

EJ says, "We have unfinished business."

Roman tells Phillip he can't blame a mother trying to hold on to her baby. Phillip nukes, "And I'm a father trying to hold on to his. I'm not going to lose Claire – you got that?" Roman gets it. Phillip also knows the stolen truck might be a decoy. For all he knows, Shawn and Belle might be hiding out in the pub and Roman knows that and it holding back. Roman gets nasty. He tells Phillip if they are up in Canada there is nothing anyone can do.

Sirens rage behind the delivery truck. Belle finally is happy – she has something to freak out about.

The loudspeaker from the cop car blares, "Pull over or we'll shoot your tires out."

Bedlam ensues inside the truck. Shawn yells, "Pull over... we're not gonna make it."

Patch screams, "I'm not pulling over!"


Patch tells Shawn to grab the wheel. At this point, the three stooges pull the most miraculous seat-switch in automotive history. It's a human shell-game as Belle moves to the passenger window seat holding Claire, while Shawn slides under her and into the driver's seat and Patch goes over and around and into the hole leading to the back of the truck. This scene will definitely win the Emmy for "Best choreography in a moving truck being chased by a police vehicle in the dead of night with a human cargo whose collective IQ is the same as Plymouth Rock."

Belle screams for Shawn to stop. Shawn has changed his tune and screams back at her, "He's gotten us this far! We have to trust him!"

Patch opens the door on the back of the truck and rages like the Incredible Hulk on steroids. He throws boxes out the back end. Apparently he hasn't quite thought things through. They have bullets – he has boxes. Not good odds.

The vacuum inside Belle's head expands as she totally comes off the rails. Shawn drives like a maniac (sorry about that redundancy ) and says, "I know, Belle. The guy is out of his mind. He's crazy. That's why I'm doing exactly what he told us to do."

Things at the pub have settled down. Sort of. Chelsea reaches into her purse and pulls out an envelope. She opens it up and reveals her acceptance letter to Salem U. Billie is amazed. "I'm going to be all that I can be," announces the brat.

Nick wonders if she is doing all this just to impress Dr. Patton. Billie says, "Oh, no, you're not still talking to that guy on the Internet, are you?"

Chelsea will fill her in on that later, but insists she is not doing this to impress him, "But, if it does... cool. I'm doing it for us, Mom. I'll make tons more money splitting the atom than I will waiting tables."

"You want to split atoms," asks Nick.

"I want to do brain surgery," says the brat, "But in Salem, it's the same thing."

Billie is soooooo proud of her, "Only... I don't think I'll be able to afford the tuition." The brat's face falls like a cardboard box rolling out of Steve's truck.

EJ tells Sami he's there to straighten things out. Sami reminds him he shot John. "Did I," says the slimeball, "I understand the witness is missing." Sami says she knows he's behind that, too. She did what she had to save Lucas' life. "I suppose our precious moments together were tortuous," says EJ.

Sami snorts, "You forced me to have sex with you."

"You had a choice."

"What," snaps Sami, "Watch Lucas die or let you plant the DiMera seed? What kind of a choice is that?"

"One that you took on freely and willingly," says EJ. He brings up her heroism award and asks if she has been contacted for movie rights. Sami sobs – she didn't ask for any award. She tells him to just shut up. She never wants him to call her again. She folds her phone, tosses it and collapses into a heap o' tears.

Roman assures Phillip if there was an accomplice, he will be charged with aiding and abetting. Phillip says, "That's it? You're just another dirty cop aren't you?"

Roman grabs Phillip, "I'm gonna put that off to you being young and dumb. Don't ever say that to me again. You wanna talk about being dirty? Let's talk about Victor convincing Belle to take Claire down to that diner so someone could kidnap her!"

Phillip insists that's garbage. Roman says he can prove it. Phillip is going to press charges. EJ walks in and interrupts the party, "Commander. It's been a long time."

Chelsea tells Billie money won't be a problem. She is eligible for a scholarship. With that and a part time job, she'll be able to make it. She doesn't have the job yet, though. Billie asks Nick to help Chelsea get a part-time job in the lab. You could drive Patch's truck through Nick's mouth.

Lucas comes back to find Sami blubbering. He wants to know what's wrong. "Lucas, you're going to hate me when I tell you," bawls Sami.

Lucas says, "You don't want to have this baby, do you? That's all right. We'll find a way." Sami totally breaks down.

Phillip leaves, offering to give Victor Roman's regards. EJ tells Roman he is mistaken if he thinks he shot John Black.

Roman immediately makes things official, "EJ, you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent..."

Patch continues to pelt the cop car with cardboard. Shawn looks in the rearview mirror and tells Belle the cop car has pulled over.

Patch comes back up front and sticks his head into the cab. He tells Shawn once they cross the border, to ditch the truck. Shawn asks where he is going. Patch tells them he has other things to do. He runs to the back of the truck and takes a flying leap.

The brat runs to the other side of the table and paws Nick. She begs him to help her get a job in the lab. Nick stammers and yammers. "You will," says Chelsea, "Thank you so much."

Abby chimes in, "Chelsea, I wouldn't count on that job just yet."

"Who's gonna say no to Nick," asks the brat.

"I know I sure can't," says Billie.

The brat says if she had the job she could live in a dorm or sorority. Billie thinks it would be better if Chelsea lived at home.

"Yes," says the brat, "But if I lived at home, you wouldn't be able to have your secret lover over."


"Come on, Mom. You could have him over whenever you wanted without having to sneak around," says the brat.

Billie gets up and leaves. The brat chases and promises never to mention her secret boyfriend again. Billie says, "He is not my boyfriend, Chelsea. I do not appreciate you making snide remarks about my personal life in front of your friends." Billie leaves. Nick stares.

EJ gives Roman his word he did not shoot John. He points out that the minute Patch came to him and told him, he came right back. He wonders what reason Roman has for pressing charges. He hopes it's more than the fanciful eyewitness account of Lexie Carver, "Especially when she's off on another tryst with her lover, Tek. Her poor husband. So blind in so many ways." Roman asks why EJ came back. "To clear my name," says EJ, "And to see some dear friends I miss deeply. Your daughter, for one. We've become very close. Exceedingly close."

Sami's a basket case. She wants to have their child, but claims hormones are doing this. Lucas wants to know what is really wrong, "Trust me, dammit."

The brat rejoins Nick and Abby. She decides the guy Billie slept with is married and that's why she won't tell her his real name. Nick sits across the table and sweats. A car alarm goes off. Nick claims it's his car and bolts. The brat tries to convince Abby to go to college full time, "We could go to frat parties. Think of how much fun it would be."

Nick catches up to Billie and apologizes. She tells him he didn't say or do anything wrong. Billie starts to leave, but Nick stops her, "I think we need to talk – don't you – about that night."

Sami thinks something is going to ruin their happiness. "That's the old Sami talking," says Lucas, "You tell her to shut up and stay away for all the Days Of Our Lives. Nothing is going to come between us this time." Sami tries to tell him something but motormouth shuts her up. He starts pulling all the stuff he got out of the bag. They are going to celebrate tonight. Sami thanks him for giving her hope. "You just have to have a little faith. I have enough for both of us. All three of us. All four of us, if you go the evil twin scenario." Hugs. Sami turns the waterworks back on.

Roman tells EJ they had John wired down at the boathouse that night, "You stand there with that dumbass look on your face thinking you are so smart."

"You haven't got a clue what I am thinking," says EJ, "I'm thinking the man sullied my reputation, broke into my apartment and planted listening devices. He got exactly what he deserved." Roman grabs EJ and tells him not to push it. EJ wonders what Roman is going to do about it. Warnings and threats fly. Roman calls officer Casaris into the office and has EJ arrested.

As if Roman were not having enough fun, Phillip walks back in. He tells Roman when Belle and Shawn cross the border they will need money. The only thing of value they have is Belle's wedding ring. When they try to pawn it, alarms will go off all over. He reported it stolen, "Claire is as good as in my arms already. My baby's comin' home. To me."

Belle and Shawn have gotten out of the truck. Belle can't believe what happened back there, "Steve seemed possessed."

Shawn says, "If it weren't for him, we'd never have gotten out." He vows to take care of Claire and Belle, "I'll get us through this. You have to believe in me."

"Us," says Belle, "I believe in us."

Claire fusses, "Eh? "


Kate asks, "Did you shoot John or not?" EJ says, "Kill a man in cold blood? I couldn't do that. You know that, don't you?"

Sami says, "Tek and Lexie aren't coming back." Lucas asks, "Why not? Why would you say that?" Sami says, "Because they're dead. And EJ killed them!"

Connor says, "Give it up, Mom. You're a Lockhart, Mimi, and you have a right to know." Mimi asks, "Who is it?" Connor says, "It's..."

Chelsea cries, "Nick, I really like you."

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