Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Revenge Is Like Ice Cream - Best Served Cold

Nick and the brat are on the plane to Toronto. Chelsea snoozes on his shoulder. Nick slowly leans down a little and sniffs her hair. Like, most people, though, he's allergic to the toxic little spore. He suddenly whangs out a sneeze that practically changes the course of the plane, if not the earth itself. The brat wakes up and sarcastically snaps, "WHAT WAS THAT – A WING?" ARE WE GOING DOWN?"

Nick says it was just a sneeze. She asks what he is reading. "An article on the molecular structure of molecules," says Nick the Geek.

Chelsea grabs the magazine from him and finds it is a bridal guide, "Nick, are you sick? Your hands are clammy. Your heart is beating a mile a minute. Are you in love?"

Shawn and Belle cuddle. Belle claims Claire slept through the night due to the fact that Shawn is superdad. She is worried Phillip will show up, however. Shawn says the freighter leaves tonight. All they have to do is wait for the money. Belle starts getting their stuff together and Shawn says he will get food. Belle hands him his shirt and they inadvertently touch hands. Oh! The magic! Belle thanks him for making Claire safe. Its' the way her dad made her feel.

"I'm not your dad," says Shawn.

"Not yet," says Belle. The tangled mess of shorted-out synapses that concocts this girl's excuse for a brain could single-handedly create a totally new branch of psychiatry.

Phillip sits zip-tied to a chair. Willow brings water. Carson, the cop sitting with Phillip, says water won't do it for him after the rough night Phillip has given him. He doesn't buy Phillip's story that Nick hid the knife in his bag. Carson gets called out of the room.

Phillip tells willow to cut the zip-tie. She refuses. Phillip argues. Willow refuses to break the law. She tells him to send her to Toronto by herself. That probably won't happen. It's his hand that is immobile, not his brain.

Phillip asks, "How much did Bo and Hope pay you to look the other way when Nick hid that knife in my bag?"

"Not a cent," says Willow, "I just wanna see the look on Shawn's face. I am on your side."

"You'd better be," growls Phillip, "If I find out otherwise..." He draws his hand across neck.

The brat thinks Nick is in love. She wants to know if it is a fellow geek. "Or is it another man? Or an older woman? How much older? A few years wouldn't be bad."

"Marge is her name," says Nick.

"How old is she," asks the brat.

"She's ageless."

"Marge," she repeats, "As in Margo?"

"As in Marge Simpson."

She wants to know why he's reading a bridal magazine. He claims he's a white-knuckle flyer. He reads so he doesn't think about it. She doesn't buy it. Suddenly, the plane bounces around. The brat panics. Nick calms her down.

"What happened to your white knuckles," she asks.

"Cured."

"You're a liar," she says. Nick comes clean. He says he was looking at her, "Not in a perverted kind of way – I was just resting my eyes on your face, not like a creep." He bolts.

Willow starts to leave. She doesn't like being threatened. Phillip yells an apology. She tells him she lied in court. She has been a big help. If he doesn't start respecting her she can be a big help to the cops. She lectures. They should be working together. He should send her to Toronto.

Phillip says, "For me to give you money, I'd have to trust you."

Willow snorts, "Later, loser."

Victor arrives. He kicks Willow and Carson out. He promises Phillip Shawn will pay. Phillip says he will collect the debt.

Belle claims Shawn and her dad are both men who can be counted on. Shawn thinks he doesn't live up to what John has done. Belle doesn't want him to be John. He wants Shawn to be himself. Shawn has enough trouble handling that. Shawn says if he could be like John he would. But he can't. Actually, since John is currently a mental vegetable, they have a lot in common. They argue about whether or not Shawn is a doofus. Belle thinks he isn't. Shawn thinks he is. Shawn wins.

Shawn says whatever happens, he will protect her against Phillip. Belle gets a twinkle in her eye, "I always did have your number – Zero." Closer... closer...

Wojo-Merle interrupts, "Something is going down." He says he got a tip. His advice is to start packing. Shawn heads for the store. Belle doesn't want him to go.

"Our test has begun," says Shawn.

"OMG," says Belle, "I didn't study for it."

Victor wants Claire back, not revenge. Phillip claims he can get both. Victor tells Phillip Shawn distracts him, "Walk away!"

"Don't you mean limp away," asks Pegleg, "When did you ever show an enemy mercy?"

"Never," snorts Victor, "That's why I lost sometimes." Phillip claims Victor stepped up and helped with Claire because he thought Phillip would fail. In the Marines his superiors assumed he would complete any fight. Phillip turns his back and starts to leave.

"If you walk through that door, you're on your own," says Victor, "You gotta trust me, or you'll never see Claire again." Staredown.

Nick returns to his seat. Chelsea found a quiz in the magazine. She thinks they should take it together. Nick is reluctant to see what kind of bride he will be.

Chelsea begins the quiz, "Are you smarter than the average bear?"

"Yeah," says Nick, "Bears are stupid. I think the Colts will win."

Chelsea circles a "Maybe" for herself. She goes to the next question, "Are you kind an generous toward your friends?" He gives himself a "Yes" and tells her she should do the same.

She asks the next question, "Are you comfortable around the opposite sex?" Nick immediately gives that one a "Yes." Chelsea looks at him like he's lost his mind, "Are you kidding? That's a definite 'no.' And a 'yes' for me."

Time passes. "That's it," says the brat. She adds up the scores. Nick gets a 39. "That can't be right," she says, "That puts you into the 'young and inexperienced' category. YOU'RE A VIRGIN? It all makes sense."

They argue. He claims the people who wrote the article got the job writing the article because they can't get real jobs in the real world, like acting on DOOL.

"I don't care that you're a VIRGIN," she says.

Nick asks, "WILL YOU LEAVE MY VIRGINITY ALONE?" Well, to heck with the in-flight movie. This is far more entertaining. Every eye on the entire plane is now trained on them.

The brat leans forward and whispers, "Are you a virgin?"

"No, Chelsea," says Nick, "I'm not. Are you satisfied?"

"Was it Marge," asks the brat.

Merle tells everyone the place is being raided. He declares a bugout. Shawn says the cops are after them – not everyone else in the room. He asks Merle to stay and get the money for them when it arrives. Merle tells Shawn he is on his own. "No," says Belle, "You're not."

Victor tells Phillip if he makes the trip about revenge he's on his own. Phillip says he can take care of himself. Victor says he is obsessed and can't take care of Claire, "Don't throw away the lessons the Marines taught you now that you need them the most."

Chelsea hesitates. She wants to know. Nick tells her to shut up. He has work to do.

She asks, "Do you swear you're not a virgin?"

"Yes."

She pries, "Why don't you tell me who it was?"

"It was so long ago I can't remember," says Nick. She begs for a first name. Silence.

"OK you're not a virgin," says the brat, "By a little or a lot?"

"Are you asking me how many times I've... you know."

Chelsea squeals, "YOU ARE SO A VIRGIN! You know how I know? Because virgins can't call sex 'sex.' They refer to it as 'you know.' The more experience you have, the more you can call sex 'sex,' not 'you know.' Just tell me her name. It's not like I would ever meet her... unless I already have. OMG! Is it Abby? You had sex with Abby!"

Nick rolls his eyes, "Abby is my Cousin."

"So what? This is DOOL. Was it Stephanie?"

Nick asks about her. He wants to add up her score. She thinks her score will intimidate him, because she has been around. Nick adds.

Phillip says Victor is right. He hasn't been thinking like a soldier. Victor says now Phillip has the advantage. They expect him to come in loud and out of control, "Instead, go in quiet and cold like a fog." Phillip gets with the program. He starts to make a plan. The first thing he has to do is figure out exactly where Shawn and Belle are.

"You can do that," says Victor, "Or just ask me where they are hiding."

Bugout at the hovel. The cops bang on the door as the crowd shuffles out the back way. Belle panics like a trapped animal. She screams for Shawn, "Claire is scared and hungry." Merle scoots everyone out. Shawn hangs back. He picks up a beer can, Labatt Blue, of course, and gives himself a beer shower. He opens the door and slurs something about trying to sleep. The cops grab him. Shawn makes like he's going to hurl. If you ever want to bring a cop to his knees, puke on his shoes.

PrevuzeChelsea grabs the magazine and stuffs it away on her other side in order to stop Nick from adding up her score. She says she will tell him anything he wants to know. Nick doesn't hesitate. He asks, "Are you a virgin?"

"PUHLEEEEAAAASSSEEE..."

"Really," asks Nick.

"What," she says, "That surprises you?"

"It surprises me that any guy in his right mind would touch you. OK – how many guys have you 'you knowed?'"

The brat counts on her fingers, "Ten."

Nick says that seems like an awful lot. Chelsea offers to take off her shoes and keep counting on her toes. Nick thinks he would have heard something through the grapevine. She gets up. He says, "Tell me one guy." She doesn't kiss and tell. He accuses her of lying. He says if she doesn't tell him he will add up her score. She gives in, "OK. Fine. There was Larry... And then there was Moe... And then Curly..." In other words, practically any guy in Salem.

"Ha-ha-ha," he mocks, "I'd bet my last dollar you're a virgin."

Chelsea says, "You know what? I will tell you the name of one guy that I slept with if you give me the name of your one and only."

"Forget it," he says, "Don't talk to me until we get to Toronto." He goes back to his Sudoku. It must be the Kama Sudoku.

Victor says he isn't sure of the exact location, but the cops will be raiding it. When Belle tried to pawn her ring the jeweler recognized it. Victor didn't tell the authorities about the kidnapping, so Shawn and Belle will be held on charges of theft. Phillip worries they could post bail. "With what," asks Victor. Phillip starts to call the Toronto PD to tell them Shawn and Belle abducted Claire.

Victor asks, "Do you really want the Toronto PD calling Bo and Roman and hearing their side of the story?"

Phillip hadn't thought of that. The part of is brain he uses to think about things like that is still smeared across the racetrack. Victor tells Phillip he has orchestrated all of this out of love. Hugs. "Now, go get your little girl," says Victor.

Carson comes in to get Phillip. The lawyers want him to sign a statement saying he had nothing to do with the knife. Victor and Phillip smile. Phillip leaves

Willow comes in slurping an ice cream cone, "Hey, hey, hey, it's Mr. K! I heard you had joined the party." She tells Victor she's going to Toronto with Phillip, "Revenge is like ice cream. Best served cold."

Shawn keeps up his drunk act, "Who's yer daddy... friendsh don't keep shecrets from friendsh, sho I'll tell ya, there was a cop looking around here before and everybody freaked out and left."

"Lets get this guy to the drunk tank," says Officer Dudley Doright, RCMP.

The brat comes back to her seat as Nick works. She doesn't know why he is upset. She didn't mean to hurt his feelings. He doesn't want to talk about his sex life with her. She thinks it's because she makes fun of everything. He says it's not that. She swears she wasn't laughing at him. She thinks he's a great guy, "in an ultimate Frisbee kind of way." Nick is shocked she knows he plays ultimate Frisbee. She tells him she was curious, so she Googled him. She wants to know if it was hard being a science geek.

He says the jocks gave him a hard time. But he helped them out if they needed to get out of a test. He would mix up a chemical concoction that made them break out in hives. He says he had girlfriends in high school and college. She wants to know if he lost his virginity to one of them.

"You keep wanting to know something I can't tell you," says Nick. She apologizes for pushing.

"It's OK Chelse," he says. He hesitates, "Was that too intimate?"

"No," she says. The pilot announces the plane is landing. The two sit in silence.

Willow asks, "Wanna lick?" Victor turns it down. Phillip comes back for his passport. Victor asks if he is taking Willow. Phillip says yes.

"Told ya," says Willow.

Victor turns and sneers, "You're dripping." She leaves. He turns to Phillip, "Are you going to take that appalling woman with you? Is it sex?"

Phillip about hurls, "With Willow? Are you kidding? She's smart."

Victor can't believe it, "Don't tell me you're falling for her mind! I find it interesting Willow knew who the courier was. It's almost a setup. Don't take her."

Phillip asks, "Do you remember the quote from that book you gave me? 'Keep your friends close. And your enemies closer.'"

"Yes," says Victor, "Machiavelli said that. He was a Prince, wasn't he?"

Phillip says, "I don't trust Willow. But I want to keep her in my sight until I find Claire. And then I never want to see her again."

"Be careful," says Victor.

The group comes back to the hideout. Merle tells Belle about Shawn playing drunk. He thinks Shawn may have been arrested. Belle panics. A woman with a baby hands her a bottle and tells her not to quit trying. Belle tells Claire, "Everything will be fine."

Willow comes back in and asks Phillip, "What's up with your dad? He said if I ever hurt you he would make sure I disappear."

"He knows you took a bribe," says Phillip.

"That he offered," yells Willow.

"He offered it to help me get my child back," says Phillip, "You took it out of greed." Phillip says he is leaving with or without her. He walks out of the room.

Willow says, "I'm with you Phillip. For a long, long time."

Nick and Chelsea's excellent adventure on Virgin Airlines is over. They arrive at the hideout and walk up to Belle who, not surprisingly, wonders what they are doing there. Merle comes up and tells her Shawn definitely got arrested. That does it. Belle goes into full-blown hysteria, "What am I supposed to do? We're supposed to get on that freighter."

Nick says, "Don't worry. We have plenty of money for bail. You and Shawn will be long gone before Phillip gets here."

Prevuze

Previews
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Lucas says to Sami, "I can't work with him. The guy even tried to play the family card on me. He said I'd need the income if we had another baby."

Shawn is behind bars. Willow says, "Belle helped you take my dream away." Shawn asks, "What are you talking about?" Willow says, "Our future, our house with a white picket fence, kids." Shawn's mouth looks like the entrance to the Holland Tunnel.

Belle whines, "Shawn is in jail and Phillip is on his way. How am I supposed to protect my little girl without Shawn?"

Phillip rages as he pounds at the door, "I want Claire! You hear me?" So much for "quiet and cold like a fog.

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heres a question all you Canadians .
what have you guys do to piss off days.

they first sent John and Marlena,Then shawn and Bell, almost steve,Nick and chelsey Then willow and Philip

you must had done something bad maybe its all the prvuzism and there getting you back

1:59 PM  
Anonymous applecheeks said...

The "molecular structure of molecules"?? Jeez, and they let this guy graduate? How about the pure oxygen content of pure oxygen? The amount of brain tissue that is brain tissue. Who's buried in Grant's Tomb?

LOL over Africa...one of the 7 condiments, Belle's horror at not studying for "the test", and Shawn being like John now that John's a vegetable. HAHAHA

2:08 PM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

""Who's buried in Grant's Tomb?""

Do you know most people who think they know actually get the answer to that question wrong? Because they either forget or don't know that Mrs. Grant is buried there, too.

We know, however, that you, AC, knew that all along.

Prevuze is just a fountain of knowledge. A waterfall of water. A pasture of... Well, let's not get carried away.

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Vampire Bear said...

Shawn's mouth looks like the entrance to the Holland Tunnel.

Does that mean it's full of carbon monoxide and cars that can't stay in their own lane despite it being illegal to change lanes? :)

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Could the whole who's a virgin/who's not thing could be any more idiotic? If there is anyone left out there who doubted the notion script writers can't write anymore shouldn't have any doubts after this.

The Colts/Bears picture is very clever. And I loved EJ's instructions to Lucas and Belle's shorted-out synapses. HAHAHAHA

Excellent Prevuze today!!

2:12 PM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

"Does that mean it's full of carbon monoxide and cars that can't stay in their own lane despite it being illegal to change lanes? :)"

All of that. Plus they leave their headlights on when they're not supposed to. But, on second thought, it looks far more like one of the entrances to the Lincoln Tunnel.

2:16 PM  
Anonymous elisa said...

Great prevuze today!

Loved the prevuizms about superbowl...

2:17 PM  
Anonymous Angel said...

YAY!!! I made it. Thanx Prevuze for pointing me in the right direction. I was on the verge of throwing a Belle sized fit! As always prevuze has made my day!!!!

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

I'm having Jan Spears flashbacks as the Willow/Shawn/Belle storyline goes along. And yes, that whole conversation between Nick and Chelsea...give me a break!!!

Go Bears!

2:18 PM  

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