Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Blame The Dead Guys

Young John and Marlena stand, tremble and stare at each other. A more ahem... mature... Marlena stands at the docks and turns with a start., "John?" A figure in the shadows says, "No, it's Elvis... the real Elvis. Now that you're free, I decided I just had to come back. We have so much in common. I mean, for starters, we're practically the same age, baby. So whad'ya say, Love Me Tender?"

The headline screams, "BELOVED CITIZEN KILLED!"

Stefano sits in his room and reads. Tony walks in waving a bottle of champagne, "You know, I bought this for a dinner I was going to have with John and Marlena, but I'd think you'd have better use for it now. – Celebrating my brother's murder."

Bo and Hope walk into the sanctuary all set up for John's funeral. It's all decked out with flowers, the flag-draped (empty?) coffin and a large picture of John to the side. "Oh my gosh," says Hope, "Who did all this?"

"I heard the tooth fairy has been doing some moonlighting," says Bo.

OMB closes the pub and the wake goes into full swing. Kayla is worried about OMB. Steve says he should have killed Stefano when he had the chance, "If I had, none of us would be here."

"And neither would you," says Kayla.

Belle worries about where Marlena is. Sami assures her she will be at the funeral. Brady calls. Shawn hopes he gets a flight.

Sami is worried about Marlena, "She's usually the strong one."

Marlena stands on the dock and begs John to answer her. Roman steps out and finds her. Close, but no cigar.

"The funeral is set to start," says Roman, "But we're still hoping Brady can get a flight from Switzerland in time."

Marlena says, "I can't do that. I can't say goodbye to him."

Stefano tells Tony to go away; he doesn't want any more problems. Tony says John is Stefano's only problem. He thinks Stefano stirred up a hornet's nest and the Bradys will come after him with everything they have. Sarcastic Stefano is touched that Tony cares.

"I don't care," says Tony, "As far as I'm concerned, you're already dead." Stefano sighs.

Marlena wonders how Roman found her there. Roman says John told him about the night she came back to Salem. She appeared there like a miracle. He had a feeling Marlena would come back there and look for that same kind of miracle. He wants her to go. Her family needs her. He tells her he knows she has a lot of strength. He promises the Bradys will be with her every step of the way. He reaches out.

Hope thinks the setup is perfect. They wonder who did it. Father Kelley comes in and says, "All of this arrived this morning accompanied by a check for expenses. It was from a Ms. V. Alamain. She said something about not being welcomed back but wanted John to have a proper farewell." He leaves. Bo and Hope talk about Vivian.

"She didn't forget," says Hope.

Kayla apologizes for snapping at Steve. Doug and Julie console both of them. Patch says he's the one who brought John to Salem in the first place. We do the mandatory flashback, "Back then he was just a paycheck. I never figured he'd become one of my best friends." Hugs.

Lexie, Abe, Stephanie and Celeste all mourn. Celeste thinks John will be a restless soul.

Jett asks about Nick. Chelsea says he's home with the kids. She also says she is glad Jett is there.

Unfortunately, Brady and Chloe can't make it. They had an early snowfall in Switzerland and Brady has to shovel his mountain. Sami also announces that Eric can't come, but assures Belle she will be there for her, "Between us, our 34 personalities will get us through this."

Outside EJ and Lucas bump into each other. Lucas is his normal defensive self. He wants to know why EJ is there. "I'm just here to offer condolences," says EJ.

SUCKER PUNCH! ...Right in the bread basket. EJ doubles over and hits the deck. Lucas sneers, "Get up you SOB!"

Kate walks up, "What are you doing?"

"Taking out the garbage," says Lucas. The commotion brings the family rushing out of the pub.

EJ gets up and offers condolences. Sami rages, "This day isn't about me or you. It's about John. Show him some respect."

Kate jumps on Lucas. "Spare me the lecture," he snarls. Most of the crowd goes back inside.

Doug, Abe and Patch gang up on EJ and tell him he shouldn't have shown up. He tells them to stop groaning and leaves.

Stefano thinks soon Tony might get his wish. Not soon enough for Tony, since Stefano killed his brother. Stefano wants to know why he keeps calling John his brother. Tony brushes off the question and reminds Stefano he banished him for 20 years, "I don't even know my own sister."

"You ought to get on famously," says Stefano, "since you both disgraced the DiMera name."

Anna comes into the room to get Tony. She tells Stefano she was foolish to pity him, "You're getting everything you deserve."

Lucas apologizes for losing it. Sami understands, "But there is only one way to end the violence and we both know what that is." A double suicide is too much to hope for.

Shawn and Belle enter the sanctuary. Through the door. She talked him out of flying in through the window.

Belle can't do this. She staggers up to the (empty?) coffin and says, "I just can't bear this, Daddy. We need you. I love you and will love you for all the Days Of Our Lives. Well, days of my life, anyway. She breaks down and hugs Shawn.

Bo and Hope walk in. Hope signals for Bo to skedaddle. Hugs. Hope tells Belle she knows it's hard.

Lexie lights a candle. She and Abe walk back through the crowd and sit by Jett and Celeste. Belle watches as Chelsea, Phillip and Billie come in. Chelsea and Billie sit together and Phillip comes up and pays his respects to Belle. Shawn takes her hand.

Sami and Belle cry at the front of the room. Belle walks back to greet Marlena as she walks into the sanctuary. Hugs. Marlena goes to the front and sits with Belle and Sami.

Father Kelley begins the service. He sanctifies the (empty?) coffin.

Victor walks in. Oohs and Aahs. He goes to the front and stands at the podium, "No, I wasn't invited and I'm sure I'm not welcome. But there are things I need to say."

Victor says John was his former son-in-law (A vendor walks up the aisle selling scorecards so the audience can tell who is related to whom). He says John was a close friend until their recent parting over Claire, for which Victor takes responsibility, "John knew who he was... when he wasn't someone else... and he never wavered. Squinted yes, wavered no. He took his name from the sign at the midnight mission, which is why, for a time, we all called him 'Soup Kitchen.' He believed in truth and justice and backed it up with action and courage. I will miss him." Victor asks forgiveness for the interruption. OMB comes up shakes his hand.

Stefano sits by a window and sighs. He dials and asks for the limo.

Caroline speaks. She says John was another son to them. We have a flashback to a time when OMB was only about 90, "John was a man of honor." Caroline goes to the (empty?) coffin, "We will miss you, son."

Hope thinks John was everybody's hero. John always made her laugh. She breaks down, "This never should have happened. He should be alive. He told me never to give in to the darkness no matter how dim the people around me got. He told me to be strong, but I can't be strong today – Not when I've lost my brother." She totally breaks down. Bo comes up and hugs her.

Anna says she spoke to Carrie last night and she is heartbroken she can't be there today, "She loved John lie a father. I wish I had been around to share in some of the memories Carrie talked about. John raised a better daughter than I could have. He taught her to have the strength to wait until she had been married a couple days before starting an affair." Anna goes to the (empty?) coffin and thanks John for taking care of her little girl.

Abe says he has known John for many years. He's seen his courage, determination and love for his family. He's proud to have called him his fiend. Abe quotes Shakespeare, "I shall not look on his like again."

Shakespeare looks on and delights in the fact that his writing now stands alongside some of the greatest drivel in the history of literature.

Abe continues, "In recognition of John's time as unofficial captain of the Salem PD, I am proud to say he will be buried with full policemen's honors. I have a unit of Salem Policemen standing by at the graveside to perform the missing donut ceremony." Abe goes to the (empty?) coffin, "Farewell my friend, my partner." Salute.

Kate serves booze to EJ. He asks if she should be at the church. She thought he would be there gloating. She knows he wanted John dead, "That's why you put a bullet in his chest last year."

Belle places a child's drawing in front of John's picture, "And Claire did one just like it for you, too." She goes to the (empty?) coffin and promises to tell Claire all about him. Shawn takes her back to her seat in tears.

Sami says Belle should have had a lifetime before having to face this day. If they had told her she would be eulogizing John Black she would have said they were crazy. They didn't get along that well for a long time. Looking back, she didn't think he would forgive her, but he did. Sami says she was lucky to have two wonderful fathers. She goes to the (empty?) coffin, "Thank you, John, for always being there for me and my sister and especially for my mom. Now I am gonna be there for you. Your death will count for something. I promise." Roman and Lucas scowl.

Roman says the eulogies show what a special man John Black was. He says he had a special but strange relationship with him. They shared a name, family and life. Flashback to Roman meeting Roman. Roman says, at the time John seemed to be more Roman than Roman was but he came to Roman and said he would step aside. Roman thinks that was classy. (The people in the audience check those scorecards to see if they can make any sense of this.) Roman goes to the (empty?) coffin, "John, if anyone was ever going to have my name I am honored it was you."

EJ tells Kate he didn't shoot John. He thinks maybe Andre or Bart did it.

"That's always a good strategy," says Kate, "Blame the dead guys." She thinks EJ was trained to hate the Bradys before he met them. Then he met them and fell in love with one of them, "Take it from someone who knows... you can be blinded by hatred. When you realize that is what happened, it's too late."

Marlena thanks everyone for coming and for the wonderful things they said about John. She goes to the (empty?) coffin, "Here I am, my love. I'm having a hard time finding the words to say what you meant to me. You always knew you were my life, my friend, my confidant, my lover and my champion. You were my knight in shining armor. I don't know if I'll ever feel safe again without..."


Thanks, Anonymous...

"John Bites The Dust"

Note: We received this suggestion from a reader who then emailed us back and asked us not to use her name because she feared reprisals on message boards she belongs to. She said some of these sicko wackjobs have been known to find out where people live, call them and threaten them.

OK, people. Put down the remotes. Back away from the TV slowly. Take a deep breath. This is FICTION. John and Marlena, Bo and Hope, Sami and Lucas, Belle and Shawn, Patch and Kayla, the DiMeras, the Bradys, the Hortons, even Alice herself... DO NOT EXIST. But you know that, right?




You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website.


Anonymous Leslie said...

SUCKER PUNCH! ...Right in the bread basket. EJ doubles over and hits the deck. Lucas sneers, "Get up you SOB!"

Look at it this way EJ. If Lucas could actually reach your jaw, he might have knocked out a few teeth.

Kate serves booze to EJ.

Kate wants Lucas and EJ to have something in common besides Sami…AA meetings.

5:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG, I laughed so hard reading this synopsis. Even if I didn't watch DOOL, I think I would check this daily. I have tears in my eyes, but not from the funeral, but from hysterics laughing.

(I can't ever sign in, so I'll just stay anonymous)

5:49 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Leave it to Prevuze to make a funeral one of the funniest episodes going. The kudos also go to the picture contributors - for example, Belle's query at the site of the accident, John "biting the dust", et al.

He took his name from the sign at the midnight mission, which is why, for a time, we all called him 'Soup Kitchen.' That was close! Almost had a mouth full of liquid as I read that one. There would have been a wet keyboard for sure.

"I have a unit of Salem Policemen standing by at the graveside to perform the missing donut ceremony." Do they pass around a box of donuts with the symbolic 12th donut missing??

It was a nice touch mentioning Vivian, Carrie, Eric, Brady. And actually having Victor make a brief escape from the Kate-zone was a surprise. What about Greta? Didn't Swamp Girl think John was her father there for a while??

Can't wait to see how Stephano stirs things up tomorrow.

Great job Prevuze!

6:47 AM  
Anonymous KOTU said...

OK, a little off topic. But now that the "I Wanna Be A Soap Star" winner has been announced I wonder what part she'll play on DAYS?

A girlfriend for Jett? A housemother at the sorority? An ISA agent sent to replace John?

I have no idea how she won over the other girl. Maybe her over-the-top, stiff acting style will fit right in with our DAZED group.

6:50 AM  
Anonymous Ellie said...

Thanks for a great Prevuze. Bulldog's pic of Belle asking John if he got the keys was classic. It is nice to finally smile about something. And lol about the "relationship scorecards".

Wish the coffin were empty, but I just don't think so...

Love the preview video too. Wow, listen to Deidre scream! Go get 'em, Marlena! (We haven't seen meaningful conflict like this in a while on Days. Has the writers strike begun already?)

7:22 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Has the writers strike begun already?

You'll know the writers' strike has begun the minute the writing improves.

7:33 AM  
Anonymous Ellie said...

lol Prevuze, that's what I meant!

7:47 AM  
Blogger Katt said...

"I have a unit of Salem Policemen standing by at the graveside to perform the missing donut ceremony." Do they pass around a box of donuts with the symbolic 12th donut missing??

No, they pass around a box of donuts with only one left in the box...because the deceased is no longer there to eat his.

7:49 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

This was SO HARD to read trying to stifle my laughing. The (empty?) coffin, hoping for a double suicide, poor Will Shakespeare and the ultimate - "OMB when he was only about 90". I'm laughing while I'm typing that! HAHAHAHA

I also completely agree with Applecheeks on the Soap Star winner. I bet Hogan Sheffer, Mary Beth Evans and that other judge Michael Bruno thought the other girl was better, too. I figure the one who won will end up being a girlfriend for Jett so they can just take the Stephanie-is-jealous-of-Max-and-Mason scripts and recycle them to Chelsea and Jett.

Great, great Prevuze today!!

7:55 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Correction - KOTU's comment on Soaop Star, not Applecheek's.

7:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

soooo....John died in yesterday's episode...and the funeral is already today??? And we have to see Sami pregnant for an entire year?!

8:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

who won the Soap star?

8:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

who won the Soap star?

Drake Hogestyn. He needs a job. BWAHAHAHAHAHA1

9:03 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Writer's strike?? Did I hear that right?
I'm READY!!!!!


Ok, show of hands, who thinks Stefano will crash the funeral and announce what we have all long suspected...
John was the Santeen baby!!!

9:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks, Prevuze. LOL as usual. However, being a Red Sox fan, I now like Belle even less than I used to! How could Bell turn Claire over to the Evil Empire??

Go Sox!!

9:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Lucas apologizes for losing it. Sami understands, "But there is only one way to end the violence and we both know what that is." A double suicide is too much to hope for."

Normally the Prevuze team makes me laugh hysterically, but suicide is NEVER something to joke about. You went too far this time. Speaking as a suicide survivor, that was truly tasteless and ignorant and you just lost a reader.

9:21 AM  
Anonymous chaya said...

the soup kitchen line was one of the funniest things I've read/heard in years - thanks!

And as for the person upset about the suicide line - no suicide is nothing to be made fun of. But if you want to read something politically correct, this is not the place to do it.


9:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Regarding the upset reader - again we have to remind people to lighten up. And I never believe people who swear they'll never watch Daze or read Prevuze again, etc., etc. They'll be the first ones tuning in and logging in tomorrow.

10:00 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...


Please reconsider. If the writing became good, we wouldn't have anything to poke fun at.

10:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't want to beat up on the person who was offended by the suicide comment, but I just had to add that one of my best friends committed suicide in 2003 and my sister attempted twice in 2006. So I am in the position to be offended too, but I didn't even flinch at that remark. Nothing is sacred in the commentary on Prevuze, and that is why we love it so much! Please try to not be offended when someone is not meaning to offend you : )

10:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Suicide survivor? I didnt know there was such a thing.

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love reading this Prevuze and reading the comments. But could someone update me on Greta? I can not remember where she went to.

10:36 AM  
Anonymous Scolly said...

Here's another thought on the new Soapnet actress...maybe she'll be Artemis and DeMarquette's mother. And whatever happened to scarface? He didn't succeed in getting the kids on the first try so he just went home?

11:15 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

WHERE IS BRADY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great Prevuze, I just don't know how you do it. I'm actually sorry to see John go, now if only Marlena would go on a long vacation or something....

11:36 AM  
Blogger cfish said...

Why did Hope call John her "brother" ?

11:36 AM  
Anonymous Klaus said...

John's drug use to his death, there is always someone deeply offended. Remember to never smile or laugh 'cause chances are the object of your amusement was a painful experience to someone in the world. What a terrific way to live. ^_^

11:39 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Greta update, for anonymous:

Greta Von Amberg's last appearance was on 4/19/02--When Greta found out that Jack wasn't gay at all and he had been lying to her all along, she flew back to Salem. The next day she packed her bags and prepared to leave town. Before she left she visited John and told him that she was leaving for good and that she couldn't find happiness in Salem. She returned to Jennifer's house and said farewell to Alice, Abby and Jennifer. She remembers her old time with Bo, Hope, John and Marlena. She remembers how she was brought back from the Bayou to Salem. When she got out of the house she ran into Jack, and Jack begged for her forgiveness. She said, "I can't now, maybe someday I will"! After that she just kept on walking, with her face flowing with tears.

11:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cfish said...
Why did Hope call John her "brother" ?

cause all of salem is related

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loved the scorecard comment. Seriously, I can spend hours analyzing over the family trees of Salem. I get a kick out of all the line crosses.

I expected Brady to be mentioned but I'm surprised/pleased that Carrie and Eric were remembered as well. And it was a nice touch that Vivian paid for the ceremony and Victor spoke. Can't help but be all sappy over this episode.

- Jem

12:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the comments on this site!

1:20 PM  
Anonymous MBal said...

I been watching days for thirty years and I have been watching people come and go. Why did you go to all the trouble of the coma line just to kill him off so tragically. John and Marlena have been thru so much over the years and were the romantic couple. I will miss him. I actually had tears in my eyes.

1:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just want to point out that, unlike every other character that's ever gotten killed off on this show, there's been no announcement, no posting of Drake's last taping date, nothing other than the story line to indicate he's actually leaving. So I'd save a few of those tears.

To me, this seems like such a stupid plot twist that I'm having trouble taking it seriously. So I got a big kick out of Prevuze's (empty?) insert before every mention of the coffin.

3:32 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Actually there were serveral big stories in SOD and SOW about Drake being fired from the show for demanding too much money.

4:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, I saw them. Not the same thing.

4:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I noticed that the actors that play John, Kate and Bo have all not renewed their contracts yet even though they all expire in 2007. Hmm could Kate be next? No I guess I would be too lucky to have Jerkemy and Kate leave the show at the smae time. That would leave only Lucas and Belle left to whine and drive us completely crazy.


4:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Regarding "John Bites the Dust" . . .


But, but, OMG, it's fiction you say?? Fans intimidate and even threaten other fans over FICTION?

I wonder if they have these kinds of problems at Star Trek conventions.

11:02 PM  

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