Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I Promise Not To Tinkle On Myself

Kayla goes through baby clothes. Patch comes in with Pocket, "Man, there were a bunch of granny types down there playing bridge. They wouldn't let us leave."

"Granny types," asks Kayla.

"Yeah," says Patch, "They were only a few years younger than we are.
Pocket is a chick magnet." Kayla is glad to see them bonding.

Steve suggests taking Pocket down to the Cheatin' Heart and teaching him how to shoot some pool. "Oh, I'm sure that will go over well," says Kayla.

"Hey, every pool table could use an extra Pocket," says Steve.

The clothes she is rummaging through are Stephanie's. She thinks maybe some of it will fit Pocket. Patch vetoes it. He wants footballs and baseballs instead of dresses. Kayla finds some jammies. That doesn't go over well with Steve. He speaks for pocket, "He's pissed."

"Oh, I doubt if it's that bad," says Kayla.

"No," says Steve, "I mean he's all wet." They bicker about who should go change the diaper. Kayla wins. On the way to the back room, Patch says, "Let me tell you something, son. These women, they might be pretty, but boy can they be bossy."

Kayla asks, "Did he just call you son?"

Touch the sky flies. On the plane, Mr. Lowell compliments Stephanie on her flight attendant skills, "I'll bet you do a lot of things well." He pulls her onto his lap. She resists. "Customer service just ain't what it used to be," says Lowell.

Stephanie wiggles away from him. She runs back and tells Chelsea what happened, "He was groping me."

"So what," says Chelsea, "You let Jeremy treat you like that all the time."

Jett and Max sit together. "What's up," asks Max.

"Your time," says Jett. He flashes his badge, "Look, bro, I'm a cop and you're in serious heat."

EJ rants when looks into Lucas' room and sees Lucas and Sami together, "Instead of consoling Sami on the death of Lucas, I saved him again. I'm almost incompetent enough to be a Salem cop."

Inside the room, Roman tries to talk about the situation, but Sami is distracted. She just wants Lucas to wake up. Roman decides to go check things out. Sami opens the door and he wheels out.

Outside, Roman finds Kate. He tells her Lucas will be fine. He says it's a good thing Sami and EJ got there when they did. Kate thinks EJ must be a hero. "Sami did her part, too," says Roman.

"Yes...," says an insincere Kate, "Thank God for Sami." She goes into the room.

EJ contemplates and says to himself, "Hero, eh? That's a card I have yet to play." He hauls out his cell phone and asks for the number of channel six news.

Max says Jett should have let him know he's a cop when he was asked to invest. He swears he has told Jett everything. Jett thinks there is more to it. He says Jeremy is in too deep. There is no way he is walking, but Max still can.

Stephanie says Jeremy is no way like the creep out front. Chelsea runs through a laundry list of Jeremy's bad habits. Stephanie tries a low blow, "He beats the hell out of Nick."

Patch changes Pocket's diaper. He yells out to Kayla and asks what the paste is for. Kayla says, "Wow. It has been a long time since you did this, hasn't it? Oh, and I forgot to tell you, when you change a boy's diaper and it hits the air..."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." Patch brings Pocket out, "What were you going to say?"

Kayla laughs, "I was going to say when the ratings get really bad on a show and they are totally desperate, they resort to bathroom humor."

Kate strokes Lucas' head and he magically wakes up. Sami welcomes him back. Lucas says he is cold. Kate goes for a blanket. Sami fills him in on what happened. She tells him he got a text message and he thought it was from Kate. Lucas doesn't remember any of it. Then he flashes back to the truck. He says he thought Kate was inside, but he went in to save her anyway and got locked in. Sami tells him about banging on the door. Lucas asks, "You were there? Did you save me?" Sami nods.

Kate breaks in, "No, actually EJ saved you."

Lucas looks up, "EJ?"

That's EJ's cue. He enters with the news crew, sits on the bed and puts his arm around Lucas. The news team goes into action.

Max says he shouldn't have gotten hooked up in this and he wouldn't have if Jett had been straight with him. Jett thinks he is decent and got roped into something he didn't understand.

"Good," says Max, "Now I'm stupid, too."

"Yes," says Jett, "But fortunately for you, stupidity isn't a crime. Otherwise, you'd be looking at some serious jail time. Take the lifeline I'm offering."

EJ tells the people out in TV-Land Sami deserves the accolades. He has her tell what happened. Sami runs through it. Kate interrupts. Lucas tells Kate to back of and let Sami tell the story. Sami goes on but says the credit should go to EJ, "If it weren't for you my twins would have to grow up without a father."

The news crew wants a shot of Sami and EJ hugging. They oblige. The cameraman asks them to do it again, "This time, like you mean it." One more hug...

Newsman Gonzalez gets in Lucas' face and asks if he is grateful to EJ. Lucas is sarcastic, "Oh, 'grateful' doesn't even describe how I feel about him."

EJ escorts the news crew out. Lucas thinks EJ is always in the right place at the right time. He thinks it's too big a coincidence. He wants to find out who left the text message.

EJ returns. He tells them he overheard what Lucas said, "It's obvious who is behind this. I am certain Andre did it. He's made attempts on your life and Roman's and I'm concerned Sami may be next."

Kayla finds Bathato the teddy bear. Stephanie loved him. Pocket screams. Kayla jams a bottle in his mouth. Kayla remembers when Stephanie dropped Bathato in a puddle and cried last week. She reminisces about Stephanie growing up. She wishes Patch could have been there. So does he. He wishes fussy little Pocket weren't right now. Pocket rages. Kayla jams the bottle farther down his throat. Steve watches.

Max thinks this is blackmail. He isn't talking, "I am not a narc." Jett says Jeremy is going to jail. The question is whether Max is joining him.

Chelsea tells Stephanie not to talk that way about Nick. She tells her how Nick told off China last night. "Wow," says Stephanie, "Nick chewed out a girl. Who needs Superman when Nick is around?"

Jett interrupts. Stephanie storms out. "Good thing I got here before the bloodshed," says Jett. He wants to talk.

Sami thinks EJ has a point. Lucas thinks the Andre theory is bull. Lucas asks what about EJ, "Where were you when the text message came through?" EJ says he was in a conference call to Tokyo. He asks Lucas why he would lure him in just to save him. Sami backs up EJ. EJ says someone needs to take care of Sami with Andre on the loose. Lucas insists he can take care of Sami.

"You can't even take care of yourself," says EJ. That does it. Lucas wants him out. Sami tells EJ not to push. She decides to stay in Lucas room. She starts to go get a bed from the floor nurse. Lucas asks Kate to get it instead. If they can't come up with a bed, Sami can sleep on the lead balloon that comes crashing down.

Kate leaves. EJ doesn't think it is wise for Sami to stay. Kate comes back and announces there are no beds available. Lucas decides that's OK. Sami can snuggle up with him.

Kate has a cow, "Oh God!"

EJ has a solution. He invites Sami to stay with him.

Kayla speaks for Pocket, "He says there are a lot of good times ahead."

Patch tells her to slow down, "This isn't permanent." Kayla insists she isn't trying to replace Stephanie with Pocket, even though when the first one is a lemon, it's not a bad idea to trade it in for a newer model. Patch says it's tough to come to the realization her little girl doesn't need her anymore.

Jeremy tells Max Rawlings will be there when they land, "No cops, right?"

"No cops," says Max.

Jett admits he could have handled things a little better. Chelsea says he could have told her. "Why do this," says Jett, "We're friends."

"We were," says Chelsea. Lucas is toasty warm compared to her.

Stephanie serves Lowell. He asks her to check the vent. She reaches up to do it and Lowell leers. She says the vent is working fine, and starts to leave. He asks her to grab a bite when they get to Vegas, "Do you like sushi?"

"Yes," says Stephanie, "And maybe afterwards we can go up to your room for a little dessert."

Lowell is into it, "Baby, you know it!"

"In your dreams," says Stephanie. She dumps his tray of food into his lap.

EJ guarantees Sami's safety. Lucas says she would be safer in a room full of rabid bats. Kate thinks maybe EJ has a point. Lucas accuses her of having an agenda. Sami insists she will sleep on the floor if she has to.

EJ takes Sami's arm, "Come home with me and I'll take care of you." Lucas has a conniption. He flings the covers off and jumps out of bed. The legs don't work. Lucas falls into a heap on the floor, "My legs! I can't feel them!"

Kayla has gagged Pocket and put him to bed. She says it was tough when Stephanie left the nest. She thinks it would have been easier if she knew Patch was coming back. She always hoped Steve would just walk through the door and things would go back to the way they were, "Those damn DiMeras!"

Steve insists things are better now. He thinks they are lucky. Kayla agrees. He says Pocket won't make up for what they lost.

Lowell goes off the deep end. Stephanie insists it was an accident. Chelsea comes up to help and Lowell swats at her. Chelsea tells Stephanie she needs to see her in the galley right away. Lowell says Stephanie isn't going anywhere. He yanks her into the seat next to him.

That brings SuperMax to the rescue. Max beats the stuffing out of him as Lowell yells, "Take it easy! Take it easy!" Stephanie and Chelsea scatter like cockroaches in a lighted room.

Kate runs for a doctor. Lucas says he can't feel his legs. He doesn't want EJ to come near him though. A doctor comes in and orders everyone out.

EJ starts to usher Sami out and Lucas yells, "Get your hands off my wife!"

Patch chucks the girly outfits. Kayla was saving them for a quilt for Stephanie. Patch thinks Kayla is really something. Smooch. "I'm going to hit the head," says Patch, "I promise not to tinkle on myself."

Pocket cries in the background. Kayla finds something in the pile of clothes, "YES!" Pocket cries again and Patch asks her to take care of it.

Sami tells EJ to go home. Kate tells Sami to go get some rest. They argue about where Sami should stay. Roman interrupts, "EJ, She said forget it. When Sami says no she means no."

The doctor comes out. He wants to discuss Lucas' condition.

Jett separates Max and Lowell. Jeremy comes out, "Baby, did this guy put his hands on you?" Jeremy goes for Lowell, but Jett stops him. Lowell threatens to sue and Jett hauls him off.

Jeremy asks Stephanie if she is OK. She says, "If it weren't for Max I wouldn't be."

Lowell tells Jett this is all a misunderstanding. Jett advises him to get a lawyer and cuffs him, "You're on ice the rest of the flight."

Jeremy meets Jett in the kitchen, "You're carrying cuffs now? Is there anything else you want to tell me?"

"Your fly is open," says Jett.

Kayla sings Hush Kittle Baby. She sings to Pocket, too. Pocket starts to cry and once again she jams the pacifier down his throat. Patch complains about her wanting to dress him like a girl. Kayla thinks she has something that will change that. She dangles pocket in front of Patch and shows him his new outfit which says, "DADDY."

Chelsea tells Stephanie she should press charges. Stephanie just wants to forget it, "Thank God for Max. He was really great."

Jett tells Jeremy the cuffs are Abe's. He always brings them in case they run into a nut job like Lowell. Jeremy says it was good thinking. He suggests someone had better go fly the plane. Bold new concept. On the way to the cabin, Jett tells Max he will come to him in Vegas. Jeremy stares.

The doctor says Lucas will be fine. Who'da guessed it? Sami goes in to see him. Roman stops EJ from following her, I've been thinking."

"We're in trouble now," says EJ.

Roman goes on, "Maybe Andre was behind the attack, but it seems the man who has the most to gain by Lucas death is you, EJ." EJ insists he was the one who brought about Lucas' rescue. Roman is skeptical. He's going to keep an eye on EJ.

"Oh, I feel so much safer," says EJ. Roman tells Kate he's glad her son is OK and leaves.

Kate tells EJ, "If you had anything to do with this I will strangle you with my own hands." She leaves.

EJ says to himself, "I saved his life. Whatever." He throws his hands up in disgust. FF.


Jeremy says, "See, I think we got a little problem here, Jett. Somebody's not exactly being straight with me."

Stefano tells Andre/Tony, "The vendetta will never end. Not until I can destroy every damn Brady who roams this earth."

Lucas asks Sami, "You gonna fight this battle? What – are you gonna fight it to the death?"

Max, Stephanie, eyes wide shut, mouths wide open.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

New computer $700
Internet service $35

PREVUZE you are in true form today

And the daytime emmy for best writing goes to - - - - PREVUZE.

6:34 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Chelsea tells Stephanie she should press charges. For what? Felony cop-a-feel? Steph supposedly spent years in the very macho, male-dominated, stock-car racing circuit and she can't handle an obnoxious passenger? Give me a break!

"Gwandpa?" Oooh! Ouch! Prevuze gets a slap on the wrist for conduct unbecoming a whatever.

"Hey, every pool table could use an extra Pocket," says Steve. Ugh! Groan! Prevuze gets penalized for a horrible pun.

Stephanie and Chelsea scatter like cockroaches in a lighted room. L! O! L! Prevuze redeems itself by making me laugh like a hyena.

Thanks, Prevuze. I needed that.

6:45 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

It's a good thing I was checking out Prevuze at home first, when I got to the granny types being younger and "Gwandpa" I laughed out loud. HAHAHAHA

Jett tells Max it's a good thing stupidity isn't a crime or he'd be looking at some serious jail time -he should have added with most of Salem as fellow inmates.

And speaking of stupidity, if Sami eventually goes along with EJ and stays with him we should just all toss in the towel.

As Pocket would say, Gweat Pwevuze today! :D

8:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Pocket" is such a stupid nickname. Reminds me of Michael Jackson's "Blanket"...I wonder if that's where they got the idea.

As an adoptive parent (standing on soapbox) they sure don't let the first person who calls "dibs" take a kid home! Soap operas are notorious for their screwed up presentation of adoption. Of course, with 14-month pregnancies, I guess I shouldn't expect them to be realistic about anything.

8:43 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

"Pocket"?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Just when I thought the writers couldn't be any more ridiculous and stupid, they go ahead and prove me wrong. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Dumb Dumb Dumb. (Sorry, but really!)

9:08 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didn't I hear a rumor a while back that Bryan Datillo (Lucas) did not renew his contract, and he was gone after this summer?? Anyone??

10:00 AM  
Anonymous Frog said...

I'm beginning to tolerate Pocket more than I am "Sweetness". I swear, if Steve had said that one more time to Kayla in yesterday's episode I would've tossed a brick thru the tv. Or tossed my dinner, one or the other. Once in awhile is OK but everytime he says something to her?

Sorry, I had to rant.

10:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bryan is on the show until 2008 than he has to renew his contract. Source:Soapoperafan

11:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A spoiler comment:

If read rumors that Lucas could be a Dimera. Yeah, I know. Then I read a rumor the way to end the feud was for a Brady to marry a Dimera heir. Then if they find out that Lucas is in a fact a Dimera, Sami who is a Brady would have fulfilled that promise thus ending the feud. How long is this story going to take?

12:13 PM  
Anonymous Scolly said...

If it turned out Lucas was somehow a DiMera I bet Bryan would stay. He said he'd like to try playing a villain.

And they could do some more scripts recycling, using the same dialogue Lexie had when she found out she was a DiMera. Lexie/Lucas: "I'm not worthy" Abe/Sami: "I still love you anyway", etc. etc. HA

12:54 PM  
Anonymous Theresa said...

Jeremy says, "See, I think we got a little problem here, Jett. Somebody's not exactly being straight with me."

GASP! Jett makes a move on Jerkemy??? Sorry to blow the spoiler.

Dudes they need some high strength chlorine for the Salem gene pool! Lucas a DiMera? Come on!!!

What ticks me off is Sami even CONTEMPLATING going home with EJ. That ticks me off! I'm a Lumi fan and I like Lucas! Sure he's annoying but hubba hubba, he's one of the few under 70 getting some action on the show! The geezer sex is sick!

When I watched yesterday's recorded show and Kayla said "I called him pocket because he could fit in your pocket." Somebody should have slapped her up side the head and said "Quit being an idiot! You can't fit him in no damn pocket."

1:09 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Lucas a Dimera?
After they went to all that trouble to establish him as a Horton?

Somehow I think it's highly unlikely.

You want a Dimera hooked up with a Brady?

How about this:
Bring Eric back to town with a new finace. Wedding plans are begun, when the new bride starts acting weird.
Tells one person one thing about her past, another person something else, lies here, fibs there, yadda yadda yadda, she's Stefano's long lost daughter from yet another hook up years back, and ta da she's preggers.

Anyone have a job application for NBC handy? I think I need to be on the DOOL writing staff.

1:16 PM  
Blogger Brendamouse said...

If Sami goes with EJ after this lame Doctor Evil murder attempt on Lucas and obvious I'm a hero blather, I'll have to give up on her. How could she buy that hero crap when not so long ago she was praised as a hero for saving Lucas from the Lucas Roberts Memorial Beam when it was EJ and on the night of the dismissed rape
You would think that would stand out in your memory.

I hope the Touch the Sky story line concludes in Vegas and stays in Vegas. Good one Jett, borrowing you Uncle Abe's handcuffs. He's fast on feet isn't he?

Loved the pool table needing another pocket. Are Steve and Kayla now considered on Pocketwatch?

1:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Instead of the Who wants to be a soapstar they should have who wants to be a Days writer. You might not be able to please everyone with your storyline but at least you could get the history correct:)

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for "Bo! Your watch is ticking!" I laughed out loud at the Reference Desk.


5:27 PM  
Anonymous sue said...

I agree Days might do better with another writer or at least someone who's willing to try consistency. As is the only thing consistent is that Days is inconsistent.

WHY would they EVER make lucas a DiMera. Didn't the show start with the Horton family? Didn't the dna from the babies NOT match Stefanos (as in NOT a DiMera). I don't think I've heard of any idea quite as stupid in a good while.

Making lucas a DiMera sure isn't going to fix the show - if anything it'll make it sink that much faster.

Why don't they just trash every bit of history connected to the show. Then again, maybe that's exactly what they're doing.

7:56 PM  
Anonymous Suzi said...

I think that is a good idea of bringing back Eric! Or, how about Rex {Brady} or Cassie{Brady} ? Any of the three would make good "Brady" genes!! Let EJ fall for Cassie!!
I am a die hard Lumi fan, period! But I do think EJ needs a partner in crime, good or bad!! And NOT Sami!

8:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Meanwhile, Santo grows old waiting for Colleen to make it to the motel, Will is touring the country in a van full of hippies and Claire?...Well, last I heard I believe she was conquering the final frontier. And what became of Abby? Joined a convent?

9:53 PM  

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