Monday, December 25, 2006

The Gospel According To Patch

Sami, Lucas and Will arrive at Alice's for Christmas. Sami can't find Claire's present, so she hustles Will back to the car to find it. Sami tells Lucas she loves Christmas and is glad to be back together again.

"In every way but one," says Lucas.

Nick is amazed at the decorations as he and the brat walk in. The brat had to come there since she isn't welcome at the "Very Brady Christmas."

Jugs and Dooley arrive. Hugs and blather ensue. Julie gives Nick a gift and card from his mother. Nick reads. He misses them so much. The brat ponders.

Meanwhile, Shawn and Belle arrive at the pub with Claire.

Hope scowls. Bo embraces. He assures her they will make it through. Hope isn't sure. It's her first Christmas without "him." Bo begs her not to go away with Lockhart.

Kayla gets off her phone and announces Frankie is stuck in Toledo. Patch assures her Max will find his way home.

Max and Mimi have decorated the dungeon for Christmas. Mimi comes out half dressed after cleaning her clothes. She's impressed with Max' decorations. She has Max turn around while she slips her curtain off. She asks Max if he will hold it up while she dresses. Max watches the silhouette.

Abby sits in her car reading a map.

Mimi lowers the curtain. They wish each other a merry Christmas.

Sami says sometimes couples wait until they are married. If she wants to wait, Lucas will wait. Sami hopes EJ never finds out she helped the cops set him up. He'll come looking for revenge. Lucas says he will be there to protect her. She doesn’t want anything to happen to him.

Will comes back and they head inside. Hugs and blather.

Nick looks at a picture of a Christmas when he was two. The brat remembers Christmas with the Bensons, "...And now I have all these relatives who don't even want to remember I exist."

Hope doesn't want to go away with Patrick, but he is the father of the baby. Still, she gives Bo her word. She won't go.

Patch reminds Kayla about the Clay Aiken concert. Kayla wants him to go read the Christmas story first. They head for the hospital.

Patch and Kayla arrive at the hospital with Stephanie. Patch is hesitant but they talk him into going through with the reading. He takes his place in front of the kids. Tough audience. He takes out his 'spectacle' but stops short, "I can't do this." Kayla and Stephanie's balloons burst.

Abby discovers a church on the map. Lightning flashes. She says, "OK, Abby, nice girls do not die on Christmas. I hope you're listening God."

Mimi and Max dance to Spanish Christmas music. Her worst Christmas was spent in a box under the highway. Max says, "I've never met anybody like you."

Mimi asks, "Is that a good thing?"

Max says, "That's a really good thing." Kiss.

Belle, Shawn and Claire arrive. Hugs and blather.

Lucas drags Sami to the mistletoe.

Belle is soooo happy to see Sami happy again. Belle claims she's happy too. Christmas is the one day of the year when Belle allows herself to be happy.

Hope wishes Chelsea a merry Christmas. Bo hugs her. Maggie drives a dump truck into the room carrying all the bulbs.

The bulb-hanging bonanza begins. "Next year it'll be your turn Sami," says Lucas.

Julie wishes Doug a merry Christmas. Doug retaliates, "Fair lady, you are my Christmas treasure this year and every year."

Oh, the pain! Zack's bulb. The brat stares. Alice watches. "I'll love you forever, Zack," says Hope.

The brat starts to leave but Nick stops her. Shawn's bulb is well hung. The brat steps up and hangs hers right next to Zack's. Hope helps.

Tom... Alice... Maggie... Mickey...

Maggie gives her "Missing Loved Ones" speech. She ought to start with Mickey. Fade to Abby's bulb.

Fade to Abby. She gets out and runs yelling for Max.

Max and Mimi heat up the church. Max pulls back, "I shouldn't have done that."

"You didn't do it alone," says Mimi.

Mimi moves in for more. The dim bulb sways. So does the light bulb above them. Suddenly, they hear something. A church bell rings in the distance. Mimi thinks maybe someone will hear it and come to rescue them.

Patch hesitates. He wants to tell the story but, in his own words. He improvises the story about Mary and the Big Dude. And the other dude named Joseph. And the other dude who let them stay in his barn. And the three wise dudes. God sent his son to mix it up with the regular dudes on earth. He can tell each of the mini-dudes in his audience is loved just like he loves his daughter and his Sweetness, "But the best gift you can get or give is love. So feel the love. Peace out."

The Gospel According to Patch is available at your local bookstore, dudes.

Ho and Dope arrive at the hospital. Hugs and blather.

Max thinks there isn't much chance of anyone hearing the church bell, "It's just you and me and Lt. Dan."

Mimi cringes, "I'm OK with the you and me part."

Abby comes inside the church. Thunder rolls. She shouts, "Hello! Is anybody here?"

Max says, "There's somebody up there! HELLO?"

Abby yells, "Max? Mimi? Lt. Dan? "

Shawn and Belle introduce Claire to the kids at the hospital. Bo Claus arrives bellowing, "HO! HO! HO!" Right on cue, Kate, Billie and Carrie come in.

Belle tells Shawn he did a really good thing.

Max and Mimi yell for help. They figure out it's Abby up there. Max bangs on the trap door and Abby finds it. She also finds a handy screwdriver and pries the door open. Max and Mimi emerge. Hugs and blather.

"We're going to make it home for Christmas," squeals Mimi. Kiss.

Abby stares in horror.

Patch and Kayla arrive at the Clay Aiken concert. Alas, they are too late. Kayla says she got Patch back, and that was present enough. Kiss.

Lucas invites Sami out for New Year's Eve at a ski chalet. "We'll have a roaring fire and make a few flames of our own."

Shawn watches Bo and Hope make out under the mistletoe. It gives Belle Hope.

Max and Mimi make their grand entrance at the pub. "We're home," screams Meems. Hugs and blather...

Stephanie tells Abby how worried she was. Abby says Chelsea was right, "They go missing and they end up together and I end up alone." Pout.

Clay croons "O Holy Night" in the background as Patch and Kayla dance. The bartender announces they are closing up. Kayla goes to the restroom.

Clay comes in. It seems he can't find his car.

"You should try staying sober during your concerts," says the bartender.

Patch introduces himself and offers a ride to the airport. He tells Clay why they missed the concert, "I was at the hospital reading to kids and creating my own version of the Bible. If you could do a really big favor for me and my wife, I'd really appreciate it."

"No problem," says Clay, "All you have to do is sign up for my "Play with Clay Today" program."

Patch says, "Man, you are the coolest. What do I have to do to sign up? "

"You don't have to do a thing," says Clay, "I just want my picture taken with Kayla."

"NO PROBLEM," says Patch, "She'll dig that! "

"I hope so," says Clay, "Here's the official pose for my "Play with Clay Today girls." Clay hands him the photo...

Kayla gets back. Patch has her sit down.

The Mellifluous Misogynist walks in and introduces himself. He tells Kayla, "I'm going to sing a little love song from him to you."

Cop-anova belts out "Everything I Have."

Kayla pretends to like it. Sap oozes out of the walls.

Fade to the Brady party. Shawn Sr. comes in with his Festivus Pole. Abby isn't in the Christmas spirit. Hugs and blather abound as Clay sings.

Alice holds Tom's picture, "Merry Christmas, my Tom. My darling Tom. And to all of those we love, and are dear to us and are far away, may the blessing of this day go with you now and all the Days Of Our Lives." Hard to believe, but she out-sapped Clay.

Clay croons. He feels the love.


Lt. Dan sits in his corner and says, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."


Lucas asks Sami, "When you talk about the mistakes you have made... Is EJ one of them?"

Hope says, "I said I'm not going." Patrick pulls out his pistol, "And I say we are leaving now."

Bo yells, "He kidnapped my wife, Roman!"

John says, "Stefano sent EJ to kill me Doc. ME! He gave me the death card. This is my fight.


Anonymous freebird said...

Thanks for Prevuzing us on Christmas!

Max and Mimi so should have decorated Lt. Dan for Christmas. Can't wait to hear Patch tell the kiddies about the 3 Wise Dudes.
Now where do I get in line for one of those special "Play with Clay" pictures?

7:42 AM  
Blogger Bulldog said...

Too busy today to get to Prevuze until this evening but it was worth the wait!

I LOL over Max finding Mickey and the fact he's conspicuously absent at the all important gathering. How long are they going to ignore him never being around?

Loved the forbidden link and Alice out-sapping ol' Clay and also the "three Ho's". HAHAHAHA

Thanks Prevuze - it's like a Christmas present every day!

3:43 PM  
Anonymous applecheeks said...

Ditto with Bulldog. Just got to Prevuze, saving one of the best presents to last!

LOL at the Bozo ornaments, the separated at birth picture, and Maggie driving into the room with a Mack truck full of ornaments.

Hope everyone had as good a day as I did - with a maximum of hugs and a minimum of blather.

4:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha,ha,ha. News tonight is your day ahead canadian spoilers will no longer be published. No more prevuze, and no more of your lame attempts on humor. Ha, ha, ha.

8:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the three HO's...had me laughing.

Don't know what anonymous is talking about but I would read Prevuze the day AFTER an episode aired just to get my day going!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great preview/review of the Christmas eppy. I read it after the fact and it was just as good as a preview. Particularly loved the ho, ho, ho line and Alice out-sapping Clay!

I love prevuze. Thanks for the many laughs you gave me this year.

2:04 PM  

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