Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Sluts Of Salem

Caution: Some readers may find the content in this episode objectionable. The following material contains actual plot movement. Proceed at your own risk.

Mimi remembers her conversation with Father Jansen and then says, "I may not be married in the eyes of the church, but I'm still married and father Jansen can't tell Shawn because he's sworn to secrecy... Who am I kidding? I have to tell Shawn."

Meanwhile, in the confessional, Sami unloads on Father Jansen, "What do you mean I could lose everything? You mean I could lose Austin? After I worked so hard to get him? You don't understand."

Father Jansen asks, "What exactly did you do?"

Sami flashes back to her multitude of sins with Lexie and Alex, "Father I think it would be best if I didn't tell you the details."

"Then I can't help you," sighs Father Jansen, disappointed and deprived of yet another juicy confession.

Frankie and Jennifer kiss. Jennifer thanks him for being patient and loving her.

Frankie says, "I promise we will spend all the Days Of Our Lives together."

Delirious Jack lies in his hospital bed, "I'd do anything to see you right now, but I'm so glad you don't have to see me like this." The doctor comes in and asks how he is feeling. "About as bad as possible," says Jack, "Why don't you go tend to someone who you can help?"

"I think I can help you," says Dr. Butler.

"What are you talking about," says Jack, "Euthanasia?"

"No," says Dr. Butler, "Yet another capricious script change. I think I can save your life."

Josh and Abby are out on the town. Josh says, "I was thinking maybe we could take out relationship to the next level."

Max has taken the brat out for a night of dancing to take her mind off the trial. The selfless little scum begs him to fire Shawn.

Billie comes in with a load of groceries. Her phone rings. It's Bo calling from a jet. He says, "Hope called. She's in danger from Lockhart. I'm going down there."

Hope yells for John. She stops and looks at the legendary flower, "How could I have been so wrong?" Marlena's screams bring her out of her trance. John and Alex struggle as Marlena blithers around like a little girl. Alex gets the gun and grabs Marlena, pointing it to her head.

Sami says she was hoping there was something father could do to help. "You would have to make amends," says Father Jansen, "I can't absolve you without knowing what your sins were."

Sami says, "I'll just have to take my chances with karma." She huffs out of the confessional and finds Mimi in the sanctuary. Mimi tells her to get lost. Sami asks what's wrong. Mimi says, "Sami, I don't like you. Why do you even care?"

Sami says, "Clearly you have some big, juicy secret. Maybe we could help each other. Come on, spill."

Bo tells Billie he was right about Lockhart. Victor loaned him the Titan Jet. Billie wants to go with him, but Bo says no and hangs up. He straps in and looks out the window.

Alex holds the gun to Marlena's head. Hope says, "Don't do anything stupid. You love Marlena."

Speaking of doing something stupid, John busts in with, "It's not love. It's a sick obsession!"

"Let me do the talking," says the ever-prudent Hope, "Its' over, Alex."

"Not until I kill her," says Alex.

Abby asks what Josh means, "Are you saying you want us to have sex?"

The brat begs Max to fire Shawn. Max refuses. "What about us," she asks.

"You and I are looking at a very long future together," says the nitwit, "After the trial I guarantee you and Shawn will work this out or at least be able to stand each other."

"I guess I have no choice do I?" Hugs.

The doctor says the new protocol can be altered. Jack can be a candidate. Jack wants to know what his odds are. Dr. Butler says, "Enough of a possibility you should give it a try. You want to fight this, don't you?" Jack flashes back to standing outside the window at Christmas and saying goodbye. The doctor snaps him out of it, "Talk to me. Don't you want to live and go back to your family and home?"

"I don't have a family or a home."

"You said you had children."

"I made arrangements," says Jack, "If my plan worked out, my wife is in love with another man. Maybe even married. I can't come back from the dead again. That would tie me coming back from the dead with the number of times Sami has been left at the Altar. You can't guarantee this will work. I might wind up cured, but I'm a guinea pig. Who is to say I wouldn't have a relapse? I can't do this to Jennifer again."

Fade to Jennifer and Frankie kissing. Maggie interrupts, holding JJ. Jennifer tells him to stop stalling... it's bedtime. Frankie perks up. "I was talking to JJ," says Jennifer.

JJ looks at Frankie and says, "Daddy..."

Mimi asks, "Shouldn't you be out planning your fourth or fifth wedding to Austin?" Sami asks how Mimi knows about that. Mimi says Kate told her.

"I didn't know you and Godzilla were friends," says Sami.

"She's my boss," says Mimi.

"Didn't you just wait on me at the Java Café," says Sami.

"I'm working two jobs. I think I have your old job at Basic Black."

"Let me get this straight," says Sami, "Kate hates Shawn, but she gave you a job, paid for your wedding and a honeymoon you didn't even go on. This is about Phillip, isn't it? You and Kate are working together to keep Belle and Shawn apart."

Billie rants, "If Bo wants to be with Hope, I can't stop him. I'm the one who told him they belong together." She picks up a picture of the brat, "What's this going to do to Chelsea at her trial?"

Thunder rolls as the plane heads for Morgan Island. Bo picks up the on-board phone and asks the pilot how long it will take. The pilot doesn't know because of the cold front, "Avoiding it is going to slow us down."

"Don't avoid it then," barks Bo, "Just get us there. My wife is in danger."

Marlena begs Alex, "Please don't."

"I'm sorry it had to come to this, my dear," says Alex.

Marlena bats the gun out of his hand. John lunges toward Alex and they roll around in the dust, toward the edge of a cliff. Roll left... Roll right... Roll left... Roll... over the cliff. John and Alex hang there like slaughtered pig carcasses on hooks. John looks down and says, "Give me your hand! I'll pull you up!"

Prevuze"No thanks," says Alex, "I'll see you in hell, John." He disappears into the abyss. John climbs up. After about a hundred slips he makes it to the top, "Oh, Doc, it's over, baby."

Josh says he wasn't talking about sex. He just thought they shouldn't date anyone else. The brat and Max come up. The girls go off to talk. "Josh is looking pretty good," says the brat.

"He just asked me to be exclusive," says Abby.

"Awwww... that's Sweet."

"You don't have to make fun of it," says Abby.

"I'm not," insists the snot, "I've been thinking lately. I think settling down with one special guy..."

Abby interrupts, "You mean Max. Me – I've been a nun in training. I'm ready to party."

"Partying isn't all it's cracked up to be," says the brat, "What are you going to do – dump Josh?"

"No," says Abby, "I'm gonna sleep with him then see how he feels about settling down."

The guys come back. The couples spilt. Max asks, "Are you OK?"

"Yeah," says the brat, "I just hope Abby is."

"I think you had a good idea," says Abby, "And I have another great idea..." She plants a big one on him.

Max tells Chelsea to concentrate on their relationship and not the trial. Smooch.

Madison calls Cindy over and shows her Max and the brat kissing. She snaps a picture and says, "Looks like our 'Sluts of Salem' blog has a new poster girl." Hey, I thought Prevuze was the 'Sluts of Salem' blog.

Josh and Abby, as we said back in the eighties, suck face.

Dr. Butler works on Jack, "You think you're doing something noble. Do you know how your wife would feel if she knew you were alive?"

"Like a puppet on a string," says Jack, "I would be confusing her all over again. No. I'm sorry, Doc. I appreciate everything but I can't do it."

Maggie tells Alice about JJ calling Frankie 'Daddy.' Jennifer chimes in with the big announcement, "Frankie and I are getting married." Maggie and Alice gasp and smile.

Sami says, "I'm right, aren't I? You and Kate are working to keep Belle and Shawn apart."

"Shawn and I love each other," says Mimi.

Sami turns up the heat, "He never would have married you if Belle wasn't married. Belle won't divorce Phillip for some reason. Kate must know and YOU must know. Just tell me. You know I will find out anyway."

Billie calls the brat. No answer. She leaves a message telling her to come home.

Bo bounces as the plane goes through turbulence. He remembers Hope protesting when Lexie asked for Zack's organs. Heart wrenching moments. Goodbye to the Tiny Man. Tears, tears, tears. Emmy material. Then he remembers Hope berating him for getting the brat out of jail. She throws him out. Flash over to Bo telling Billie he still loves Hope, but wants to face life with her. Bo snaps out of it, "A lot has come between us Fancy Face, but we can work it out."

The plane starts its roller-coaster descent. Bo contemplates the barf-bag, "No, I'd better save that for the viewers."

Meanwhile John and Marlena hug. Patrick and the police chief come up. Patrick asks, "Where's North?"

John says, "North went over the edge. I tried to pull him up, but he just let go."

"You can't arrest John," says Marlena.

"I have no intention of arresting anybody," says the chief.

"You ought to search for the body," says Marlena.

"I'll send a team down," says the chief.

Hope says, "You should also bring Patrick in for questioning. He was working for North."

"Actually," says the chief, "He was working for me. We got a tip that North was interested in securing Patrick's services to eliminate Mr. Black. Patrick has worked for us before. So I called him. He didn't want to get involved. He was afraid of putting you in danger."

Patrick tries to stop the chief, "That's enough."

Hope turns to Patrick, "Is that true?"


The chief continues, "When he found out the man requesting his services was Alex North and the man he planned on eliminating was Mr. Black, he changed his mind." Hope stares.

The brat hears her phone. She starts to turn it off, but Max tells her it might be important. The brat listens to the message and says she has to go... alone.

Josh and Abby kiss. Josh gets with the program. Abby chickens out and breaks it off, "I can't do this!" Her phone beeps. She looks at the message and tells Josh she has to go.

As Abby walks away, Josh says, "DAMN! "

Jennifer has left the message for Abby. Alice isn't sure she likes people being able to get in touch anytime anywhere. Jennifer wants to tell Abby about the engagement tonight. She takes JJ up to bed. Alice thanks Frankie for loving Jennifer.

"I never stopped," says Frankie, "I'm sorry she had to lose Jack. But I will never let her go."

Jennifer picks up a family picture and says, "Well, you got your way, Jack. I'm just so glad you approve."

Jack is adamant, "No! It'd be too cruel to disrupt Jennifer's life again."

"I can't force you," says the Doc, "But I'd like to ask you a favor. Just think about doing something to help yourself." He slaps the tablet on Jack's chest and leaves. "On top of everything else," says Jack, "Now I have a ruptured spleen."Jack looks down at the tablet and ponders.

Mimi asks Sami when she will learn to mind her own business, "What were you doing at confession? Did you already do something to screw up your engagement to Austin?"

"Mimi," says Sami, "You know I will find out your secret and when I do..."

Mimi stops her cold, "Kate and I will have found out yours and Kate will bury you."

Sami leaves. "Forgive me God," says Mimi, "But she's such a bitch!"


Jack remembers his life with Jennifer. Not letting her write an article. The first time. A baby. He vows, "Dr. Butler's right, Jennifer. I know I arranged for Frankie and you to fall in love but, by God, you're my wife, and those are my kids. Dammit, I'm coming home!" He signs the papers.

Maggie and Alice leave. Frankie suggests champagne, "Let's celebrate our engagement."

Abby comes in at just that moment and gasps, "You're engaged?"

Billie tells the brat Bo is on his way to rescue Hope. The brat asks, "How could you let this happen?"

"He still loves her," says Billie.

"Great," says the brat, "Then they will get back together and she will brainwash him to testify against me."

"His brain is pretty washed already," says Billie.

Marlena tells John, "I remember what caused my amnesia in the first place – Roman's child."

"We'll try to work through that," says John, "And now, you only have two Romans to deal with."

Hope asks Patrick, "Why didn't you confide in me?"

"It would have put you in too much danger."

Hope melts, "Patrick, I'm sorry for ever doubting you." Kiss. Bo walks out of the jungle. FF on the Incredible Hulk.


Abby tells Jennifer, "I wanna have sex, just like you do. And maybe I'll have a baby. I'd be a much better mom than you are."

Belle tells Shawn, "Losing you is the biggest regret of my life."

The brat tells Billie, "Hope's gonna get her claws into Bo for good this time, and you're never gonna be with him again."

Bo says, "There's something I gotta tell you, Fancy Face, it's part of the reason I'm here."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I spit coffee all over my computer when I saw that Mimi-Mary picture.

5:56 AM  
Anonymous shelleie said...

My computer was already a mess after I read that disclamer.

6:14 AM  
Anonymous applecheeks said...

I'm still hysterical over the Virgin Mary picture, laughing so hard I have to wipe the tears away to see the computer screen. And I thought nothing was going to top the beginning caption!

Don't worry Prevuze - you will always be the "Sluts of Salem" blog for your fans. HAHAHAHAHAHA

6:21 AM  
Blogger Bulldog said...

So many moments I had to stifle my laughing today - Alex and Squints hanging like meat on hooks, the barf bag for the viewers, Jack's ruptured spleen, a car Max can actually handle and Bo the Incredible Hulk. I'm going to laugh when I actually see all of these. HAHAHAHAHA

Oh how I'm hoping Hope tosses Bo off the island and stays with Patrick.

Great Prevuze - and a moving picture! Ooooohh! :D

8:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sami is catching on. Pretty soon only SDB won't know. I hope Bo and Hope get things worked out and back together.

10:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nah, I'm with Bulldog. Hope needs to kick Bo off the island. The barf bag for viewers was good...

4:06 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Poor Father Jansen, he has no control over his flock whatsoever. What's a priest to do with such a pathetic congregation!

4:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

do you think that john might have considered picking up the gun BEFORE the tearful reunion with his precious "doc"?

when is the ISA going to wise up and take away his secret decoder ring?

3:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gotta love Mimi!!!! That quote is precious! :)

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Daily Dose of Fantasy said...

Many women dress that way because it makes them feel attractive and whether that has anything to do with men or sex is irrelevant. "We're just pointing out that posting skanky photos of yourself on the internet is kind of a stupid and trashy thing to do."

1:57 AM  

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