The Shrew Who Stole Christmas

Melanie staggers into Maggie's kitchen as someone relentlessly knocks on the door, "I'm coming... I'm coming."

She opens it to find chirpy Vivian, "Good morning, Melanie, darling." Vivian soaks in Melanie's sweatsuit, "Don't we look... comfortable."

"Mrs. Allemain..."

"Call me Vivian," she bubbles, "Quite soon you'll be calling me Mom. Come... sit. Let's plan the wedding."

Nathan and Stephanie are at the pub debriefing on Nathan's oh-so-moving scripture reading. She says she looked for him after he finished, but he disappeared. Nathan flashes to Melanie, and then says he needed a breather after the major and daunting responsibility of reading a few paragraphs to the kiddies.

Vivian beams, "Then we'll release doves representing peace, prosperity and fidelity." Melanie stares, mouth agape. Vivian asks, "Too cliché?"

Melanie is speechless. Someone knocks at the door and Melanie gets up to answer. Oh, goodie, it's Kate, "I'm here to help you plan the wedding. Everything you have to do to put things together for a big event like that can be a real..." She sees Vivian... "bitch."

Justin congratulates Phillip on his engagement. Victor grouses, "You need to stop giving diamond rings to unworthy unsubstantial women who make a fool of you."

"I do just fine making a fool of myself," says Phillip.

Hope walks in and Victor asks about her and Bo. Justin suggests he go have a conference call. Victor leaves. Justin grills. Hope tells him Christmas was a disaster.

Bo finds Carly at the hospital and asks why she is avoiding him.

Mia and Chad are working together at the Java Café. She asks about his date and Chad tells her Gabi is cool. Mia asks, "Are you going to see her again?"

"I don't know," says Chad, "She went home for Christmas and I don't know if she'll be back."

Right on cue, Gabi walks up, "Hi, guys."

"You're back," gasps Chad.

"I have great news," says Gabi, "I'm staying." Joy to the world.

Hope gives Justin the grisly details on her Christmas with Bo. The shrew who stole Christmas grumbles about all those irritating people who think things should be wonderful at Christmas, "They think things should just come together and problems should work themselves out. Next thing you know they'll want something really outrageous like peace on earth and goodwill to men." She tells Justin Bo went out with Carly, "He saw her at Sydney's vigil."

"Maybe he just ran into her there," says Justin.

Pollyanna is a little tired of trying to look on the bright side, "I don't care how he got together with her. As far as I am concerned, Carly can do what she wants. She can take her secret to her grave and Vivian can put her in it."

"And what did you get for Christmas," asks Justin.

"A bag of coal," says Hope.

"Imagine that."

Carly says she's busy and rants about Bo stalking her, "I WANT YOU TO STAY AWAY!"

Stephanie rambles AS Nathan zones out. Stephanie senses she doesn't have his full attention, "And I know why."

Kate tells Vivian to get out, "Phillip doesn't care about you and Melanie doesn't care about you."

Vivian turns to Melanie, "You see, Kate has a slight biology problem. Phillip is my son. I carried him for nine months. I have the stretch marks to prove it."

Nothing like a cat-fight for Christmas. Papers fly. Dang! They just stand and stare at each other as cutesy situation music plinks in the background. Phooey... All I wanted for Christmas was to see a little blood on the floor.

Bo thinks Carly is upset because he didn't react the way she thought he would when she said she loved him, "You wanted me to throw my arms around you."

Hope beats herself up, "I know I sound cynical and bitter. The old Hope would be trying to fix things. She'd be appalled that any woman who, after so many years, felt like giving up. I don't like this side of me."

"Most people don't like any side of you," says Justin.

Hope wonders, "I don't know what happened to the young Hope who thought love could overcome any obstacle."

"She became the old Hope who is the obstacle."

"Too much has happened," says Hope, "I want out."

"Use the doggie door," says Justin.

Hope asks him to help her draw up formal separation papers.

Kinzie and Will show up at the Java Café. Chad announces Gabi is staying for good. Gabi starts to explain why she can stay in town, "My grandmother broke her hip..."

Kinzie butts in, "So did mine. She has never been the same. It's all downhill from there."

With that cheery thought to chew on, Gabi says her mom is taking care of grandma, so Gabi is free to stay in Salem.

"We should go to the mall together sometime," says Kinzie, "You're so much prettier than the clothes you wear." Chad is so happy they'll all have the opportunity to hang out together.

Stephanie suggests changing New Year's Eve plans and just going to the pub, but Nathan insists on Chez Rouge. He says he has to go see Maggie and arrange to take back the neon green sweater she gave him for Christmas. He leaves. Phillip joins Stephanie and gives her the big engagement news. Stephanie swallows her tongue.

Kate says she has booked the country club for the big event. Vivian suggests a destination wedding, "How about Paris? All your old French boyfriends could come." Melanie stammers.

Gus calls Vivian, "I have new information on Carly."

Carly says she knows Bo doesn't feel the same way she does. He gets a call. When he gets off he says the call was about her. He hauls her off, "We need to talk."

Vivian huffs out. She gives Melanie a parting shot, "Don't commit to anything Kate wants unless you want your wedding to be the snooze fest of the millennium."

"Don't worry," says Melanie, "DOOL already has that award wrapped up."

Kate turns to Melanie, "She is delusional and heartless."

"And she seems so fond of you," snarks Melanie.

"Victor invited her back into his life to punish me," says Kate, "but she'll be gone by the wedding. I baked her some brownies for Christmas."

"She seems like she's permanent fixture," says Melanie, "You know, like in those roach motels — You can check in but can't check out."

"You're too young to know about the Hotel California, aren't you," asks Kate.

Stephanie says she's happy for Phillip. Phillip thinks she's being supportive because with Melanie out of the picture she has a path to Nathan. Stephanie says she don' need no stinkin' rival out of the way. She tells him she and Nathan are going out for New Year's Eve. He tells her he and Melanie are going to keep the wedding simple.

So much for simple... Kate asks who Melanie's favorite entertainer is, "Maybe I could book Beyonce."

Melanie explodes, "I don't want a cruise, or Beyonce or anything like that. A wedding in Maggie's back yard will do the trick. I don't like being pushed around by you and that crazy woman. You are both doing it because you have some kind of sick competition." She officially disowns Kate in loyalty to Phillip.

Kate wonders how long she will be able to keep that loyalty up, "I'll come after you if you are ever disloyal to Phillip. You will really be sorry if he's ever cuckolded by you..."

"I don't even know what that word means," says Melanie.

"Ask any of my former husbands," says Kate.

Nathan walks in to all the wonderfulness.

Hope says she wants Justin to be her lawyer and draw up separation papers. "I can't do that," says Justin.

Bo and Carly are back at Bo and Hope's house. He tells her the guy on the phone said someone has been poking through her records. Carly says they can't let Vivian find out she has a daughter.

Vivian congratulates Gus and sends him off. She opens the envelope he gave her, "Oh, my. Oh, my indeed."

Kinzie rambles on about some stupid guy as Mia comes up and asks to talk to Will. They go off to the side and she says she just wanted to be alone with him for a minute. They trade stories about their rough Christmases. Gabi butts in and asks if they are going to Kinzie's New Year's Eve party. Will says they are.

Chad butts in and says he's leaving early and says Mia will have to do double duty since he won't be there. She walks off and broods as the kids continue to trade stories.

Justin thinks being Hope's lawyer is a conflict of interest Beasley Bo is his cousin. He also says he doesn't want Bo and Hope to break up. Hope asks if he's angry with her. "No," says Justin, "I just can't be objective. I'm... too involved because of the way I feel... about you."

Bo says he knew Vivian would pull out all the stops. Carly whimpers and says she can't let Vivian find out about her daughter.

Victor shows up at Vivian's park bench. She sees him and shows him the paper she has, "Feast your eyes on this."

Kate tells Nathan that Melanie and Phillip are engaged. Having worked her destructive powers, she trundles off. Melanie says she didn't want Nathan to find out this way.

Nathan cuts to the chase, "Is there a reason for the rush?"

"NO," screams Melanie, "GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MIND!"

"Well, you never know," says Nathan, "After all, birth control devices are illegal in Salem. I guess I'm OK with this as long as you are happy. Are you?"

Stephanie congratulates Phillip again and he says he hopes things work out for her and Nathan. Stephanie leaves. Outside, she passes Kate who is calling David and telling him to send a car because she had a flat tire. She goes inside and finds Phillip. She tells him she just came from Melanie and they got quite a bit of work done on planning the wedding. Phillip says he doesn't want her involved in the wedding or his marriage. Kate also tells him Nathan showed up, "I guess you and Melanie have decided on an... open marriage."

Hope is stunned, "How could I have missed this. I had no idea."

"I just realized it myself," says Justin.

Hope wonders if he's just feeling lonely. Justin says it's not just about his marriage ending or being alone, "Maybe your reaction... makes it clear to me that you still love Bo and want your marriage to work out. Does it make that clear to you?"

Bo vows to stop Vivian before she gets to Carly's daughter. "I killed Lawrence to protect her," says Carly, "If I have to I'll kill Vivian too."

Vivian says the paper is information from a European hospital, "It shows Carly was admitted to the hospital maternity ward."

"Which means what," asks Victor. Vivian carefully explains the birds and bees to Victor.

Will tells Mia he'll call later. He leaves and Gabi steps up. She says she thinks Kinzie is funny. Mia thinks she's mean. She tells Gabi to stick with her in high school and she'll show her the ropes and make sure her transfer to a new school goes well, "I know everyone except the wannabes and never weres."

Vivian says she doubts Lawrence was the father of Carly's kid, "Do you remember that letter I found that Lawrence wrote to Carly but never sent? What would make him more angry than Carly having a love child?"

"I don't know," says Victor, "Maybe a butcher knife through his spleen."

Vivian explains, "The records were partially destroyed, so we don't have all the information, but they listed the father as 'unknown,' which means it couldn't be Lawrence."

Carly blows her top, "Tell me what to do and I'll do it." Bo moves in to clean up after the hydrogen bomb that just went off in his living room. He gives her a big hug.

Hope tells Justin she has to go pick up some things at the house. Justin leaves. Hope looks at a picture of her and Bo and hugs it. Can you see this one coming?

Hope flashes back to wonderful memories of Bo and her together... Sailing... Bo hauling her upstairs to romp... Ice skating... Playing touch football with more touching than football... The carriage ride... More skating... Showering together... One of the myriad of their weddings... Back to the carriage... Back to the boat...

Hope kisses the picture, "I do believe in my marriage." she runs out to find her true love and make it all better. Can you see this one coming?

Kate chirps about Melanie and Nathan being together. Phillip says he isn't worried. "I'm glad you have such faith in her when no one else does," meows Kate, "I admire your courage."

Nathan wonders if Melanie is happy about the engagement. She tells him how Phillip popped the question. Nathan thinks she's overselling it. She tells him he's out of line.

Bo is Phillip's brother; Max is Bo's brother; Melanie is Max' sister. So technically Phillip will wed his sister and become his own brother-in-law?

"So," asks Vivian, "Who is Carly's bastard love child and where is the child now? I'm going to find out."

Carly bawls. Bo comforts. He moves in and kisses her. Can you see this one coming?

Things get hot and heavy between Bo and Carly. Giddy Hope runs up and looks in the window as Bo and Carly share their tender, sloppy moment.

Did you see that one coming?

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