Thursday, December 04, 2008

Hysterical Feminism

Nicole wanders and whimpers. She pats her rubber baby buggy bumper, "How can I tell EJ now? I've done something horrible and can't get out of it."

Sami knocks on the shower door and tells Rafe she found a ballet they can watch. No answer, so she rummages around, finds the flyer she took from the church, and then goes to the door, "See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!" She opens the door.

RAFE!

SCCRREEAAMM!

Dying Kate lies in bed as Lucas and Chloe stare. Kate says, "You didn't have to come, Chloe."

"I wanted to."

"Didn't want to miss the fun, eh," asks Kate.

Lucas steps in and translates, "Mom, Chloe doesn't speak Canadian."

Poor Chloe is just heartbroken Kate would say something like that. "Just kidding," says Kate, "I know you would help if you could. I wonder where Daniel is. He hasn't been around for a while."

"The Brownie Scouts convention just arrived in Salem," says Lucas.

Daniel stands at a computer, types and concentrates, "You're missing something, Jonas. There has got to be a way."

An intern walks over and flips the on-off switch, "There is a way, but you have to turn it on first."

Nicole joins Stefano. He offers Nicole a drink. She turns it down and Stefano compliments her for being a devoted mother, "It is not EJ that wants to talk to you. I do."

Nicole asks, "About what?"

Stefano says, "About your pregnancy. I think it's time that we both put our cards on the table, don't you?"

Sami whimpers, "You scared me half to death!"

A gal in the audience yells, "Do the other half!"

"Sooo..." says Sami, "You can get out the bathroom window?"

Rafe looks at her humongous tummy, "I can. You can't."

Sami explodes, "I hate you on so many levels!" They bicker as Rafe starts to change. He takes off his shirt. Sami gasps. After about five minutes she asks, "What are you doing?"

He walks over to her and shows her the script, "See, it says right here, 'Insert gratuitous and unnecessary shirtless scene.' I'm going out to dinner, but will take measures to make sure you stay put." He walks into the other room.

Sami snorts, "You sound like someone's grade school principal."

"Grade school seems to be the level you operate on," says Rafe. Sami makes sure Rafe isn't watching, grabs her coat and heads for the door. Rafe calls from the other room, "There's another big surprise outside the door." Sami stops. Rafe comes out. Sami turns off the TV and says she only picked the ballet because she thought it would irritate him. She bawls about not being home. Rafe says "The surprise outside is a good one. Please stop crying."

Stefano wants to know what went on at the clinic. EJ comes in and tells Stefano to back off. Stefano apologizes, "When it comes to family, my grandchildren and my heirs, I tend to become become imperious. I just want what's best for you and my grandchild, which is why I'm flying an obstetrician in from Zürich."

Nicole has a meltdown, "NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

Kate unwraps a present. It's a plaster casting of Will's hand, which he made in school years ago. "We're going to use the same technique to make your death mask after you're gone," says Lucas. As Lucas hangs it on the wall, Kate asks if he is keeping something from her. Lucas breaks the news about the engagement. Kate is stunned. Chloe starts to leave.

Sami bawls. Rafe apologizes for being a jerk. Sami wails, "All of a sudden you're being human and I don't want to think of you like that! You have to keep acting like a jerk so I won't concentrate on Christmas." Whatever mechanism makes Sami tick has a broken mainspring. A knock interrupts the wailing and bickering.

Sami and Rafe open the door and we find Hilda standing there with a Christmas tree. Hilda sings, "We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish you a merry Christmas ..."

Sami turns to Rafe and goes off the deep end, "How can you do this to me?"

"Wait," says Hilda, "there's more."

Nicole nukes, "Let me bring you up to the 21st century. You don't pick my doctor!"

"I thought caring for your unborn child would trump your hysterical feminism," says Stefano. Nicole tells him if he's going to play hardball he'd better make sure the other person wants what he has to offer and isn't willing to walk away, "If anything like this happens again I will rethink my relationship with EJ and everything else!"

The idiocy that is Rafe and Sami continues. Rafe sees the Christmas tree has upset Sami so he tells her he will get rid of it. Decapolar Sami decides that's not what she wants, for this microsecond, anyway. Hilda tells Rafe to go on his mission. Rafe walks over to her and whispers, "Don't be too hard on her. She's going through a rough time."

"You are just so full of insight aren't you," asks Hilda. As Rafe starts to leave, Sami takes a good look and sees he's wearing a cable guy's uniform, "OMG! He's in disguise!"

Hilda says, "You have a mind like a steel trap." More like a steel sieve, if you ask me.

Sami gets hysterical again, "Promise me you will be careful!"

Rafe asks, "You're worried about me?"

"I'm worried about me," says Sami.

"Rafe says, "Everything is going to be fine."

Sami says, "You have no idea how dangerous Stefano DiMera is."

Stefano tells Nicole the doctor was his idea and he wants her to know he did not consult with Elvis. Mary comes in and tells him "that" call came in. On his way out Stefano says, "Do not blame Elvis for my mistake." Stefano leaves.

EJ tells Nicole the clinic scared him. He didn't want her to go back there. He asks if it bothers her he talked to Stefano about her situation. Nicole says a lot of things bother her.

"To talk technical," says EJ, "I am a guy. Father is a guy. We saw a problem and decided to fix it. When it comes to something like this guys are basically clueless."

"I guess that means all situations are like this," says Nicole.

EJ tires to crack a joke, "Don't do that," says Nicole, "Don't try to make me laugh. I don't like you right now." EJ softens and says no harm will come to their child because Nicole will not let that happen.

Kate says she thinks Chloe and Lucas misconstrued her reaction. She says she was overwhelmed by the news but she's in a position where she has to look at the bigger picture. She can see Chloe makes Lucas very happy. She tells her to keep up the good work.

Daniel comes in. "Well," says Kate, "If it's not Dr. Good-News-Bad-News Jonas. Dr. Good-News-Bad-News says he found a way for her to get the bone marrow transplant.

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH! Sami and Rafe are on. And the batteries in my remote have run down. Don't let this happen to you. Have an extra supply handy at all times when watching this show. Mercifully, Rafe leaves. On his way out, he tells Hilda to be nice to her, "I don't want to come back to a basket case."

"Too late," says Hilda.

Sami asks, "You think he'll be all right?"

"For people who can't stand each other you two sure worry a lot," says Hilda.

EJ says he'll tell Stefano she won't see the doctor. He asks if "they" are OK, "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you or I lost the baby."

Stefano bustles in and says he and EJ have to leave on business. EJ promises to be back soon and leaves with Stefano. Nicole frets, "I can't keep doing this to you, EJ. But I know when I tell you it's gonna kill you... and us."

Out in the hall, Nicole bumps into Mary and tells her she's going to Barron's. As she leaves fake Junior-Junior starts sliding around. "When in doubt," says Nicole, "change clothes." She goes back upstairs.

Rafe the Cable Guy comes to the door and tells Mary he's there to fix the cable system.

"I didn't know it was broken," says Mary, "What are you going to do to fix it?"

"I'll make sure you can never get DOOL on it again," says Rafe.

Hilda assures Sami Rafe will be OK. Sami thinks he won't be, "He's cocky, arrogant and stupid. Just like all the other guys I'm attracted to." Hilda drags out pictures of Sami's kids. Sami grabs them and falls apart. Man, this babe has more ups and downs than the Wicked Twister at Cedar Point.

Daniel says he has found a way Chloe can still be the donor, even though she has had cancer, "I have a mentor, Dr. Canard, who has been doing research that might apply to this case."

"Canard," says Kate, "The name sounds familiar."

"Yes," says Daniel, "He's part of the Canard family that owns Canard Lines, the ocean liner company."

"Now I remember," says Kate, "They owned the Titanic, so Dr. Canard must have a lot of experience when it comes to huge disasters."


Daniel thinks he can treat Chloe's marrow and blood so it can be transplanted, "We'll probably lose Chloe in the process, but we can still use her marrow. The process hasn't been approved yet, but I can pull some strings. There will, of course, be considerable risk."

Kate says there will be no risk at all because she won't allow them to do it. Lucas argues. Kate explodes and tells them to go. Chloe says she knows she can't force Kate to accept the donation, but Kate can't stop her from making it.

EJ and Stefano stroll by the pier. Stefano says he got a call from their Argentine associates.

"I thought you stopped doing business with them," says EJ.

"They want to reestablish contact," says Stefano, "Sr. Fontaine, the diamond smuggler, is here in Salem. I want you involved to see if you have the right stuff to lead the family."

Rafe tells Mary, "You don't have to worry about me being in the house. We're bonded. You can pat me down when I leave."

"It will be the highlight of my night," says Mary.

Mary gets a call and leaves. Upstairs, Nicole dresses. Rafe sneaks around.

Sami thanks Hilda for the pictures. Hilda says she knows what it's like to be away from kids. She was once separated from her little Roland and it was awful. When she came back to him they made up for lost time. She assures Sami the twins won't forget her like Will has.

Chloe insists she is doing this. Daniel says they will continue to look for a match but Chloe is his backup plan. Chloe turns to Kate, "I'm your safety net."

"You're a formidable woman," says Kate.

Lucas translates, "That means you're a tough cookie." He turns to Kate, "She doesn't speak English, either." Kate asks to talk to Lucas privately. Daniel and Chloe leave. Kate asks him to promise he won't let Chloe do this.

Nicole continues to dress as Rafe continues to sneak around.

Stefano, EJ and the baddies introduce each other. They show Stefano the jewel case full of diamonds. Sr. Fontaine opens the box and the diamonds glisten in the moonlight. "Quick," says Stefano, "Shut the box or they'll think we're sending out the bat signal."

Hilda makes Sami promise she won't tell Rafe she brought the pictures. Sami thinks Hilda just doesn't want anyone to know she's being nice.

Hilda growls, "You blow my cover and I'll bring you down, babe." She tells Sami not to give up hope, "There is time before Christmas and you might be back to share it with the twins."

Lucas is reluctant to promise. Kate tries to convince him.

Daniel suggests Chloe talk to her oncologist before she decides. "I've already decided," says Chloe, "If you can't find another donor, I'm doing this."

As they consider the diamond deal, EJ cautions Stefano, "Father, lives have been lost to get these diamonds... "

Stefano interrupts, "Big deal you saw 'Blood Diamond.'" Stefano hands Sr. Fontaine the money, "Aren't you going to count it?"

"That will be unnecessary," says Sr. Fontaine. He pulls a gun, "Give us our diamonds and we'll be on our way. Nice doing business with you."

Rafe sneaks. He goes through papers as Nicole watches.

Prevuze

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10 Comments:

Anonymous Leslie said...

I wonder where Daniel is. He hasn't been around for a while."

"The Brownie Scouts convention just arrived in Salem," says Lucas.


After that, the next place he’ll be hitting is the Grannies’ Knitting and Crocheting Jamboree.

"What are you doing?"

He walks over to her and shows her the script, "See, it says right here, 'Insert gratuitous and unnecessary shirtless scene.


A chorus of gals in the audience say, “Make a script change to read “Insert EJ into the gratuitous and unnecessary shirtless scene.’ If we can’t have good writing, at least give us great looking body parts.”

I just want what's best for you and my grandchild, which is why I'm flying an obstetrician in from Zürich."

I hope the obstetrician specializes in rubber baby buggy bumpers. If not, Nicole is in deep dodo.

"To talk technical," says EJ, "I am a guy. Father is a guy. We saw a problem and decided to fix it. When it comes to something like this guys are basically clueless."

What these guys need is a leather bound copy of the “Guy Manual”. There must be literally chapters devoted to dealing with a pregnant woman to whom the guy is not married.

EJ softens and says no harm will come to their child because Nicole will not let that happen.

EJ can count on Nicole to guard her rubber baby buggy bumper with her life.

Rafe sneaks. He goes through papers as Nicole watches.

Exactly how good an agent can Rafe be if a dim wit like Nicole catches him in the act? I didn’t think the witness protection storyline could get any lamer but I sure was wrong. Geez!

I’ve got to hand it to the DOOL writers. They’ve created another experimental break through medical treatment to save a Daze denizen. First, it was Chelsea risking her life to save Bo, and now it’s Chloe risking her life to save Kate. What kind of treatment are they going to come up with for the viewers as we risk our sanity to watch this nonsense? Good grief!! Fortunately, we have Prevuze saving us from risking experimental treatments to stave off insanity!

5:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok so let's see..common sense would state that if Chloe is now a viable donor for Kate, and Chloe's sister Joy was the one that saved Chloe with the same transplant, wouldn't then Joy also be a viable donor for Kate? Why jeopardize someone's life with a 'it might work' scenario??

Does that not make more sense??

6:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So let me get this straight.....

The two badass DiMeras are now taking orders and being reprimanded by the likes of Nicole Walker? Oy vey.

6:16 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Dear Anonymous - common sense:Dool - LOLOLOL

"I thought caring for your unborn child would trump your hysterical feminism," says Stefano.

Even the writers come up with a great zinger once in a while. LOLOL

Leslie pointed out the prevuisms I especially liked. I did appreciate Prevuze ability to once again meld what was probably an unintentional use of a famous name by the writers (Canard) into a lesson on history, the movies, and a connection to this idiodic storyline.

Marvelous pictures today: Brady's car (which could also have belonged to any DOOL audience member), Bulldog's pic of Rafe, and Sami's Safe House. I really loved the final picture of the gang's real reaction to who won the donor match lottery.

7:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved the pic of Brady's car- too funny. Did you guys hear about Deidre Hall and Drake Hodgden's exit from Dool? John and Marlena are expected to exit the show in early 2009 according to an article in my local paper. All soaps are making budget cuts including pay cuts for the actors/ Susan Lucci has even taken a pay cut.....

8:32 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Prevuze - if you'd provide the address of the mystical Prevuze Compound we could all send you some Duracells for Christmas. Having to watch DOOL with a battery-less zapper must be akin to getting a lump of coal in your stocking!

BTW - speaking of Christmas. I'm still chuckling over the mention of the hideous ornament and the Prevuism it should go on Alice's tree. Years ago we went on the NBC tour and they said the precious Horton tree ornaments are practically carried around on a pillow lest they break. I wondered why - they could probably go down to the local Dollar General and get replacements but I didn't want to insult the tour guide.

Anyway, great Prevuze today! I loved everyone's thoughts at the donor match and "Decapolar Sami". A new one for the Prevuze dictionary.

Thanks - Friday's comin'!

8:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with the previous comment that Joy should be a donor for Kate.
It would be a great excuse to bring back Craig & Nancy!!

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just read that too, about John and Marlena leaving:
This follows word last month that, in a moneysaving measure, two veteran cast members of NBC's "Days of Our Lives," Deirdre Hall and Drake Hogestyn, will be released after decades on that show.

NBC's statement said the soap "has decided to rest" the characters played by Hall and Hogestyn, with both of them "exiting the canvas in early 2009." Hall joined the show as Dr. Marlena Evans 32 years ago. Hogestyn (John Black) has been a cast member for 22 years.

11:48 AM  
Anonymous Berg said...

Apparently, in an attempt to save money due to the budget crunch it appears that DOOL and NBC has also let their entire staff of writers go as well.

3:34 PM  
Anonymous saggy basket said...

Berg, apparently you're correct and they've been replaced by middle school students who were allowed to watch "the real world" growing up.

5:09 AM  

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