Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Funerals Are Overrated — I Had One Last Year

Sami and Rafe wait in the church. Rafe goes on about growing up and coming to the convent with a chip on his shoulder until Sister Agnes whipped him into shape. Sister Teresa shows up. Sami wants to speak in private. "Private," snorts Rafe, "Forget it. I'm not leaving your side."

A gal in the audience leans over to her neighbor, "Great. If "Colleen" decides to go over another cliff, that would solve two problems."

Marlena meets Kayla in the pub. She says she's looking for John. Kayla says she hasn't seen him.

"He's about 5'10," says Marlena, "170 pounds, walks around with a Mortimer Snerd smile and his hair looks like he just stuck his finger in a light socket."

Kayla pries. Marlena is all too happy to blab. She tells Kayla John has agreed to see a shrink — an old professor of hers.

John and Charlotte talk. She tells him Kenneth was her father, "He passed away last month and won't be back for a while. "

Nicole tells EJ the trip to the clinic is unnecessary and says they should leave. EJ resists as Dr. Baker comes in. Dr. Baker asks, "Is it all right to talk with EJ present?"

"Yes," says Nicole, "Tell him everything. Dr. Baker goes to get her file and EJ thanks Nicole for being so open and above board.

As they wait, Nicole gets antsy. EJ asks if she's all right. Nicole says it's just that she hates doctors, "I can't even watch ER."

"That's a pretty good show, " says EJ, "If you can't stand that, you'd really hate the dreck they show on daytime soaps. But at least your pregnancy is going well."

"Oh, EJ," sighs Nicole, "Things with the pregnancy are far from OK. This fake rubber tummy is really uncomfortable."

John says, "It makes sense your father died. If he was a professor when Marlena was in college, he had to have been a centenarian. Why didn't Blondie know the old guy was a goner?"

"He was a private man," says Charlotte, "We didn't even put a notice about the funeral in the paper."

"Funerals are overrated," says John, "I had one last year." John sees Patch come up and goes over to discuss the mayor's murder. Patch tells John almost everything is a dead end. John thinks that means Sami is still a target.

Sami sends Sister Teresa packing and turns her wrath on Rafe, "WHAT THE HELL... I mean heck... are you doing?" She claims she just wants to talk to Sister Teresa about spiritual things, "I am a practicing Catholic."

Rafe rolls his eyes, "What — On Christmas and Easter?" That does it! Things degenerate into another lightning round of juvenile bickering and arguing. Finally Rafe goes over to Sister Teresa and tells her, "It means so much to me to be here right now." Sami protests.

EJ says he should have been with Nicole instead of on the plane to Argentina. Nicole seems to make a feeble attempt to tell him what's really going on but EJ won't shut up. He vows never to leave her again. Hugs. Nicole flashes back to the Lodge and Brady rescuing her. She says she wishes she had never seen the lodge.

Marlena and Kayla cluck and peck at their meal. Marlena says she knows if anyone can help John it's Dr. Taylor.

John tells Patch to keep looking for clues, "If you get a clue, it would make everyone in town happy. "

"I'll try," says Patch, "But I can't promise anything. Who's the woman?"

John is gruff, "Keep me posted."

Patch leaves. John goes back over and sits on the park bench beside Charlotte, "I suppose you are going to ask me what that was all about."

Mary gives Stefano a note. He asks where Elvis is and Mary goes to look.

EJ says he was going to make reservations at the Lodge again. Nicole says she can't go back there because it ruined everything. She rambles on about what a great time they were going to have there and how sad she is that the doctor has banned extra-curricular activities, "I have feelings for you I have never felt before and I can't express those feelings."

EJ takes it all in stride, "So we have to wait to make love. That will make it all that much sweeter."

Dr Baker comes back, "We can get started now."

"Actually doctor," says Nicole, "we can't."

Rafe asks if Sister Teresa knew Sister Agnes. "Sister Agnes was my predecessor," says Sister Teresa, "I was in Dubuque when she was here."

"Cool," says Sami, "Did you go to the riverboat casinos when you were there.

"Uh, no," says Sister Teresa. As Sami tries to pry her foot out of her mouth, a guy in a hoodie walks in. Rafe grabs him and roughs him up. He demands to know what the guy is doing there. The girls cower.

Sister Teresa steps up and says Mr. Hoodie is a friend. Rafe apologizes for overreacting. Sister Teresa lectures, "This is the Lord's house that kind of behavior is unacceptable." Rafe decides it's time to go. Sami begs him not to. Rafe insists and Sami apologizes to Sister Teresa. She grabs a flyer on her way out.

Nicole says she wants a follow up examination before they talk. EJ wants to stay. "No," says Nicole, "I'm a little shy."

"I respect that," says EJ, "If I want to sneak a peek, I'll just watch one of your porn films." He still thinks he should stay, but then gets a call from Stefano. Nicole insists he take the call while they do the exam. EJ wants to be there for it. She convinces him and EJ leaves.

Dr. Baker asks, "Is something going on?"

Nicole opens her coat to reveal her rubber baby buggy bumper, "I didn't tell EJ about the miscarriage and you can't either."

Outside, EJ tells Stefano he wants to talk later, "I'm in the middle of something."

"I was in the middle of a sentence," booms Stefano, "We will discuss this now!"

Nicole begs Dr. Baker to lie for her until she figures out a way to tell EJ. "That wouldn't be ethical," says Dr Baker, "I try to do things ethically, which is why the Salem Medical Association ran me out of town. The longer you put on a charade the tougher it will be."

"I lost my child," whines Nicole, "And if you tell EJ, I will lose the man I love."

"I know," says Dr. Baker, "I can't help you."

Patch is on the phone talking dude-talk. He gets frustrated, hangs up and heads inside the pub. He crashes up to Kayla's table with all the grace of a bull in a china shop. She shushes him and says she just got L'il Joe, whose carriage has magically appeared out of nowhere, to sleep, "Marlena and I just had a conversation about John."

"I just saw John," says Patch.

"Was his hair any better than Marlena described it," asks Kayla.

Charlotte says she isn't interested in Patch. John says he thought all shrinks were nosy. She wants to get down to business and asks if he agrees his problems stem from a lab experiment.

"I'm not the guy I used to be," says John, "But don't agree there is something wrong with me."

"Neither do I," says Charlotte, "Except for that haircut. "

Sami and Rafe get back to the safe house where they can do some serious bickering. Sami wants to go back and talk to Sister Teresa. Rafe forbids it, "You are under no circumstances ever going back to that church."

Marlena comes back to Patch and Kayla's table. They talk about their kids, "Belle was a little handful," says Marlena, "That's why I was glad to see her sail off with Shawn. "

L'il Joe cries. "I'll change him," says Kayla.

As she goes off, Patch yells, "Change him for a quieter kid."

Marlena gets maudlin. She tells Patch Eric thought about coming to Salem for Christmas, but now he has a chance to go see Austin and Carrie, "It's going to be a quiet Christmas this year."

Patch is sympathetic about her divorce. Marlena thinks John may be getting the help he needs as they speak.

Charlotte blathers about situations like John's, and talks about friends and loved ones who want to bring the old person back, "If the patient has no desire, it's a lost cause, and I think the patient's wishes should be respected. If you don't want to change, I'm OK with that."

EJ tells Stefano he's at the doctor with Nicole and there have been complications, and then he hangs up.

Nicole begs Dr. Baker to lie for her. He refuses. Nicole changes her tune, "I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice. I got a background check on you. I know you have three ex wives. That's a heck of a lot of alimony. Five kids in private school. You're up to your eyeballs in debt. What other gems will I uncover?"

"This is blackmail."

"No," says Nicole, "That would be unethical. It's more like... you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. I can wipe out all those ugly debts in one fell swoop. What do you say?"

"Start swooping."

EJ knocks and comes in, "What's the verdict? How's our baby?"

Kayla comes out with a sleeping baby as Patch watches a game on the bar TV and cheers. Kayla tells him to cool it. Patch asks, "He's out again?"

"Shows what a clean diaper will do for you," says Kayla.

"It works wonders for me, " says Patch, "I think you're amazing."

Kayla says, "You didn't think I was so amazing last night when I didn't record your basketball game."

"I wasn't horny then, " says Patch, "Let's get out of here... get you all liquored up... put on some Barry White..."

Kayla says, "I have a better idea. How about if Barry White and I go out and you can babysit L'il Joe?"

Sami insists Rafe has to let her go back to the church. They spiral into the abyss of adolescence, lowering the standards of adolescents everywhere.

Dr. Baker caves and tells EJ the baby is fine. Suddenly a nurse rushes in, "Dr. Baker, it's an emergency. There has been a snowmobile accident."

"Get my toolkit," says Dr. Baker, "Maybe I can save the snowmobile."

Nicole wants to get out of there. "Don't be like this," says EJ, "Don't hide the truth from me."

John and Dr. Taylor come into the pub. John is chipper. "I'm glad you have an open mind," says Dr. Taylor.

"If my mind is anything its open," says John.

Marlena joins them, "And if my mind is anything, it's empty." Marlena sticks out her hand, "I'm Dr. Marlena Evans-Craig-Bradford-Brady-Black-North-Black-DiMera."

Charlotte says, "I'm Dr. Taylor."

Marlena says, "No, that's impossible. You only have one last name."

Prevuze

Sami. Rafe. Idiocy. Sami tells him about her troubled childhood. Sister Bridgette helped her, "One time at band camp I got in trouble. I thought I would get smacked with a ruler or have to write something over and over on the blackboard. But my punishment was to help Sister Bridgette decorate for Christmas."

"Eeeeuuuuwwww," says Rafe, "That's more punishment than anyone should have to endure." Rafe is sympathetic but says she can't go back to the convent. Bicker-bicker-bicker. Sami degenerates into name calling, "JERK!"

Rafe goes into the next room. Sami picks up the flyer she copped, "Sorry, but my little reunion is going to happen whether you want it or not."

EJ tells Nicole to stop pretending, "I know that you are more concerned than me about the health of our baby."

"Maternal instinct."

"We should be grateful," says EJ, "Our baby is healthy. This is a blessing." Hugs.

"Yes it is," says Nicole.

Stefano is on the phone with Dr. Heisman. He says he doesn't know the specifics but he wants the best for his heir. His jet is on the way to Zürich to pick up the doctor and bring him to Salem, "I will arrange for a full examination of the patient... the mother of my son's child." We fade to a shot of EJ and Nicole hugging.

Prevuze

Previews
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15 Comments:

Anonymous Leslie said...

John says, "It makes sense your father died. If he was a professor when Marlena was in college, he had to have been a centenarian.”

Oh my, oh my, that was so funny! If Daze were a hockey game, Prevuze would be getting a game misconduct for that one!! Speaking of hockey…nice segue don’t you think?...the Blackhawks will be playing the Red Wings in the Friendly Confines on New Year’s Day. Hope the January hockey is better than the October baseball was.

"Funerals are overrated," says John, "I had one last year."

…and what a maudlin affair that was!! Thank goodness for my trusty zapper.

She claims she just wants to talk to Sister Teresa about spiritual things, "I am a practicing Catholic."

Rafe rolls his eyes, "What — On Christmas and Easter?"


…and what’s wrong with that?

EJ wants to stay. "No," says Nicole, "I'm a little shy."

"I respect that," says EJ, "If I want to sneak a peek, I'll just watch one of your porn films."


HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Prevuze is on a Tuesday morning roll!!!!!!

She tells Patch Eric thought about coming to Salem for Christmas, but now he has a chance to go see Austin and Carrie, "It's going to be a quiet Christmas this year."

With the budget cuts at Daze, will there even be a tree?

I got a background check on you. I know you have three ex wives. That's a heck of a lot of alimony. Five kids in private school.

With the full time blubbering that Nicole has been doing, when did she have the opportunity to do all this research? Did she Google “Dr. Baker” to dig up all this dirt? Now the good doctor is being asked to deal with a snowmobile crash and burn. I thought Dr. Baker was practicing in a clinic not an ER. Why is Nicole even going back to Dr. Baker for a follow-up exam? When she started bleeding, Nicole should have been on the phone to her OB/GYN. The doctor probably would have instructed her to meet him/her at the hospital. This fake pregnancy is pure silliness. By the way, what happened to the fetus? Wouldn’t a burial be appropriate?

Once again, Prevuze, many thanks for your side splitting take on Daze!!!

5:52 AM  
Anonymous LB said...

Heres to Stephano's doctors. If anyone can stop the madness, he will. Or maybe he'll get in on the scheme with Nicole.

6:07 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

By the way, what happened to the fetus? Wouldn’t a burial be appropriate?

True, Leslie. But then they couldn't introduce the kid in 3-4 years as Ejicole's presumably dead daughter.

She tells Kayla John has agreed to see a shrink — an old professor of hers.

Wonder how fast Blondie will change her tune when she gets a load of Charlotte?? BTW - great picture of Marlena introducing herself to the shrink.

Which brings up a HUH?! moment. John was beyond touchy about the fact that he was seeing a shrink, yet his first “informal session” with the guy was going to be in the middle of the pub?

Quickly followed by another HUH?!:
Dr. Baker asks, "Is something going on?" Nicole opens her coat to reveal her rubber baby buggy bumper.

Jeez, what kind of doctor IS he?? He didn’t notice the gal who just lost her baby two days ago is back sporting a belly that could hold twins?

"Marlena and I just had a conversation about John." "I just saw John," says Patch.

I ask you, where else but DOOL can you get such witty dialog?

"Belle was a little handful," says Marlena.

Yeah, for about a year, then they SORASed her butt into a teenager overnight.

Loved the town crier photo, Bulldog. And just to many other great prevuisms to mention. Thanks, Prevuze.

6:49 AM  
Blogger Brendamouse said...

Is Charlotte a new love interest for new John or another agent of destruction for Stefano?

How could Marlena not know that the professor she asked for was dead? If she called, wrote, e-mailed, whatever, wouldn't an ethical person respond to her request with at least a--sorry can't make it?

Whoops, I keep forgetting that this is DOOL and strained beyond belief credulity is the norm.

So, Sami is still pregnant? Just checking.

The mayor has been murdered, I thought the mayor was Abe Carver.

I have been so out of touch

7:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wouldn't EJ find it strange that Nicole's belly ballooned in a matter of days? Couldn't they have found a belly of a more appropriate size for someone early in her pregnancy? If she keeps this up, I can't wait to see how she handles belly rubs and baby kicks!

7:32 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Not only is it a total switch Jawn is meeting with the doctor out in public, wasn't he at death's door with raging headaches a few weeks ago? Why have those stopped all of a sudden?

"Funerals are overrated - I had one last year." God how I'm going to miss Jawn!! Why can't they keep him and just get rid of Marlena? :(

LOL over the Dankate pic and my favorite Prevuism: "John tells Patch to keep looking for clues."

If you get a clue, it would make everyone in town happy."
Yeah, he's tearin' up the town turning up all kinds of info in his private eye work isn't he? HAHAHA

Thanks for the great Prevuze!

8:41 AM  
Anonymous victum... said...

wasn't marlena supposed to have married Alex North way back when?
shouldn't there be a North in between Evans & Craig. I want some continuity here please.

9:48 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I got a background check on you. I know you have three ex wives. That's a heck of a lot of alimony. Five kids in private school.

I was wondering the same thing as Leslie. Where did Nicole get all her dirt on Dr. Babymomma??

And where is she getting all this cash to bribe him? Victor didn't give her a settlement and I doubt she could funnel much out of EJ's bank account without him noticing.

I had an EWWWW thought about Stefano bringing in the OB expert.
What if the doctor rats Nicole out to Stefano?
And instead of blowing her cover to EJ, Stefano offers to help Nicole get re-knocked up only with HIS demon seed this time around.

His OB expert will make sure she gets and stays PG, and she agrees to let Stefano call all the shots with regard to the care and raising of his heir.
In exchange for her co-operation Stefano will make sure she and EJ remain the happy couple.
Under Grandpa Stefano's thumb of course.

What do you guys think?

10:10 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

This fake pregnancy is pure silliness. By the way, what happened to the fetus? Wouldn’t a burial be appropriate?

True, Leslie. But then they couldn't introduce the kid in 3-4 years as Ejicole's presumably dead daughter.


It's an indisputable fact that Don and Marlena never buried DJ and he never showed up later as their presumably dead son. OR DID HE?

There are two prevailing theories on what happened to the Deej. Most people believe Marlena still keeps him in a brown paper bag in her closet.

However (and this is, I might add, a Prevuze exclusive), new evidence suggests DJ was sorased and became Lt. Dan, the skeleton in the church closet who scared the pants off of Mimi and Max (literally, I believe) when they were trapped there. Now... follow me closely here... as you may remember, Lt. Dan turned out to be Mimi's dead father. See how nicely this fits? That means Marlena is the mother of DJ, who is actually Lt. Dan, who is actually Mimi's father, which makes Marlena Mimi's grandmother, and by the rules of the show makes her eligible to have sex with any and all of Mimi's boyfriends (I'm disallowing the eeeuuuwww factor of Marlena hooking up with Rex. Don't even want to go there). Anyway, this may sound shocking since that would make Marlena eligible to have sex with Mimi's former husband, Shawn, who is the current husband of her daughter Belle. But that's no big deal since Marlena was already elegible to bang Shawn by the precedent set by Billie and Nick.

I know that sounds far fetched but, hey, this is DOOL. Besides, I'm on the side that thinks she has him stuffed in a paper bag in the closet. DJ, not Shawn, that is.

10:21 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

With the full time blubbering that Nicole has been doing, when did she have the opportunity to do all this research? Did she Google “Dr. Baker” to dig up all this dirt?

I was wondering the same thing as Leslie. Where did Nicole get all her dirt on Dr. Babymomma??


OK. Here's what I think we are supposed to believe. In yesterday's episode (the one that was broadcast in the US today), EJ tells Nicole they are going back to the clinic and then leaves her alone for a few minutes. That's when we read...

"Nicole digs out her cell phone, "Hi. It's me. I need information. Send it to my phone right away. Listen carefully..."

In the very next scene, before he goes back to yammering with Stephanie, Phillip gets off his cell phone. So maybe we are to think Nicole called Phillip and got the info. That brings up a lot more questions and I certainly don't know where she would get the money to bribe Dr. Baker unless she thinks now that she may be about to become Nicole DiMera, she's swimming in money. Face it, this show has more loose ends than a grass skirt.

10:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rafe and Sami are so boring.

12:00 PM  
Anonymous NewJawnRocksHardest said...

"Funerals are overrated - I had one last year." God how I'm going to miss Jawn!! Why can't they keep him and just get rid of Marlena? :(

I think there are tens of thousands of Jawn fans who would love to know the answer to that one.

12:25 PM  
Blogger cfish said...

Anonymous said...
Rafe and Sami are so boring.


Anon - I agree. OK, so Sami is in the witness protection program. Why can't they just leave it at that and use that to explain her absence from the show? Why do they have to make up this lame S/L that nobody cares about????

2:01 PM  
Anonymous Cookala said...

"Face it, this show has more loose ends than a grass skirt."

OMG! That had me rolling on the floor!

3:54 PM  
Anonymous Kennedy said...

LOL.. Liked the BFF quote on the side panel.

Like Chole would even change a dirty diaper for Nicole, rather than stretch out her PERFECT body for her...

Thanks Prevuze - you crack me up!

10:21 PM  

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