Saturday, June 07, 2008

Top 10 Reasons Why Lumi Should Be Together

The great debate rages on: Lumi or Ejami. While Prevuze always endeavors to remain objective in its relentless bashing of DOOL, we feel it is important to weigh in on this serious issue.

It is the official policy of the Prevuze editorial board (consisting of Killer and me) that Lumi should remain, or more accurately get back, together.

And while we certainly can see the appeal of the Ejami pairing, we find more compelling reasons to support the luminous luminescence of the ludicrous linking of the lunatic and lummox together known as Lumi.

Accordingly, here is the list of our top reasons why Sami and Lucas should be together:

• DOOL ratings are too high.

• No pain, no gain.

• After Colleen left Santo, she hooked up with Lucas O'Horton.

• We need proof two unemployable losers can make it in this crazy world.

• Sami's breasts wouldn't be the only two boobs on the screen.

• Lucas always kind of had a thing for Stan.

• Loons of a feather flock together.

• Salem high school needs a prom king and queen.

• Maybe for once, Sami could have a baby and know who the father is.

• Lucas begging and Sami teasing is so much fun to watch.

• They might just decide to go far, far away together.

• EJ needs to move on and have some adult competition.

• The audience just loves hearing Sami say, "Lucas, we can't do this."

• Salem couples counselors need the business.

• It takes two to properly short-sheet a bed.

• Lucas needs a woman who will stay with him longer than a couple months.

• Carrie and Austin aren't dysfunctional enough for young Will.

• Imagine the drama of Lucas torn between Sami and Carmine.

• Lucas in peril might lead to another Ejami romp.

• The audience demands more underwear races.

• Since opposites attract (and likes repel), two rapists like Sami and EJ wouldn't make it together.

• EJ hasn't crashed many honeymoons lately.

• It sets Lucas up for an incurable disease.

• DOOL needs yet another "who's your daddy" storyline.

• Kate doesn't have $5,000,000 to buy Lucas another wife.

• Carrie is too busy to come back to Lucas for just a couple of weeks.

• Bed-bustin' juvenile sex is so much better than steamy hot adult sex.

We know you must be convinced by now, but we've saved our most compelling reasons for last. So, with apologies to David Letterman, we present our top ten reasons why Sami and Lucas should be together:

10. Sami hasn't properly thanked Lucas for her stay on death row.

9. Dweebs everywhere need assurance they too can get a girl.

8. This relationship really deserves a 500th chance.

7. Sami's cooking is so much like prison food.

6. Sami hasn't bought a new wedding dress in months.

5. Three words: mothers in law.

4. There is a vacancy in the Salem Trailer Park.

3. Separation limits Lucas' opportunities to treat Sami like crap.

2. In a future episode, Johnnie and Will can play the Menendez brothers.


And... The top reason why Sami and Lucas should be together...
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DRUM ROLL
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1. With Shawn and Belle gone, Prevuze needs a wacky couple to make fun of.

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Have a great weekend, gang. You don't need any reasons to do that.

44 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm disappointed. Only a few items from your Lumi list were even mildly funny. Most sound like they came from an Ejami fan on the message boards, instead of your usual witty, equal opportunity bashing self. I might think differently if you poked fun at Ejami or EJ even half as much as you do with Lumi and Lucas.

3:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOVEITLOVEITLOVEIT!!!!!! Some times it takes a great mind to see past all the fluff. You seem to hit the nail on the head. All Ejami all the time for me. My question has always been what in the world does she see in him(Lucas)I have seen small children who react better than this supposed grown man. You make my point so nicely. Thanks prevuze

4:19 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Well, Prevuze, you seem to have hit a nerve! I, for one, agree that Lumi should stay together, they provide so much material.

Your list of top reasons just goes to show how silly these storylines can get, yet, here we are! Calm down, people! It's all in good fun.

5:28 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Funny, funny Saturday posting. I laughed all the way through it.

And, Anon1, I'm sure the Prevuze gang could come up with a list ALMOST as long for why EJami should stay together. It's just that with Lumi there's so much more dysfunctional back-story to work with. LOLOL

After Prevuze touched on it, I saw yet another reason Lumi should stay together....Lucas/Stan/Carmine....a great soap love triangle could develop. HAHAHA

Thanks for a fun kick-off to the weekend, Prevuze!

6:35 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:00 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Forsooth young Anonymous! Thou hast issued a challenge!
And I, shall rise it it thusly:

As much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE Ejami,
here are MY top 10 reasons why we NEED Lumi!

10. Nicole hasn't broken up any marriages in a while. She needs the practice.

9. Unless she grows up dealing with her parents' constant conflict, how else would Ali develop that all important eating disorder in her teens?

8. Again, unless he grows up watching his mother's life being made miserable by a screaming control freak, how else will Johnny have his very own vendetta and grow up to be a "proper" Dimera.

7. EJ LIVES for the thrill of the chase.

6. Prevuze fans don't want to have to FF through ENTIRE episodes.

5. Lumi is easier to type than EJami.

4. The actor's guild only pays for so many chiropractic visits a year and Allison gets a lot of cricks in her neck from looking up at James all the time.

3. They don't play that stupid Celtic music every time Lumi hooks up.

2. It just looks so much funnier when NBC puts that "Biggest Loser Couples" promo on the screen.

And the number ONE reason....

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DRUM ROLL

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1. DOOL can finally become TOTALLY GREEN by using nothing but 100% recycled scripts.

8:02 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

"In a future episode, Johnnie and Will can play the Menendez brothers" And the sad thing is, all DOOL viewers know somehow a SORAS'D Johnnie will be the same age as Will! HAHAHAHA

What a great list, Prevuze! (And yours, too, Deb.) Maybe Letterman should hire both of you to write his Top Ten lists. However, if DOOL contacts either one of you you have to write for them first. They need the assistance.

What a great way to start a (for once) sunny Saturday. Thanks! :D

PS: In a totally non-DOOL related comment, Go Big Brown!

8:19 AM  
Anonymous Aliaron said...

I always thought Prevuze was balanced in their ribbing of couples. They've never been totally on one side and against the other. And once again, this just proves the point. <------ Insert sacasm here with a nice bit of eyes rolling for emphasis.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Go Big Brown!

We've said it before, we'll say it again: Prevuze - best sports blog on the Internet.

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Denise said...

Great List.As always you have me ROTFL.yes we do need 2 sets of twins on screen, you know besides Lucas' big girls.

I don't think that you are taking any sides, but hey EJami ain't that bad.Its not the prevuze bloggers fault that Lumi is just too darn easy to tease, they are just speaking the truth, Lumi does the other work,yes and I mean sitting on the couch, with Sami trying to teach Lucas how to read.

Another great way to start my weekend, Don't let the haters get you down, your bloody brilliant!

10:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prevuze - OMG!
I am kind of a Lumi...eventhough I love EJ...and I thought that list was pretty hilarious! Great observations, and you are definitely one of the best daytime blogs out there! Kudos!

If anyone is a little too sensitive for this, it's PREVUZE!!! They always have been an equal opportunity basher!

I love both lists!
Thanks for the SAturday laugh!

10:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree Aliaron. Sad that even Prevuze is starting to cater to Ejami fans.

10:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA! Thanks for the weekend laugh, Prevuze. Neither you nor I can help the ridiculousness of Lumi... thank goodness because it makes for some good laughs.

10:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Think of all the old Lumi scripts that DOOL can now re-use. That will surely save a tree or two. Though Shelle's return could save a whole forest or two.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The truth is Lumi fans are used to being attacked by this site. If Prevuze people really had the big balls they claim to have, they'd take on the farce that consumes EJ fans. But the shriveled oats between their legs shrink even more at the thought of going after a group that feels that rape is cool cause deep down the woman wanted it.

11:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You seem to forget sami is a rapist, too.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I have seen small children who react better than this supposed grown man.

And if you notice, even a "time out" in the form of prison, didn't help Lucas!

Has anyone else noticed he actually seems PROUD of the fact that he shot EJ. And it almost seems like he's wanting Sami to THANK him for it!

aliaron and anonymous:

You seem to forget there have been several times Prevuze was pro-Lumi!
In fact many of us were, back when EJ was a slimy jerk who blackmailed Sami and tried to kill John.

Now if he had continued to be like that, AND if Lucas had stayed the tolerant, forgiving, romantic guy he was just before their wedding, we'd all STILL be Lumi fans.

But Lucas has morphed back into the mean insulting jerk he was, when he was married to Carrie.
What happened to his famous promise:
"I can forgive you for ANYTHING Sami! As long as you tell me the truth up front and don't try to hide things from me."

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's what JUST happened, and all Lucas can manage to do is stand there and sputter...."But you slept with EJ!!!"

Hypocrisy sucks.

12:17 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I'M a Lumi fan. And I don't feel Prevuze is anti-Lumi, or anti-Lumi fan either.

I'm not really sure what Anon is talking about (the anon who claims this site attacks Lumi fans)...I just like a good laugh now and then. I don't see anything wrong with making fun of Lumi, or Lucas, or whoever. I'll make fun of Ejami, if you want me to, I'm just not that clever, or funny. It's just silly, this whole soap thing, how can you NOT make fun of it? I don't think anyone is catering to EJ fans, I could care less what happens with EJ or Lucas. It's just too easy to make fun of Lumi. They're right there for the pickin'!

I am of the opinion that Prevuze is, as stated before, an equal opportunity basher. Please don't get so upset over this! We're just having fun.

12:45 PM  
Anonymous Shanice said...

I have just one thing to say:

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool!!!!

Thanksforthelaughs Prevuze!

1:47 PM  
Anonymous em said...

Here's one really good reason why ejami is better than lumi:

We don't have to listen to all the sucking/smoochy noises from lumi when they make out.

And ej's a hunk!

2:32 PM  
Anonymous aliaron said...

hey,

If Lumi hate threw me in a crazy tizzy, I would never look at this site, let alone one or two message boards.

Personally I think both Lucas and Sami are being written out of character and have been for a while now. I don't know if its to pimp EJ or plain old bad writing.

I'm not jabbing Prevuze for your attacks, I'm just saying I'm not surprised.

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LUMI's are using the same old SICK and boring propoganda. It has already been explaiend - what happened between EJ and Sami was in fact, not rape. Days already rehashed it and EJ and Sami talked about it. They made love that night and the very least had sex - the only thing Sami had a problem with was the way EJ was a jerk with an attitude afterwards. You already know the facts. Now grow a brain. Get over it and get over yourselves. No wonder other Days fans call Lumi's ---> LUNI's. Because they are if they keep repeating such mindless nonsense.

And great job, prevuze, you never fail to insert the snark and the laughter commenses. Another great witty post again from you.

2:43 PM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

And great job, prevuze, you never fail to insert the snark and the laughter commenses. Another great witty post again from you.

Well, if you haven't figured out what's coming, I might as well let the cat out of the bag. We'll see if you feel the same way next week, when we do the same kind of list for Ejami and barbeque them.

5:01 PM  
Anonymous christine said...

BRILLIANT BRILLIANT BRILLIANT!
the same old rehashed dysfunctional lumi crap that has played on our screens for 15 years. You hit the nail on the head with the stuck in high school behavior rut that is lumi.
That was so funny with the usual snarky humor. BRAVO! THANK YOU FOR THE LAUGH!

5:58 PM  
Anonymous tessa said...

You have outdone yourself! THis is so funny and definately points out all that is screwy with lumi.
I'm an ejami and I look forward to next weeks list - it's all in fun.

6:07 PM  
Anonymous Denise said...

Well, if you haven't figured out what's coming, I might as well let the cat out of the bag. We'll see if you feel the same way next week, when we do the same kind of list for Ejami and barbeque them.

LOL as an EJami fan, I can't wait, I ALWAYS laugh at your comments because I appreciate snark.Unlike many fans, I can laugh at a joke from a soap DOOL couple, even if I am a supporter of the pair.Its called having a sense of humor people.Thanks Prevuze, you never disappoint to bring a good laugh.

6:40 PM  
Anonymous Denise said...

Personally I think both Lucas and Sami are being written out of character and have been for a while now. I don't know if its to pimp EJ or plain old bad writing.

Okay DOOL writing is terrible Most of the times, okay Almost all of the time.Lets see, Lucas yelling and running his mouth while Sami is apologizing and groveling, telling him that 'this time it will work', is what Lumi is.Unless they have been written out of character for the last 4 years to pimp Baby Elvis while he was in the cradle, then I guess we can use that excuse for their lameness.

6:46 PM  
Anonymous denise said...

going after a group that feels that rape is cool cause deep down the woman wanted it.

Wow its amazing how you know my heart and soul, and how you can specifically talk for many fans who do support EJami.Give this one a Pulitzer.

6:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

funny but rape and manilupation are not grown up either and EJAMI fans are the lunis for wanting a rapist and his victim together. She still considers it a rape. She just said so right before Lucas come back. Otherwise she won't have compared to her drugging Austin. What EJ did to her is much worse. I can't see she would someone who is obsessed with her.

9:05 PM  
Anonymous Toni said...

I'm a fan and come here daily to read your humorous posts. After reading the title, I thought "this should be good". And it sure was. This is by far my favorite prevuze post to date. I loved it enough to leave a comment.

9:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

More people watched the LUMI wedding than the forced EJAMI wedding. so the ratings comment is untrue. Lucas isn't lying to her and EJ nearly killed her in the hospital.

9:21 PM  
Anonymous Klaus said...

I did like EJ too at one point, then EJ's excessive smarminess ruined it. It also seems like he tells Sami the exact things she wants to hear rather than what she needs to hear. Compliments and support all the way.

what happened between EJ and Sami was in fact, not rape.
That was a deus ex machina. It nonsensically removed a potentially impassable issue to move the plot along. I felt they could have move passed it if they had a realistic discussion about it, rather than the 'Oh it wasn't rape, I wanted it - while my lover was dying, in the cold, and making it a semi-negotiable act sealed the deal!'
But they retconned it, so theres not much to do about it now.

I do wish EJ would just sleep with Nicole already - it must happen, Ejami cannot exist without tribulations and Lucas hardly qualifies.

Lucas is being shown to unfairly demonize EJ despite EJ shifting alignments. EJ's lack of lashing back makes him look all the more mature and professional and makes Lucas look petulant and whiny.

Overall I never really liked Lucas, but Sami's wishy washy behavior and EJ's toxic levels of 'smarm' have pushed me in his corner. I do think Lucas would have been considerably less hostile had it not been EJ she slept with.

8:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO! This is the first time I've read your Prevuze. And I have to say, thanks for the Sunday morning laugh!

And OMG! Why do some people always have to turn things into EJami vs. Lumi? ~BIG eyerolls~ It's just a show people! This is supposed to be all in fun. They poked at EJ being a rapist, which I don't think he is, but it still made me laugh! Why? Because it's a joke!! GEESH!

And despite the party poopers, I think I'll have to continue to come and enjoy the sense of humor by these bloggers! Great job!!

11:16 AM  
Anonymous Ronny said...

Rolling on the floor laughing.

"we find more compelling reasons to support the luminous luminescence of the ludicrous linking of the lunatic and lummox together known as Lumi."

Yup that about sums up the travesty that is lumi.

Thanks Prevuze that was hilarious. Looking forward to the ejami one.

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was probably the funniest blog I've read on your site! Keep em comin.....!!!!

2:49 PM  
Anonymous Sherlindrea said...

Thanks for the laugh. LUMI's way beyond ludicrous! Looking forward to EJAMI's turn next week! Hope you and Killer pull out all the stops! :)

5:08 PM  
Anonymous Jamie*C* said...

Loved it. No, I take that back. I luuuuuuuuuuuuved it. Carcusmi triangle here we come!

8:36 PM  
Anonymous hberg said...

The funniest thing I read all day! I loved it. I can't help it if it is a very touchy subject with a certain fanbase, get a life and a sense of humor while you are at it. I have always felt Prevuze has never been biased, and yes I know you will have some snarky witty comments about EJAMI - I see bring it on! Hysterical!!!

3:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, that wasn't even close to being funny, witty or intelligent. I can tell you're an ejami fan Deb. I've noticed lately that you haven't been nearly as clever as you were 2 years ago. This explains it. What a shame.

3:56 AM  
Anonymous berg said...

Oh Deb, you have to understand - the writing on the wall that it really is over for LUMI just brings out the worst in folks. I think you are hysterical! Keep up the good commentary. Those of us that are just plain DOOL fans love ya! and Prevuze, I just could not live without your witty prose. I am still laughing!

4:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a Lumi fan, but I'm not offended by this; the opposite in fact.
Check any ejami forum and you'll see that ejami fans spend far more time talking about Lucas and Lumi than they ever do about EJ and ejami. Perhaps they should just stop denying what's right in front of them and admit that deep down inside they really want it: Lumi that is ;)

5:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL, that was so funny! PREVUZE on weekends always comes up with goos stuff :D Also loved last weekends photos! Thanks bloggers :)

5:29 AM  
Anonymous scarlett1977 said...

That was brilliant! You hit the nail repeatedly on the head and I loved it. I can't stand Lumi and am waiting very impatiently for them to be over. Enough is enough. Bring on Ejami. They are far more interesting that Lumi has ever been.

6:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If Lumi are so horrid why is everyone talking about them all the time?

Oooh my word verification below says "pigej" - see, even it knows!

7:00 AM  

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