Sunday, December 30, 2007

Hockey Pucks And Chain Saws

Tomorrow, of course, is New Year's Day. While most of us will be feasting on football overload, NBC will continue its daily tradition of bringing us a bunch of hockey pucks at the noon hour. Only instead of the hockey pucks of Salem, we'll be watching them fly as the Buffalo Sabres (Canadian spelling, naturally) take on the Pittsburgh Penguins in the first outdoor hockey game in the history of the NHL.

Unfortunately, the National Weather Service has predicted any snow activity will cease by game time. Too bad, because this thing would be a hoot to watch in a raging blizzard. Predictions say game-time temperature will be around the freezing mark, which means the fans in the stands will be miserable until the Labatt Blue starts to kick in, eh? Anyway, I'm sure they won't be as miserable as they would if they were sitting home watching DOOL.

The upshot of all this is there was no feed today and so, no Prevuze.

In the meantime, the Prevuze research team has been hard at work. We've read your comments about the feasibility of a six-foot-two, 205-pound guy like Ford fitting into a water heater and we've responded by looking into the matter. In the basement scene where Billie and Dodd are poking around, we get a clear look at the type of water heater installed at the Theta house. It just seems to be your typical run-of-the-mill type, which you might find in any home instead of the industrial type you might expect to find in a sorority where scads of bathroom hogging girls might test its capacity.

Therefore, our precise scientific measurement has determined that the water heater Max and Chelsea removed from the sorority (allegedly containing Ford's dead body) would be a minimum of a foot shorter than Ford himself. In addition, in case you hadn't guessed, water heaters are not entirely hollow on the inside, but contain pipes, insulation and water heater gizmo type stuff (sorry to use the technical terminology).

Bottom line, we don't think Max and Chelsea could have stuffed Ford into the water heater unless the Thetas also have a heavy-duty trash compactor in the basement (or, at a minimum, that guy from Fargo with his chain saw). However, we will let you draw your own conclusions, using the following scientific scale-diagram:

Have fun on New Year's Eve, gang. Be safe and join us tomorrow for the continued saga of Salem in 2008, which we're sure will be just as miserable and depressing as last year.


Blogger Jaclyn said...

Hey there.

Love your prevuze! Read em every day.

But...its actually the second outdoor game in the history of the NHL. The first one took place in 2003 I think. It was in Edmonton, Alberta -- The Oilers versus the Montreal Canadiens.

5:09 AM  
Anonymous moposh said...

Three Weeks of January Spoilers

5:44 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

I enjoyed everyone's comments about the water heater and, as usual, Prevuze never fails us. Love the comparison chart!

Thanks, Prevuze! Without some sort of special edition I could not get started on my day.

Happy New Year Prevuze and all it's readers.

6:00 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

But...its actually the second outdoor game in the history of the NHL. The first one took place in 2003 I think. It was in Edmonton, Alberta -- The Oilers versus the Montreal Canadiens.

That game was played in Canada, so it doesn't count. It will become official as soon as Canada becomes the 51st state.

6:03 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

I'm in a quandry. It's New Year's Eve. It's Monday. And I have to work. But wait a minute, I don't have to work tomorrow, so is this Friday?

Monday? Friday?

Neither one!! It's Happy Prevuze-Whether-There-Is-A-Show-Or-Not Day! Hoooray!

Wonderful analysis of the Ford/water heater situation. I'd vote for the chainsaw solution myself if it weren't for the fact that there isn't any blood spatter.

Of course, the bozos have managed to bury Ford, then dig him up again, and still have a perfectly flat, smooth, dirt floor. So, who knows, maybe they were able to chop Ford into bits without any bloody residue.

6:12 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

I have replaced the hot water heater in my house twice in the years I've lived here. And I attempted to open one of them up. Ain't no way in 'ell Max and Chelsea could have done it without a cutting torch and big hand tools in the short time they had. Do the DOOL writers really believe we are that dumb to fall for this drivel they are putting out???

6:20 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I am going to solve this Ford in the water heater question right now.

My husband was a contractor/carpenter for years. He knows about water heaters.

Ready? Here we go:

Before we begin: Please pull up this cross section view of a water heater and follow along.
Water Heater

1. There are 2 types of water heaters. We are going to assume for our purposes the water heater at I-Felta-Thigh is electric. If it were gas, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

2. The water heater was still hooked up, therefore it was still in use, and we can only assume, full of water. The first thing Maxelsea (Max and Chelsea) would have had to have done, is drain the tank.

3. Notice please on the diagram, there is a tank, within an tank. The interior tank is one solid piece of STEEL. To get into it you'd have to use a cutting torch or hacksaw.

4. Notice all the interior workings, the heating elements, anti corrosion pipe, filler or dip tube. All would have to be removed.

5. What you don't see, is the reason most water heaters have to be replaced. A thick layer of lime build up on the walls of the tank that restricts the amount of water the tank can hold. It cannot be removed.

With all the above said we now go into the Even if you are not dealing with reality, you have to at least follow the laws of physics. phase of our discussion.

1. The MINUMUM time it would take to change out a water heater, by the fastest PLUMBER on the planet, is 2 hours.

2. Water to the heater or house itself must be turned off. Pipes must be cut, new pipes sweated (or welded) to the new unit. Electrical connections must be cut and re-assembled. The new heater must be filled and turned on.

3. An old heater full of lime and minus a dead body, weighs at least 150 lbs and would leak the left over water all the way out the door.

Which leads us to the BIG questions:

Where did all the water go? The basement was bone dry.

How did they mask the noise? There would be a LOT of it.

What did they do with the interior tank and workings?

How did they get the whole thing with Ford inside out the door without leaving a trail of water?

AND, this is a biggie, how did the body NOT smell? John Wayne Gacy was caught because the smell from the decaying bodies in his basement. He even concreted over large sections and the smell STILL could be detected OUTSIDE the home.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the conclusion we must come away with is: IT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN DONE.

But then again, people don't come back from the dead. RIIIIGHT.

And now some spoilers for this week:
Sami stops Lucas from leaving the country with Kate. Lucas finally tells Sami the truth, that he is the one who shot EJ. Later Roman and the cops show up and Lucas is arrested!

Stefano plans to have Lucas killed while in jail! Meanwhile, EJ tells Sami that Stefano may try and do something to Lucas. Later EJ attempts to tell the police Lucas is in danger, but it doesn't seem like they take him seriously. EJ ends up punching a cop to get arrested and to Lucas!

Phillip confronts Belle at the pub as she and Shawn are decorating for New Years. After he leaves, Belle tells Shawn that she slept with Phillip! Belle begs Shawn to forgive her. Shawn however tells Belle it's over, he wants a divorce! Later, Shawn talks to Hope about Belle and her affair. Hope tells Shawn she knew about Belle's affair!

Chloe is arrested this week and calls Phillip for help. Chloe finally tells Phillip that Brady was kidnapped. Phillip offers to help Chloe find Brady, if she does something for him. Chloe agrees, and later they spend New Years together.

Crystal and her associate Rob try and kidnap Belle and Claire this week! Later Crystal asks to meet Marlena again. Marlena goes to see Crystal, though this time she takes a gun!

Happy New Years to all!!

6:33 AM  
Anonymous tnchargerfan said...

Wow, I never wanted to know that much about water heaters!! Come on, everybody knows that Salem water heaters aren't the same as a regular one, and they probably come without inner workings just for such a purpose!!

6:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Prevuze for the lesson in water tanks! LOL!

And even IF they were able to 'stuff' this guys body into a water tank (which is totally ridiculous!) - by now the body would definately begin decomposing! YUCK! Maybe, after and arm, then a leg, fell off they were able do it!!! Somehow I just can't picture this (and don't want to)!

No matter how you look at it they are still committing a crime. They are messing with a dead body! Ohhhh, that's right, I forgot, in Salem crimes don't matter! Especially if your last name ends in Brady or Dimera!
Is it just me or does it feel like the writers started with this storyline and are now floundering with what to do with it? I can't see a whole group of young girls being able to justify having a dead body in the basement of the house they're living in! What's wrong with these writers?
Chelsea, if anyone, knows the importance of doing the right thing... She was soooo addement about winning Bo and Hope's approval, after the whole Zack incident, why wouldn't she feel compelled to do the right thing now?
And finally, Max, he certainly is alot older than these girls and KNOWS right from wrong! Seems to me he MIGHT be letting some other body part do his thinking! LOL!

I really can't think of a realistic way the girls of "Sorta Felta Guy" can possibly get out of this one without charges - jailtime and probation! And to do so would definately be an insult to all of the viewers intelligence! But then again, we're the 'dummies' that watch it!!!! LOL!!! (not meant as an insult!)
Thanks Prevuze for all of your GREAT work you do for us! And Happy New Year to everyone!

6:49 AM  
Blogger Firstfall said...

I liked your comments Deb, but I can totally accept the unreality of "Days". Just look at the spoilers you posted! We're going to have a field day when the SPD put the victim in the same cell with his attempted murder suspect!

7:21 AM  
Anonymous moposh said...

It's cooler in the basement than the rest of the house, so maybe the smell isn't too bad.

Is there water in a water heater? If so, how could you get a body in there? You'd have to limit the amount of water in the heater and then the all the girls would be complaining about no hot water!

7:33 AM  
Anonymous moposh said...

After reading Deb's essay on water heaters, I ready to install one!!!

I guess since Max is a mechanic, he also knows about water heaters. BTW, when did they have a new one delivered and all that jazz? I'm assuming they crammed him in there, breaking his bones and whatnot.

What did Max do with Ford's clothes after he left the house? I hope he wore Ford's shoes too.

I'm waiting for Jennifer Love-Hewitt to enter playing dual roles from "Breast Whisperer" and "I know what you did last winter break."

7:38 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:00 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

I'm waiting for Jennifer Love-Hewitt to enter playing dual roles from "Breast Whisperer"... LOLOL Good one, Moposh!

Loved your disertation on water heaters, Deb. Who says watching soaps rots your brain? From Prevuze I've learned history, geography, literary allusions, vocabulary, and now, mechanics!

[If I could learn how to spell check, I'd be all set!]

8:03 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

Predictions say game-time temperature will be around the freezing mark, which means the fans in the stands will be miserable until the Labatt Blue starts to kick in, eh?

To bad that game was not played at Soldier Field last Sunday with the 40 mile an hour winds whipping off of Lake Michigan. Those conditions would give new meaning to the term “cold steel on ice”. Even Brett Favre had never played on a tundra quite that frozen.

Since NBC and DOOL are so green, why didn’t the I Felta Guy’s Thigh house purchase a high efficiency water heater? I’m sure Max would have had no problem venting it through the wall.

Happy New Year and stay safe!

8:27 AM  
Anonymous not anonymous said...

First off, Let's Go Pens!

Second, I have a completely empty water heater. My husband cannot carry it, he needs a dolly to do it. I think Chelsea and Max should pull a "Fargo" and use the wood chipper on Ford.


9:12 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

I'm laughing hysterically at this. Not so much the illogic of Daze but us trying to make sense of it. HAHAHAHA

Loved your analysis, Deb! :D

9:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

moposh said...

You'd have to limit the amount of water in the heater and then the all the girls would be complaining about no hot water!
7:33 AM

They were complaining there was no hotwater...thats why the new water heater and the girl taking a shower next door at the fraternity. And I'd be worried if something DID make sense on DOOL.

9:48 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Watching today's DOOL, I love how they have aged Ali and Johnny!

The baby EJ is holding is at least 5 months old!

And DUH Stefano, that baby is wearing a PINK sleeper. Of course it's Ali.

11:12 AM  
Anonymous Dazed said...

I'm going with the wood chipper theory, and a large plastic garbage bag.
And on that cheery note, Happy New Year, Y'all, and thanks for the giggles every day, Prevuze!

7:57 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Maybe the basement had just the right conditions to shrink Ford down into a 12 inch mini-Ford...kind of like the shrunken heads from the upper Amazon region? But faster?

Well, it IS DOOL, anything is possible.

1:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How come no one has mentioned that they called a maintenance person to change a light bulb on the porch, but not change the water heater?????

1:23 PM  

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