Meanwhile, on Tinda Lao, the tedium continues. Shawn swears nothing happened. "I know," says Belle.
"You do," asks Shawn.
"Can I talk now," asks Belle.
"You usually do," says Shawn. Go ahead. Take your best shot."
"No more shots," says Belle, "Just this... I'm sorry."
Bo and the gang stand around the remains of the charred cabin, Bo tells them there was no body found inside. "EJ is like a dead cockroach," says Kayla.
"You leave my kid out of this," says Bo.
Lucas thinks EJ set this whole thing up. Bo wonders what he would have to gain by doing that. Sami looks for the nearest barfitorium. Kayla asks if she is all right. She claims she is OK and asks Lucas to take her back to the hotel.
After they leave, Kayla tells Bo they have to get to Steve before EJ does. Bo says, "We're kinda outta options."
Kayla says, "No! We're gonna bust Steve out of that place."
Belle is practically in heaven. She wallows in the joy of self-deprecation and tells Shawn how this whole thing is her fault. She has made life a living hell for him, "And, if I'm lucky, I'll be able to keep doing that for all the Days Of Our Lives."
"I understand," says Shawn, "You had to go slow with me. I must admit, it has been a little too slow, but I got used to watching those glaciers whiz by."
Belle's personality is a Rubick's cube with no solution. It was all her fault. She has been soooooo terrible and hard to get along with. She chased him into the arms of another woman and that's the last thing she wanted to do, "Most men would have taken a walk a long time ago. But most men have a little more sense than a retarded gnat. I will never doubt you again. And that's a fact." And if you believe that, you probably also believe the sun didn't come up this morning.
Sami and Lucas arrive back at their hotel room.
Lucas mouth is in high gear. He rants about none of this making any sense. He tediously goes through every detail until Sami explodes, "CAN YOU JUST STOP IT? CAN WE JUST NOT TALK ABOUT EJ WELLS FOR ONE MINUTE?"
Bo tries to talk some sense into Kayla. And to think, he could have used that valuable breath he wasted for something constructive. Kayla tells him he's either for her or against her. Bo tries to sort out those options, "What are you gonna do, hire a small army and storm the place?"
No," says Kayla, "I'm gonna do it myself."
Marlena tells Hope Shawn and Belle are on an island in the South Pacific called Tinda Lao. Suddenly, hope hears a sound inside. She rushes in, grabs Millipede and her gun. She rushes over to the steps, hands the gun to Marlena, and points the baby at a guy coming down the steps. The gun wouldn't have scared him but the baby strikes terror. She might go off any minute.
"You're in a Salem cop's house," says Hope.
The guy says, "I'm reaching for a badge." Slowly he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his badge and holds it out so Hope can see it, "And I'm a real cop."
Lucas apologizes for bringing up EJ. He promises they will never talk about him again. As we all roll our eyes, Lucas says he knows how to fix things and runs into the bathroom for oil.
Sami gets a call. Heavy breathing. "Hello? Is someone there?" More heavy breathing. Lucas stands in the bathroom breathing into his cell phone and snickering.
The guy is FBI. Bo asked him to sweep the house for bugs. Aside from the baby, he hasn't found anything yet. Hope remembers Bo telling her about this and apologizes.
"Ever think about a career in law enforcement," asks Mr. FBI.
"No," says Hope, "I'm going to stay with the Salem police force."
Hope brings Marlena up to date on the mystery electricians who came to their house. "When is it going to end," says Marlena.
"Not soon," says Hope, "DOOL has been renewed for another season."
Kayla insists she can break in and rescue Patch. Bo tells her if she tries, they will commit her. "That's just what I want," says Kayla, "Then I can break him out of there."
"This is crazy, desperate and stupid," says Bo, "It sounds like one of my plans."
Bo's phone interrupts the conversation. Hope tells Bo he has to come home right away because Marlena has heard from Shawn and Belle. If Bo doesn't come home right away Tinda Lao will sink or something. Bo hangs up, tells Kayla the news and the joyous duo heads for Bo's house.
Belle is a mess, "Some women can't even get guys to pay child support. I have one who was willing to swim across the ocean for his child."
Claire pipes in, "Yeah, after he threw me in first."
Belle hangs out the window and lays it on thick. Shawn reminds her they are only on the second story and it probably won't kill her if she hurls herself out the window.
Shawn hugs her, "If I ever lost you, I'd lose my reason for living."
"Lose her," chants the audience, "Lose her!"
Sami tells her tormenter to say something. Heavy breathing. "SAY SOMETHING," says Sami. Lucas walks out and Sami hangs up. Lucas, as usual, asks who it was. Sami, NOT as usual, tells him the truth. She says it was heavy breathing. Lucas, her hero, brushes it off.
"I've been thinking," says Lucas, "And, believe me, that was a bold new experience. Now that there will be four of us, maybe we should move out of our apartment." Sami is reluctant, but Lucas assures her they will have the perfect little place and the perfect little family.
The FBI guy hands Bo a baggie full of bugs. He says it was all wired through the computer. Bo just knew it. Billie's security system – EJ must be behind it, and maybe Phillip, too. He thanks the guy and ushers him out.
Hope and Marlena are glad they didn't say anything about Tinda Lao until they got outside. Marlena shows them all where Tinda Lao is on the map. Bo will book a flight right now. Hope tells him to book it for three, "Boll Weevil and I are going."
Sami isn't sure about moving right now. "OK," says Lucas, "We'll wait until after baby Lucas is born." Sami jumps on that. Lucas says he plans to name all his kids after him – like George Forman.
"George Forman named all of his sons Lucas," asks Sami, "What if it's a girl?"
"Lucretia." This is the slap-and-tickle transition in the show. Sami gets him down and Lucas challenges her to an underwear race to the ice machine and back. If Lucas wins, Sami gets to have her way with him. If he wins, he gets a Sami Brady special massage. Sami refuses. Lucas drops his drawers and accuses her of being chicken.
Sami accuses him of being chicken-legged.
William Shakespeare move over. The DOOL writers have just set a new standard in great literature.
Bo and Hope argue about whether Hope can go on the trip. Baby Horsefly throws a fit. Bo and Hope run to her rescue, leaving Kayla and Marlena to drag us once again through the stinking pit of Gehenna.
Bo decides if they all went after Shawn they might as well draw Phillip a map to his location. He will send a cop for him instead, "There is one good thing to come out of all of this. Our son has turned into a man we can be proud of, if we set our standards low enough."
Belle is just beside herself. "I've put up walls between us. Literal walls."
"And I didn't even try to drive through them," says Shawn, "But now nothing will come between us." Belle is soooooo sorry. She is nothing but human trash and has practically wrecked their relationship. Be patient, folks. To Belle, this is foreplay. They take 'dysfunctional' to new levels and Belle finally says, "We're being honest, right? There is something I have to tell you and I'm really afraid it might change everything."
"What's that," asks Shawn.
"I almost had a lucid thought the other day," says Belle, "But I also called my mom." Shawn's world collapses as Belle goes into overdrive explaining why she did it, "I needed to talk to someone and she made me realize I have everything to lose and you are this big, strong, loyal Neanderthal... You really hate me, don't you?"
"No Belle, I'm different from the rest of the world," says Shawn, "Life's too short to get mad over a silly little phone call. Besides, I think you're almost ready to jump into bed with me, so right now I'm kind of walking on eggs. If Phillip comes after us, we will deal with it."
Everybody gangs up on poor Kayla. They think her plan to break into a mental institution is bonkers. Go figure.
There stands Lucas in all his glory. He challenges Sami to join in the fun. "This isn't a frat house," says Sami.
"I double dog dare you," says Lucas. Sami squeals and backs off. "What," says Lucas, "You got granny underwear on under there?"
"I do not wear granny underwear," says Sami, "And you know it!"
"Maybe it's time you prove it." Lucas helps her prove it.
Sami gets into it. She strips down and hauls him over to the door, "One... two... three... GO!"
Lucas takes off like a shot. Sami rushes back into the room, slams the door and locks it. Lucas panics, "HONEY – UNCOOL – YOU ARE SOOOOO DISQUALIFIED!" Sami stands inside and giggles.
Shawn and Belle just can't believe it. Belle says, "It feels like I just won the lottery without having a ticket... Or had a thought without having a brain."
"So, uh," Shawn stumbles for words, "Is there anything you want to do?"
"What did you have in mind," says Belle.
"Maybe I could kiss you," says Shawn.
Belle says, "You don't tell a girl you're gonna kiss her. It ruins the moment. It also ruins her ability to blow up at you and say you got the wrong idea."
Shawn sits down to wait for spontaneity. Belle has a better idea, "I was thinking maybe you could help me push the beds together."
Bo wonders what if someone recognizes Kayla. She says she'll get a disguise. Bo thinks if Granger discovers her he will keep her in there and Bo won't be able to do anything. Kayla gets miffed and stomps out.
Phillip works on the electronics and curses his inability to find anything. Suddenly Hope and Marlena appear on the screen. Phillip watches the recording. Hope asks, "Did she say where they are?"
Marlena says, "A place called Tinda Lao."
Phillip smirks, "BINGO!"
Lucas stands outside in his skivvies and orders Sami to open the door. Sami claims it's stuck. She asks him, while he is out there, to bring her a soda. She leaves the chain on the door, opens it and hands him money, "I want a diet soda. And don't forget to bring me change."
"I mean it," says Lucas, "You're going to get a serious spanking when I get in there."
"Promises... promises," says Sami.
Lucas freaks. He tells her he's not kidding. Someone is coming down the hall. He has to get inside. Roone walks by. Lucas says, "Hi. I'm just headed down to the pool."
"Looks like you forgot your swim trunks," says Roone.
Sami opens the door. Lucas rushes in, "I'm gonna kill you. Somebody owes me a massage."
"Well," says Sami, "I think maybe I did see that there is oil in the bathroom." Lucas makes a beeline for the bathroom.
Sami goes over to the bed and pulls down the covers. GASP! She finds a ratty old gasoline soaked suit coat there.
Shawn works with the bed. Belle comes out in her nightie. She sits on the bed and holds her hand out. Shawn sits and kisses her. Belle reels him in for more. Oh, the passion!
Out in the hall Shawn can be heard gasping, "It's been too long! I've forgotten how to do this! Where do I put it? Where do I put it?"
Belle is very frustrated, "You've done this before. Just slide it in, Shawn, but go easy. Don't jam it in."
Shawn says, "I just don't know what I'm doing! I... I can't!"
Belle is understanding, "It's all right. We don't need music. Just leave the CD out of the player and come back to bed."
Sami hides the coat under the bed. Lucas comes out and asks why it smells like gasoline in there. Sami claims she smells nothing. Lucas thinks it must be the heat they are generating. They generate more heat as we pan under the bed to the dreaded coat.
Bo and Hope are happy they at least know where Shawn is and he is safe. Hope wonders what about tomorrow and the next day. Bo promises he will spend every waking moment making sure he can solve Shawn's problem, get Steve and Kayla back together and put EJ away. "You are my hero, baby," says Hope.
"I love you," says Bo, "And you too, Doodlebutt."
Phillip's equipment sits in the quiet, dark room. We pan away from the TV and the desk, where there is a note written on a pad of paper. It says, "Tinda Lao."
Bo says, "She's in jail for a reason – because she is dangerous." Hope smirks, "Yeah. So am I."
Belle says to Shawn, "Maybe we shouldn't run any more. Let's stay and fight."
Kate tells Lucas, "Our company is going down the drain, which means you lose everything and so do I."
Sami holds the coat and tells Celeste, "EJ left me a calling card. He wanted to make sure I know he is alive and that he is coming to get me."