Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Et Tu, Elvis?

This is just too much. Hope and Marlena just can't believe Andre had been impersonating Tony all these years and had done all those nefarious things because, I hope you're sitting down folks, they really knew down deep the real Tony was such a nice guy. They both just hope it's not too late. They hope he's alive and they can find him. There are rumors going around Salem that Mother Teresa is still alive. The way they're talking about Tony, I'd say if you can find her, you'll probably find Tony, too.

Sami comes in. Marlena is shocked because she doesn't have guards any more. "Dad said I don't need them," says Sami, "because Andre is feeling a little flat lately." They discuss the map that is going to lead them to the real St. Tony. Bo and Roman are over checking Google Maps on Bart's back as we speak. In the meantime, Sami has brought more letters. Oh boy, giggle-giggle.

Sami picks on from Santo to Colleen, "I can hardly describe the joy I felt when you showed up to meet me as I had asked. My heart leapt out of my chest, but sank just as quickly to see unexpected company plodding along behind you."

Rather than continuing to read the letter, they all sit and wonder who that might have been. "Hmmmmm...," says Sami.

"I had almost given up hope," says Santo.

"Picnic seems hormless enoof," says Colleen.

"I broughta you many of de beautiful tings from my own home to enjoy."

The mood is broken as Sister Rose, Colleen's "guardian angel" complains about her bunions. "There goes dessert," says Santo.

Bo grumbles about Andre not having the decency of telling him where the map was before he took his flying leap. EJ insists it is on Bart's back. Bo says they will find out if that is true when Roman shows up with Black Bart.

Phillip walks up. "Phillip," says Bo, "This is a crime scene. You shouldn't be here."

"I need to talk to you, Bo."

"Oh, well that changes everything," says Bo, "Come on over. Just don't destroy too much of the evidence. You can spit your gum out on that pile of DNA over there."

Phillip tells him some crazy person has been phoning night and day and he needs Bo's help to find out who it is.
"Crazy person," says Bo, "Have you been seeing Belle again?"

Belle says, "This is worth celebrating!"

"It's not every day our little girl gets accepted into pre-school," says Shawn.

"I always knew she would go farther than her parents," says Belle.

Shawn says, "And it means I get to spend more time working in the garage so they will give me more of that green stuff with president's faces on it. And Claire needs to get out more and socialize with sane people." And Belle thinks it will give them so much more "alone time." They smooch. Shawn informs us he has not been this happy in... forever. Translation: Disaster looms.

Belle would like to ask Shawn one widdle question, though. Phillip told her he never showed up for the job interview in Cleveland. Belle wants to know what's up with that. The squeaky wheel inside Shawn's head attempts to turn.

Hope, Marlena and Sami just fall all over themselves laughing. They can't believe Colleen brought a chaperone. "She was a feisty novice," says Hope.

"She wanted to be a nun," says Sami, "Can you believe that?"

"It was either that," says Hope, "or get married and wind up with a bunch of kids, and, God forbid, a husband like Bo."

Sami just can't imagine being a nun, feisty or otherwise. "I can't imagine you being a nun either," says Marlena. "GUFFAW – GUFFAW!" She thinks Sami and Colleen are alike in some respects, though. They are both unpredictable and have a mischievous streak. Sami once dressed up as a man and went to war. Colleen once switched the holy water with tap water. In fact, she thinks Sami is Colleen reincarnated. Hope gasps and agrees. The resemblance is uncanny.

Sami doesn't buy it. She thinks Colleen is smarter than she is and is totally in control of the situation, "She is testing Santo... and he knows it."

Colleen wants to know if there is a problem. "Not at all," says Santo, "Nothing that a bolt of lightning striking Sister Rose wouldn't handle."

"Ye know," says Sister Rose, "I could handle a wee drop o' something."

"Dang," says Santo, "I didn't bring the arsenic." Colleen tells Santo how lucky she was that Sister Rose agreed to be her chaperone. She offers to give Rose her share if there isn't enough food. "Oh, no," says Santo, "There is plenty of food. Especially now that I have lost my appetite."

John tells EJ he thinks Stefano is crazier than he thought. EJ insists Stefano couldn't have done this to Tony, so he must not know Andre has pulled the switcheroo. "You really don't know him, do you," asks John, "The big guy has a history of terrorizing Tony and this thing with Andre is classic Stefano all the way."

Phillip hand Bo his phone to listen to the crazy calls himself.

Shawn rants because Phillip went behind his back. Even someone as dense as Belle can figure out from his tantrum that he didn't go on the job interview. Shawn says, "After I got on the plane, I started thinking. That's when things went blank. The job means I can only spend weekends with you and Claire. I can't live with that."

Belle melts, "Awwwwwwww... So I just have one more teeeeeny-tiiiiiiny question. If you didn't go on the job interview, then what did you do in Cleveland all that time?"

Now Shawn has a teeeeeny-tiiiiiiny little problem. He flashes back to his conversation with Mimi and his fib to Bo, and changing the tickets to Indianapolis.

The truth is," says no-more-lies Brady, "I hung out at the airport and then caught my flight back." Belle chuckles.

John tells EJ Stephanie is only loyal to his children if they don't fail him. He warns him to watch out because Stefano will turn on him when he finds out he double-crossed him.

Bo listens to the crying baby from hell screaming, "Why did you abandon me, Daddy?"

Bo asks, "When did this start?"

Phillip says, "A few days ago."

Bo asks, "Any chance you got a kid out there you don't know about?"

Sami reads on, "So there we were by that beautiful windswept seashore, just you and me and out of breath Sister Rose. And suddenly I was feeling like the chaperone for two sisters of the cloth. It was not the picnic I had envisioned."

Hope calls a time out. She says they are only hearing Santo's side. She wants to hear Colleen's side, too. Marlena agrees with Sami that Colleen was testing Santo, "She wasn't going to give up her commitment to the church easily. She wanted to see what he would do with a real challenge."

"And if he ROSE to the challenge," says Hope, "Then what?" Giggle – giggle – cackle – cackle.

"I'm not sure she thought this through so carefully," giggles Marlena.

"Either way, this is getting very HOT," says Sami.

The high school girls read on.

Santo shows Colleen how to eat an artichoke, "It has prickly eyes, but a tender heart." Colleen wants to know what happens when you find the tender heart. "You claim it for your own," says Santo.

"Well," says Colleen, "It may choke Artie, but it ain't gonna choke me."

He has her taste a piece dipped in garlic and olive oil. He offers another but Sister Rose snatches it from him and tries it. Colleen thanks him for the picnic and says she has to go. Santo begs her to stay for a few more minutes. He wants to talk to her about his son Stefano. He needs a friend, "Say you weel meet mee ageen, for heem."

Phillip insists there are no little surprise Kiriakis' running around. Phillip wants Bo to track down the calls. Bo asks if there have been any threats or extortion attempts. Phillip says no. Bo tells him if that's the case, this isn't a police matter, "You have to hire one of your high-priced private eyes. That might be a good thing though. If the Salem PD were involved, you'd probably never get to the bottom of this."

Bo fills John in on Phillip's situation as Roman drags Bart in. Bart screams about illegal abduction and police brutality. He stops short when he sees EJ, "YOU! Et tu, Elvis?" Bo asks him where the real St. Tony is. Bart don' kno' nuttin. Bo orders them to take his shirt off. Bart goes berserk, "Nobody undresses me unless it is a girl! Illegal strip search!"

Belle buys Shawn's cock and bull story about the Cleveland airport. Shawn says there is one more trip he would like her to take with him. He wants her to go to Vegas with him. Max has invited them to fly with him for free. Belle is just tickled, "If Phillip can stay with Claire, I'm totally ready to go."

Shawn goes to the darkside. He's peeved Belle would give Phillip veto-power on their trip, "This is about you and me and nobody else!" He wants to forget about Phillip since Claire has four grandparents who are dying to babysit her.

Phillip walks in. They all talk about Phillip's strange calls. Phillip has decided to talk to Billie and see if she can get to the bottom of it.

Shawn goes to see if Caroline needs any help. Phillip tells Belle he found out something else strange about Shawn and the trip he took to Cleveland.

Bart screams in protest as they rip his shirt off and find the map tattooed there. He swears he got the tattoo in the Navy.

"You weren't in the Navy," says Roman.

"Marines," yells the desperate Bart, "Air Force... Army Reserve..."

Roman takes Bart down to the station where he can get his orienteering merit badge.

John tells Bo they can all take his jet to go on the wild goose chase looking for St. Tony. He leaves.

EJ tells Bo he will help with all this on one condition – that they leave his dying father alone. He doesn't want Stefano dragged into this. Bo huffs.

Sister Rose the ogre tells Colleen it's time to go. Colleen tells Santo there are other boys in Galway for Stefano to make friends with, "And if he daesn't, he can always go back to Italy, to yer... WIFE."

Santo rolls out the sob story. Stefano can't go back to Italy because his poor mother is dying. So instead of being there to comfort her, Santo is out sniffing around while she suffers back in Italy with her parents.

Oh, well dear heavens, this justifies everything. Even Sister Rose jumps in and tells Colleen she can't say no to a wee lad about to lose his ma.

Sami reads, "...can't say no to a wee lad about to lose his ma." The girls speculate about what is going through Colleen's mind. She obviously wanted to see Santo again. She had to strike while the iron was hot and before Santo's wife's body was cold. "Obviously," says Sami, "Santo passed the challenge. She wanted to throw caution to the wind and give in to the passion she was feeling." The dying wife. How conveeeeeenniieennttt.

Belle tells Phillip about Shawn's boring wait in the Cleveland airport. Phillip says he knows for a fact Shawn did not go to Cleveland on the fourth. He wanted to pay Shawn for the flight since he set him up for the interview and called the airport to find out how much it cost. That's when Phillip found out Shawn's flight had been canceled. Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

Bo reminds EJ Stefano started this and has caused both of their families a lot of pain. EJ insists Stefano would never have had Tony kidnapped and exiled. "If you believe that, Junior," says Bo, "you're the fool." The fools bicker about who did what to whom. Bo tells EJ Stefano is going to jail.

"Jail," screams EJ, "He's dying!"

Bo gives his parting shot, "I can't think of a more appropriate place for him to die than prison."

Permission from Sister Rose is practically the same as permission from God. Santo wants to know when they can get the boys together. Colleen says she'll make sure Shawn is OK with it and find a chaperone. Santo don' wan' no stinkin' chaperone. "Those are the rules, Mr. DiMera," says Colleen. When all else fails, he drops a few Italian phrases on her.

Sami says, "Santo sure knows how to work it." Marlena doesn't agree. She thinks Santo is sincere. But, hey, let's face it, this woman falls for anything in pants with a pulse. Hope points out they don't know what Santo looked like. Sami wants to believe he was a hunk. Whatever, they all agree there was a strong attraction.

John interrupts the slumber party. Marlena gets up and squeals, "Oh! Pants! A pulse!" She attacks him. He tells her as soon as Roman gets there with a certain map, they are off to find St. Tony.

In the operating room where Bart lies on the operating table, the surgeon calls, "Scalpel! OK, nurse, I want an incision from the Antilles to Cape Horn..."

Belle wonders if Shawn's flight was cancelled, why he wouldn't have said anything. Phillip says he can't think of a reason. He was hoping Belle could. But, unfortunately, that would require thinking.

Shawn comes back and suggests a picnic at the lake. Phillip leaves to talk to Billie. Shawn repeats his suggestion about a picnic. Belle goes to that dark place in her mind.

Marlena can't wait for the trip, "I'd go anywhere with you. Plus I want to see that paragon of virtue St. Tony again."

Sami wants to get back to the letters. She reads on, "I know it was very forward and perhaps a bit too bold asking you to meet me like that unchaperoned, but I knew I had to take the chance. I knew if I didn't... if I let that moment slip away, I would regret it for all the Days Of Our Lives." Sami practically cries.

Santo continues to entreat Colleen in Italian. She continues to tell him it's not possible. Sister Rose interrupts, "What's all this jabbern' about?" Colleen tells Sister Rose Santo is just helping her with her Italian.

Santo chimes in, "It is to help her understand and appreciate the Latin Mass." Sister Rose backs off. This guy could sell ice boxes to Eskimos.

Santo goes back to Italian, pouring his heart out to her and wanting to get together. Colleen tells him in Italian she can't possibly do it, "I cannot give you what you want." As they start to go, Santo tells her he wants her friendship, nothing more. Being a novice in a remote area, Colleen hasn't heard this line before.

"I will see you again," says Santo.

"Is that a question, Mr. DiMera?"

"No, ees a fact."

Colleen and Sister Rose leave.

Shawn tells Belle the picnic is all set up. Belle just wonders if there is something Shawn wants to add about Cleveland before she lowers the boom. Phillip talks on his cell phone and watches as they leave. Once they are out the door, Phillip and Belle share a look through the window.

The girls speculate about whether Santo will ever meet Colleen without a chaperone. They figure she will or there wouldn't be much of a story. John is lost. Marlena will fill him in on the airplane.

Roman arrives with the map. Bart lies in his hospital bed recovering from the surgery where they cut it off his back. John and Marlena grab the map and run.

Hope fills Roman in on Colleen and Santo, "Santo has just propositioned Colleen." Sami thinks Santo was so intriguing to Colleen because he must have been gorgeous.

What a coincidence! Roman can help with that because when he arrested Bart, he JUST HAPPENED to see a certain photograph. He hauls it out, "Here he is... Santo DiMera himself. Sami, it looks like you're not the only one with a link to the past."

FF on the stunned Sami with Santo and Colleen in the background.


EJ tells Lucas, "More, I think, than you know."

Sami says, "He's a really screwed up guy. But he wants to be a better person." Hope asks, "Does he want that or do you want that."

Stefano asks, "What is this?" Bo says, "A DNA report. It proves Tony DiMera had his life stolen from him."

John and Marlena find Tony on the small south Pacific island where heis held prisoner – Ual-Adnit. Tony tells them, "It had something to do with a vendetta and how to end it."


Anonymous GatsbyGirl said...

LMFAO @ "hormless enoof!" D'ya tink so, Colleen?

5:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you watch the show it is even funnier b/c the accents of Colleen and Santo are sooooo bad.

5:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally am not trying to nitpick, but this paragraph.. Is that supposed to be Stefano instead of Stephanie?

John tells EJ Stephanie is only loyal to his children if they don't fail him. He warns him to watch out because Stefano will turn on him when he finds out he double-crossed him.


I was confused for a minute or two...

5:43 AM  
Anonymous Ellie said...

LOVE the Shawn/Belle jokes today! 'After I got on the plane, I started thinking.' That's when things went blank. ROFL! (Also loved the preschool joke.) Ual-adnit... too funny. (Do you know how many people tried Tinda-Lau backwards as soon as they heard it??) Thanks for another great Prevuze!

6:50 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Surely Phil hasn't forgotten about the kid with Mimi.

"What did you do in Cleveland all that time" ask Belle. What, the whole 30 minutes he was gone?

"Ual Adnit". I'm sure it IS since they probably wanna use the same scenery again. HAHAHAHA

Loved Claire advancing further than her parents. Great Prevuze today!

7:40 AM  
Blogger Leigha said...

One of the funniest postings I've seen yet. I love starting my day w/you guys. Doesn't even make sense to watch DOOL on actual TV anymore. Keep up the great work!!

7:54 AM  
Blogger cfish said...

Would the Phimi kid be old enough to talk already? Not that that would make any difference to the DOOL writers ...

I was having what was starting out to be a REALLY bad day, and then I opened up Prevuze -- turned it right around! Thanks, guys!

8:08 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Tuesday Soap Report:
Prevuze fans, we may have our vengance, if the DOOL, PTB read SOW.
These is direct quotes from this week's issue:
"Summer in Samle was sizzlin' thanks to the resurgence of DOOL core families the Dimeras and the Bradys...but the Touch The Sky gang landed and it all went up in flames!"
"Stephanie and Jeremy have been written like a robotic porn verson of Barbie and Ken." "Days needs to ground this mile high wreck."

They go on to ask why Max doesn't have a love interest, and what Darin Brooks (Max) has to do to get his own story line!
They hate what Stephanine has morphed into and call her a pathetic wimp.
Let's keep our fingers crossed and hope like hell someone at DOOL can read.

Some Spoilers:

Dr Rolf will deliver some shocking news to Sami and Lucas.

Nick will actually do the paternity test and be shocked by the results.

Nick will propose to Chelsea.

Stefano will challenge OMB to admit to Colleen's murder.

9:10 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Marlena gets up and squeals, "Oh! Pants! A pulse!" LMAO

Great eye chart, Bulldog.

I had the same reaction to "hormless enoof" as gatsbygirl. Prevuze has really got those accents down.

And, no cfish, Phimi's kid would just be a month or two old at the most I'd say. She/he wouldn't be taking yet. Unless they have SORAS'd her.

Much like Sami's twins have suddenly SORAFS'd in the past couple of days. She went from looking about 5 months pregnant to 8.5 months in one day flat.

A couple of TLTs for me today. (Well, there were LOT'S of TLTs, but here are the two that really got me.)
1. Why would Shawn not tell Belle, or Philip for that matter, about Mimi's call? I would think he'd be thrilled to get Phil focused on something other than Claire & Belle.
2. Phil is bothered by the crank calls. How about Caller ID? Call Blocker? *8? Ask the phone company to do a phone trap?

Great Prevuze!

9:12 AM  
Blogger cfish said...

"1. Why would Shawn not tell Belle, or Philip for that matter, about Mimi's call? I would think he'd be thrilled to get Phil focused on something other than Claire & Belle.

Applecheeks -- I have another TLT that stumps me. Why did Mimi call Shawn in the first place? Why didn't she call Max? Wasn't he her last paramour before she left Salem? She and Shawn didn't exactly part on good terms, as I recall ...

11:38 AM  
Anonymous moposh said...

LOL Today's prevuze was hilarious.

I so hope the writers will listen to SOW and fans. The airplane stuff is just boring and stupid.

This is my theory on Jett. He's working undercover to infiltrate the big smuggling operation and Danielle was his cover gf.

The show is so boring when they have the actors just sit around a table and yak for the whole ep or read the letters. I'm so over that!

12:00 PM  
Anonymous moposh said...

I don't know why Mimi would call Shawn and not Philip. It's not Shawn's baby!!!!! Bonnie was supposed to get her mitts on the kid.

And what is up with Adrienne? Why did she buy a bar in Salem if her family and home is in Texas?

12:02 PM  

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