Five Minutes Is All It Takes

Feniger and Hernandez… Sounds like a cheesy Law firm. #DAYS

Holly to Doug" "If I tell you what's going on, you have to promise not to tell anyone else." Ben Franklin: "Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Holly: "Tate and Sophia weren't really together long enough but she still got pregnant." Doug: "Five minutes is all it takes." #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Mrs. Choi calls Mr. Choi: "Make sure your shotgun is clean and in good working order." #DAYS

Arnold cold-cocks Rafe. Rafe's hurt, but at least we can rule out brain damage. #DAYS

Arnold on phone: "Hi, baby doll. What's shakin'?" Jada: "Both of them. Like a bowl of jello." #DAYS

Holly: "Even if Tate and Sophia aren't together they'll always have this thing together." This 'thing' is called a baby. #DAYS

Clark Kent Meets Doofusman

Belle tells Shawn that Jada wants Paulina to replace EJ with her. Shawn says he won't say anything. I'm sure he won't… until he does. #DAYS

Mrs. Choi: "Tate said he was interested in Sophia but only had eyes for Holly." He had something else for Sophia. #DAYS

Tate should invite Holly to go with him to help Sophia get her abortion. ROAD TRIP! #DAYS

Arnold and Rafe come face-to-face. It's like Clark Kent meeting Doofusman. #DAYS

I Rafed Her

Leo: "You finding Hattie is a Christmas miracle." Anytime Rafe succeeds at anything is a miracle. #DAYS

Jada to JJ: "I have a place on the force for you. I need all the good cops I can get." In lieu of that, she'll settle for JJ. #DAYS

I wouldn't work for Paulina if there was onlyone job left in the world and I got a Ferrari for my company car. #DAYS

Arnold Feniger – A Rafe Dumbleganger. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Paulina: "I'm gland Abraham is secure in his masculinity." Jada: "Secure in his masculinity? Is that the new term for 'henpecked?'" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Steve: "Where's Stephanie?" Kayla: "She left after we got down and dirty about her love life." Steve: "Her love life? You mean she's not a…" Kayla: "Not since she didn't come home the night after her high school prom." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jada: "We really need to set a wedding date." Rafe: "You're absolutely right. How about February 30?" #DAYS

Jada: "Getting married on your birthday would be a great way for you to remember our anniversary." There it is. A resounding endorsement of Rafe's brainpower. #DAYS

EJ to Arnold: "You raped Smai Brady." As I recall, EJ was accused of the same thing. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "I'm offering you good money to leave. If you were smart, you'd take it." Arnold: "I'm no smarter than Rafe." EJ: "That would mean your combined IQs wouldn't reach double-digits." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "You raped Sami Brady." Arnold: "She never said no when we had sex. She thought I was Rafe. So I didn't rape her. I Rafed her." #DAYS

The Kama Sutra

#DAYS

Knocked Up

Next on #DOOL — Sophia: "I'm pregnant." Tate: "CONGRATULATIO… oops."

Sophia tells Tate she's pregnant. Apparently sex education classes at Salem High School consist of a porn film festival using "Lady Chatterley's Lover" as the textbook. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sophia: "I'm pregnant." Tate: "How did that happen?" Sophia: "Didn't you ever learn how Tater-Tots are made?" #DAYS

Given the direction things seem to be headed, let's hope Brady and Ava know more about the primary purpose of sex than Tate and Sophia. #DAYS

Brady can't find his tickets. Don't all tickets come on your phone these days? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Holly: "Leo helped Tate and me when we were seeing each other on the DL… That means "Down Low." Maggie: "I know that. I also know what DTF means… so be careful." #DAYS

Brady asks Tate, "What's up." If he wanted some real news he should have said, "Knocked up." #DAYS 

Beholden

JJ: "I owe you more than ten thank you's and an escort home." Gabi: "What did you have in mind?" The way she asked that question I'm wondering what SHE has in mind. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Felicity: "You told me you were Abigail." Cat: "I was pretending." Felicity: "So lying and pretending are the same thing?" #DAYS

Gabi says she likes it when people are beholden to her. If she and JJ get any closer together he'll "beholden" her. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Julie: "I don't know whether to hug you or spank you." JJ: "If you were Gabi I'd vote for the spanking." #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: JJ: "I'd like to know more about the stolen diamond necklace." Doug pulls it out of his pocket: "It looks something like this." JJ: "And I thought I was the dumbest guy in Salem. #DAYS

I don't know who wants JJ more… Javi or Gabi. #DAYS

Sophia: "I'm pregnant." Tate hits a home run on his first time at bat. #DAYS

Co-CEOs

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "Would you lie for Xander?" Sarah: "No. Just with him." #DAYS

Justin fails to object to Belle's line of leading questions until Xander urges him to do so. This is what happens When your application to law school was on the inside of a matchbook. #DAYS

Justin to Sarah: "I'm not advising you to commit purgery."

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "Everyone around here thinks I can't keep it in my pants." Johnny: "I assume you're not talking about your pocket knife." #DAYS

Co-CEOs. It works every time. Except when it doesn't. Which is every time. #DAYS

The Best Kidnapper

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "I'm wondering if I'll ever see Shawn again." Brady: "I don't know if Shawn could ever be so lucky." #DAYS

Justin wants Maggie to testify on Xander's behalf. She could tell them he's the best kidnapper she's ever known. #DAYS

Brady has really bulked up lately… and used a lot of pink spray tan. #DAYS

Phillip can't possibly win this case. He simply does not have a leg to stand on. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Judge: "Order, please." Shawn: "I'll have a large latte." #DAYS

Phillip's Leg Grew Back

Next on #DOOL — Justin: "This looks like a standard divorce agreement." Shawn: "Bell told me to have another lawyer look at it." Justin: "That's always good advice… and lucrative for me, too." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "Enough about me." Brady: "What do you want to talk about?" Belle: "Me." #DAYS

Phillip greets Stephanie wearing only a towel. OMG! His missing leg grew back. #DAYS

Jada to Shawn: "I know you'll be an asset to the force." Asset… isn't that French for "little ass?" #DAYS

Ava: "I just had an unfortunate run-in with your ex." Brady; "Which one?" #DAYS

Casual Wednesday

Javi sits half naked in Gabi's office. It must be casual Wednesday at the company. #DAYS

Chad and Cat's mom stand pointing their guns at each other. In the non-politically correct days this would be known as a Mexican standoff. So let's just call it a dimwit standoff. #DAYS

Leo: "I found what may be a locust in the shower this morning. This could be a plague on all our houses. Do you think Kerry and Javi are conspiring to drive me insane?" Based on his locust theory I'd say that would be a very short drive. #DAYS

Brady: "Kristin accused me of being interested in you." Ava: "Are you?" If things get any more flirty between them they'll have to clear the table and go at it before their dessert comes. #DAYS

Protip for Brady and Ava: GET A ROOM! #DAYS

Chad tries to revive Clyde by shaking him and putting a rag on his chest. I'm sure that's a much more responsible thing to do as opposed to calling 911. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Doctor: "We lost Clyde's pulse before we got him into surgery." Chad: "Is he OK?" Doctor: "Let's put it this way. He's as healthy as a person can be without a pulse." #DAYS

Chad says doctors are examining Cat's mom. What for… did she sprain her trigger finger when she shot Clyde? #DAYS

Clyde is in a coma. I hope they have room for him in the room with Jan Spears and Bo. #DAYS

Head Over Heels

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "I can see why Julie fell head over heels for Doug." Maggie: "Right after Addie fell head over heels under that car." #DAYS

Why do they have to make every new character on #DOOL a shady creep. I guarantee years from now New Doug will be a treasured member of the family just like Old Doug. #DAYS

JJ wakes up "trapped" in bed with Gabi. This certainly couldn't lead to anything. Could it? Chad wakes up sharing a hotel room with Cat and having to comfort her because of her nightmare. This certainly couldn't lead to anything. Could it? #DAYS

If that's a pianist playing the background Christmas music in the pub I hope someone shoots him. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: "Do you think this new Doug Williams is not who he says he is?" Hope: "Who in Salem is ever who they say they are?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Julie: "My brother has a good heart." Jennifer: "Then I hope he's an organ donor." #DAYS

When Jennifer decides to get rid of the slacks she's wearing she could send them to the Duchy of Dungistan to use for their new flag. #DAYS

Harvey Weinstein

EJ: "I have a friend on the west coast who is always looking for fresh acting talent." When did Harvey Weinstein get out of prison? #DAYS

EJ: "I hear recasting is a fairly common practice in soap operas." Kate: "Who told you that?" EJ: "A guy named James Scott." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "What do you want? Do you want me to double my offer? Add an extra zero?" Joy: "I have to admit. That's really tempting. I could use a thousand dollars." #DAYS

Those Are Unreal

Next on #DOOL — Lucas: "Those are unreal." Ciara: "You're right. They're great donuts." Lucas: "I was talking about your boobs." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "I'll double what Phillip is paying you." Stephanie: "He's not paying me. His new partner Elon is taking care of that." #DAYS

Now that Lani, Chanel, and Paulina have had their beauty treatments the way they're  sitting in those chairs to keep the cucumbers on their eyes, they'll all need treatments for stiff necks. #DAYS

EJ to Johnny: "I saw you suffering through the premiere of Body and Soul." Just like the rest of us. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "I assume your little dalliance was a one-time thing." Johnny" "Of course it was a on-time thing… with Joy." #DAYS

Slim Pickens

Marie to Liz: "You slept with my husband in our bed and when I came home you shot me." Nobody's perfect. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Lani: "The twins have been on their best behavior." Eli: "That's because they like Chanel and Johnny so much."  Lani: "It's also because they found Chanel and Johnny's stash of THC laced gummies in the candy drawer." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "I just flew in from Hong Kong. I hope that's OK." Shawn: "Of course it's OK. Flying is a lot faster than rowing." #DAYS

Jennifer: "It's not like we were in close proximity to the necklace at all times." In that case, I guess the necklace was taken when they were in far proximity.

Next on #DOOL — Leo: "It's good to have a new friend, especially in Salem… Slim Pickens." Steven: "No, my name is Steven Olson, not Slim Pickens. He died years ago." #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Ciara cheats on Ben without really cheating on him when she hooks up with Alex. #DAYS

Battle With A Turkey

Sarah: "I hear Bonnie lost a battle with the turkey." I didn't even know she and Justin were fighting. #DAYS

Thanks to Bill Hayes for years of entertaining us as Doug Williams. #DAYS

Liz: "Being kidnapped by Stefano DiMera is quite the bonding experience." Practically everyone in Salem has had that experience. #DAYS

Note on "The King of the Wild Frontier" book" For those of you younger than about 103, you may not know Bill Hayes' first claim to fame was that he sang "The Ballad of Davy Crockett" back during The Davy Crockett craze in the 1950s. #DAYS

Julie: "You've been transformed?" Steven: "Actually my transformation is in progress. This time next year I'll be a woman." #DAYS