The Stick Up Her Ass

Jeremy has turned into quite the counselor. #DAYS

Jennifer: "Chad, we love you." All we want to do is yank your kids away from you. #DAYS

Agnes: "Mr. Devereaux, we'd like to hear more from you." That makes one of us. #DAYS

Jennifer might be more comfortable if she removed the stick up her ass. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL Chad: "I have a plan. I'm not giving up custody of my kids." Agnes: "Do you and Jennifer have a plan?" Jack: "Certainly. Thomas mows the yard and Charlotte does the laundry." #DAYS

A Relationship Wrecking Strumpet

Dr. Gregory thinks there are things to be said between Holly and Sophia. True. Holly has not yet called Sophia a relationship wrecking strumpet and Sophia has not told Holly she is a skanky boyfriend stealing pyromaniac. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Priest: "Have you chosen godparents for your child?" Chanel: "Yes Javi Hernandez and Leo Stark." Priest: "Those bums?" #DAYS

If that kid playing Trey isn't a member of the Screen Actor's Guild there's going to be trouble. #DAYS

Marlena: "I can't believe John isn't going to come walking through the door." The way they come back from the dead on this show, he might. #DAYS

Disdain, Bickering, and No Sex

Next on #DOOL — Javi: "My dad failed his stress test." Gabi: "He should have studied harder." #DAYS

Leo wants Gwen to make Dimitri disappear again. If I were Gwen I'd ask for Leo to define "disappear." #DAYS

Maybe Chanel isn't having morning sickness. Maybe she just had lunch at the pub. #DAYS

Disdain for each other, bickering, and no sex. You'd almost think Gwen and Leo were married. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Javi: "I have to leave town." Johnny: "Javi good trip." #DAYS

Completely Wacko

Sophia: "I know why you're here. It's because I pretended to be Sophia during bed-check. Am I going to be punished?" Dr. Gregory: "No, but there will be consequences." Isn't "consequences" a fancy word for "punishment?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Dr. Gregory: "I want to see those notes from Sophia." Rachel: "You can't. I ate them." Dr. Gregory. "I'll schedule your enema." #DAYS

Marlena: "Are you convinced Rachel did not take your money?" Even Brady isn't that dumb. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jeremy: "I brought notes from your classmates." Rachel: "They know I'm in Bayview?" Jeremy: "No, but they do know you're completely wacko." #DAYS

Sarah to Xander: "I AM NOT HAVING A FLING WITH BRADY!" She's right. They're not at the "fling" stage. Right now it's just plain monkey-sex. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jeremy: "I was in therapy once." Rachel: "Really? Why?" Jeremy: "I didn't want to be the only one in Salem who hadn't done that." #DAYS

Jada: "I want to see you walk down the aisle and marry the man of your dreams." Sarah: "That's just what I'm going to do." If that doesn't doom the wedding I don't know what would. #DAYS

Sarah to Maggie: "Xander thinks Brady and I are doing whatever he thinks we're doing." That's exactly what Maggie thinks they're doing, too. #DAYS

We Tiddled

Brady suggests Tate work his way up to running Basic Black because he's a business major. Yeah, a Freshman business major who is hanging by a thread from flunking out. #DAYS

Brady: "You should run Basic Black." Tater Tot: "I'm not interested in that kind of thing." THEN WHY ARE YOU A BUSINESS MAJOR? #DAYS

Leo: "Who made it a capital offense to love two people at the same time? Anybody's spouse or committed partner? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Leo: "I had a dream about Dimitri last night." Chad: "What was it about?" Leo: "Let's put it this way. We weren't planing tiddlywinks… come to think of it… it was kind of like that. Dimitri winked at me and then we tiddled." #DAYS

Ari: "I'm a big girl." Physically, maybe. #DAYS

They don't make a paddle big enough for Rachel. #DAYS

Lust Equals Love

Dimitri plants a sloppy one on Leo to try to prove lust equals love. #DAYS

Dimitri to Leo: "Nothing has changed since I left." Even in Salem weddings don't count as 'nothing.' #DAYS

Protip for Leo: When you say, "I'm leaving," and the guy you're yammering with says "wait," there is no law that says you have to turn around and keep up the yammerifying. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "My life is boring and lonely." Cat: "What does that mean?" Gwen: "I haven't had sex lately." #DAYS

Dr. Gregory tells Brady he must find an ironclad way to disabuse Rachel of the idea that there is any way for Kristen and him to get back together. Russian mail-order bride? #DAYS

Brady conveniently leaves his coat in Rachel's room when he and Kristen go to see Rachel's drawing. He keeps his wallet in his jacket because keeping it in his pants makes his butt look too big. #DAYS

Simple Hanky-Panky

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "Can I make a confession?" Alex: "Once we're married, can I hold it against you later?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "You're not going back on the book tour." Steph: "Why?" Alex: "Because I say so. We're putting the love, honor, and OBEY thing in your vows."

Scenes we'd like to see: Kayla says she can't let Rafe question Peter because he died. Rafe threatens to arrest Kayla for obstructing justice. #DAYS

Maggie: "How was your New Year's Eve?" Translation: well, I think we all know what Maggie is really asking. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Paulina: "Are you saying Johnny doesn't want the baby?" Chanel: "No, he's just acting like one." #DAYS

Sarah: "My divorce came through. My marriage is officially over." So that would move her blossoming relationship to Brady from adultery to simple hanky-panky. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "Why are you asking me out on a date." Chad: "Truth be told, I'm the only guy in Salem who hasn't seen your ass tattoo." #DAYS

Sodom and Gomorrah

Justin and Bonnie went to Vegas to knock something off Bonnie's bucket list: New Year's Eve in Sin City. If Vegas is Sin City, Salem is Sodom and Gomorrah. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "I'm happy the Salem Police Department is operating as fast as ever." Jada: "They don't call us the 'Sleeping Snails' for nothing." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jada: "So the feed was being transmitted to Alamainia? As in Vivian Alamain?" Rafe: "Yes. Vivian put the 'mania' in Alamainia." #DAYS

Kristin wanted to take Peter off life-support because she thought he was brain-dead. Does that mean they are going to take Rafe off life-support, too? #DAYS

A Night On Her

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "What do you think about my dress?" Alex: "It's too much." Stephanie: "So you really like it?" Alex: "No. What I meant was it's hiding too much." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Patch: "Wouldn't you guys rather go to a dive bar with me?" Alex: "No. I promised Stephanie a night on the town… followed by a night on her." #DAYS

Stephanie and Alex… GET A ROOM! #DAYS

Holly unexpectedly drops in on Brady. I'm surprised. This is usually the kind of scene where the girlfriend shows up to find the guy sharing the company of some babe. #DAYS

It's sounding like Sarah wants to share more than "TV, popcorn, and idle conversation" with Brady. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Holly: "Jude is learning French. He kept saying 'venez jouez avec moi,' which means 'come play with me.'" Tate: "So, since Jude isn't around I'd be happy to fill in and 'jouer avec toi.'" #DAYS

Brady & Sarah have broken every rule in the book. They kissed at 12:01 instead of 12:00. #DAYS

Psycho Child

Patch is shocked to find Stephanie and Alex making out. Alex rounds first and heads for second base. Patch calls him out for making an illegal pass and ejects him from the game. #DAYS

Rafe 'proves' Stegfan is dead by showing Gabi a picture of his tombstone. Because no one could ever put up a fake tombstone or photoshop a picture of one. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "Jeremy is ambidextrous. He used to grope them both at the same time." #DAYS

Marlena: "Will is starting a new screenplay. He's writing it for his gay community. It's called "'Splendor in the Ass.'" #DAYS

Kate to Xander: "You're a fighter. You get knocked down, spit some blood out of your mouth and get right back up. Just like me." Makes you really want to see them get in the ring together, doesn't it? #DAYS

Anna: "You're the most handsome man I ever laid eyes on." Tony: "And you're the most beautiful woman ever." Love is blind. #DAYS

Rachel wakes Sophia by blowing a horn in her ear at full volume, proving she's the same little sh*t she's always been. #DAYS

Kristen whines: "Now everyone is going to look at her like she's a psycho child who shot her own uncle." That's because she's a psycho child who shot her own uncle. #DAYS

Belle and EJ are flirting.  With those two horn dogs that may count as foreplay. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ, Tony, Chad, and Kristen stand at Peter's bedside deciding whether or not to pull the plug. Peter: "Don't I get a vote?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kristen: "I don't know how to decide about pulling the plug on Peter." EJ: "Flip a coin?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kristen: "We should leave Peter's fate in God's hands." EJ: "I don't want to make that kind of decision." #DAYS

Leo and Javi don't seem to be adhering to the tradition of not seeing your spouse-to-be before the wedding. #DAYS

I think Chanel may be suffering from post-adopt-'em-depression. #DAYS

Johnny to Chanel: "If it was up to me, you wouldn't go ahead with your pregnancy."
Johnny always knows the perfect thing to say. Perfectly wrong, that is. #DAYS

I can't understand what Johnny is saying. It would help if he took his foot out of his mouth. #DAYS