Mr. Vibrator

Scenes we'd like to see: JJ reports to Jada that the looting in under control so he grabs a TV set from a store and heads for home. #DAYS

Chad and Cat finally did the deed. Xander and Sarah finally rekindle their carnal festivities. EJ and Belle bicker in the elevator. Two out of three ain't bad. #DAYS

Cat to Chad: "This is the first time I've been with someone since my car accident. Well, except for Mr. Vibrator, that is." #DAYS

The social worker needs to learn some social skills and show up on time. #DAYS

Brady pounds on Holly's door: "HOLLY! Have you been smoking?" #DAYS

EJ accuses Stephanie of writing titillating erotic imagery. For the sake of propriety, henceforth I will refer to this as TEI. #DAYS

Chanel looks a the picture on Johnny's phone, "What is this?" I could be mistaken but it looks like boobs to me. #DAYS

Kayla tells Brady there is no DNA match and Tate is not his father. It looks like yet another case of the DNA Salem Switcheroo. #DAYS

Grab My Ass And Hang On

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "Any regrets that we had sex?" Sarah: "No. Do you have any regrets about it?" Xander: "Just that it's over." Sarah: "We can take care of that. Just grab my ass and hang on for another ride." #DAYS

The kids: "We're bored. What can we do?" Julie: "The house needs cleaning." #DAYS

Gwen asks if anyone is on the outside of the door. If it's electronically locked no one would be able to open it from outside either. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see. When EJ and Belle finally get rescued after being trapped in the elevator together, Belle immediately heads for a drugstore to buy the "morning-after" pill. #DAYS

Cat and Chad slobber all over each other. Cat: "Are you sure you're ready for this?" It sure beats licorice and peanut butter. #DAYS

500 Shades of Gray

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "What is your objection to couples' therapy?" Xander: "Couples' therapy is the place where men go to learn to shut up if they ever want to get laid again." #DAYS

Gabi: "bb and I wouldn't be at the hospital but the parking gate won't open." Professional parking gates all have manual backups. And they just made a big point that the hospital has generators. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "While we're trapped here during the blackout there is something we could do to pass the time." Xander: "OK. I'll get undressed." #DAYS

Whatever Sarah says, Xander, agree with it. You might be on the verge of getting laid. #DAYS

Xander fixes s'mores for the night he's sharing with Sarah alone in the dark to make it plain that even though he's had Sarah, he wants s'more. #DAYS

Bonnie can't wait for Anastasia's new book. If it's any steamier, she'll have to call it "500 Shades of Gray." #DAYS

Suddenly Sarah and Xander a roll in the hay is a lot less expensive and more effective than couples counseling. #DAYS

A Hint of Jealousy

Scenes we'd like to see: Xander finishes reading Rachel's book and starts reading "One Stormy Night" to her. #DAYS

I'm surprised Cat was able to invite Chad inside since her boobs were taking up all the space in the room. #DAYS

Ari to Holly: "Screw Tate." Do I need to point out that ship has already sailed? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "I heard you had dinner with EJ." Cat: "Do I detect a hint of disapproval?" Chad: "No. You detect a hint of jealousy." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — "You're staring at my boobs while you're talking to me. My eyes are up here." Chad: "I know. But your boobs are down there." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "What are your objections to couples' therapy?" Xander: "All men know couple's therapy is the place where a husband learns to listen to what his wife has to say while he's being horsewhipped." #DAYS

Advice to Holly regarding her data loss: Save early, save often. Better yet, save your work to the cloud. #DAYS

EJ and Belle are trapped in the elevator. This could be disastrous. What if they both have to go to the bathroom. On the other hand Chad and Cat are trapped in the dark. How convenient. #DAYS

She Wore Out Her Vibrator

Next on #DOOL — Abe: "I Can't wait to get started with my mentee." Bookworm: "What are you doing messing with sea animals?" Abe: "No, he's a mentee, not a manitee." #DAYS

Sophia to Melinda: "We've got a problem – Johnny DiMera." The bigger problem is the dimwitted way she has handled her pregnancy. #DAYS

Job options for young people in Salem: Flip burgers or become a DiMera VP. #DAYS

Sophia: "I don't think Johnny will be a good dad." Says the mother who abandoned her kid. #DAYS

Kayla: " 'One Stormy Night' was an engrossing read." Translation: She wore out her vibrator. #DAYS

Do I detect Sophia going off the deep end? #DAYS

Tap That Babe

Rachel and Thomas got into a fight. In Salem this might amount to a betrothal. #DAYS

Maggie's in a snit over something. Maybe there was no good gossip news in Salem today. #DAYS

Phillip reminds us of the time Tony was impaled on a piece of wood. It's a little known fact and a huge coincidence that it was the very piece of wood that was used to make Phillip's artificial leg. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "Tony wants DiMera back and he wants Titan, too." Brady: "And what do we get?" Xander: "A closet full of those old AOL CDs and a block of Enron stock." #DAYSk

Next on #DOOL — "Thomas asked me the other day if I had romantic feelings for you." Cat: "Just like that?" Chad: "Not exactly. What he actually asked was, 'You ever gonna tap that babe?'" #DAYS

Maggie to Xander, Phillip, Brady, and Alex: "Do you think we can set our differences aside and work together?" In a word, no. #DAYS

Harpies With Herpes

Next on #DOOL — Rafe brings Tesoro in to the doctor's office. Sarah: "Oh you cute widdel boy, are you weady for your checkwup?" Rafe: "Yes, I am." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ari: "I'm working on an internship application." Holly: "Who will you be interning for?" Ari: "Some guy named Bill Clinton." #DAYS

Sophia, Holly, and Ari: The way thing are going, before their college days are over these scheming, sniping, promiscuous babes will be harpies with herpes. #DAYS

Brady: "When you were with Sophia last night did you try to pump her for information?" No, he just wanted to make her think he wanted to pump her so she would give him information. #DAYS

Holly: "We have just one fight and you go crawling back to Sophia." With one punch Tate also loses the rematch. #DAYS

Ste-fanny

Sophia, Holly, Ari, and Tate together in the pub. You could cut the tension with a six inch stiletto heel. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — "I just want to know what our baby looks like." Sophia: "She looks like all other babies. Just imagine a tiny bald grumpy potato." #DAYS

Holly: "Aaron is cute… ish." Translation: If Holly's dog looked like Aaron she'd shave the dog's butt and make him walk backwards. #DAYS

Those outside scenes of the buildings in Salem look absolutely post-apocolyptic. #DAYS

Stephanie's great ass puts the "fanny" in Ste-fanny. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "I don't know what to do about my situation with Alex. Do you have any advice for me?" Jada: "Yes. Take a nap… with Alex." #DAYS

Theo stares at JJ's badge. I don't think it's because he's a collector. #DAYS

Brady contemplates a career change. Maybe he should go run that hardware store he bought when he was in Canada with Nicole. #DAYS

Theo: "I don't have a problem with JJ as a person. I have a problem with him as a cop." He's on the Salem PD. That doesn't count as being a real cop. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "If we move in together I need to know you're ready to put in the work with me." Alex: "Yes. I'm ready to put in the work." Stephanie: "OK, take out the trash." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Tony: "I'd be willing to offer a pretty penny for Titan." Phillip: "I think it's worth more than a cent." #DAYS

Tony offers to by Titan for three times what it is worth. His MBA must stand for "Massive Blunder Artist." #DAYS

Pure Evil

Next on #DOOL — Patch: "Could you do a DNA test on Sophia Choi's baby?" Kayla: "That would violate medical ethics." Patch: "Ethics? I'm not familiar with that term." #DAYS

EJ says he has ulterior motives for opening the "Tom Horton Free Clinic." To make it the "Tom Horton Profit Making Clinic?" #DAYS

Chad: "I like Cat very much." Thomas: Do you like-her-like-her?"  The like-her-like-her stage is just one step away from giving her his class ring and asking her to go steady. #DAYS

They may wind up this episode with Sarah and Xander singing Kumbaya. #DAYS

Chad: "I think EJ's intentions are pure." Pure evil. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Cat: "I know you had some experience with Abigail." EJ: "Best shower of my life." #DAYS

A Hungry Piranha

Tony turns the "One Stormy Night" event into one stormy press conference. #DAYS

Tony to Gabi: "Keep running Gabi Chic and before you know it, the rightful DiMera CEO will be at the helm. The key word is "rightful" and I don't think he really has Gabi in mind. #DAYS

Chad tells Theo the new DiMera CEO should be young with fresh ideas. Theo gives a look that makes me think he's ready to paint his name on the door. #DAYS

Leo to Gabi: "After the press conference I saw you running for Tony like a hungry bear after honey." More like a hungry piranha in a feeding frenzy. #DAYS

Alex' interaction with Stephanie went from "let's move in together" to "I'm going back to MY OWN apartment" in just a few heated sentences. #DAYS

Still A Virgin

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "Why are you rummaging through my things." Alex: "I'm looking for something." Stephanie: "Well, my underwear drawer is in the next room."

Holly and Tate… Sittin' in a tree… A-R-G-U-I-N-G. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kate: "When do I get the next draft of your steamy novel?" Stephanie: "It'll be a while. The main character is still a virgin." #DAYS

Victoria gets a copy of "The Velveteen Rabbit" for her birthday. The way they SORAS kids on this show she should also get a copy of "One Stormy Night." #DAYS

A Salem Minute

Next on #DOOL — JJ: "I'm surprised you're taking the class I'm teaching." Holly: "I'm over the crush I had on you. I just hope you spank your students when they are naughty." #DAYS

No competent prison would let an unaccompanied little girl in to visit her mom. Rachel got in because the key word was competent and this is Salem. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sophia: "I wish there was a way to make things up to you." Tate: "There is… even though I'm with Holly, I may be looking for a sidepiece." #DAYS

Rachel: "Are you in trouble?" Kristen: "No. I've only been sentenced to prison because I'm such a good person." #DAYS

Kristen to Rachel: "You can't stay here in the prison." She'll have her own little slammer when they find our who really shot EJ. #DAYS

If Rachel tells Tate the truth about the baby it'll be all over town in a New York minute. Actually… a Salem minute. #DAYS

Infidelity

Theo stares ominously at JJ's badge. Not to worry, Theo. He's a Salem cop. He's lucky he could figure out how to pin the badge on. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "If you and Tate spent the night together I have to ask… are you still a virgin?" Holly: "I am today." Maggie: "What does that mean?" Holly: "I've never had sex on a Wednesday." #DAYS

Julie: "Time goes quickly for some, slowly for others." Apparently Julie has been doing some reading about Einstein's theory of relativity. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Shawn: "Theo was cheating on Claire." Belle: "I guess infidelity runs in our family." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Julie: "I'm going to keep Doug in my heart… and my vibrator in my nightstand." #DAYS

Marlena: "By the time Kristen is out of prison she will have missed almost all of Rachel's childhood." Every cloud has a silver lining. #DAYS

Abe to Theo: "Stay with us. We have lots of space." But the Salem Inn has all that privacy. #DAYS

Celibacy Sucks

Apparently there is an entire wing of Salem Hospital they haven't been using. Geez, if they would open that up they could handle more than one patient at a time. #DAYS

Xander: "I can't forgive Sarah. The betrayal was too great." Looks like it's time for another session with Marlena. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "Can I interrupt you while you're writing?" Stephanie: "God no! The main character in my next book is about to lose her virginity." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "Let's celebrate your book's success by doing what your main character did on page 87." Stephanie: "EJ wants me to meet him ASAP." Alex: "I can be quick." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "When it comes to you and Cat, how do you feel?" Chad: "I feel… that celibacy sucks." #DAYS

Stephanie: "This hospital is steeped in tradition." And they have the bodies of their former patients to prove it. #DAYS

Alex: "Somebody bugged Phillip and Xander's office." Stephanie: "You mean like they put in a listening device." Well, he's not talking about infesting it with cockroaches. #DAYS

Freak-Out

Phillip to Xander: "Let's not freak out just yet." With those two, a freak-out is always pending. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "You want advice on how to handle EJ. I can't help you. I hardly know the man." Cat: "I realize that but knowing you, you'll be in bed with him soon." #DAYS

Jen asks Charlotte how her first day of kindergarten went. It, of course went well. At the end of the school year, Charlotte will leave town and come back in the fall ready for high school. #DAYS

Jennifer: "We need to be here in Salem to keep an eye on Cat Green." Then you will have something in common with Chad, because he definitely has an eye on Cat Green. #DAYS

A House Where People Hate Me

Johnny: "DiMera encourages their employees to get involved in the community." Sometimes even in legal activities. #DAYS

Jeez, Xander, Phillip is offering you his resignation on a silver platter. Getting rid of him is what you've wanted, so stop arguing and grab it. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "Are you alone right now?" Marlena: "No… you're with me." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sophia: "How did moving onto the dorms go?" Tate: "It was educational. I learned two people can fit in a twin bed." #DAYS

Gwen: "Why would I want to be in a house where people hate me?" Maybe it's the only way you could ever be inside a house. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jack: "Semper Familia." Patch: "I didn't know you spoke French." #DAYS

Sex In A Twin Bed

Scenes we'd like to see: Chad and Cat get married and on their 50th anniversary decide it's finally time to have sex, only to discover the Salem Pharmacy is out of Viagra. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "Going to college will be a wonderful adventure for you. Some people say you go to college to lose your virginity." Holly: "In that case, I've already graduated." #DAYS

Sophia, Holly, Ari, Javi, and Tate all on campus together. What could go wrong? #DAYS

Tate and Holly train for the newest Olympic event – sex in a twin bed. #DAYS

Oklahoma Joe’s Pulled-Pork Mountain With Extra Sauce

Next on #DOOL — Aaron: "I heard your summer was a little rough." Tate: "It started out great but then we found out she was pregnant." #DAYS

Chad to Cat: "I'm sure you can handle EJ." The way Belle handled him? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Cat: "You mean it wasn't a dream? Did I really kiss you?" Chad: "Yep." Cat: "You mean just a little kiss?" Chad: "Nope. It was as sloppy as an Oklahoma Joe's pulled-pork mountain with extra sauce." #DAYS

If Cat doesn't like the way she got kissed on the miniature golf course, does chad get a mulligan? #DAYS

With that second "first kiss" I'm surprised Chad and Cat didn't jump into the bushes behind them and throw it down right there. I guess since they're taking it slow they'll wait until they get back to Chad's place. #DAYS

Rachael: "I've been standing here long enough to know you and Cat are hogging this hole." I think Chad is interested in another hole. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "There was a snake in my bed." Tate: "Who are you hooking up with now?" #DAYS

Chad and Cat prove there is a fine line between love and hate – drawn by two feeble minds and a lame script. #DAYS

Brady and Steve put two and two together. Even though they got five, they're starting to figure out who Sophia's baby is. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "When was the firehouse baby born." Patch: "The night before the fourth." Brady: "The third?" Patch: "I didn't realize you were a math genius." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "What did you see that you weren't supposed to?" Rachael: "Chad and Cat on hole three – K-I-S-S-I-N-G." #DAYS