Post-Partum-Batshitcrazy

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "I gave Ari a box of condoms to take to the lake." Rafe: "Cool. Those things make great water balloons." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "I gave Ari a box of condoms to take to the lake." Rafe: "How many were in the box?" Gabi: "Two dozen." Rafe: "Two dozen? Lake week is only seven days." Gabi: "I know but if she needs more she can buy them there." #DAYS

Gabi gave Ari a box of condoms to take to lake week. That makes Ari the leading contestant to win the camp's Miss Congeniality contest. #DAYS

Victoria hears the story of Robert the Bruce read by Xander the Scum. #DAYS

Cat drops Felicity off at gymnastics camp. I hope she didn't give Felicity what Gabi gave Ari for lake week. #DAYS

Sophia is suffering from post-partum-batshitcrazy. #DAYS

Shawn to Rafe: "We're flying blind." With those two involved, what other kind of flying is there? #DAYS

Sophia: "I'm not capable of raising a child." Too bad you also weren't capable of keeping your legs together. #DAYS

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny

Tate can't wait to see Holly in her "itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini." The operative words being "itsy bitsy teeny weeny." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "At the lake there will be no drinking and no drugs." Ari: "Thank God you didn't say 'no sex.'" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "Excuse me… what do you think you are doing?" Doug: "You if things work out." #DAYS

Chanel to Johnny: "It won't be long before all of Salem thinks I shot your dad or you did. At least they're keeping it in the family. #DAYS

Belle and EJ… a match made in heaven. Every once in a while the guys in heaven make some big mistakes. That's why hell exists –  it makes a great incinerator. #DAYS

Gwen: "I am now stinking rich." I'll bet that fortune she's inherited will fall through, so… one out of two ain't bad. #DAYS

His Bedside Manner

Phillip says he has signed Xander up for an anger management course. Interesting, isn't it, that nothing makes a person angrier than someone else sighing them up for an anger management course. #DAYS

Phillip irritates Xander by doing his stretches in the office. What, you may ask, does all this prove? It proves Phillip has the most flexible wooden leg ever. #DAYS

Tony to EJ: "You are both Johnny's attorney and his victim." No conflict of interest there, right? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "I have nothing to hide. I don't need an attorney." Jada: "We have a recording of you threatening EJ's life." Chanel: "Get me an attorney." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "You are a mean and horrible person." Xander: "Flattery will get you nowhere." #DAYS

EJ wants to go upstairs and show Belle his "bedside manner." Belle tells him that didn't work… right before she drags him upstairs. #DAYS

Indecent Exposure

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie and Alex are at the fireworks show. Stephanie: "Did you ever see anything so beautiful?" Alex: "Yes, and that's what I'm looking at right now." Stephanie: "Hey! You're looking down my blouse." #DAYS

Kayla: "You need to talk to the management." Javi: "I thought you were management here at the hospital." No, she's only the Chief of Staff. #DAYS

Gwen says she has no intention of giving anyone the necklace. In most states possession of stolen property can get you five to ten in the pen. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "I heard you are spending time with Doug Williams." Ali: "Never heard of him." Rafe: "I heard you slept with him." Ali: "So who asks their names?" #DAYS

Gwen vs. Julie. For some reason, my money is on Julie. #DAYS

Stephanie: "Never have I ever made love in a park." And never has she ever been arrested for indecent exposure. #DAYS

Sex Once A Year

Next on #DOOL — Holly: Tate and I are taking thing slow." Sarah: "What does that mean?" Holly: "So far it means we're having sex one a year." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sophia: "I'm trying as hard as I can to avoid those Braxton-Hicks."Tate: "That's good. Those Braxtons really are a bunch of Hicks." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah to Xander: "I can't live with you… I can't live without you. What are we going to do about it?" Xander: "Live apart and just get together for sex?" #DAYS

Holly thinks things are going well with Tate because Neptune is in retrograde. Retrograde is an illusion just like thinking someone who doesn't speak French could attend the Sorbonne. #DAYS

Sophia wants to write her baby a letter. Silly girl, that kid can't read. #DAYS

Our Little Hookup

Rachael: "Mom says I'm an acquired taste." Translation: You're a little brat. #DAYS

So if they called Tate "Tater-Tot" I guess this baby is "Tater-Tot-Two." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Holly: "Do you think we can make a long-distance relationship work if we're starting from scratch?" Tate: "We're not starting from scratch unless you count our little hookup as a one-night-stand." #DAYS

Sophia delivered her own baby by watching a YouTube video? I hope she never needs brain surgery. #DAYS

I'm sure narrow-minded Mrs. Choi would flip her lid if she knew Salem's premiere gay couple taking care of her grandson. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "Rachael has gotten to be a real handful. Kristen and I would like to know if you believe in spanking?" Marlena: "Well, I certainly did when John was around."

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "I can assure you I will handle my job with integrity." Paulina: "How can I be sure of that?" Belle: "The bigger the bribe the more integrity." #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Henderson steps up and admits he shot EJ. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "I have to go toe-to-toe with my boyfriend." Marelna: "I thought you were already sleeping with him." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "I don't want you to forget all the bad stuff EJ has done." Johnny: "I won't forget. He's a literal M..........r." #DAYS

Gibberish

Young Johnny, from Salem, out on bail,
Had a look that was woefully pale.
"I swear it's a frame!
I'm not to blame!"
He cried, as they hauled him to jail.

Next on #DOOL — Ali and Doug's relationship progresses… from a one-night-stand to a double-feature. #DAYS

Rachael to Brady and Kristen: "STOP FIGHTING! Don't be sorry to me. Be sorry to each other." Thank God there's at lease one adult in the room. #DAYS

Chanel to EJ: "You may think blood is thicker than water but I'm Johnny's wife and I don't believe that." Scientific fact: blood is thicker than water. #DAYS

Looks like the baby isn't pulling Braxton-Hicks. It's full blown contraction-tricks. #DAYS

Apparently Ali is getting to know Doug "love-'em-and-leave='em" Williams a little better. #DAYS

Maggie to Holly: "Why did you not decide to go to Salem U?" Let's see, Salem U vs. the Sorbonne… decisions, decisions. #DAYS

I think Sophia is about ready to literally throw out the baby with the bath water. #DAYS

Holly: "I'm going to the Sorbonne." Tate: "Est-ce tu parle Francaise?" Holly: "Stop talking gibberish." #DAYS

OK, Bayview – get a room ready for Sophia. #DAYS

Doug “love-’em-and-leave=‘em” Williams

Young Johnny, from Salem, out on bail,
Had a look that was woefully pale.
"I swear it's a frame!
I'm not to blame!"
He cried, as they hauled him to jail.

Ali and Doug's relationship progresses… from a one-night-stand to a double-feature. #DAYS

Rachael to Brady and Kristen: "STOP FIGHTING! Don't be sorry to me. Be sorry to each other." Thank God there's at least one adult in the room. #DAYS

Chanel to EJ: "You may think blood is thicker than water but I'm Johnny's wife and I don't believe that." Scientific fact: blood is thicker than water. #DAYS

Looks like the baby isn't pulling Braxton-Hicks. It's full blown contraction-tricks. #DAYS

Apparently Ali is getting to know Doug "love-'em-and-leave='em" Williams a little better. #DAYS