A Life of Cerlbacy

Sarah tells Xander he's not the one who did anything wrong. Of course he was gullible enough to let Phillip bamboozle him. #DAYS

Sarah to Xander: "You and Victoria are my world." Speaking of the world and Victoria, where in the world is Victoria?" #DAYS

The upcoming book about Johnny and Chanel is not going to end, "and they lived happily ever after." #DAYS

If Jack Devereaux is the cream of the crop in investigative reporting that explains why investigative reporting today has plopped right into the toilet. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "Are you accusing me of attempted murder? Leo: "Your boyfriend did the same thing." Gabi: "Which he will learn to regret… while he also learns to cope with a life of celibacy." #DAYS

Cat to Chad: "You and I are just friends." That's the opening line to wedding vows in Salem. #DAYS

Underneath It All

Usually Rafe isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but I happen to agree with him that Gabi spending $15,000 for a date with Alex is a bit excessive.  #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: We have a financial cushion." Johnny: "Right but maybe we shouldn't be keeping our money in a mattress." #DAYS

EJ claims he's a changed man. I think that means the nurse changed his diaper. #DAYS

Gabi leaves. Rafe grabs his computer. An hour later he's still trying to figure out how to turn it on. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "So you're saying underneath it all your toxic personality is kinder and gentler?" EJ: "Yes and underneath it all is what my toxic male personality wants from you."

Rafe and Jada break up. I'd have to say Rafe is the big loser in that one. #DAYS

Rafe tells Jada she might be right that it's time for them to take a break. She's hot talking about taking a break, Jughead. She's talking about a permanent split. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "Can I talk to you about something?" Belle: "Of course… $500 an hour plus expenses." #DAYS

A whole flock of chickens come home to roost as Brady tells Gabi to suck it up and stick it out at DiMera. #DAYS

Jada's mourning period about her breakup with Rafe lasts about five seconds as she heads with Shawn back to his place. #DAYS

The Toilets Need Cleaning

Next on #DOOL — The Salem Hospital Fundraiser Committee sues Thomas and Charlotte's lemonade stand for unfair competition. #DAYS

Stephanie refuses to give Alex a "hall pass" to sleep with another woman. That doesn't mean much. They wouldn't do it in the hall anyway. #DAYS

Cat to Chad: "This was a great fundraiser. We really pulled it off." I'm guessing it won't be long before we see this couple pull something else off… their clothes. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "Why would you give Phillip the time of day?" Sarah: "He asked what time it was." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "Now that we know about the forgery, what are your plans for Phillip in the company?" Xander: "Well, the toilets need constant cleaning." #DAYS

Maggie bids $1,000,000 for a date with Chad. It's a long-shot, but I predict she will win the auction. #DAYS

A Pack of Trojans

Next on #DOOL — Roman: "I'd like to get an update on EJ." Kayla: "He's still as much of a vegetable as the giant 600 pound pumpkin that won the state fair contest last year." #DAYS

Belle to Phillip: "So just you and Vivian know about this secret?" In Salem, it's not a secret until half the town knows about it. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kate: "I carry a gun for protection." Rex: "I carry a pack of Trojans." #DAYS

EJ opens his eyes. I'll bet we're headed for yet another case of amnesia. #DAYS

If you ask me there is more chemistry between Chad and Cat tham between EJ and Belle.  #DAYS

As far as I can see the only chemistry between Belle and EJ is a glob of KY jelly.

It's always a special episode when you get a "mean, mean, mean" from Susan. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "Johnny and I don't go to church. But we are God-fearing people." Mrs. Choi: "If you don't go to church you'd damn well better be God-fearing." #DAYS

With Or Without Clothes

Not to ever criticize the Salem Police Department, but having JJ question Gabi was the biggest conflict of interest since conflicts and interests were invented. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sami: "I came to say goodbye." Rafe: "It's great to see you again… with or without clothes." #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Xander yanks off Phillip's pegleg and bashes him with it. #DAYS

Xander to Sarah: "You're not the one who lied to me." Just think how much fun we'll have when Xander finds out the truth about that. #DAYS

The Missionary Position

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "I didn't have sex with you to get back at Jada." Sami: "Then why did you have sex with me?" Rafe: "Three reasons: you're female, you're here, and you're as easy as they come." #DAYS

Sarah: "It's awfully quiet around here." That's because Maggie has run out of gossip. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "You must have a lot of weight on your shoulders lately." Sarah: "Not really. Xander and I usually just use the missionary position."

Next on #DOOL — Orpheus to Marlena: "You look radiant in white." Steve: "Thank you." #DAYS

A Nice Ass And As Easy As They Come

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "How in the hell could you sleep with Jada?" Shawn: "Simple. She offered her honor and I honored her offer." #DAYS

Rafe: "I am such an idiot." That is a surprise to no one. #DAYS

Recap: Jada thinks Rafe cheated on her so she cheats with Shawn. Rafe finds out Jada cheated so he cheats with Sami. It all evens out. So now Rafe and Jada can get back together. In Salem this is as close as it gets to "happily ever after." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "I didn't have sex with you to get back at Jada." Sami: "Then why did you have sex with me." Rafe: "You have a nice ass and you're as easy as they come." #DAYS

Rafe offers to give Sami a ride. I think this time he means in his car. #DAYS

A Family Full Of Felons

Rex says he flew into Salem. And with that arm in a sling I'll bet he got to pre-board on Southwest Airlines. #DAYS

Mrs. Choi says she doesn't want her grandchild growing up in a family full of felons. EJ didn't have to get shot to prove the DiMeras are a family full of felons. #DAYS

Belle to Sami: "EJ pursued me relentlessly." He didn't get much resistance. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Phillip: "Xander and I have resolved our differences. You know – Male love not war." Gabi: "You call a corporate coup d'etat making love?" Phillip: "Considering I'm not getting any lately… yes." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "Did everyone know how I was conceived?" Chad: "No. Tom Horton didn't know." Johnny: "He was dead." Chad: "That's why he didn't know." #DAYS

Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest

Next on #DOOL — Brady: EJ is in critical condition. They think he might survive." Belle: "But the important thing is will he be able to have sex again." #DAYS

Mrs. Choi: "It's the sinners who need my prayers the most." In that case in Salem she should be praying all the time. #DAYS

Sophis tells her mom EJ's shooting is a sign from God. Ah… the old "sign from God" argument. Works every time, #DAYS

Brady to Belle: "You're my sister. You're a good girl." Wow. They have really changed the definition of "good girl" over the years. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Phillip: "I'm in tip-top shape. I kind of hate to say the when someone I know is fighting for his life." Kayla: "You mean EJ?" Phillip: "No, my dog is having surgery today." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Melinda: "The DiMera stock price is plummeting." Gabi: "Because of EJ being shot?" Melinda: "No, those new tariffs are killing us." #DAYS

Xander makes a last-ditch effort to save DiMera by the hair of its Shinny Shinn Shinn. #DAYS

Belle: "I've been talking to him, but he's just laying there." That's what people do in a coma, Belle. #DAYS

Detectives Dumb and Dumber are out to get me. Unfortunately Dumb and Dumber caught suspect Dumbest with a gun in her purse. #DAYS

Kayla finds the bullet that was inside EJ. Unfortunately the chain-of-custody on it just got busted. #DAYS

Sami – real or another one of Belle's hallucinations? #DAYS 

Showing Boob

Next on #DOOL — Zander: "I wish I had an extra hour for my workout to get rid of all the stress from yesterday." Sarah: "I can help you relieve stress." #DAYS

Holly is showing more boob than Doug. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sophia: "They've put EJ ina medically-induced coma." Tate: "Where is he now?" Sophia: "He's in Salem Hospital in a bed next to Jan Spears." #DAYS

Stephanie and Alex rate each other's boinkability. #DAYS

I'm really concerned that DOOL may be going off the air. Their budget is so tight they can't even afford shirts for the male characters. #DAYS

The Comfort of Her Vibrator

Jada gets soused. Rafe dives into a six-pack. That'll fix things. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Javi: "Arnold devastated Jada so I can understand that she wanted the comfort of a man." Rafe: "I would have preferred that she wanted the comfort of her vibrator." #DAYS

They've drugged out the "someone talking to a comatose person" scripts. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Javi: "Does Jada have feelings for Shawn?" Rafe: "No. she's just promiscuous." #DAYS

Target

Fun Fact: Did you know there is a department store chain named after EJ – Target. #DAYS

If they save his life, maybe EJ will make a big donation and save the hospital. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Cat: "Do you need to call anyone?" Chad: "EJ's insurance agent. I want to see if I'm his life insurance beneficiary." #DAYS

So EJ was shot through the heart but he's not dead. Pepto Bismol works wonders. #DAYS

It's Not Cheating Unless It's Cheating

Belle should have gotten back with EJ and THEN worn the wire once he trusted her. Of course she would have had to "compromise her honor" to do that but I'm guessing that wouldn't have been a problem. #DAYS

I'm already wondering who shot EJ and he hasn't been shot yet. #DAYS

Situational recap: It's not cheating if you don't know you're cheating. Unless your partner decides it's cheating. Then it's still not cheating but it might as well have been. #DAYS

Look at the bright side: Everyone hating on EJ won't be guilty of shooting him. Only one of them will. Unless this is a "Murder on the Orient Express" situation. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "We both know you wouldn't try to kill EJ." Gabi: "It's not about trying. It's about succeeding." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Shawn: "How could I have been so stupid?" JJ: "I would think you should know. You have a PhD in stupid." #DAYS

Shawn: "How could I have been so stupid?" This from the guy who deliberately drove his motorcycle through a church stained-glass window. #DAYS

Estonia

Patch asked Bob Dylan when it would be the right time to go to Estonia. Dylan replied...
Estonia when you're walkin' 'long the street
Estonia when you're tryin' to keep your seat
Estonia when you're walkin' on the floor
Estonia when you're walkin' to the door

EJ texts Belle: "I moss you." Translation: "I'm horny."

Orpheus to Marlena: "I'm going to get rid of you and your meddlesome husband for good." Sounds like a death threat, Doc. This might be a good time to ram your knee into the family jewels. #DAYS

Orpheus says the love between John Black and Marlena Evans is eternal. It must be, they always get remarried after their string of multiple divorces. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — The guys looking for John decide to incorporate and name the company after themselves. They call it Steve Andrew Paul Services, then shorten it to its initials: SAPS. #DAYS

Belle agrees to wear a wire. Won't EJ find it when she takes her clothes off? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jada: "I have something painful to tell you." Rafe: "You can tell me anything." Jada: "I slept with Shawn." Rafe: "You can't tell me that." #DAYS

Patch: "Where did they move the nuclear device to?" Karl: "Rosebud." They put them on a sled? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jada: "Tell me how I can fix the fact that I slept with Shawn." Rafe: "Go back in time and don't screw him." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "Prove you're not wearing a wire. Take off your dress." Belle: "That line wouldn't work in the sleaziest dive bar in town, but I'll give you credit for originality." #DAYS