Tuesday, May 05, 2015

Cinco de Mayo

We begin today's episode with a panoramic shot of the glistening deep blue waters of the Mid Atlantic. As we pan in, we see a dot, perhaps a tiny boat, infinitesimally small, surrounded by the immense, expansive waterworld that is its home. The sea is calm.

We continue to pan in until the dot becomes a small sailboat slowly meandering through the blue abyss. On deck the captain stands at the helm, juts his chin, whistles the "Sailor's Hornpipe" and surveys the waters like a Neanderthal hunter in search of prey. At the bow, a small girl leans overboard and pets the killer sharks playfully jumping beside the boat in an attempt to find dinner.

The little boat gently bobs as it cuts through the sea. Below, in the galley, the first mate prepares lunch. All is well with Belle, Shawn, Claire and the dozen or so rats that have stowed away on the Fancy Face XLIV. The sharks, however, are a bit hungry.

GASP! Storm clouds form on the horizon!


The storm moves in. The Fancy Face XLIV rocks violently. Cap'n Shawn takes counter measures. Claire lurches forward. A shark jumps and just misses having an arm for an appetizer. The crew has secured most of the items in the galley but unfortunately Belle was preparing mayonnaise sandwiches for lunch. The large industrial-sized jar of mayo sits above the sink and when the boat heaves, the jar comes smashing down into the sink, shattering both the sink and the jar. Belle panics as she sees the concoction of broken glass, shattered porcelain and mayonnaise oozing down what's left of the drain. Everything in the galley... the walls, Belle, the glossy 8x10 photo of Phillip... is splattered with pus-white globs of mayonnaise. Belle screams like the banshee of the Mid Atlantic.

The storm quickly passes. Shawn hears Belle screaming loud enough to wake Davy Jones. He runs to the top of the stairs and shouts, "Belle! What is it?"

Belle screams...

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(Are you ready for this?)

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"IT'S THE SINK! OH, THE MAYO!"

Here's wishing you a better Cinqo de Mayo than Shawn and Belle seem to be having.
Originally posted Tuesday, May 05, 2009

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