Ace of Dupes

They're making a movie about Maggie's pending nuptials with Constantine. It's a remake of "Married to the Mob." #DAYS

Constantine's card that controls John is actually from the Tarot. It's the "Ace of Dupes." #DAYS

Everett-Bobbie calls Marlena a quack. She should get her husband Donald to beat him up. Get it? Donald… Duck… Donald Duck… Quack… When you gotta explain 'em they're no good. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "I got Constantine to sign a pre-nup." Julie: "You are wise, Grasshopper." #DAYS

Writhing Around Naked

Alex offers to take the hard drive home for Theresa. As she hands it to him she bends way over the desk and suddenly the drive isn't the only thing that's hard. #DAYS

Brady to Rachael: "What's your favorite kind of fish?" Given her disposition, I'd say it's a piranha. #DAYS

Gewn strips down and heads in to give Alex "breakfast." Too bad Alex and Kristin were writhing around naked in another room. #DAYS

John thinks Kristin is trying to reel Brady back in. Given her antics with Alex, she'd better have two reels. #DAYS

Ava says she hopes showing up at Tripp & Wendy's farewell is OK with the group. Their silence says "No." #DAYS

So Rachael forged the permission slip. In 17th century England the penalty for forgery was death. In 21st century Salem is should be writing them off the show. #DAYS

Rachal admits she forged the permission slip. She is definitely the "spare-the-rod-and-spoil-the-child." poster girl. #DAYS

Good God, Brady, grab a paddle and take that little snot Rachael into the back room. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rachel: Alex is Mommy's boy friend. Brady: "How do you know?" Rachael: "Because when they cuddle they don't have any clothes on." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "Are you wearing exactly the same thing as as yesterday." Alex: "Absolutely not. I added Kristin's perfume to the mix." #DAYS

They Fauxed Up

Alex offers to take the hard drive home for Theresa. As she hands it to him she bends way over the desk so he can get a good look at the… device. #DAYS

Allie sends Johnny and Chanel a wedding gift: "I was thrilled to see that you two got together. How about a threesome when I return?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Paulina: "You're getting too big for your britches." EJ: "You're right. I still haven't lost the weight I gained over the holidays." #DAYS

EJ and Paulina trade each other's faux pas. Clearly, they both fauxed up. #DAYS

My cat thinks her food just magically materializes. No work, no cost. Even she's not as naive as Eric. #DAYS

PTSD

Next on #DOOL — Theresa: I've let the entire Bella team down." Alex: "Going out of business will do that." #DAYS

Ava: "Roman wouldn't let me stay with Harris in his room at the pub." What red-blooded guy hasn't figured out how to sneak a babe into his room? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: "How are you holdin' up?" Tripp: "Two legs and a strong spine." #DAYS

Tripp: " Wendy has PTSD." Stephanie: "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?" Tripp: "No… Post Tank Suffocation Discombobulation."

Chastity, Poverty, and Obedience

Kate says at the monastery Lucas is being forced to live a life of chastity poverty and obedience. Sounds like he just traded one prison for another. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ava: "What are you doing here?" Stefan: "I own the place." Ava: "What a lame excuse!" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kate: "I can be pretty nasty. Look it up. Do a deep dive on me." Harris: "I wouldn't be the first guy who ever did that." #DAYS

Abe chastises Paulina for leaving and radiating everyone at the cabin. Paulina goes nuclear. Literally. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Paulina gets the Three Mile Island "Woman of the Year" award. #DAYS

Roman refuses to let Ava stay with Harris in the pub. Harris can sneak her up to his room… just like we all did in college. #DAYS

Hanky-Panky

Next on #DOOL — Constantine: "Once we are married, do you think we can engage in a little hanky-panky?" Maggie: "It's a marriage of convenience. There will be no hanky… let alone panky." #DAYS

Now when someone tells Paulina: "You just light up a room when you walk into it," that will be literally true. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "It looks like Jude is down for the night." John: "He should be. The bottle I gave him had bourbon instead of milk." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Thomas comes back with cookies: "I got three big ones." Chad: "Stephanie has two big ones… I've seen them." #DAYS

Conjugal Visit

Next on #DOOL — Stefan: "I just visited Gabi in prison and I feel great." EJ: "Conjugal visit, eh?" #DAYS

If Maggie was any dumber they'd have to water her. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "That settles it. We're getting married. I'll work things out with my lawyers." Constantine: "And I'll move my things into your bedroom." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "You can't make a man fall in love with you." Theresa: "No, but you can sure keep him interested for a while." #DAYS

Constantine says spreading the word about Maggie's proposal is "strictly verboten." If that's the case he shouldn't have told Theresa. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Tripp: "Fear is totally normal and healthy." Wendy: "Having Ava as a mother-in-law would not be totally normal and definitely not healthy." #DAYS

Chernobyl

When defrocked priest Eric married Sloan he didn't realize he'd be taking another vow of poverty. #DAYS

Paulina can definitely help with the search for Chanel. When night falls, she's so irradiated she'll glow in the dark. #DAYS

Eric comes up with a bold new concept for his financial situation. He decides to see if he can get involved with something called WORK. #DAYS

Paulina stole her hat from one of the King's Guards the last time she was in London. #DAYS

It's a little-known fact and also quite ironic that Paulina's middle name is Chernobyl. #DAYS

If Paulina, Chanel, Johnny, and Julie all hold hands and stand near the municipal generator, Salem will have it's own nuclear power plant. #DAYS

Stoking The Fires Of Hell

I like the all-white look, but Sarah's slacks are a little too baggy. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: After hours of panicked searching, Julie and Johnny find Chanel relaxing in a geothermal pool. #DAYS

Paulina hopes Chanel and Johnny are having a good time on their honeymoon getaway. What they probably want to getaway is Julie. #DAYS

Nicole: "God has other plans for me." True, and he's stoking the fires of hell as you speak. #DAYS

Paulina to Johnny (on phone): "I didn't want to interrupt…" Then why did you? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — While EJ plays politics, Chad tries to get a story for the paper, Johnny searches for Chanel, Paulina breaks out of the hospital, and Xander and Sarah risk botulism at the pub, Tate gets to second-base with Holly in the storage closet at the high school. #DAYS

Making Out In The Janitor's Closet

Holly wonders how she can give Tate the letter she wrote. How about when they're making out in the janitor's closet at school? #DAYS

Heaven on Earth: Being snowbound in a secluded cabin with your new bride. Hell on earth:  Being snowbound in a secluded cabin with your new bride and Julie. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sloan: "Let's discuss my retainer." Stefan: "I didn't know you ever had braces." #DAYS

Stefan to EJ: "We are family at the end of the day." For the rest of the day they are mortal enemies. #DAYS

Holly hands Brady, Theresa, and Tate letters she has written. Brady's and Theresa's say, "I'm sorry." Tate's says, "Let's meet in your car in the school parking lot." #DAYS

Arctic Armageddon

Sarah has her PPE on. Now she's ready for the Pandemic four years ago. #DAYS

Chanel in jeans. She should rename her bakery "Sweet Buns." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "One way or another, I'll help you extend your Visa." Constantine: "With your money, I hope you're talking about my Visa credit card." #DAYS

Constantine says Maggie's generosity is boundless. Maggie's generosity has the same bounds as Constantine's greed. #DAYS

Johnny: "Happy wife, happy life." Translation: "Happy wife, happy sex life." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Constantine: "Salem feels right for me." Maggie: "Why?" Constantine: "Because your bank account is here." #DAYS

Abe says the weather report is calling for flurries. I have a feeling those flurries are going to be Arctic Armageddon. #DAYS

How Conveeeeennnnient

Kayla softens but decides to stay mad at Patch for today. She'll give him back his family jewels tomorrow. #DAYS

Patch: "I will be keeping an eye on Constantine." One eye is all he's got to work with. #DAYS

Kayla just doesn't seem to be her bright and cheerful self today. #DAYS

Marlena: "How are you feeling today?" Everett: "$500 an hour for that?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Everett: "Under hypnosis I saw myself staring back at me. What does that mean." Marlena: "It means you're your own doppelganger." #DAYS

Marlena: "Seeing your own image staring back at you… I'm not sure what that means." Some psychiatrists have the answers, some don't. #DAYS

Constantine's visa has expired. He has to leave the country… unless he can MARRY someone. How conveeeeennnnient. #DAYS

Thou shalt not commit...

Three months in a halfway house certainly changed Tate. #DAYS

Jada insists she isn't married to Bobby Stein. Meanwhile, the Salem Garment Factory is working full time to embroider a big red "A" on all of her blouses. #DAYS

Brady tells Tate learning from mistakes builds character. That's why Brady is such a character. #DAYS

Pop Quiz for Jada – Please complete the following sentence: "Thou shalt not commit __________." #DAYS

Leo: "I am Jude's Fairy Godfather." No comment. #DAYS

Drinks At The Nudie Bar

Paulina: "I'm on this wretched low iodine diet." Nothing makes a better meal than a heapin' helpin' of iodine. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Holly: "Whatever punishment you have for me, I know I deserve it." Nicole: "Over my knee." Holly: "Uh… I was thinking more along the lines of a timeout or getting grounded." Nicole: "I was thinking more along the lines of a real punishment." #DAYS

Paulina to Marlena: "Do you believe in ghosts?" Of course she doesn't. Marlena is a rational, trained professional psychiatrist. Demonic Possession, however, is a different story. #DAYS

Holly: "Are you saying you never had a couple glasses of champagne when you were young?" Misty Circle's drinks at the nudie bar were always free. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex to Theresa: "I'm happy Tate is out of the halfway-house. How about moving in with me at the going-all-the-way house?" #DAYS

Adulterous Slut!

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "Why are you so shook up?" Everett: "It's something I saw under hypnosis." Stephanie: "What did you see?" Everett: "I saw myself." Stephanie: "That's enough to scare anyone." #DAYS

I think Wendy is exhibiting PTSD – Post Tank Suffocation Syndrome. #DAYS

Shouldn't Xander and Sarah be taking the shocking thin-stripe-thick-stripe evidence to their attorney instead of the Police Commissioner? #DAYS

Maybe they could solve their dilemma if Jada took Bobby on Monday-Wednesday-Friday and Stephanie took Everett on Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday. On Sunday they should probably all go to church and repent. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Harris: "Mmmmmm… Delicioso." Ava: "So you like my cooking." Harris: "I wasn't talking about the cooking. I was talking about the cook." #DAYS

Rafe to Jada: "Your divorce papers were never properly filed. You are still Mrs. Robert Stein." OMG! ADULTEROUS SLUT!" #DAYS

Misconceptions

Ava to Harris: "You're pretty hard to resist." When they were naked in bed in the opening scene, I got that idea." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "You might get some ideas about unlocking the time capsule on the Internet." Julie: "The Internet? Never heard of it." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "There are a lot of misconceptions about hypnotherapy." Everett: "Like what." Marlena: "Well, for example, some people think it actually works." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Julie to Chad: "Go upstairs, look around and have an opinion. Then come down here and keep it to yourself." #DAYS

Harris finishes his breakfast in bed… goes for dessert. #DAYS

Unglued

Paulina: "How do I look?" Abe: "You look gorgeous." Paulina: "How do you know? You weren't even looking." Men know – there is ONLY one answer to that question and they don't need to be looking to give it. #DAYS

Holly comes clean. Brady comes unglued. #DAYS

Theresa tells Tate she has a few words of wisdom for him. In her case it would be extremely few. #DAYS

The witness doesn't know if he saw a man running away or a large dog. I might question the reliability of that witness. #DAYS

Paulina is cancer free. "Free," however, is a word that won't apply to her hospital bill. #DAYS

When Eric and Nicole were hugging so tight they were practically fused to each other I'm surprised Sloan didn't walk in. #DAYS