A Pissing Contest At Dawn

Lucas: "Are you the kind of guy who spends the night with another man's girlfriend?" All of Brady's girlfriends eventually become another man's girlfriend… except for his girlfriends that get killed,that is. #DAYS

Kristen's return reminded me: Where is Susan? Is she still rotting in jail for Kristen? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "Are you and EJ just… commiserating?" Nicole: "What does that mean?" Chloe: "What do you think it means? Is he banging you?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "So when it comes to Rafe you've decided to 'love pure and chaste from afar?'" Nicole: "My actions may be chaste but my thoughts sure aren't." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "Tell Phillip to challenge me to a duel – a pistol contest at dawn." Lucas goes to Phillip: "Brady challenges you to a pissing contest at dawn." #DAYS

Sex In Heaven

Abe walks toward the light. Now that he's in heaven does Zack get his eyes back? #DAYS

I'm sure it's no surprise to the men in the audience to discover that Satan is a female. #DAYS

Abe: "You're so beautiful, Lexie. Any chance there is such a thing a sex in heaven?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — MarDevil reveals herself to John. John: "MY DEAR GOD!" MarDevil: "God? I've been called some nasty things before but that takes the cake." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Julie: Abe has been around for 40 years. He'll be around for many more." Paulina: "And we can visit him in Salem Cemetery." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Lexie in flashback: "I want to have a baby no matter what we have to do." Abe: "It's pretty obvious what we have to do." #DAYS

Tush Pats

John listens to the recorder: "Who the hell is Marlena talking to?" Not "the hell," John… "FROM hell." #DAYS

Paulina and Lani walk right into a sterile surgical field. If the bullet doesn't get Abe maybe the infection will. #DAYS

Paulina to Lani: "Your father is the strongest man I've ever met." Too bad it wasn't Abe. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "The sight of you could upset Doug." Julie: "How can you say that?" Marlena: "The sight of you upsets a lot of people." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Lani: "So you're saying the secret for handling Jules is tush pats?" Paulina: "Yes." Lani: "What a coincidence. That's Eli's secret with me." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "If you didn't attempt to assassinate Abe, who did?" Jake; "Lee Harvey Merlino." #DAYS

Paws-essed

Bonnie: "It's always darkest before the dawn." A nice sentiment, but scientifically untrue. #DAYS

Justin: "God knows how Victor's mind works." God: "Actually, I don't have a clue about how his mind works." #DAYS

EJ offers to call ahead and have a dry martini waiting for Nicole at dinner. Translation: Get her drunk enough and… #DAYS

Not a good sign when they have to bring your attorney from his jail cell to confer with you, Bonnie. #DAY

Next on #DOOL — Nicole drops her keys. EJ bends down to pick them up. Nicole: "Did you just look up my skirt?" #DAYS

Nicole to EJ: "We have to talk about you kissing me. What was that about?" Well, duhhhhhh… #DAYS

Not only is Kayla not convincing that she's drunk, Patch isn't convincing that he's trying to get her to dial it down. #DAYS

Justin:

♫ My Bonnie lies in the next cell block ♪♪♪

♫ My Bonnie lies in jail like me ♪♪♪

♫ My Bonnie's locked up with Gwen Rizczech ♪♪♪

♫ Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me. ♪♪♪

#DAYS

Ciara and Ben bask in the afterglow. Ciara: "That was a spiritual experience." Ben: "I could tell. You kept yelling, 'Oh, God, Oh God, Oh God!'" #DAYS

Ciara sips coffee: "I'm going to miss this. I'm trying to get pregnant." Are people in Salem so ignorant about pregnancy prevention they think coffee is a form of birth control? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "I'm not letting you see Doug." Julie: "You can go to hell." MarDevil: "I'm not ready to go home yet." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Paulina: "I love the hell out of Abe." MarDevil: "That doesn't impress me. I don't want the hell out of anyone." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — In an unexpected twist, Marlena's dog Lucy-fur becomes paws-essed. #DAYS

A High School Virgin At Bible Camp

Today's Brady/Chloe recap: Chloe moves out on Phillip. Brady moves in on Chloe. #DAYS

A rag-tag group of friends and family get together to put on a big production show: Days of our Lives, 2021; Babes in Arms, 1939. #DAYS

John wants to know why Marlena limited Doug's visitors. Whatever you do, Satan/Marlena, do not say, "The Devil made me do it." #DAYS

Roman comes on to Kate. Kate acts like she's some high school virgin at Bible school. #DAYS

Who The Hell Is Jack LaLanne?

Justin: "I'm not just in hell; I'm in hell with Jack LaLanne. Younger viewers: "Who the hell is Jack LaLanne?" #DAYS

John to Marlena: "What the hell has gotten into you?" Or, who the hell… from hell. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "Justin must've really loved you." Bonnie: "He really loved his wife, then latched on to me after she died because I look exactly like her. It was kind of like getting a new Cocker Spaniel after the old one died." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "I want a front row seat to the premiere of your movie." Johnny: "Why do you need a seat when you can levitate." #DAYS

In flagrante delicto

Scenes we'd like to see: A repeat of the scene with Phillip walking in on Brady and Chloe, only with the pair in flagrante delicto. Then Old Pegleg would really have a reason to get his Jockeys in a twist. #DAYS

Another scene we'd like to see: "Brady rips off Phil's fake leg and throttles him with it. #DAYS

Rafe to EJ: "You know what you can do with your $300 bottle of wine?" Euwwwww! For God's sake, empty it first. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "When I see you and EJ together I get so damn jealous." Nicole; "Don't say that. You're with Ava." Rafe: "True, but variety is the spice of life." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "EJ wants to play grandpa John in my movie." Allie: "He can't." Johnny: "Why?" Allie: "He's too tall to fit on a conference table." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ciara: "What do you have for buttering up my hard-headed grandpa?" Allie: "Butter?" #DAYS

Ciara: "Ben and I want to have a baby. I threw away my birth control pills and we got right down to work." Allie: "I don't know what you're working on, but if it were me I'd have jumped into bed with him."

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "I levitated… right here in bed." John: "Without me? You know I like it kinky." #DAYS