A Drug-Crazed Sex Frenzy

Susan claims Stefano is alive. Maybe, if's not unusual to live to be 120… If you're a Galapagos Turtle. #DAYS

Chanel says she heard EJ was hard on Paulina in court. He was. And now he's pretty hard on Belle. #DAYS

Belle: "I'm doing my job to the best of my ability." She's also doing EJ to the best of her ability. #DAYS


Next on #DOOL – EJ: "Can you say what exactly is my relationship with your aunt Belle?" Johnny: "You're hammering her like Thor on a drug crazed sex frenzy." #DAYS

A Fornication Playground

Xander opens the show dreaming about having sex with Sarah while she's fully clothed. #DAYS

Julie: "Gabi Hernandez fornicated her way through my family." The last I checked it takes two to fornicate, which makes Julie's family a fornication playground. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — "If you don't think I have mono, what do you think it might be." Sarah: "You're pregnant." #DAYS

Julie: "I should keep my big mouth shut." That's a tall order. Maybe Super Glue comes in gallon jugs. #DAYS

Both Belle and EJ should recuse themselves from this case, but I understand. Salem is the place where responsibility and due diligence go to die. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "I know you believe Johnny is innocent, but what if he isn't?" Rafe: "Then he's guilty." #DAYS

His Morning Dump

Julie to JJ: "Under these circumstances ordinarily I'd call the police, but you are the police." Maybe she should call the REAL police. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL – Sami: "I miss John so much… the way he talked about baseball… the way he droned on and on… the little peephole he used to look into my bedroom. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL – Felicity: "My sister is missing." JJ: "So? She wouldn't be the first woman in Salem to spend the night at the guy's place." #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: "The elevator doors open and Chad & Cat are… oh, hell you're all thinking the same thing. #DAYS

I sure hope Chad can hold off on taking his morning dump. #DAYS

Post-Partum-Batshitcrazy

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "I gave Ari a box of condoms to take to the lake." Rafe: "Cool. Those things make great water balloons." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "I gave Ari a box of condoms to take to the lake." Rafe: "How many were in the box?" Gabi: "Two dozen." Rafe: "Two dozen? Lake week is only seven days." Gabi: "I know but if she needs more she can buy them there." #DAYS

Gabi gave Ari a box of condoms to take to lake week. That makes Ari the leading contestant to win the camp's Miss Congeniality contest. #DAYS

Victoria hears the story of Robert the Bruce read by Xander the Scum. #DAYS

Cat drops Felicity off at gymnastics camp. I hope she didn't give Felicity what Gabi gave Ari for lake week. #DAYS

Sophia is suffering from post-partum-batshitcrazy. #DAYS

Shawn to Rafe: "We're flying blind." With those two involved, what other kind of flying is there? #DAYS

Sophia: "I'm not capable of raising a child." Too bad you also weren't capable of keeping your legs together. #DAYS

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny

Tate can't wait to see Holly in her "itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini." The operative words being "itsy bitsy teeny weeny." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "At the lake there will be no drinking and no drugs." Ari: "Thank God you didn't say 'no sex.'" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "Excuse me… what do you think you are doing?" Doug: "You if things work out." #DAYS

Chanel to Johnny: "It won't be long before all of Salem thinks I shot your dad or you did. At least they're keeping it in the family. #DAYS

Belle and EJ… a match made in heaven. Every once in a while the guys in heaven make some big mistakes. That's why hell exists –  it makes a great incinerator. #DAYS

Gwen: "I am now stinking rich." I'll bet that fortune she's inherited will fall through, so… one out of two ain't bad. #DAYS

His Bedside Manner

Phillip says he has signed Xander up for an anger management course. Interesting, isn't it, that nothing makes a person angrier than someone else sighing them up for an anger management course. #DAYS

Phillip irritates Xander by doing his stretches in the office. What, you may ask, does all this prove? It proves Phillip has the most flexible wooden leg ever. #DAYS

Tony to EJ: "You are both Johnny's attorney and his victim." No conflict of interest there, right? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "I have nothing to hide. I don't need an attorney." Jada: "We have a recording of you threatening EJ's life." Chanel: "Get me an attorney." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "You are a mean and horrible person." Xander: "Flattery will get you nowhere." #DAYS

EJ wants to go upstairs and show Belle his "bedside manner." Belle tells him that didn't work… right before she drags him upstairs. #DAYS

Indecent Exposure

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie and Alex are at the fireworks show. Stephanie: "Did you ever see anything so beautiful?" Alex: "Yes, and that's what I'm looking at right now." Stephanie: "Hey! You're looking down my blouse." #DAYS

Kayla: "You need to talk to the management." Javi: "I thought you were management here at the hospital." No, she's only the Chief of Staff. #DAYS

Gwen says she has no intention of giving anyone the necklace. In most states possession of stolen property can get you five to ten in the pen. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "I heard you are spending time with Doug Williams." Ali: "Never heard of him." Rafe: "I heard you slept with him." Ali: "So who asks their names?" #DAYS

Gwen vs. Julie. For some reason, my money is on Julie. #DAYS

Stephanie: "Never have I ever made love in a park." And never has she ever been arrested for indecent exposure. #DAYS