Joy's Bullsh*t

Lani: “All of Chanel’s special donuts are gone.” I don’t think it was the jelly filling that made them so popular. #DAYS

Marlena: “Stefano and I were never intimate.” An immaculate conception is unlikely but wouldn’t be without precedent. #DAYS

Even with his X-Ray vision it’s unlikely Superman could see through all of Joy’s bullsh*t as thick as it is. #DAYS

Johnny tells Stephanie there is a scandal. Steph: “Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more.” #DAYS

If it’s a surprise to you that Sophia is alive, please surrender your DOOL card immediately. #DAYS

Sophia’s journey from Salem to Paducah would make a great plot for the movie “The Odyssey II.” #DAYS

A Village of Neanderthals

Scenes we’d like to see: Rita Marino comes to town Salem to live in the Kiriakis Mansion with her grand-nephew Dominic. #DAYS `

Steph and Alex plan for Kelsey’s care: Stephanie: “It takes a village.” Joy asks to stay with Alex. Alex says yes, proving in his case it’s a village of Neanderthals. #DAYS

Maggie has to declare the mansion does not have a history of vermin. Unfortunately it does. The Kiriakis family lived there for years. #DAYS

Jada the Comissioner… Shawn the cop… This relationship has “lawsuit” written all over it. #DAYS

Rachel holds her stomach and screams. Brady: “Sarah will take care of it.” Rachel: “I WANT MOM.” She really should go with Sarah. Her mom is a terrible surgeon. #DAYS

Thoroughly Baked

Abe didn’t get an invitation to the baby shower. He’s luckier than Phillip winning that $20 million if you ask me. #DAYS

Abe being the only man at a baby shower is a scarier situation than when Matt Damon was the only human on Mars. #DAYS

What the hell are they pinning on the baby? If it’s a male, Julie got it a little high. #DAYS

The “resisting a rest” onesies aren’t funny at all… unless you’ve had a spiked donut. “NotAlicesRecipe #DAYS

The “resisting a rest” onesies aren’t funny at all… unless you’ve had a spiked donut. “NotAlicesRecipe #DAYS

The donuts at the party are thoroughly baked. So are Abe and the women. #DAYS 

Everyone's Pissed

Next on #DOOL – Rafe: “I guess you and Phillip are back on.” Gabi: Mainly it’s Phillip that’s on… me.” #DAYS

Phillip is going to help Leo by following the gambling money. What could go wrong? #DAYS

Phillip saves the company. Everyone’s pissed. Can you imagine the reactions if he had lost? #DAYS

Belle phones Brady to say she’s worried about Marlena. Brady: “What’s wrong?” Belle: “I’m not sure.” Well, that explains it. #DAYS

If you’re interested in reading the full Sarah Horton/Destiny Rolands case file it’s stored in the collection of the expansive Salem Hospital Malpractice Library, an iconic Salem institution. #DAYS

Stupid

Chanel don’ wan’ no stinkin’ baby shower. Have they asked the baby how it feels about that? #DAYS

Leo to Chad: “My mouth is dry, my hands are clammy, my stomach is doing somersaults, and my knees are weak.” Sounds like he’s been eating the chowdah at the pub again. #DAYS

Sarah is going to be accused of wrongful death. Is there such a thing as rightful death? #DAYS

Paulina tells Theo that Stephanie is a very married woman. A hanging by a thread married woman would be more accurate. #DAYS

I thought Joy was going to ask, “How many spasmatics would it take to scres in a lightbulb?” #DAYS

Kayla tells Stephanie that Alex is being overly-cautious about keeping Stephanie away from Kelsey. “Overly-cautious” in this case is a euphemism for “stupid.” #DAYS

The DiMera Trailer Court

The Brady-Sarah-Xander drama continues as Brady and Xander battle to see who becomes Sarah’s main squeeze. Runner up gets to be her sidepiece. $DAYS

Gwen: “blimey, criquey, hells-bells, sod it all…”

EJ wonders how they will recoup their losses. Maybe there’s another seat at Phillip’s poker game. #DAYS

Maggie thinks Xander's behavior is improving. At least he hasn't dressed up in a clown suit and kidnapped her lately. #DAYS

Scenes we’d like to see: Rita quits her job with EJ and becomes a meter-maid. (If you get that one, you are old… really old). #DAYS

I don’t know about Phillip’s chances. He thinks a straight flush is something you do before leaving the bathroom. #DAYS

Phillip: “I’m more than a great guy with a heart of gold.” And a leg of wood. #DAYS

Tate and Holly practice the Marshal Arts… The ones detailed in the Kama Sutra. #DAYS

Apparently Sarah isn’t too tired for a little company in bed. #Priorities. #DAYS`


Maggie: “We saved Titan, but lost the house.” Marlena: “Where are you going to live?” In the DiMera Trailer Court on DiMera Street across from the DiMera Dump? #DAYS

Theo tells Abe he quit his job at DiMera. I hear there's an opening at Sweet Bits. #DAYS

Maggie says there is a 2% chance to do what Phillip did in roulette and a 1 in 5000 chance to draw a straight flush. That means to do both would be about a 1 in a trillion chance. Happens every day. #DAYS

Marlena: “Sami has made some pretty bad choices in men.” It could be it’s the men who have made the bad choice in Sami. #DAYS

Oughtistic

Leo to Javi: "We don't have to be in a relationship just to hang out once in a while," which is exactly what they say when they want to get into a relationship. #DAYS

Maggie guesses what Phillip’s plan might be, “It’s gambling, isn’t it?” Maggie is smarter than the average Salemite. Of course, so is my dog. #DAYS

Julie to Abe: “You could join our grief-book-club.” Abe’s mouth: “That might be wonderful.” Abe’s brain: “No way in Hell.” #DAYS

Oncologist, “Chanel, we have your test results .” And even though it turns out to be good news, before the commercial break it was delivered with the Salem Hospital’s patented “look of doom”. #DAYS

They’re trying to nail down a date for Lexie’s funeral. Better hurry and get it scheduled before she returns from the dead again #DAYS

Next on #DOOL – Johnny: “You’re always on my case. Why do you keep telling me ‘I ought to do this and I ought to do that?” Theo: “Because I’m oughtistic.” #DAYS

Wacko Joy wants to be the one to decide if wacko Stephanie is wacko. #DAYS

Scenes we’d like to see: Salem surgeons accidentally sew Joy’s mouth shut. #DAYS

Belle: “My parents got remarried right here.” It would be hard to find a place they didn’t get remarried. #DAYS

Brady talks about finding Jimmy Hoffa. Gen X and Y viewers ask, “Who’s Jimmy Hoffa?” #DAYS

Steve to Stephanie: “What is your darkest thought?” Other than strangling Joy? #DAYS

Gabi is worried Phillip will get caught up in a dopamine cycle. I don’t know how mean Phillip is but for throwing $5 million into this poker game he certainly is a dope. And that goes double for Gabi for loaning it to him. #DAYS?”

Gabi: “What are the chances we would meet a DiMera here in Monte Carlo?” On this show? About the same as meeting someone in Monte Carlo who speaks French. #DAYS