A Bitch-Off

Chad tells Cat he's going to Arizona "where it's 80° and sunny every day." Except for the summer where it's 110° and sunny every day – between dust storms. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "I have a standing reservation here at the Bistro." Cat: "Then why are we sitting?" #DAYS

To start the show we have a bitch-off between Gwen and Julie. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "Kristen is moving in but only for a month." Tate: "Which gives her another full month to figure out another way to manipulate you." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "Are you and Holly going to have a little Valentine's day dinner." Tate: "Just a little Valentine's day 'dessert.'" #DAYS

Those gals from lameo crappa gamma are as brainless as Holly, only without taking the pills. #DAYS

Holly: "I don't know what's wrong with me." Well, for starters, you think getting in that sorority of bimbos would be a good thing. #DAYS 

A Peek At Belle's Ass

Julie to Jeremy: "I have told everyone I think these accusations against you are false." Thinking they are false and proving they are false are two different things and usually the proving part takes precedence over the thinking part. #DAYS

Dimitri: "Open the door." Leo: "I'm not coming out." Oh, Leo, you came out years ago." #DAYS

Jeremy and Alex get right in each others faces. The one with the worst breath wins. #DAYS

Stefano's ossuary (or "ashuary")looks pretty beat up. You'd think he would have something more "first class." #DAYS

I really think Leo took a peek at Belle's ass when she walked away from him. #DAYS

Now that EJ wears the Phoenix ring, he seems to be stepping up his "nastiness" persona. #DAYS

SUDDS

Tate and Holly fall victim to one of the worst sex-relatedDiseases of all – SUDDS. Salem Unlocked Door During Sex syndrome. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Holly: "Can you imagine what would have happened if Ari had walked in on us a few minutes earlier?" Tate: "A three-way?" #DAYS

The family had Stefano cremated because because they wanted his death to represent his life, where he was always making an ash of himself… rimshot. #DAYS

Anna and Tony discuss Stefano's urn. Anna ought to know about urns after hauling Tony's urn around before he returned from the dead. #DAYS

It Doesn't Work That Way

If Gwen could gain a few pounds she could use that dress next Halloween as a Michelin Tire Man costume. #DAYS

If none of the guys in the crypt could get phone service or wifi, how was the camera in there transmitting its signal? #DAYS

Protip for Gwen: When someone serves you a summons, you're not allowed to shove it back at him and say,. "I don't want it." It doesn't work that way. #DAYS

Protip II for Gwen: Tearing up a summons doesn't invalidate it. It doesn't work that way. #DAYS

Phillip and Gabi are heading for sun, sand, and surf in Miami. When he goes swimming Phillip has to cover his artificial leg in Saran Wrap. #DAYS

Party Like It's 1999

Melinda tells Chad signing the agreement where a ten year old dictated the terms is not advisable. So, what's new? Welcome to Salem, where the inmates run the asylum. #DAYS

Gabi says she won't be a hypocrite so she gives Ari permission to go out and party like it's 1999. What could go wrong? #DAYS

JJ tails Jeremy. Good ole' Jeremy may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but with all the attention centered on him he'd be a real fool to try something stupid right now. #DAYS

JJ follows Jeremy and stands behind the flower cart where no one can spot him. Gabi spots him. #DAYS

Gabi is concerned because Theo said she and Phillip may not be in it for the long-haul. Gabi wonders why.  Could it be because Phillip ain't a long-haul kind of guy? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "I'm the perfect picture of sanity." EJ: "Apparently sanity isn't very photogenic." #DAYS

The Love of Her Life Du Jour

Johnny and Chanel are so giddy over the results of our checkup it's almost inevitable this is all headed for disaster. #DAYS

Chad informs Cat he has signed a pre-non-nupital agreement. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "Stefano DiMera is dead." Kate: "I've known that for a long time. I slept with him before Viagra was around." #DAYS

The plan is to go public with an announcement that Stephanie and Alex are planning to elope. If you publicly announce you're going to elope, is that really eloping? #DAYS
 
Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "I'm kicking myself that I can't go back to my younger self and not get involved with Jeremy." Jada: "I'm kicking myself, too." Stephanie: "When were you involved with Jeremy?" #DAYS

Stephanie to Alex: "You're everything to me." Translation: He's the love of her life du jour. #DAYS

Jimmy Hoffa

Rolf might have better success reviving dead bodies than reviving, as Gwen put it, her "bloody bank account." #DAYS

Johnny to Chanel: "What did Dr. Horton say about stress." Probably that it's stressful. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "If EJ murders me, you can bring me back to life, can't you?" Rolf: "Let's put it this way… "can" and "want to" are two different things." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Shane reveals the identity of the bones in the DiMera crypt. EJ: "Huh? Who is Jimmy Hoffa?" #DAYS