The Runner Up

Laugh of the day: Belle, “You can’t do a DNA test on cremains.” Brady, “The ISA can.”  #DAYS

Is Xander going to blackmail Kate, too?  He'll make points with Marlena and get money from Kate and Gabi.  #DAYS

Belle and Brady reminisce about their times with John at the pub when they were kids. When Belle was a kid, John was missing most of the time and then she was SORASed to a teen. Brady was at boarding school and came back home an angry teen. #DAYS

Xander and Brady argue about which one of them is going to be Sara’s lover… the runner up gets go be her side piece. #DAYS

Marlena to Kate, “I don’t want to talk about this now.”  Well, honey YOU started it. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL – Kate: “I think about John often.” Marlena: “Why?” Kate: “I think about all my sexual conquests.” #DAYS

`The 90-10 Diet.

Chanel thinks either she or Johnny should be a realist. Unfortunately Salem is where reality goes to die. Case in point: Lexie comes back from the dead. #DAYS

I have something in common with Tate. I’m on the 90-10 diet too. 90% whatever junk food you want to eat and 10% stuff that’s good for you, right? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena finds a penny by John’s grave: “You sent me a penny from heaven… cheapskate.” #DAYS

Gabi: “I have something to say.” Phillip: I don’t want to hear it.” Gabi: “I’m going to say it anyway.” I guess Phillip passed up the option just to walk away because that takes two good legs. #DAYS

Speedy Service

Gwen reminds Xander: “Speedy service is only a good thing if you’re Domino’s Pizza.” #DAYS

What the heck does Steph mean by “not ready to be a stepmother”? That’s one of the most selfish things I’ve heard her say. And she says a lot of selfish things. #DAYS

Scenes we’d like to see: Kristen gets Xander all tied up and then leaves. #DAYS

Marlena quizzes Xander about trystin’ with Kristen. #DAYS

Marlena reminds EJ that Sophia is dead. Vegas odds are trending that she is not. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Aaron: “I can’t get my mind off of Sophia.” Mr. Choi: “Too bad you couldn’t keep your hands off of her.” #DAYS

EJ: “A quarter of people in a coma are somewhat aware of their surroundings. I know that means 75% are not.” You can add mathematical genius to EJ’s other skills. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Holly: “How did you get through that tragedy?” Julie: “I leaned on the people who loved me… and a special friend named Jack Daniels.” #DAYS

Shut Up And Service Me

Marlena: “We never have to deal with Stefano again.” How can she think that? So many people come back from the dead on this show that this year Salem is hosting the Zombie Nation Annual Convention. Lexie is scheduled to be the keynote speaker. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — “You’re the DA. Your job is to prosecute criminals.” Belle: “Really? I guess I should read my job description.” #DAYS

Gwen to Xander: “Shut up and service me.” I don’t think she means, “gas ‘er up, check my oil and clean my windshield.” #DAYS

Xander: “I enjoy our time together.” Apparently Xander’s technique is a little too… uh… “efficient” for Gwen to feel the same way. #DAYS

Gwen reminds Xander: “Speedy service is only a good thing if you’re Domino’s Pizza.” #DAYS

ResurrLexieon!

Lexie wakes up. It’s a ResurrLexieon!

Lexie shows up at Stefano’s will reading. Abe’s jaw drops. He, Lexie, and Paulina had better convert to Mormonism tout-de-suite. #DAYS

Interesting observation: Lexie has been dead for 15 years but somehow has aged right along with everyone else. Ergo: dead people age. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kayla: “What’s up?” Abe: “Lexie.” #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rolf: “Bringing Lexie back from the dead is a historic first… well,  except for that little incident in Jerusalem a couple millennia ago.” #DAYS

Sophia! OK, it’s only Kristen’s imagination. For a minute there I thought today’s episode was a back-from-the-dead-a-pallousa. #DAYS

EJ to Kayla: “Medical research isn’t illegal.” I’m guessing Lexie would agree with him on that one. #DAYS

A Pram-off.

I want to hear more of Cat’s story about Santa Claus getting an apartment in Brooklyn. #DAYS

Alex suggests Joy stay in Salem. That’ll make Stephanie’s day. #DAYS

Julie tells Stephanie she was in a similar situation once. At least that tidbit of gossip got Stephanie interested in something beside herself. #DAYS

It’s move out day at the Salem U dorms. That school year sure went quick. Holly only had time to burn the dorm room down once. #DAYS

Joy and Chanel’s baby carriages crash into each other. Ooooo! A Pram-off. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Joy: “This is my baby Kelsey.” Chanel: “Do you know who the father is?” Joy: “The leading candidate is Alex.” #DAYS

If Joy has any form of wardrobe malfunction, we’re going to have a boob-alanche. #DAYS

Scenes we’d like to see: the ensuing melee after it is revealed that Stefano left his entire estate to Rita. #DAYS

Stefano: “This will is real and final.” Until a new mystery will is found next year. #DAYS

A Fortune Cookie

Jeremy says he knows Stephanie is strong enough to get through her crisis. I have no clue where he got that idea. Maybe he read it in a message from a fortune cookie. #DAYS

Chanel is in the hospital for a mammogram. Dr. Sarah says she will walk Chanel down to radiology herself. The people who write #DOOL have no concept of how things work in a real hospital, do they? #DAYS

Would-be killers in Salem need to stop having lengthy conversations with their potential victims, which gives the victim time to turn the tables, avoid getting killed and causing the perp to get arrested or hauled away by the men in white coats. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah (on phone): “Johnny nearly died from inhaling gas in his apartment.” Jada: “Was there a leak?” Sarah: “No. He farted.” #DAYS

A Strumpet

Steve & Kayla bring Stephanie an apple pie and a gun. Are Kayla’s pies that bad? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Patch: “Be sure to clean your gun regrlarly.” Stephanie: “Is it dishwasher safe?” #DAYS

Stephanie isn’t sure she wants kids. Alex wants kids. Joy shows up with Alex’ daughter. Man, this is gonna work out great for everyone! #DAYS

Alex thinks maybe he should take a paternity test to see if he’s the father. Joy assures him he’s the father. He says he trusts her but, as the old saying goes, “trust but verify.” #DAYS

Patch: “Don’t mess with Stephanie.” Would surprising her with her husband’s daughter with Joy count as messing with her?” #DAYS

Joy has returned to Salem as a redhead. That proves she’s a strumpet. #DAYS

Theo: “I didn’t want to be No-no’s executor.” Then you should have said no-no. #DAYS