Undressed

Alex to Chanel: "I really did a number on you last night." Any chance that number was 69?

Cretin
Hardhead
Addled
Dumb
#DAYS

Next on #DOOL — FauxAbby: "I'm a basket case." Chad: "I'll take you any way I can get you… preferably undressed." #DAYS

Mother Chucker

Xander shows up and saves Sarah from getting "Sweet Charlotted" down the stairs in her wheelchair. #DAYS

Johnny to Alex: "You seem to be in a particularly good mood today." Johnny, that doesn't mean he banged Chanel. It's possible to be in a good mood without getting laid. Difficult, but possible. #DAYS

When he finds out she hit Sarah, Xander kicks Fiona to the curb. Does that make him a mother chucker? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jada to Stephanie: "You slept with a guy you used to go out with. It's not a scandal. It's something a slut would do but not a scandal." #DAYS

Alex and Stephanie decide they should be just friends. Then they seal the deal by getting really friendly. #DAYS

Relaxed About Sex

Next on #DOOL — Patch (on phone): "How's the city of light?" Chad: "You didn't take the time difference into account. It's midnight here, so the city of light is… dark." #DAYS

Brady says when he gets out of prison in 10 years Sarah will still be in a wheelchair. On #DOOL nobody stays in a wheelchair. There is a miracle around every corner. Sarah will probably be dancing as a Rockette. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: Is it hard to believe two people were not drinking at a bar?" Eric: "If it was a salad bar." #DAYS

There once was a girl named Abby
Her looks, they weren't too shabby
She went to Paree
Ate nothing but Brie
And Now she's getting too flabby.
#DAYS

Chad invites Holly to stay with him and FauxAbby. Since Holly is a virgin, maybe they can teach her something on their wedding night. #DAYS

Chad invites Holly to stay with him and FauxAbby. Hey, it's France. They're more relaxed about sex over there, so Chad and FauxAbs probably won't even have to close their door on their wedding night. #DAYS

Steve: "Who would have known that Kayla and I are not only husband and wife, but we're also father and daughter." Hey, it's #DOOL. It's possible. #DAYS

Fiona's house of cards is collapsing. #DAYS 

Second Base

Next on #DOOL — FauxAbby: "There is something that should happen before we go all the way." Chad: "What? Let me get to second base?" #DAYS

Chad consents to marrying FauxAbby. Her proposal must have sent his solitary brain cell spinning. #DAYS

FauxAbby asks Chad to marry her and she got everything she wanted… his credit card. #DAYS

Over two million people in Paris. How could Holly possibly have avoided seeing FauxAbby. #DAYS

Speaking French Makes Me Horny

I see Faux Abby and Chad took the non-stop Super Sonic Transport to Paris. That would be believable if Salem was big enough for an international airport and if the SST still existed. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Clyde: "I don't get your generation. You half-ass everything." Mark: "Then why are you the one in prison and I'm not?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "Veux-tu couche avec moi?" Faux Abby: "Quel choc! Pourquoi me demandes-tu ça maintenant?" Chad: "Because speaking French makes me horny." #DAYS

If Sarah recants her claim that she saw Brady, EJ will charger her with perjury. That puts her between a rock and a hard place. Or with Xander advising her, I guess I should say that puts her between a blockhead and a hard place. #DAYS

Horny Chad is buying FauxAbby's entire crock of BS. #DAYS

Not that I'm on scumbag Fiona's side but she should have asked Eric "who died and made you prosecutor?" #DAYS

Faux Abby says she doesn't think it's a good idea to be intimate. Chad, on the other had, thinks it's a terrific idea. #DAYS

Conjugal Visits

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "EJ is doing a lot these days." Eric: "What's he doing?" Brady: "For starters… Gabi." #DAYS

EJ and Stefan both look like they bolted out of the barber shop in the middle of their haircuts. #DAYS

Eric: "You have a future. You still have things to look forward to." Brady: "Like what?" Like years of conjugal visits with Fiona. #DAYS

Fiona: "I have a confession to make." I doubt it will be about hitting Sarah. It's probably something like, "The morning after we had sex, I'm the one who burned the toast." #DAYS

Just Friends... With Benefits

Stephanie on the phone: "Alex just wants to be friends." Stephanie with half naked Alex at her door: "Come on in and be friendly." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "Do you want a ride?" Alex: "YOU BET!" Stephanie: "I meant a ride to the show." #DAYS

Dr: Lamoré: "Today we have witnessed a miracle?" What miracle… that #DOOL turned this lame Body and Soul plot-line around? #DAYS

Stephanie and Alex break the speed of light going from "just friends" to "just friends with benefits." #DAYS