A Bastard or a Criminal

Next on #DOOL — Brady: Grandpa John doesn't look like himself right now." Rachael: "What does he look like?" Brady: "He looks just like a king." Rachael: "Which king?" Brady: "Tut." #DAYS

Johnny: "I don't know if I belong in this family any more." Why not? Every one of them is a bastard or a criminal. You just happen to be both. #DAYS

If John is as sick of these goodbyes as I am he probably wants to hurry up and die. #DAYS

Marlena jumps into bed with John. If that doesn't revive him, nothing will. #DAYS

Support Stockings And Comfortable Shoes

Apparently Tate's flu flew the coop right up the chimney flue. #DAYS

Johnny: "Even the strongest men can't live forever." Santa Claus being the exception. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: 'My daughter would not go out and hook up with some random boy." JJ: "If that is true that type of behavior must not be hereditary." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "My mom had issues with John but she did name me John Roman." Roman: "I know. It should have been Roman John." #DAYS

Belle: "I want to bring whoever assaulted Phillip to justice." Alex: "Don't the police have to arrest that person first?" Maybe Belle missed that question on the bar exam. #DAYS

Paulina: "How are you holding up?" Marlena: "Support stockings and comfortable shoes." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kayla: "John is in very critical condition." Brady: "What's the difference between critical and very critical?" Kayla: "The same as the difference between fresh bread and burned toast." #DAYS

Maybe Rachael will have to go to the hospital and need some kind of a transplant. It's not too hard to guess who's organs she will get. #DAYS

Jada: "Why didn't Shawn tell me he got his hands on a dose of Versavix?" He was busy getting his hands on you." #DAYS

The Missionary Position

Sounds like Stephanie is writing a pretty risque book. I couldn't tell if Alex said the title was "One Stormy Night," "One Horny Night," or "One Porny night." I like all three. Maybe she should write a trilogy. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "I don't want people to know I write this kind of tawdry book." Alex: "Why not? You live that kind of tawdry life." #DAYS

Alex: "This wild thing you wrote about on page 146… I've never tried that." Stephanie: "I've never tried it either." Alex: "What's it called?" Stephanie: "The missionary position." #DAYS

Chad and Cat are struggling to come up with what they should do for a platonic date. How about going to the library and reading Plato's biography? #DAYS

Chill, Brady, Kristen is trying to be nice. Give her a "thank you" romp and move on. #DAYS

Brady: "Rachael is not the easiest kid to get along with. Apple → Tree… you know the metaphor. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kate: "I fell in love with you because you were different from all the other men I ever met." Roman: "How was I different?" Kate: "You didn't pay me."

Kate says roman is different than every other man she has met. How was he different? No other man was axe-murdered on their wedding night. #DAYS

Good Behavior Is Its Own Punishment

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "There were legal ways you could have tried to claim your inheritance. Why did you do it with a forged letter?" Phillip: "Legal ways are for wimps." #DAYS

Chad and Cat get along pretty well for two people who are supposed to despise each other. #DAYS

EJ claims to be a more decent person since he came out of his coma. That doesn't necessarily say much about his character. #DAYS

EJ discovers that good behavior is its own punishment. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "It's not easy being Chief of Staph for a hospital that is in distress." Sarah: "It's not in as much distress as its patients." #DAYS

Virgin Birth

A pregnant girl at the prom. That wouldn't have happened back in the day at my high school. Of course, that was so long ago there was such a thing as a virgin birth. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kayla: "Are you willing to give me access to your drug?" Jeffrey: "No. But I"m working with a group that wants me to. Big Pharma will do anything for money." #DAYS

EJ to Chanel: "What can I do to fix this?" You could talk to Johnny and convince him that your past has not been genetically transferred to him and that he is responsible for his own actions. #DAYS

Cat to Chad: "If I go on a date with EJ, what ulterior motive could he have?" Let's put it this way… he's not after your money. #DAYS