Bring On The Nekkidness

PART I — The Premise

Yesterday in the comments section, I got this question:

Prevuze - could you possibly be suggesting from your recap of the lost episode that aside from some great nekkidness we really didn't miss anything?

My answer:

Could you possibly be suggesting from your question that we need any other reason to watch the show than great nekkidness?

All in good fun, right? But, let's face it we've gotten quite an eyeful of the likes of Rafe, EJ, Brady, Sami, Nicole, Chloe and probably a couple of others lately.

Call it what it is... it's soft porn. Let's face it, when these characters are standing around nekkid, they're usually not playing patty-cake. I can hear TIIC now, "Hey writers, ratings are down. Get 'em undressed. Hit the gym, guys. Unbutton the blouses, gals."

And we watch. And they know we watch.

Not too long ago I saw a TV interview with a well-known preacher. Regardless of your opinions of TV preachers, I believe this one is fairly well-respected and considered kind of "liberal" when it comes to theology. During the interview, however, he blistered soap operas. Yes, he specifically mentioned soaps and might as well have said (I'm paraphrasing), "The road to hell is paved with soap operas." Really.

OMG! ARE WE A BUNCH OF SICKO PERVS?


PART II — The Scandal

Fast reverse to... oh... a few years ago...

When I was but a young pup at the university, we had a scandal. I don't just mean it was a run-of-the-mill scandal, it was a world class Bill and Monica earthshaking, news-making...

SCANDAL!

It seems there was this men's dorm that faced a women's dorm (You're way ahead of me, aren't you?) Said men acquired state-of-the-art long-lens cameras, telescopes, binoculars and obtained the type of entertainment you usually have to pay a cover charge for, along with a two-drink minimum. And it wasn't just a couple guys, it was pretty much an entire floor. It was quite an operation and they were getting near professional quality results in the... uh... artwork they were producing.

I'm sure you've heard the old saying, "Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead." Well, with a full floor of hormonally crazed guys involved in this thing, long story short... they got caught.

Campus cops moved in and started an investigation. As an aside, the campus cops struck fear in the hearts of absolutely no one. They made the Salem cops look like true professionals (no italics for good reason). But just when it looked like, with the Kampus Kops involved, things were going to die down a bit the city police from the surrounding community decided there had been a REAL crime and claimed jurisdiction. Then things got serious.

The cops cordoned off the men's dorm like there had been an assassination and hauled out every piece of equipment they could find. More importantly, they hauled out pictures.

PART III — The Shocking Twist

I wasn't there, so I can't say for sure, but I have a clear vision of what happened in the dean's office when he got hold of those pictures. For some reason, I picture the dean's office as looking exactly like Dean Wormer's office in Animal House. In fact, I picture the dean looking exactly like Dean Wormer himself. What's more, I picture him demanding, "I need to see those awful pictures. Of course all I want to do is make sure they're as perverted as people say." I also picture him saying, "Some of these are especially bad. I'm going to confiscate them for myself... uh... just to make sure they don't get into the wrong hands."

Regardless of what happened in the dean's office the pictures revealed something unexpected.

See, even Bo Brady could figure this one out. It seems the women's dorm was equipped with these newfangled things called drapes and blinds, which in the pictures looked for all the world like they had been strategically left open. I mean, it doesn't take much mental skill to close your blinds when you're naked or near-naked.

And if that didn't expose the fact the women knew what they were doing, the pictures certainly did. The plot thickens.


PART IV — Beating The Dead Horse

So the whole sordid thing hit the news. Reporters stood outside the dorms with on-the-spot reports, pictures were published with those precisely placed black squares over revealing body parts and the moral police came out of the woodwork and claimed the Armageddon of perversion was upon us.

With that the affair escalated from a little private university dustup to a complete train wreck and even made some national news outlets. Parents got involved and threatened legal action if the university dared discipline their angelic little pervs — NOT the kind of stuff the university brass wanted in its recruiting and fundraising brochures. DEFINITELY the kind of dead horse news sources love to beat until the end of time. And they did.

In the grand tradition of closing the barn door after the horse (the live one, that is) has escaped, the university brass did what any group of empty suits would do — hired consultants whose mission was "make it go away."


PART V — The Opinion

The whole fuss seemed to stay in the news forever. During that time you knew you wouldn't be able to turn on the TV or read the newspaper without seeing some form of the word "pervert."

The thing finally died down and the university never made public what happened to the students involved. My guess — probation. Maybe even double secret probation, especially since they discovered it wasn't a bunch of guys being peeping toms because the gals were involved, too.

One of the consultants the university hired was some high-powered shrink. As the whole affair came to a close, local news interviewed the guy for his professional opinion on the perversion level of those involved. Sigmund had a heavy foreign accent, so as he spoke and analyzed the situation, the TV showed captioning so viewers could tell what he said. So the local news moron asked some form of question on the order of, "In your opinion are the students involved some kind of pre-verts?"

Sigmund responded, "Zeece zdudends are zee younk adolesenze viz zee deffelopink blada... blada... blada..."

As he rambled on it was apparent the captioning wasn't showing exactly what he said, but it got the point across. As he gave his final flurry of sentences and his opinion, relating the facts that the students involved were young, still learning responsibility, exploring sexuality and so in his opinion this incident, while not completely acceptable, was within the bounds of what might be expected from college students. As he gave this opinion, the captioning kind of abbreviated everything and the final display said...

"This is normal behavior."

PART VI — The Point

Well that may or may not be true but apparently one finding of the study was that it isn't abnormal for people to... uh... admire scantily clad or even (gasp!) naked members of the opposite sex.

What a revelation. I wonder how much my university paid for that opinion, which they could have gotten for free from any DOOL viewer.

Anyway, gang, I guess, according to that expensive opinion from the same guy who helped get my alma mater out of hot water, we're not pervs.

WHEW! Bring on the nekkidness!

Happy weekend, peeps.

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE