Another Typical Day In Salem

Susan's in the hospital. Gwen's in bed having nightmares. Sami's kidnapped. Ben and Ciara are off gallivanting with Satan. Kristen's headed for Statesville. Just another typical day in Salem. #DAYS

Chad: "Promise you won't try to escape again." Kristen agrees as she begins planning her escape. #DAYS

A Walk To The Bedroom

Chloe suggests to Phillip in her sweet, sultry voice: "I know a great way to work off a lot of calories. We can go for a walk." Note to the gals: When you put it like that, the only walk your guy wants to take is to the bedroom. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "John has been abusing me." Ben: "No man should ever strike a woman." Ciara: "Well, I for one do appreciate a gentle spanking now and then." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "John has been abusing me." Ben: "What is he doing to you." Marlena: "He's forcing me to watch you and Ciara on Days of our Lives." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "So what do you think, that Phillip and Chloe's relationship will just implode?" Brady: "Name one relationship in Salem that hasn't imploded at some point." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "Marlena told me to ravage Chloe on the conference table." Maggie: "That doesn't sound like Marlena." Brady: "I didn't do it." Maggie: "That doesn't sound like you." #DAYS

Oedipus

Patch breaks into the crypt and it may be too late. It looks like Susan has already taken a stab at killing...herself.

MarDevil screams "Do you think you can make me go where I don't want to," as she breaks her chains. I think she just blew her cover. #DAYS

Given all the time wasting scenes between Ben and Ciara, here's a scene we'd like to see: Ben has a relapse and sets the bed on fire. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena trips going out the door and takes a tumble, thus explaining how Satan became a fallen angel. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "You were willing to die for me? How can I ever pay you back." Susan: "Have you ever heard of Oedipus?" #DAYS

Johnny DiMera for Breakfast

At 95 Doug is still handsome as the Devil. Oh… perhaps a poor choice of words given the current story line. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — MarDevil: "I'm not going to kill John. You are." Susan: "What happened to your scheme to have him be unfaithful to Marlena. I'd rather help with that." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Paulina: "What's better than dutch apple ice cream for breakfast?" Chanel: "Johnny DiMera for breakfast." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Susan: "Lord, how can I kill a man who has led a decent and righteous life?" God: "I thought you were supposed to kill John." #DAYS

Hanky-Panky

Julie: "There is news and it's not good." Not surprising. Good news is so rare in Salem the last time it happened was when Dr. Tom got his medical license. #DAYS

Oops. Chanel and Johnny wake up in bed together. Call me suspicious, but I think there has been hanky-panky. #DAYS

It's Thanksgiving day in Salem. Everyone's busy with all this drama. I'm guessing the Lions-Bears game hasn't started yet, but doesn't anyone watch the parade? #DAYS

Paulina: "Marlena is bound by doctor-patient confidentiality." Marlena… yes. The Prince of Darkness… not so much. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Patch: "I didn't find John. Someone sent me on a wild goose chase." Kayla: "So where's the goose?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Paulina: "You always kick me when I'm down." Olivia: "So report me to Child Protective Services." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — DevilMar: "We have to trust in a higher power." Steve: "You mean God?" DevilMar: "I was actually speaking about a fallen angel." #DAYS

Any Chance I Got Lucky?

Rafe has made his choice: Ava's minestrone is his favorite. Now he has to make the same kind of choice between Ava and Nicole. #DAYS

Why is Ava serving the minestrone in 55-gallon drums? #DAYS

It's a good thing John backed off. If he would have had sex with Satan in a crypt with his wife in the next room, when he gets to the pearly gates he'd have a lot of splainin' to do. #DAYS

Gabi: "People in hell want ice water." When she goes there she should remember that and take her own supply. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — MarDevil: "If anyone knows why Abe and Paulina should not be married, let them speak now or forever hold their peace." << ETERNITY PASSES >> Chanel: "Oh,yeah, me." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "When you were under Satan's spell you tried to seduce me." Susan: "Any chance I got lucky?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Abe finds out about Paulina's lie and walks out of the wedding. Roman: "Come on, everyone, let's not waste the wedding cake." #DAYS

Kristen/Satan: "I'm exactly your type." John: "What type would that be?" Kristen/Satan: "Female." #DAYS

Marlena's new name: Marlena Evans-Craig-Bradford-Brady-Black-North-Black-Dimera-Black-Dimera/Johnson-Black-Satan

Chasing Tail

Is it just me or is Satan a better psychologist than Marlena? #DAYS

Roman and Kate: Roman is chasing a little tail today. And the tail is wagging. #DAYS

Kate: "I don't want you to get the wrong idea." Believe me, Kate, right or wrong, Roman definitely has ideas. #DAYS

What with Satan being in Salem for all this time, I wonder if there will be a "Satan" bulb on the Horton Christmas tree this year. #DAYS

Roman wants Kate to take a ride with him. He also wants to take her to the church in his car. #DAYS

Kate plays hard to get for five minutes. The woman is a tower of strength. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "You can't tell Abe what you know. It's privileged information" Chanel: "Then why did you tell me?" Marlena: "I could see you were hurting." Chanel: "I'm hurting more now." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: "It's official, you're my date." Kate: "No, you're MY date." Roman: "What makes you the boss?" Kate: "My vagina." #DAYS

Everyone's Favorite Sex Position

Note: Executives at Triple-X Studios have announced that the sequel to "Debbie Does Dallas" will be "Nicole Does Salem." #DAYS

Kristen to John: "You can see me, feel me, touch me..." John: "Is this Days of our Lives or the rock opera Tommy?" #DAYS

Kristen tries to seduce John. I don't see how he can resist. I mean, isn't everyone's favorite sex position hanging by a chain dangling from the ceiling in a crypt? #DAYS

Rafe rejects Ava. Now that he has tasted the succulent passion of Misty Circle he's ready to ditch the entertaining but mundane distraction of a Mafia Princess. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "Why don't you want to have sex?" Nicole: "I don't want to be more of a slut than I already am." EJ: "You're already at the bottom of the slut-barrel. It would be impossible to be any more of a slut than you already are." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "After Sarah, I met Gwen. We were both in a bad place, so together we got into a good place… the bedroom." #DAYS

Baseball Season

Sometimes my dog does to my leg what Susan is doing to John's. #DAYS

Susan goes to bat for John. MarDevil balks. And you thought baseball season was over. #DAYS

John: "Come on, Doc, today's our wedding anniversary." Which one? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "You can't separate Mariena and me. Our love is too strong." Susan: "After which divorce did you decide that?" #DAYS

The Devil Incarnate

Lani: "Matron of honor. Matron… what a terrible word." It's not great, but it's better than madame of honor. #DAYS

Susan: "You are the devil incarnate." Susan might be wise to play it a little closer to the vest. #DAYS

MarDevil konks Susan and than there is a knock at the door. Paulina: "Are you in there, Marlena? I have to talk to you." Even Satan isn't smart enough to know you don't always have to open the door when someone knocks. #DAYS

Susan the cat to Marlena the Devil: "You are meow-ean, meow-ean, meow-ean." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Paulina: "Let me fluff your pillows." Abe: "You've fluffed them every five minutes sine I've been in the hospital, but I'd sure like to fluff your pillows… if you catch my drift." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "When Susan says, 'someone wants to harm your baby,' that could mean anything." Ciara: "That could also mean, 'someone wants to harm your baby.'" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Susan, now a cat, reports Marlena to the ASPCA. #DAYS

Gabi… Jake… A conference table between them… Lock the door, damn the torpedoes and full steam ahead. #DAYS

Jack goes off the deep end and does his best imitation of Kyle Rittenhouse. #DAYS

When they walked into the house Gabi turned her back to the audience and her hips cracked my TV screen. #DAYS

Jack: "Whay would you want me to give Gwen another chance?" Chill out, Jack. You don't want to keep a good drama queen sitting on the bench. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "I'm not walking out on you." Gwen: "That's sweet." Xander: "Well, why would I? Where else am I going to get laid tonight on such short notice?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Melinda: "I wasn't the best mom to my daughter. But I was a really great sister until she found out the truth." #DAYS

In that short skirt, when she's sitting on the bed every time Ciara crosses her legs she gives us all a view of the gates of heaven. #DAYS

A Sex Toy

Only in Salem is a conference table considered to be a sex toy. #DAYS

Don't EVER tell Kate anything is none of her business if you want any peace and quiet. #DAYS

"Mean-mean-mean" is Susan's trademark phrase. Kind of like Steve McGarrett saying, "Book 'em, Dano." or Jimmie Walker saying "Dyn-o-mite." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "Marlena told me to come to the office, throw you on the conference table and have sex." Chloe: "Doesn't Marlena know you can have sex somewhere besides a conference table?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "That conference table has seen a lot of action." Brady: "I'm sure it's seen more action than I have lately." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Susan put her hand on Ciara's stomach and what happened then caused Susan to scream and back off." DevilMar: "I think a little GasX would take care of that." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe to Nicole: "What happened between us wasn't because of what happened to Carmine. It was because you're a tramp and I'm a lecherous horn dog." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "You have a way of getting things out of me." Brady: "What I really want is a way to get something into you." #DAYS

Impure Thoughts

Nicole: "Diemos came here to kill me." Chloe: "But Diemos is dead." When has that ever amounted to anything in Salem? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — DevilMarlena: "Are you harboring impure thoughts about Chloe." Brady: "Absolutely not. I'm too busy thinking about having sex with her." #DAYS

Marlena: "John had his way with me on a conference room table." I think there was a bit of Marlena having her way with John involved, too. It was a 2-way way. #DAYS

After all the friction someone's going to have to have that conference table refinished. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — DevilMarlena: "Are you harboring impure thoughts about Chloe." Brady: "Absolutely not. I'm too busy thinking about having sex with her." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Steve: "You loo like you've seen a ghost." Belle: "As many times as you've been dead, it might be you." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ben: "Ciara was feeling a little queasy and wondered if she might be pregnant. She went out and got a test and it turned out she was." Shawn: "So she's pregnant?" Ben: "No. She's queasy." #DAYS

When Your Father Catches You Having Sex

BULLETIN: Investigators discover butt prints on a Basic Black conference room table and are shocked when they determine they are not Marlena's. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Dr. Tripp performs his first frontal lobotomy… on Bonnie. #DAYS

Kristen: "Without EJ's help I could spend the rest of my life behind bars. Or Susan could… By the way, where is Susan these days? #DAYS

Gwen is lucky. Most times when your father catches you having sex on the living room couch he doesn't end up making a gracious toast. #DAYS

Rafe and Nicole are rushed to the hospital after the Basic Black conference table collapses. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "If anyone has an objection to the marriage of Justin and Bonnie, speak now or forever hold your peace." Prevuze: "I'm speaking… I'm speaking." #DAYS

Come And Get It

Scary Satan stories still seriously scintillate Salem society. #DAYS

Deimos: "When you're dead you have a lot of time for reflection." I don't know about that. Where Deimos was, I'm sure he had to spend most of his time dodging flames. #DAYS

Zombie Nick is a far cry from the innocent, naive kid he was when he first came on the show. #DAYS

I didn't realize Nicole's toes were painted until I caught a glimpse of her in that low cut dress. #DAYS

Rafe succumbs to the allure of Nicole's "come and get it" outfit. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Zombie Nick: "Jake is a loser. With him, you're rolling around at the bottom of the barrel." Gabi: "That's not true. We've rolled around in a lot of places but never at the bottom of a barrel." #DAYS

Zombie Apocalypse

When John dies in the crypt and the flesh rots from his bones he'll be
able to slip right out of those handcuffs. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: "A hand suddenly sticks up out of the dirt at
Jordan's grave. Hey, it's Halloween. #DAYS

John in the crypt brings back memories of Brady and Melanie trapped in
there & Brady talked Melanie into taking off her bra because it had a
wire he could use as a cell phone antenna. Classic #DOOL. #DAYS

The Zombie Apocalypse has begun in Salem. #DAYS

When Ava goes to trial for killing Carmine, she might want to work a
plea deal. Most juries don't by the "A Zombie did it" defense. #DAYS

Rafe: "The woman I am living with may be indirectly responsible for Abe
getting shot. I might have to dump her." Nicole: "Drat the bad luck." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Tony: "I see you're engrossed in Johnny's script." Anna:
"It's gross all right." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Abe: "I'm sorry to hear you and Eric are getting
divorced." Nicole: "That's OK. The time we were together was so short it
practically counts as a one-night-stand." #DAYS

Q: How do zombies die in Salem? A: They starve to death. There are no
brains in Salem." #DAYS