The Woman With Hourly Rates

Did you notice the sign says Salem U was founded in 1965? They've been watching #DAYS in the student center since the very beginning.

 

JJ's in a slump. He had to beg to get a gal to pretend she's hooking up with him. #DAYS

 

Rafe to Jordan: "Just checkin' in." Translation: "Just sniffin' around." #DAYS

 

Rafe to Kate: "If it isn't the woman of the hour." Or the woman with hourly rates. #DAYS

The Apple Falls Not Far From The Tree

Will: A cheating slut. Sami: A cheating slut. The apple falls not far from the tree. #DAYS

 

Hope and Aiden... back in Salem sans the blood and implements of destruction. #DAYS

 

Rafe wonders when Jordan will see Chad for the creep he is. Longer than it took her to figure out what a creep Rafe was. #DAYS

 

Dang. There for a minute I thought Jordan might beat Chad up worse than Ben did. #DAYS

The Maltese Elephant

Nicole has stopped groveling after Daniel and has Melanie groveling for her. #DAYS

 

Eric wants to know the reason Serena wants the elephant. She's a woman, Eric, reason has nothing to do with it. #DAYS

 

Theresa wonders if she and Brady could start again. Dream on, sister, Melanie isn't the type of gal who shares her toys. #DAYS

 

Am I the only one who can't read those damn teensy little phone messages when they show them? #DAYS

 

And there you have it... the Maltese Elephant's name is Fred. Somehow I expected something more elegant. #DAYS

Googling Someone Is Really Hard

Melanie wants the dirt.  She's certainly  in the right town. If it ain't dirt, it ain't Salem. #DAYS

 

Nicole to Melanie: "No... no, no, no, no, no." No matter how many times you say it, Melanie doesn't know what it means. #DAYS

 

Eve: "You don't have a clue." Jennifer: "Why don't you give me one?" Because you'd waste it, Jennifer." #DAYS

 

Nicole: "If this were easy Melanie wouldn't need me." Oh, yeah, Googling someone is really hard. #DAYS

What Every Gal Wants

There's a new book out about the May-December affairs of Lucas & Adrienne, Rafe & Kate, Eve & JJ: Fifty Shades of Grey Hair. #DAYS

 

Jennifer wonders why Paige is there.  She's a glutton for punishment. JJ, on the other hand seems to be a glutton for something else. #DAYS

 

Sonny accuses. Will denies. Sonny tells him Paul admitted it. BUS-TED! #DAYS

 

JJ tells Eve there is no way they're going to stop their affair. Just what every gal wants... a commitment. #DAYS

Moral Support And A Pair Of Lips

Big bad Rafe is really sucking up to Victor. If he gets fired from another job it would make the Guinness Book of World Records. #DAYS

 

Serena says she & Eric are stuck in neutral. Eric throws it into high gear. #DAYS

 

Lucas says he just gave Adrienne a little moral support... and a pair of lips. #DAYS

 

#DOOL has the same lame story lines for gays that it does for straight people.  Now that's equality. #DAYS

K-I-L-L-I-N-G

Serena says Nicole has a "positive genius." Pretty good for someone who's neither positive nor a genius. #DAYS

 

Theresa orders Brady, "Don't you dare walk away from me." She's right, Brady... run. #DAYS

 

Sonny says fights with Victor are memorable. They are if you survive, that is. #DAYS

 

Aiden's with Hope sittin' in a tree, K-I-L-L-I-N-G. #DAYS

Happy Valentine's Day

Roses are red
Viagra is blue
Maggie and Victor's
Sex life ain't through.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Hope trusts Aiden
But keeps her gun handy, too.

Roses are red
Daisies are yellow
Lonely Paul Narita
Needs a Valentine's fellow.

Violets are blue
Roses are red
Brady and Melanie
Won't get out of bed.

Clint's no great prize 
But commitment's a pain 
And Theresa's a gal 
Who just can't abstain.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
JJ and Eve
Have a Valentine's...
Never mind


Happy Valentine's Day!

A Richter Scale For Stupidity

Melanie, if Brady adopts you can have all the advantages of monkey sex without the unfortunate consequence of having to pop a kid. #DAYS

 

Theresa wants Daniel to think about what Brady is doing to Melanie. In general, Daniel thinks about that kind of thing all the time. #DAYS

 

Maybe Aiden isn't a killer after all. Maybe he just gets REALLY upset when people won't open a door for him. #DAYS

 

Serena wants to know how stupid Nicole thinks she is. That's it! #DOOL needs a Richter Scale for stupidity. #DAYS

 

Aiden tells Hope, "I'll see if I can dig up some aspirin." Or some bodies in the back yard. #DAYS

 

Aiden finds the video. Maybe he and Hope should pop some corn, snuggle on the couch and watch it together. #DAYS

 

Nicole has a relationship with the Kiriakis family she can exploit? Maybe it's just with the ones she hasn't tried to electrocute. #DAYS

 

Nicole: "I love you more than ever." Daniel: "I don't know what to say." Say nothing. That way you can run away faster. #DAYS

Fifty Shades Of Icky

Aiden slept like a baby. Hope has the mentality of one. #DAYS

 

Paige swears she'll find out who JJ hooked up with.  Better hurry. The February sweeps period is almost half over.  #DAYS

 

Brady and Melanie's relationship continues to strengthen so when it falls apart it will appear that much more heart-wrenching.

 

Daniel asks Eric if he and Serena are OK. Translation: "Are you banging her yet?" #DAYS

 

Eve's theme music is the moaning woman.  Aidope's is the ticking clock.  JJ's is the clown horn.#DAYS

 

Yeah, Serena, the elephant looks the same as when you talked to it five minutes ago. #DAYS

 

Melanie's been at work for a week and has already earned enough leave to "blow off work today." #DAYS

 

JJ, even rooming with Rory would be preferable to a morning Jennigail grilling. #DAYS

 

OFPS, Serena's had a key to Eric's apt and could've made the switch any time he's gone?? This is too dumb, even for DOOL. #DAYS

 

Eve and JJ: Fifty Shades of Icky. #DAYS

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

Paige says Eve can't say or do anything to stop her. Where's Paige getting money? Mommy could cut off the funds. #DAYS

 

Upon further testing Kayla determines Sonny woke up gagging due to a hairball. #DAYS

 

The Caustic Biomorphs!  What do you know... Rory and I have the same favorite album.  But wasn't vinyl dead before JJ was born? #DAYS

 

It would have been great if Aiden had found & switched the recording & when Hope started it, it played "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead." #DAYS

If The Bustier Fits, Wear It

I don't think Sonny is in the usual hospital room. They must've added a new wing. #DAYS

 

Melanie: "A gal wants to be best friends with the man she... um..." Let's say "boinks" before she finds a more descriptive word. #DAYS

 

Brady wonders if Melanie wants to spend the night. What a commitment! According to the Guy Manual that's practically a proposal. #DAYS

 

Eve doesn't like people calling JJ's lover a slut.  Hey, if the bustier fits, wear it. #DAYS

God Has Met His Match

Victor tells God: "You let Sonny die and we have a big problem." God has met his match. #DAYS

 

The good news: Sonny will be OK. The bad news: Paul gave too much blood and the only donor who matches him is Sonny. #DAYS

 

It's the old #DOOL standard ploy: Kayla comes out with the look of death to announce Sonny is all right. #DAYS

 

Melanie gives her "life is short so let's have sex now" speech. It's usually the guy who uses that line. #DAYS

Taking It Slow

Firm Grasp Of The Obvious

The popcorn Daniel served... they found a way to recycle the snow that was falling earlier. #DAYS

 

Victor opens a place in direct competition to Sonny's and then realizes it hurt Sonny's business. #FirmGraspOfTheObvious #DAYS

 

The hospital's blood supply is low.  Not a problem — go back and get the two gallons Sonny left on the sidewalk. #DAYS

 

Protip for Victor: When ranting about having killed someone, don't do it out loud. #DAYS

The Maltese Elephant

Nicole texts Daniel for forgiveness. Cyber-groveling. #DAYS

 

If I were Tori I wouldn't be upset Paul is gay. I'd be upset he wrecked his arm and ruined his million dollar baseball career. #DAYS

 

Jennifer badgers Daniel. She's moved her irritant level from nag to shrew. #DAYS

 

OMG! It's the Maltese Falcon... shaped like an elephant. The Maltese Elephant! #DAYS

Jack Kero-whack

Anne says Chad and Ben are the talk of the hospital.  Strange that the talk of some hospitals is about medical issues and patients. #DAYS

 

In one scene Will's article is blank and in the next he's printing out the full copy.  Way to pump it out, Jack Kero-whack. #DAYS

 

Paul tells Sonny he misses what they had together.  What they have together now is Will. #DAYS

 

Chad is as transparent as saran wrap. He's counting on the fact that Abby is as dull as a rubber butter knife. #DAYS

 

Paige tells Eve most parents don't frequent the student lounge.  Most parents also don't shag their daughter's boyfriends. #DAYS

Clyde's Comeback

She Dipped His Wick

Jordan thinks maybe Clyde crawled back under his rock.  That's not far from the truth. #DAYS

 

Theresa brings up the fact Abby "dipped EJ's wick." Some euphemisms are as offensive as what you're trying to avoid saying. #DAYS

 

Eve: "You are so much smarter than me." Oh, she's talking to Paige. I thought she was talking to the Horton Square wall. #DAYS

 

I wonder how much unwanted junk the school kids had to sell to their families to make enough to go to San Francisco. #DAYS

Move Over Lizzie Borden