Joyride

I wish Rolf would inject his potion into me so I could forget about watching #DOOL. #DAYS

Apparently Li occasionally likes to take a joyride. When he was a kid, it was his father's Bentley. Today, it's Gabi. #DAYS

Jada tells Eric that Nicole talked her out of having the baby. After that, when his head exploded it almost blew the screen out of my TV. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "You still want to go to Miami with me?" Stefan: "Actually 'Let's go to Miami' is code for 'I want to bang your lights out.'" #DAYS

Joyride

Apparently Li occasionally likes to take a joyride. When he was a kid,
it was his father's Bentley. Today, it's Gabi. #DAYS

So-Many-Men-So-Little-Time

Nicole "So-Many-Men-So-Little-Time" Walker should move to a country that allows polygamy. It would be much more efficient than bouncing from guy to guy one at a time. #DAYS

Get a grip, EJ. They don't give Emmys for fake sweat and hyperventilating. #DAYS

Brady: "We come from the most successful blended family I know of." "Blended" = borderline incest. #DAYS

Chloe: "Stefan and I just want to see where things go." Just a wild guess but I'm betting they go to the bedroom. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Nicole: "I'm a lesbian." Chloe: "When did you figure that out?" Nicole: "When I ran out of men." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stefan: "Are you too busy for me to take you to breakfast." Chloe: "I might be able to squeeze you in." Stefan: "We can do that after breakfast." #DAYS

So Understanding / So Naïve

O what a tangled web we weave… Xander is slowly digging his own grave when it comes to his relationship with Sarah. #DAYS

Sarah finds the Rednax website: "I'm so relieved… I'm so sorry." Sarah can rest easy knowing no one has ever, ever faked a website. #DAYS

Sarah: "Thank God Xander is so understanding." Xander: "Thank God Sarah is so naïve." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "Stephanie and I were just having a little Thanksgiving dinner." Maggie: "And when I walked in on you I could see you were just getting to dessert." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "We should take things one step at a time." Alex: "I couldn't agree more… especially since we're only one step away from the couch." #DAYS

A Scrambled Hot Mess

Nicole broods over the fact that she and Rafe are history. She also broods over the fact Eric knocked up Jada. Cheer up Nicole. You've always got Misty Circle to fall back on. #DAYS

Eric, the man who married the love of his life then took a powder, goes back to her and then begs his baby-mama Jada to keep living next door to him. This guy is more of a scrambled hot mess than those eggs you had for breakfast. #DAYS

EJ turns to demon rum to dull the pain of his mother's alleged immolation. #DAYS

Eric: "I want to share some news I'm very thankful for… I'm going to be a dad." Translation: "Jada is knocked up." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "I'm not letting any Bozo get to you." Stephanie: "Then why am I having dinner with you?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "I didn't think you would take that drink since you're on duty." Rafe: "This time of night I'm on my own time." EJ: "That's not what I meant. You're sitting in dog poo." #DAYS

Moaning And Begging For More

Eric: "Jada and I aren't on the best of terms." Translation: "I'm hoping she doesn't come after me with a butcher knife." #DAYS

Nicole: "Making a pie is the least I could do." Rafe: "The least you could have done was not to give Eric that tongue tonsillectomy."

Eric: "How'a Jada doing?" Kate; "She couldn't feel much worse about her pregnancy with a man who is in love with someone else and always has been." But who's judging… #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe (in flashback)" "What do you think about starting our relationship?" Nicole; "Why do you ask right now?" Rafe: "I'd really like to get laid." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Paulina: "That man was your professor. He preyed on you." Chanel: "No. He didn't pray when he was on me. It was more like moaning and begging for more." #DAYS

Jet Fuel

Li looks at his phone, "What are you doing in Jakarta, Jai Lin?" I think your phone has to be connected to her phone for her to hear you. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe (on phone with FBI): "I've got all my men out looking for Ava. We're confident she's not in any doughnut shop in town." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "What's more important… some wasted jet fuel or true love?" Shinn: "Have you priced jet fuel lately?" #DAYS

Sideshow Fortune Tellers

Susan: "I'm not some sideshow fortune teller." That would be an insult to sideshow fortune tellers everywhere. #DAYS

Bonnie, Adrienne's double, being with Justin is gross. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Clown Xander: "What's with your silly hat?" Susan: "You're wearing that clown mask and calling my hat silly?" #DAYS

Demosthenes

Bonnie, who is Adrian's doppelganger and Susan, who is Kristen's doppelganger, are held hostage by Xander, acting on behalf of a bogus company which is his name spelled backwards, and dressed as a clown. Nothing out of the ordinary as far as I can see. #DAYS

Patch pins Brutus against the bar. Not likely… Brutus' left arm is bigger than Patch and Kayla combined. #DAYS

If Demosthenes could talk with pebbles in his mouth I'd think Bonnie and Susan could talk with those lame gags in their mouth. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Justin: "I don't think I've seen you smile like that since you were 12 years old and discovered the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition." Alex: "That's because you weren't around when I discovered Playboy." #DAYS

Foreplay

Stefan: "I hate you." Gabi: "I hate you more." In Salem, saying "I hate you" is considered foreplay. #DAYS

Chloe: "Stefan and I are taking things slowly. Stefan demonstrates as he slowly slides his hand down to her ass. #DAYS

Now that Eric and Nicole are back together Jada could go stay with Rafe, making it an even swap. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "You're a little behind?" Nicole; "My behind is anything but little." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Eric: "Jada is pregnant." Rafe: "How could you let that happen." Eric: "They don't usually teach priests about birth control." #DAYS

WD-40

Wendy and Johnny get to the hotel room and have a little pre-let's-hit-the-sheets spat. #DAYS

Johnny is so oiled up his after shower spray was probably WD-40. #DAYS

Stefan cant stand Gabi being in the office. Grabs her to haul her out. Their eyes meet. Gabi is probably pregnant just from the look he gives her. #DAYS

X-Rated

Trask: "Do you have anything to say to me." Chanel should answer with one word: attorney." #DAYS

Sloan Peterson… When Chad first came on the show his name was Chad Peterson. Coincidence? #DAYS

Sonny says he's doing some early Christmas shopping. These days, there is no such thing as early Christmas shopping. #DAYS

We're not far from the puppet show for Henry turning X-Rated. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "Just tell me the damn truth." Nicole: "The truth is, if it wears pants, I've probably slept with it… minus the pants, of course." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jada: "I can't be pregnant. We use birth control." Sarah: "Birth control is not 100% effective. That's the way the cookie crumbles. Or maybe I should say that's the way the condom tears." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "I have an in with the only respectable newspaper in town." Stephanie: "The Spectator." Chad: "No… the Salem High School Journal." #DAYS

She Didn't Cheat on Daniel

Sarah: "Birth control isn't 100% effective." In Salem it doesn't seem to be effective at all. #DAYS

Rafe accuses Nicole of cheating on every husband she ever had. In all fairness she didn't cheat on Daniel. I'll ignore the fact that was only because he was dead. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "Just tell me the damn truth." Nicole: "The truth is, if it wears pants, I'll go after it." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "Are you and Eric sexually active?" Jada: "Truth be told, he's pretty passive." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ and Ava reach a deal. EJ trades Tripp for Susan and a kidnapee to be named later. #DAYS

Fused Together At The Lips

Nicole doesn't call them "marriage vows." She calls them "marriage suggestions." And she doesn't pay any attention to them. #DAYS

Eric: "We lost our heads." And they were found fused together at the lips. #DAYS

Nicole says she married Rafe so she could forget about Eric. Apparently she forgot to come up with a Plan B.  #DAYS

Some Guy Manual advice for Rafe: "Nicole is poison. A good lay, but poison. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Eric: "What are we doing?" Nicole; "Slobbering all over each other like a couple of fire hoses gone wild." #DAYS

Ava's Ass

In today's exciting episode of #DOOL, Chad and Alex fight over Stephanie, who gives them both the brush off and goes back to Phillip. #DAYS

If Susan is clairvoyant why can't she figure out the clown is Xander?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "I hear you're moonlighting as Eric's top model." Nicole: "That's absolutely not true. When I'm modeling for him I don't wear a top." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "I should have put Ava's ass in Statesville when I had the chance." Tony: "That would certainly have improved the décor at Statesville." #DAYS

Chanel's Arrest

On today's exciting episode of #DOOL: Doug divorces Julie when she goes to prison for shoplifting. Addie returns from the dead and marries Doug. #JustAnotherDayInSalem #DAYS

Both Leo and Alex have high-high hopes for the evening's activities. I'm guessing Sonny and Stephanie don't share their enthusiasm. #DAYS

Sloan: "I got access to Paulina's safe thanks to Leo Stark." When Paulina finds out things will look pretty stark for Leo. #DAYS

Chanel being arrested for murder might not affect Paulina's Governorship too much. Given the class of politicians we have today, murder might just be a little bump in the road for her. #DAYS

Leo thinks he had Sonny have had a little fun. Maybe it was fun for Sonny when he and Will carried Leo's not-so-dead body out of the Kiriakis mansion rolled up in a rug. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Shewn: "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law." Chanel: "I'm innocent. Let's see them use that against me." #DAYS

Doggy Style

Alex teaches Sonny the Yoga "downfacing dog" position. Sloan walks in and kicks him over. Apparently Sloan doesn't like doggy style. #DAYS

Sloan screams at Alex, "You can say goodbye to the best sex you ever had." How did she find out Chanel and Allie don't want to do another threesome? #DAYS

OMG! Julie is a serial stole thief. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "I'm changing my opinion of Alex. I have an open mind." Chad: "That's not what Alex wants you to open." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "I'm still not over Abigail." Stephanie: "Play your cards right and you could be over me." #DAYS

Resurrecting Misty Circle

Holly: "Who is that lady on the bed and why is she blindfolded and in handcuffs?" Aw man, I really wanted to hear Alex' explanation. #DAYS

Charlotte: "I had a nightmare." She probably dreamed Abby came back. #DAYS

The motel Sarah and Xander are staying in is so cheap that instead of a bible in the nightstand, they have a coupon allowing the guests to pick up the only copy the hotel has in the lobby. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: Isn't talking to yourself the first sign of insanity?" Xander: "No, the first sign is talking to you." #DAYS

Johnny straightens Wendy's collar. MAYDAY! MAYDAY! RED DAWN ALERT! EEEEEERT! EEEEERT! EEERT! TOUCHING HAS OCCURRED! #DAYS

Brady doesn't seem to understand why Chloe is so upset. To help with that understanding, Brady, please complete the following sentence: "Hell hath no fury like…" #DAYS

Is Bella talking about resurrecting Nicole or Misty Circle? #DAYS

Anna is heartbroken that her crystal heart has been destroyed.  Hasn't she ever heard of Krazy Glue? #DAYS

Chloe is so distraught over losing Brady that she falls into Stefan's arms. Chloe develops feelings like an infected colon develops polyps. #DAYS

Sarah Googles: "What is the most effective way to get rid of a cockroach?" Google responds: "Dump Xander." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "Stephanie is just not that into you." Alex: "But I'd sure like to get into her." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Susan: "Did you and Ava do a little hanky-panky?" Johnny: "No, we only got as far as hanky." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: Isn't talking to yourself the first sign of insanity?" Xander: "No, the first sign is talking to you." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Susan: "Someday you'll find love, but I'm not going to butt into your life." Johnny: "If it involves getting laid you can butt in any time you want." #DAYS

Rafe: "I have to put my money where my mouth is." Gabi: "Isn't that unsanitary?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Shinn: "Don't get all moral on me." Kristin: "Moral? I'm not familiar with that term." #DAYS