Pure Horsepoop

I have absolutely nothing to say today. So I'll do what they do in Salem – ramble.

This is a very auspicious day. I should hold a contest to see if you know why, but that would be work and I'm not in the mood. Today is so auspicious because it's Prevuze' fourth anniversary on this website. Prevuze actually existed long before that, but you didn't know it. Then one day I got the bright idea to blog it and the rest is history.

Now, if you go to that very first posting, the date on it is January 1, 2005, which seemingly would make TOMORROW the 4th anniversary. Technically that may be true. BUT January 1, 2005 was a Saturday, and we posted the episode from the previous day. So pick your anniversary date.

OH, did I mention there was no feed today? NBC is showing hockey tomorrow, eh? So instead of showing an episode of DOOL no one will watch they decided to show a hockey game no one will watch.

Anyway, we started this thing four years ago. I'm not even going to link to that first episode. It's just... not worth it. You can find it if you want to. See, back then, we had a much smaller following and I used a lot of shorthand. So, for example, I still wasn't over the fact that John was Roman so I continued to call him John-Roman, which abbreviated to "JR" for typing purposes. Or there was Phillip. I couldn't remember his name. I mean, there was Patrick and there was Phillip. And both names started with "P" and for some reason I kept calling Patrick Phillip and Phillip Patrick. A mind is a terrible thing to challenge. I finally solved the problem by calling Phillip "Uniform Boy." Back then, whenever you saw him he was in his Marine uniform and I was sharp enough to make that connection. So we abbreviated that as "UB." Bonnie, for obvious reasons, was "Boob Woman" (BW) and Brady, because John was his father and John in my mind was also Roman, was Brady Brady (BB). In fact, for the first several issues we actually published a scorecard so people could tell who was who.

Back then, there were no pictures. I don't think pictures kicked in for about six months. We put them on the right side like we do now and left them there until we changed them or got tired of them. There was none of the "new pictures everyday" stuff we have now.

But the main difference was NO ITALICS. I just had characters saying whatever I wanted them to say just like I do now, only readers had to guess whether or not it was part of the episode. It was great fun for me but people just didn't appreciate it. So after a few episodes and several death threats, I decided it would be pragmatic (prudent?) to give readers a way to tell what was really from the show and what was pure horsepoop. So I "invented" italics.

Not long after that, the name abbreviations had to go. Scorecard or not, people just didn't get it. I actually found one thread where they were wondering if I was talking about JR Ewing whenever I mentioned JR (John-Roman).

So the abbreviations went, the italics came, we added a few pictures and voilà – Prevuze.

I don't know that I have a favorite episode. I suppose my favorite episode is whatever episode I just published. One that comes to mind that I thought would get a different reaction than it did is the "Cheech And Shawn" episode (CLICK HERE). In that one, big buddies Phillip and Shawn decided to bond by going to the pub and getting totally plastered together. So in the Prevuze episode, instead of having them get drunk, we had them smoking pot the whole time. We patterned a lot of the dialogue after Cheech and Chong's "Up In Smoke." It was also right after Jason Cook had been busted for possession in the Des Moines Airport, which was unfortunate for Jason and a gold mine of material for Prevuze. I thought readers might get upset at the drug references in that episode but they took it in stride.

I have too many "least favorite" episodes to count.

If you want my true opinion of the show, it has reached a level of suckage unprecedented in the world of television drama. The writers obviously have no long term plan at all. All they are doing now is trying anything they can – especially any combination of couples to see if anything helps the ratings, which, of course, it doesn't. On the other hand, this is what gives Prevuze its material.

I suppose I could now launch into a "how to improve DOOL" diatribe but why would I want to do that? If this show weren't a cartoon with live characters, I wouldn't have anything to poke fun at.

Instead, I'll just wish everyone a safe and happy New Year's Eve. Drive safely.

As far as I can tell, there is a show on Friday, so there will be a feed tomorrow and we'll be right here to bring you a recap of the crapertainment.

Did I mention there was no feed today?

That Old Black Magic

Stephanie arrives at the Kiriakis mansion for her evening with Phillip. Henderson brings her in and Phillip asks if she would like champagne. "No," says Stephanie, "I'm good. Good, good, good."

Phillip says, "Good."

Henderson says, "That's more than I can say for this dialogue.".

"Just one thing," says Stephanie, "I don't think I can go through with this."

Max tends bar. Chelsea stomps up and slams her purse down onto the counter, "So what's it gonna be... sex or football?"

Maggie greets Marlena and Charlotte at Chez Rouge. They discuss how nice it will be to have a quiet New Year's Eve as John crashes their party. He gives his dimwit smile, "Is three a crowd?"

"It usually is if I'm one of the three," says Marlena.

Kate and Daniel are in a hallway at the hospital. Kate wants to know why he took himself off Chloe's case. Chloe comes in, "Because I asked him to."

EJ paces and talks on the phone. Things get a little tense and EJ slams the phone onto the desk. Tony walks in.

OH! MY! GOD!

Tony's wearing his jacket with a popped collar. What is this, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?

Tony asks, "Is there a problem?"

"Yes," says EJ, "For some strange reason my cell phone just stopped working."

Nicole goes over her baby requirements with Dr. Baker. "I'm afraid this isn't going to happen," says Dr. Baker, "It's not a Chinese buffet line you know."

"I know the difference," says Nicole, "With a Chinese buffet, you get dim sum. With EJ as the father, we'll get a dim son."

Maggie greets Melanie.

Stephanie explains why she has to bail, "I feel like I've stumbled into a George Clooney movie and I'm no Julia Roberts." Phillip gets it. He says if Stephanie is uncomfortable with all the fanciness, they can change clothes and make grilled cheese. The fact that Phillip would suggest something so casual makes Stephanie comfortable and she agrees to go. Smoochies.

Speaking of cheese, Lucas walks in on the face-sucking session, "Is it midnight already?"

Phillip is miffed, "Don't bother knocking."

Lucas mouth is ready for action, "I see you started the party without me."

"It's always time for a party when you're not around," says Phillip.

EJ is frustrated. He tells Tony he was going to ask Nicole to marry him tonight, but now he has to work. He has to go to the office and conduct a video conference call with their business contacts in Japan.

"You have the ring," says Tony, "How about if I take the call and you pop the question?" EJ just can't let him do that.

Dr. Baker tells Nicole there is a great demand for the type of baby she's looking for. Nicole says money is not a problem.

Tony wonders who or what stirred things up on New Years eve. He wonders if Stefano is distracting EJ's relationship with Nicole. EJ is silent. "Bullseye," says Tony.

Marlena is surprised to see John. She thought he wasn't going to go out on New Years Eve.

"I changed my mind," says John.

"With your mind, that must have been a quick change," says Marlena.

"Is it a problem," asks John.

"It's a problem for me," says Charlotte.

Maggie escorts Melanie to the bar and tells the bartender, "Please take care of my totally underage friend." Maggie leaves and the sleazeball next to Melanie moves in on her.

"Sorry," says Melanie, "I'm meeting someone."

"Lucky kid," says Sleazo.

"He's a Titan of industry," says Melanie.

Max is dumbfounded by Chelsea's question, a position Max finds himself in frequently.

Prevuze - Best sports blog on the Internet®

Chelsea explains, "When a guy wants to talk it's about one of those two things – sex or football."

"I can't talk about sex," says Max, "I'm giving it up. It's my New Year's resolution."

"My New Year's resolution is I'm giving up canoeing," says Chelsea.

Max wrinkles his brow, "You don't even canoe... OH! I GET IT!" With Max, it takes a while.

"See," says Chelsea, "Giving up something you don't like isn't a big deal. But unless you're in the minute minority you like sex."

"When I'm around you," says Max, "If I don't want to have sex I'm probably in the majority." Max agrees to go out with her for the evening.

"Oooo," says Chelsea, "I just remembered... you can't go with me."

Chloe says she thinks things will be less complicated if she has her own doctor. The little party starts to break up but Kate stops Daniel and Chloe from leaving, "There is something I would like to talk to you about. It involves the two of you."

Nicole comes into the rumpus room. EJ gives her the news about the office. Nicole feigns disgust, "How dare you work on New Year's Eve! I'm so over you!"

EJ smiles, "You're not mad?"

"As a Hatter," says Nicole, "But I'm not upset you have to work after all you've done for me." He promises to be as quick as he can and then come back to ring in the new year. She promises a happy New Year. Tra-la. Smooches.

Stephanie gets a call from a girlfriend and says it's an emergency, "It's about shoes. I know you don't want to hear it so I'll take it in the other room. OMG! She's wearing slingbacks! I have to stop her."

Phillip tells Lucas things are going well with Stephanie, "But if slingbacks aren't appropriate, I'd better go change."

Kate says she has a shot at getting well but it's not a sure thing. So she wants to see Lucas and Chloe get married and move up the date. She wants Daniel to back her up that if the transplant doesn't work she doesn't have much time. Chloe agrees to talk to Lucas about it, and leaves.

"We're alone," says Kate, "What's going on between you and Chloe?"

"You've run out of granddaughters," says Daniel, "Chloe is almost your daughter-in-law and that's the best I can do."

Charlotte thinks it's not appropriate for her to hang out with John socially. She starts to leave. John volunteers to go. Charlotte trumps him and leaves. Marlena says, "If you wanted to see me tonight all you had to do was ask."

Doug and Julie toast each other. "Here's to the most gorgeous man alive," says Julie.

"I love the way you lie," says Doug.

Phillip and Stephanie arrive. Lucas follows like a lost puppy. He gets a call and has to leave. Stephanie says she's glad she came to the party and thinks it's going to be a great evening. Losercus gets a call and leaves. Melanie walks up to them, "Hey you guys, I didn't know you would be here. How conveeeeenient."


Phillip turns to Melanie, "You were saying?"

Kate grills Daniel about his relationship with Chloe, "Someone or something is bothering that girl."

Chloe arrives at the DiMera mansion and tells Nicole she needs to talk to her.

Max thinks Chelsea is worried he will see Stephanie. Chelsea says she is more worried Stephanie will see Max. You're giving off... slacker vibes... bigtime.

Phillip asks what Melanie is doing there. Melanie beams, "I'm celebrating New Year's with my friends."

Stephanie snorts, "They must be imaginary."

Julie finds Melanie, "MEL-anie! How is your project going?"

Melanie smiles her fake smile, "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're afraid I'm on to you," says Julie.

Chloe and Nicole walk and talk down at the pier. "Something bad has happened," says Chloe, "And I don't know what to do."

Daniel flashes back to the finger taping, eyeballing and panting session.

Marlena scolds John for disappearing on Christmas Eve. She doesn't like the feeling that he's working her. She gets all huffy and gets up and leaves. John sits alone, "Way to go, Black, that was really smooth."

Luclueless leaves a message for Chloe.

Chloe tells Nicole about Kate's request to move the wedding date, "It's choke not Lucas, but I don't know if I'm ready to settle down." Translation: If life with Lucas was just a little more exciting, they'd be a couple of mummies on display at the Salem Museum of History.

Nicole catches on, "Theres... someone else?"

Chloe gasps, "NO!"

Nicole presses, "Really?"

Chloe caves in, "Yes, but nothing has happened... It's just..."

Nicole interrupts, "That old black magic?" Chloe says she doesn't want to leave Lucas. "Hay," says Nicole, "Don't forget, I married him and broke him in for you." Chloe wonders if she should tell Lucas. Nicole can't believe that one, "Men need to think theirs is the only song you dance to."

"With Lucas," says Chloe, "His is the only song I scoot my walker across the floor to."

"You could screw things up with Lucas," says Nicole. A call interrupts. Dr. Baker tells her he may have found a baby. Nicole jumps for joy and says she will be right there.

Chloe says, "Nicole, you look..."

"Happy! Yes! Happy New Year! And remember... Keep your mouth shut with Lucas!"

"That's not hard," says Chloe, "The way his mouth runs all the time I can't get a word in edgewise."

EJ finds Tony back at the mansion. They exchange pleasantries. "By the way," says EJ, "Somethings wrong with your jacket collar. It isn't popped any more."

"I decided I'd have a better time on New Year's Eve if I didn't look like a dork," says Tony.

Tony leaves. EJ calls for Nicole but doesn't get an answer. He takes out the ring and looks at it, "I suppose the bedroom will work just as well."

Kate arrives at Chez Rouge. Chelsea and Max follow. He locks eyes with Stephanie.

Kate asks where Chloe is. Lucas, on top of things as usual, just doesn't know.

Chloe sits alone in the snow on a park bench. She gets up and walks smack into Daniel.

Dejected EJ comes downstairs.

Nicole drives and talks on her cell phone, "Tell Dr. Baker I'm on my way! Tell him not to leave!"

Kate toasts another year of health, peace and happiness. She suggests Phillip ask Stephanie to dance. He and Stephanie move out onto the dance floor.

Chelsea asks, "Was it a terrible idea for me to invite you here?"

"No," says Max, "I just need some air." He leaves.

Melanie watches as Phillip and Stephanie dance. Max comes up to her, "What are you up to tonight?" Looks like instead of air he got toxic fumes.

Kate suggests Lucas call and leave a message for Chloe. Poor Lucas says he's already left several. "I thought something was bothering her," says Kate.

Something still is. Daniel thinks he and Chloe should talk. Chloe doesn't think that's a good idea. She walks off.

SCREAM!

Maggie announces, "Eight minutes until the new year!"

Max and Melanie wish each other a happy new year. Hugs. "I hope this is a better year," says Melanie.

"It could be if you went back to France," says Max.

"Not for the French," says Melanie.

Sleazo bumps into Stephanie and spills his drink. Stephanie heads for the women's room. Phillip gives Melanie a look that could kill. Unfortunately, it doesn't take.

John has followed Marlena to tell her he's sorry. She thanks him for saying that and kisses his cheek. She leaves.

EJ asks Mary if she knows where Nicole went. Mary dunno.

Nicole drives, "Oh, no!"

Doctor Gropenfeel checks out Chloe's leg over and over and over again. Of course, Chloe can't walk. So Dr. Dogood picks her up and carries her.

Maggie screams, "One and a half minutes!"

Melanie asks if Phillip lost his partner. Phillip gives her another dirty look. Innocent little Melanie asks, "Do you think I had something to do with that?" Phillip curls his lip.

Maggie counts, "Five... Four... Three... Two... One..."

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Chelsea grabs Max and plants a big kiss.

Melanie stares at Phillip.

Doug and Julie clear a table.

Daniel carries Chloe. They watch fireworks. Closer... Closer... Closer...

Max comes up for air. Chelsea runs off.

Nicole pounds the steering wheel and cries.

EJ contemplates chess pieces and drinks.

Lucas drops his jaw, "Damn! She counted backwards! She must be a genius."


Previews
========

You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website. Prevuze II should be up no later than noon, Eastern Time.

If you enjoyed today's recap and haven't left a donation in a while, please consider doing that. If you aren't in a position to donate, support our advertisers. And you could also consider leaving a comment. We enjoy those. Look at it this way... I've already read Prevuze. YOU are MY entertainment.

Strictly Platonic

Daniel... Chloe... heat... passion... writhing... skin... body parts... huffing... sighing... Chloe tires to catch her breath, "So amazing!"

Lucas looks over at her, "You were a real tiger today."

OH, THE DISAPPOINTMENT!

Chloe says, "Lucas, you deserve to know."

"No thanks," says Lucas, "I always prefer to remain clueless."

Daniel brings Kate flowers. "Beautiful flowers," says Kate, "Beautiful man." Daniel says he can't concentrate on his work and needs to be with her before he runs over to the Horton cabin to pant over Chloe.

EJ has had a ring made out of one of the contraband diamonds. He shows it to Stefano. "It's a beautiful bobble for a beautiful creature," says Stefano, "If you're asking her to be your wife, are you ready for the next step?"

EJ wrinkles his brow, "The next step?"

"The nagging... The mood swings... The ugly and bitter divorce."

Nicole stands in Dr. Baker's office and becomes totally unhinged, "You treat me like something you scrape off your shoe and then I find out you're really playing me! You're a big time baby broker! Unless you can find me a baby like now, you are going down!"

Marlena joins Tony at the pub. He says she seemed uncomfortable on Christmas Eve. Marlena says that was John's fault. She tells him they eventually went to the Horton's and John walked out.

Charlotte congratulates John on his session. She thought it went well. John didn't. He's impatient to learn about his past and doesn't think they are making any headway, "These sessions are now over."

Stefano tells EJ he wasn't talking bout marriage. He gives EJ a folder to give to Nicole. EJ opens it and asks, "Is this a joke?"

Stefano grabs the folder back, "Sorry. I gave you the wrong thing. That's the latest DOOL script."

Dr. Baker insists he's not a baby broker. Nicole shows him his cell phone and says she found out what he's up to, "Get me a baby now!"

Daniel tells Kate there is a horror marathon on the Chiller Channel and he thought they could watch it together, "It'll scare your pants off, which will save me a lot of work."

He moves in. Kate pulls away, "Sorry. It usually takes a wad-o-cash in my hand to get me in the mood."

Lucas wonders why Chloe has turned into such a tiger in bed. She flashes to Daniel and says Lucas makes her feel safe and secure.

Lucas looks "safe and secure" up in the Guy Manual and reads, "Safe and secure – she feels the same way about you that you do about breakfast when you get milk toast."

"I'm the lucky one," says Lucas, "I love you. Sometimes so much it hurts."

Daniel thinks maybe he has sent Kate the wrong signal. He says he came to spend time with Kate, "Strictly platonic."

"Then why did you try to jump my bones just now," asks Kate.

"Even Plato got horny every now and then," says Daniel.

"You don't strike me as the strictly platonic type," says Kate.

Daniel isn't, "Actually, I'm the strictly perverted type, but I can be patient. I have all the time in the world."

Lucas tells Chloe she's selfless and beautiful. Chloe says it's not true and it never will be. She stomps out and heads for her appointment at the hospital. Luclueless stares out the window at her.

Marlena says John has shut her out and she's no longer his therapist. She hopes Dr. Taylor can get through to him.

Charlotte tries to encourage John to stick with the program, "Your brain is like a maze. The memories are hidden, not gone. I may know a way we can reach them a little faster – Hypnosis."

EJ is disgusted that Stefano has had a prenuptial agreement drawn up. Stefano says, "Nicole is a wonderful young thing, but she is human. I think. Indulge me."

Nicole nukes. Dr baker says he's through talking. He starts to leave but Nicole tells him that would be the worst mistake of his life.

Lucas has joined Kate at the Kiriakis mansion and...

OH! MY! GOD!

The doof is wearing a popped collar!

Didn't he get the memo? CENSORED.

Kate asks, "Why are you wearing a popped collar? Are you coming out of the closet?"

"It's not a popped collar," says Lucas, "It's an unzipped turtleneck."

"Same thing," says Kate, "The way that thing is stuck out like a couple of wings, I thought a gay bat had swooped into the room." She tells him she's checking out reception halls for the wedding, "I would like to see the wedding happen sooner than later."

Lucas asks, "Somethin' you're not telling me?"

Chloe tells the nurse she came early for her appointment so she could see another doctor, "Dr. Jonas hurt his hand, so I'll be seeing someone else anyway."

Daniel walks in, "Actually, that's not true."

EJ and Stefano argue about the pre-nup. EJ is conflicted about whether to sign. He consults the Guy Manual, "Sign it... don't sign it... it doesn't matter. She will clean you out either way." EJ refuses to sign.

Screaming, ranting, erupting Nicole wonders why Dr. Baker sells babies and hasn't offered to help her.

That irritating John and Marlena tinkle music plays as Marlena tells Tony she will never give up on John. She loves him and can't let him go. Tony warns her that the new John may never change.

John refuses to consider hypnosis. Charlotte offers to videotape the sessions, "You can watch them later so you will know exactly what went on."

"Hi-def," asks John.

"Of course."

"I'll get back with you."

Dr. Baker says he nearly did help Nicole but she started throwing around the DiMera name. He knows what the DiMeras can do and so he backed off. Nicole threatens to blab if he doesn't help her, "And if you don't help... How does maximum security at Statesville sound?"

"Pretty appealing at the moment."

EJ and Stefano continue to "discuss" the pre-nup. Stefano says, "When I get married again I will insist on one."

That gets EJ's attention, "WHEN?"

"I meant if," says Stefano, "I've been waiting for an answer from Kate for months now." Mr. Lee interrupts with a call from Hong Kong. Stefano goes off to take it. EJ contemplates the ring and calls Nicole. He tells her he loves her and can't wait to see her.

Nicole hangs up. And tells Dr. Baker, "He loves me. The DiMeras aren't bad people unless you betray them."

Dr. Baker asks, "If he loves you why not tell him the truth?"

"I would lose everything," says Nicole, "That is not an option. You find me a baby now!"

Tony and Marlena walk outside the pub. She tells him she doesn't know what to do next, "I think I'll just spend a quiet New Year's alone."

John walks up and overhears, "I'd like that too."

Lucas gives Kate the third degree. Kate says in her life nothing ever goes the way she wants, so she wants them to have the wedding soon – just for her, "But, for God's sake, don't wear one of those formal tuxedo shirts with a popped collar."

Chloe says she didn't think Daniel would be there. Daniel says he was called in when a doctor went home with a personal issue. Nervous conversation and discussion of Kate follows. Daniel checks her out, "Damn, you have supple lymph nodes."

Chloe flashes back, "Daniel, I have to come clean. I want someone else to examine me."

Lucas says he has to talk to Chloe before deciding to move the wedding date up. Kate offers to talk to Chloe instead, "You're about to become husband and wife. You might as well get into the habit of not communicating with each other now."

Daniel OK's the doctor change. He says he will will ask Dr. Johnson.

"You mean Kayla," asks Chloe.

"No," says Daniel, "Stephanie finished medical school in her spare time and will be seeing you." Daniel leaves. He hyperventilates out in the hallway.

John says tonight he will go back to his suite at the Salem inn and chill out by the fire. "But," says Marlena, "The Salem Inn doesn't have fireplaces."

"I know," says John, "I just love it when the big red firetrucks come. I just want to spend New Year's alone."

"Good," snaps the miffed Marlena, "Happy New Year." John goes inside. Tony says he is so sorry. Marlena thinks sometimes John has no feelings for her at all. Tony assures her that's not true. Hugs. Marlena says she will survive. Darn.

Charlotte walks up to Marlena as Tony leaves. They establish that neither of them have any plans for New Years. "I can fix that," says Charlotte."

Stefano asks EJ to make calls and smooth over their Pacific Rim investors. EJ agrees. Stefano tells him how loyal he is and how happy he is that EJ joined the family business. EJ says Nicole had a lot to do with him doing that, "When I was with Samantha I always had to prove myself to her ridiculous family. I was always being compared to that idiot Lucas Horton. I don't need a pre-nup. I need an anchor."

"You're right," agrees Stefano, "That would keep her at the bottom of the Salem River."

Nicole rants. She wants the baby and she wants EJ.

John sees Charlotte outside the pub. He goes outside and hears Marlena say she's looking for something to do tonight. She and Charlotte agree to go to Chez Rouge. John nods and smirks.

Daniel tells the nurse about Chloe's change of doctors. Kate overhears and asks why he took himself off the case.

Chloe tells herself she did the right thing by dumping Dr. Copafeel.

Stefano doesn't agree with EJ's pre-nup decision, but says he will go along with it. He reminds him about the calls and leaves. EJ looks at the ring, "Tonight will be a New Year's Nicole will never forget."

Dr. Baker says he doesn't have the right baby for Nicole. Nicole nukes, "That's not my problem! Call up the store and order me a perfect baby! Did I mention Statesville? Do we have a deal?" She sticks out her hand.

Dr. Baker shakes her hand, "We have a deal."

Previews
========

You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website. Prevuze II should be up no later than noon, Eastern Time.

If you enjoyed today's recap and haven't left a donation in a while, please consider doing that. If you aren't in a position to donate, support our advertisers. And you could also consider leaving a comment. We enjoy those. Look at it this way... I've already read Prevuze. YOU are MY entertainment.

Season's Greetings From Prevuze

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Best wishes for a blessed holiday season from Prevuze.

Flesh Eating Bacteria – Need I Say More?

Jill meets Nicole at the pier. "You're pregnant," gasps Nicole, "Did Dr. Baker do that to you?"

"No," says Jill, "My insurance didn't cover it."

Brady and Melanie talk about the Alternative Fuel Project. Melanie tells him she's involved with it. "I look forward to learning about it," says Brady.

Melanie smiles, "I look forward to teaching you... about the project." Brady wonders why she's there since it's the holidays. "I'm a go getter," says Melanie. Phillip walks up and breaks it up before Melanie can go get it.

Stephanie ciphers at her table in the pub as Chloe comes in. Wedding talk. Kate talk. "Phillip talks about Kate a lot," says Stephanie.

Are you seeing each other," asks Chloe. Inquiring minds want to know.

"Sort of."

"We should talk."

Rafe refuses to help Sami give her baby away, "Where in the world do you even come up with crazy stuff like this?"

Sami says, "From you!"

The killer stalks, "Say goodbye Sami Brady."

Jill tells Nicole Dr. Baker didn't get her pregnant. She figures out that Nicole doesn't know about the relationship, like she said she did over the phone, "Who are you and what do you want from me?" Nicole says she wants to help. Jill says she doesn't need a friend. She starts to leave but Nicole calls for her to stop.

Brady suggests he and Melanie have lunch another time. Phillip suggests Melanie take the day off. She asks about her secretary. She says she needs one since she's in charge of the Alternative Fuel Project. Phillip growls, "You own the patents. You're not in charge of anything." Brady steps in and tells Melanie they just have to nail down the specifics of her job duties.

"The project could be lucrative," says Phillip, "but it's a crapshoot. Kind of like whether DOOL will be on the air next year." Melanie vows to prove she's an asset to the company. She leaves and Phillip tells Brady he's in over his head.

"At least I've got a head that's my own," says Brady.

Stephanie and Chloe talk about Phillip. Chloe says, "Phillip was my first love. And also my first FWB."

"FWB?"

"Friend with benefits."

"Benefits," asks Stephanie, "You mean you shared an insurance policy?" Chloe says she thinks Stephanie is Phillip's rebound and maybe he's hers.

"Or maybe you still have feelings for him and want to spoil it for us," says Stephanie.

Sami rationalizes it's Rafe's fault she's giving up her baby because he told her about Sister Agnes. Sami's mind is a complex thing. Modern science still hasn't completely figured out the atom. "I'm a Catholic," says Sami, "My faith means something to me. Well, all of it except for that pesky little seventh commandment. Anyway, If I can't take care of my baby then that convent is the right place. It beats the hell out of the DiMeras raising my baby."

Rafe scolds, "You'd better watch those 'hells' around Sister Teresa."

"I won't say 'hell' around her," insists Sami, "I'm saving the really shocking words for her, except I never would use the mother of all four-letter words – DOOL. In case you haven't noticed, I have a deadline. My due date is getting closer. I'm looking forward to a super bowl party for two and a half but it's not getting any easier."

The assassin sneaks up behind a shadowy figure, "Turn around, Hernandez... nice and slow." Joe the Wino slowly turns, holding up his arms. Rafe's cell phone is in his left hand.

Nicole stops Jill and promises she's not there to harm her. Jill turns and notices Nicole's nerf bump, "You're doing exactly what I am aren't you?"

"OMG," gasps Nicole, "Your baby's fake, too?"

Phillip warns Brady about Melanie, "Give her a desk she'll want the whole damn company."

"Maybe she just wants a little respect," says Brady, "All this animosity you have toward Melanie, it's obviously personal."

Phillip says, “Well, you're damn right it's personal."

Melanie punches an elevator button, "Bummer, Phillip. Now I have to teach you a lesson."

Stephanie thinks Chloe is being phony. Chloe says she was just trying to be helpful. She starts to leave but Stephanie digs for more. Chloe says, "Phillip isn't the same guy I fell in love with. Not one single part is the same. It destroyed Phillip when I dumped him for Brady, but what really finished him off was marrying Belle."

Rafe tells Sami they can't be too careful, "We have to practice safe witness protection. When I said this arrangement is getting old, I didn't mean I can't stand being with you. I meant I can't stand even being near you. But I understand the importance of this assignment – protecting a child and... choke... gag... someone I care about." Hugs.

Nicole says she's in exactly the same situation as Jill. Jill asks, "Are you thinking about giving up your baby too? When you're desperate... well... desperate times call for predictable recycled scripts." Jill says Dr. Baker promised her little girl will go to a wonderful home.

Phillip thinks he and Brady make a great team. Brady senses he's not thrilled with their arrangement at the office. He thinks Victor is tougher on Phillip because he's the heir apparent. Brady leaves. Phillip stares.

Stephanie thinks Chloe isn't excited about her engagement to Lucas. She wonders if she still has feelings for Phillip. "You've picked up the wrong vibe," says Chloe, "Just like I've picked up the wrong guy." She leaves. Melanie comes in.

Rafe and Sami play Christmas candy poker. Rafe contemplates, "I see your stars and raise you two angels." Sami folds. Sami deals. Rafe says he sees how torn apart she is being away from the twins and wonders how she can even consider giving her baby away. He tells her how bad an orphanage can be. Sami says she's just going to dump the kid temporarily.

"Then what?"

"He'll come back in six months and he'll be five years old."

Nicole wonders who else Dr. Baker is "helping." Jill asks how much he's paying her. Nicole says they haven't discussed payment yet. He's paying Jill $10,000.

"Selling babies to the highest bidder," says Nicole, "There might be another way, Jill. Are you familiar with Ebay? "

Stephanie gives Melanie the brush off. Julie swoops in and sits at Melanie's table, "What's shakin'?"

Norm from Cheers steps in, "In your case, Julie, all four cheeks and a couple of chins."

Brady meets Chloe at the DiMera mansion. She says she's there to dump Allie.

"Why can't Lucas do it," asks Brady.

"He's still playing with his Christmas present," says Chloe, "He was having trouble sticking the Mr. Potato Head eyebrows into his own forehead. In case you're wondering, Nicole isn't around. I know you're not great at being alone but Nicole – really bad idea."

Sami says she's just trying to buy some time. Rafe asks, "Who you gonna say the father is, me?"

Sami puts her brain cell to work, "Hey, that's not a bad idea!"

Jill tells Nicole she is due any day now. "Then that won't work," says Nicole. Jill tells her she is having second thoughts about giving up the baby. "You might be the reason I keep my baby," says Nicole.

Julie tells Melanie she went to visit Nick. Nick told her all about Melanie and Julie advises her it would be better if she stayed away from him, "And I heard you're a secretary at Titan."

"I'm an executive now," says Melanie.

"Well," beams Julie, "Congratulations on your meteoric rise to the T-O-P, working away between those two hunky dudes that run the place."

Phillip walks in and smooches Stephanie as Melanie loses her lunch.

Rafe says he has been through something like this. He was once asked to claim he was the father of a mobster's kid, "It didn't work well, since the mobster was a guy, so it wasn't exactly the same. So, tell me, what would you do if a nice couple came along and adopted your baby."

"I'd save a lot of money on babysitters."


Nicole tells Jill she isn't going to give up her baby. Then she hands Jill a wad-o-cash. "That's the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long time," says Jill, "I'm glad you decided to keep the baby and hope it all works out for you." They wish each other luck and part. Nicole sniffles and pulls out her trusty cell phone.

Melanie insists she's a professional, "And Phillip, Brady and I will make an excellent threesom... uh... team." Julie wishes her luck and leaves. Melanie rolls her eyes.

Phillip suddenly remembers a big question he has to ask Stephanie.

Phillip asks what she is doing on New Years Eve. Stephanie says she's babysitting for Kayla, "She's going to take L'il Joe out and someone has to watch Dad." Phillip suggests they ring in the new year together.

Melanie says, "Only if we can wear funny hats."

"Absolutely," says Phillip, "And nothing else?"

Sami insists she will figure something else and not lose her baby forever, "What is your plan to get me to a hospital?"

"I have it covered if it ever comes to that," says Rafe.

"IF?"

Rafe says he intends to be out before she delivers. He scoots his cookie-chips to the center of the table, "I'm all in – Pair of jacks."

"You win," says Sami. She shows her cards, "A DOOL flush. Which is what they should do to this story line."

Brady insists he's not involved with Nicole; He's just worried about her. Chloe says, "That makes two of us. She didn't even come to see me after the transplant. We've been out of touch."

"I can't think of two women in Salem who are more out of touch," says Brady." His phone rings. He takes a look at the caller-ID and tells Chloe he'll get to it later.

Nicole stands on the pier and frets, "Why isn't he answering? Brady, pick up. I can't do this alone.

Phillip suggests he and Stephanie go to Maggie's big New Year shindig at Chez Rouge. Melanie overhears and rushes out. Outside, she calls Maggie and tells her she will be going to the party after all.

Rafe gives Sami a chance to win her cookies back. He's happy she trusted him with the truth. Sami thinks it didn't do her much good.

The killer is on the phone with the mystery guy he's always talking to, "Some bum had Rafe's cell phone."

"Doesn't EJ have his own cell phone," asks the voice.

"At least I know he's in the area," says Sleazo, "I'm getting close. When one of them shows their face it's all over."

Brady smooches Chloe and wishes her a happy new year. Same to him. Chloe says she doesn't want Brady to get on Nicole's bad side, "Nicole and I are friends but... flesh eating bacteria – Need I say more?"

Nicole is in Dr. Baker's office. "Miss Walker," says Baker, "I'm surprised to see you again. I thought we were through."

"Oh no," says Nicole, "We're just getting started." She sticks his cell phone into his face, "Disgusting... I'd think a guy who rakes it in like you do would have an iPhone."


Previews
========

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If you enjoyed today's recap and haven't left a donation in a while, please consider doing that. If you aren't in a position to donate, support our advertisers. And you could also consider leaving a comment. We enjoy those. Look at it this way... I've already read Prevuze. YOU are MY entertainment.

Extra Sprinkles

We pan in on Sami's flyer – Covenant of the Holy Cross. Sami rushes around and tries to hide it as nekkid Rafe comes into the room. Merry Christmas, girls. He asks for some privacy while he changes. Sami hesitates as she tries to stuff the flyer further into the couch.

Rafe is impatient. His towel starts to come off, "I didn't want an audience but..."

Sami screams, "I'M GOING." She springs up and bolts for the bathroom. A gal from the front row runs up onto the set and tackles her.

Rafe walks around to the front of the couch and finds the flyer.

Meanwhile, the assassin has Rafe's phone number, "I just punch this into my GPS and Sami Brady is a dead woman."

Melanie comes into the pub and bounces up to Chelsea. Chelsea gives her a look and sighs, "I can't take this any more."

A viewer yells, "Neither can we."

Brady comes in to have a chat with Victor. Phillip joins them. They all share stares of death.

Dr. Baker meets Nicole at the dock. Nicole pulls her Glock out of her purse. "What are you doing," asks Dr. Baker.

"Ice fishing," says Nicole, "What does it look like?" Dr. Baker wants to talk this over. "I have a hair appointment," says Nicole, "so make it quick. There's too much at stake and there is only one way to keep my secret buried forever."

Dr. Baker cowers, "No..."

BANG!

Nicole stands in her bedroom, "I can't do that. It's too risky and anti-social. There must be some way to muzzle Dr. Baker and get myself a baby."

Nicole tells EJ she has a doctor's appointment. He suggests going with her. She vetoes that and leaves. EJ makes a call, "It's EJ. I need to see you ASAP."

Sami comes out of the bathroom and the bickering starts. Rafe has discovered the flyer. He lectures her. Sami admits she was going to call sister Theresa. Rafe asks, "Are you trying to get yourself killed? Because that's exactly what's going to happen if you keep up this reckless behavior."

"What reckless behavior," asks Sami.

"In your case," says Rafe, "existing."

He wants to know why she has the flyer. Sami says she felt a connection with Sister Theresa and wanted to talk to her. She promises not to try again.

Phillip chides Victor for telling him to be direct and forthright and then being a hypocrite and going behind his back and hiring Brady, "The more foolish you can make me look the happier you are."

"It's pretty easy to stay happy around here," says Victor, "If you're so upset, why don't you just quit then? Now that Brady is here it wouldn't be catastrophic. He could replace you."

Brady chimes in, "It's not gonna happen."

Chelsea asks why Melanie would tell Stephanie that she and Max were a couple. Melanie says she was just making an observation, "See, it's like this... If your BFF breaks up with her BF then said BF is back on the market after BFF finds a new BF. It's the first rule of romance."

"I don't know about all the BF's," says Chelsea, "But that was a lot of BS. Did you read that on shallowteen.com? Just go to hell."

Melanie insists she's just trying to help, "He's my brother and I'm just trying to look out for him. Go for it. Get the guy."

EJ meets Marlena outside the pub. They are both there to see Roman. EJ says he has a question about Nicole.

"No problem," says Marlena, "It's $250 an hour plus expenses. Oh, wait... It's Christmas. I have to charge double-time."

Nicole barges into Dr. Baker's office carrying a box of cookies, "I come bearing gifts and an apology."

"You threatened to kill me," yells Dr. Baker.

"That's what the extra sprinkles are for," says Nicole. She asks him to forgive her and continue to pretend to be her doctor. Baker says no money – no cooperation. Nicole says she doesn't have the money but says she is close, "If you don't help me I will take you down with me." So much for the extra sprinkles.

"You need psychological help," says Dr. Baker. He leaves. Nicole throws the box and smashes it against the door after he closes it. In other words, Nicole tosses her cookies. Standing alone in the office, she sees Dr. Baker has conveniently left his cell phone there.

EJ talks to Marlena about Nicole's "demeanor." He says he thinks she is spending far too much time with Dr. Baker.

Chelsea doesn't want to talk to Melanie. Melanie wants to be her wingman with Max, since he is her brother, "If you don't want my help... well... Max could snag any hottie he wanted. And if he decides he doesn't want a hottie, he could go for you."

Brady sticks up for Phillip, "You should have consulted him before hiring me." Suddenly Brady and Phillip start to form a mutual admiration society.

"I didn't know you girls were so sensitive," says Victor. He's disappointed they are putting their fragile egos in front of Titan, "You know what? You can take your self-righteous wrath and shove it. To put it in the words of one of my heroes, Donald Trump, you're fired. Both of you."

Rafe tells Sami he just wants a little cooperation. He wants to know why Sami was calling Sister Theresa.

Sami whines, "You want the truth?"

"It just wouldn't be Christmas if you didn't lie."

Max comes out and finds Chelsea sitting at the bar. He hands her a CD mix he has made for her. Chelsea is distant. Max rambles, "I put your favorite stuff on here... Merle Haggard and Lawrence Welk."

Chelsea zones, "Yeahsurethanks."

Max wants to know what's up, "We're talking to each other like we're an old married couple."

"Not true," says Chelsea, "Because we're still talking to each other. What makes you think something is wrong?"

"I can read you like a book."

"Do you have any other cliché's you want to throw at me like, 'We're two peas in a pod,' or 'We're joined at the hip?'"

"A cliché," gasps Max, "On this show? Never. It's just that I blame myself. I could have prevented all of this if I had just done things differently. I didn't see it coming. The DiMeras are going to pay for this. I'm being punished for what I've done. But the past is in the past. I'm probably making too much of this. I'm tired of the games. I have to move on. I have to leave town and find myself. You'll be better off without me. Rip my heart out and take it with you. You have to be cruel to be kind. Work with me on this. I just want us to be a family again. I'll give you all the time you need. I won't pressure you. I won't let anything bad happen to us. I just want us to be friends. You're my soul mate. There is something you should know. Nothing will ever come between us again. I know I can count on you. I know you'll (say it with me) be there for me... For all the Days Of Our Lives."

Chelsea says, "I just want to establish that we are friends. Friends and nothing more."

"Sorry," says Max, "That's a cliché I forgot."

Marlena thinks Nicole is just being overly cautious, "Nicole is being Nicole."

"I'm really in trouble, Aren't I," asks EJ.

Phillip applauds Victor's brilliant performance. He and Brady gang up on Victor and tell him what a dirtbag he's being. Victor thinks they have made the case for themselves, "You make a great team."

Nicole looks at the contacts in Dr. Baker's phone, "Hmmm... only women. OMG! They're all call girls! The guy's not very thorough. I don't see Kate's name here. Oh well, might as well start at the top." She dials, "Desiree... what can you tell us about our sex craved doctor?" Desiree isn't in the mood to talk. She hangs up. "On to the next..."

Roman joins EJ and Marlena inside the pub, "I want to assure you we're doing our best to catch the mayor's killer."

"Darn," says Marlena, "I was hoping something productive was being done to apprehend him."

Chelsea tells Max she is not ready to be in a relationship and knows Max isn't either. Max wants to know who is spreading this ghastly rumor. "Melanie," says Chelsea.

"There's a shocker," says Max, "You know how Melanie is. You're making too much of this."

"Didn't I just hear that in your list of cliché's," asks Chelsea.

Victor smiles, "Look at this. The two of you have bonded in your complete contempt for me. It was beautiful to behold." Vic says he wants them back.

"What," asks Phillip, "You fire us and then hire us right back and expect us to come running to you? We're not going to do that."

"Speak for yourself," says Brady.

"Oh," says Victor, "I expect you to make me wait."

Sami whines, "I needed support."

"I agree with that," says Rafe, "That bra just isn't doing the job."

Rafe's boss interrupts with a call. Rafe answers.

The assassin monitors the call, "Just keep talkin'..."

Brady and Phillip are alone. Phillip says he won't quit and let some MBA take over, "We could make a good team. What do you say, partner, are you in?"

"Absolutely." They shake on the deal.

Melanie comes back into the pub. Max wants to know why she talked to Chelsea about their relationship. Melanie says she was just making an observation. Max tells her to let it go. Suddenly, Melanie sees the CD sitting on the bar, "That wouldn't be for Chelsea, would it?" She giggles, "Boys don't do that for girls they are just friends with.

Max asks, "What's up with you? Did I miss a chapter here?"

"You missed the whole encyclopedia," says Melanie, "I just want to see you happy. Go for it."

Nicole continues to get rejected as she works her way down to the final contact in Dr. Baker's phone list... Jill. She makes the call and Jill answers, "I know all about your relationship. We should have a little chat. Meet me in 20 minutes at pier 14. Come alone or you'll be sorry."

Phillip escorts Brady through the hallowed halls of Titan. He goes inside his office and Brady waits outside. Melanie comes up and introduces herself.

Roman and Marlena sit alone at their table as Roman tells her the cops haven't found anything on the assassin, "We've got nothing."

Marlena is optimistic, "At least that's twice what you had before."

Roman talks about the cyber-conversation yesterday. "You should have seen the look on EJ's face, not to mention the look on Sami's. He may still love her. No matter what happens with EJ and Nicole I believe EJ will always have feelings for Sami."

EJ sits with Johnny and tells him he thinks he misses his mother. "Just like I miss cutting my last tooth," says Johnny.

Rafe gets off the phone and says there are no leads. Suddenly he figures out what Sami is up to, "You're not thinking about giving up the baby?"

Sami whines, "Tell me more about the orphanage. Do you think it would be a good place for my baby?"

Junior Junior #2 overhears the conversation, "This is more than I could have dreamed of for Christmas."

Max looks at the CD. He calls and leaves a message for Chelsea, "Call me. I want to run something by you."

Chelsea comes in to see Victor. She asks him to fire Melanie. Vic says he knows Melanie is a troublemaker but she controls the fuel project, "Melanie stays." She accuses him of making this all about profits. Victor reminds her that's what businesses are for.

Melanie tells Brady she owns the rights to the alternative fuel project. She says it will make them very rich, "Why don't you come into my office and I'll show you some numbers?" Phillip comes out to see Melanie whisk Brady into her office.

Sami asks Rafe not to make this harder than it is. She begs him to help. Rafe refuses, "There is no way."

The assassin stalks with his GPS. He presses a few buttons, "Gotcha! Say goodbye, Sami Brady."

EJ tells Johnny it gets pretty lonely in the house. He soon will have a brother or sister to play with and Nicole will be a part of the family. He makes a call, "Father, I need to talk to you about something. It's important."

Nicole stands on the dock and waits. Jill walks up and asks if she is the woman who asked to meet her. We pan back and see Jill patting her tummy. Holy cow, she's so pregnant if they stand there long enough she'll pop it right on the pier.

* * * * *
Merry Christmas, everybody.

"Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white.'" – Bing Crosby.

Previews
========

You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website. Prevuze II should be up no later than noon, Eastern Time.

If you enjoyed today's recap and haven't left a donation in a while, please consider doing that. If you aren't in a position to donate, support our advertisers. And you could also consider leaving a comment. We enjoy those. Look at it this way... I've already read Prevuze. YOU are MY entertainment.

Your Beard Is Dripping

Ah... the show that airs on Christmas day. We have to wonder, will there be action? Will there be actual plot movement? Will something happen? Is it worth watching? And, of course the answer to all of these is 'no.' After all, why should this show be any different than all the rest?

Patch, Kayla, Stephanie and L'il Joe arrive at the pub. Kayla immediately goes to change L'il Joe. "Change him into someone who doesn't cry so much," says Patch. He immediately gets on Stephanie's case for not being happy because Phillip isn't there.

"It's not the fact that Phillip isn't here that makes me unhappy," says Stephanie, "It's the fact that you are."

Phillip and Henderson are together in the Kiriakis dining room as Brady walks in. "Merry Christmas," booms Brady.

"I don't think so," snorts Phillip.

Daniel wheels Kate into the Kiriakis mansion. She tells him it's obvious he and Chloe have a problem. Daniel says she is making way too much of things. He helps her up as Chloe and Lucas come in. Chloe and Daniel's eyes lock in a come-hither stare.

Doug, Maggie and Julie chat at the hospital. Julie knows it has been a hard year for Maggie because of the mess with Nick.

"It's been very hard," agrees Maggie, "But not as hard as it was on Trent."

Stefano walks in. Julie notices and says, "Well here comes the shame of western civilization. The drama continues."

"Not on this show," says Maggie.

In a scene reminiscent of Nicole's fantasy yesterday, Nicole sleeps as EJ hovers over her with a sprig of holly. He tickles her nose with one of the sharp edges. Nicole wakes.

SCREAM! "Get away from me!"

Rafe sings Christmas carols. Sami wakes, "Santa?"

We pan up to Rafe who is wearing a Santa hat and a shaving cream beard, "Well, Miss Brady, have you been naughty, nice or do you take the 5th."

"I'll take the fifth," says Sami, "Make it Johnny Walker Black. By the way, your beard is dripping." Sami just isn't in the Christmas spirit.

"What about joy to the world," asks Rafe, "What about decking the halls? It's Christmas!"

"I miss my kids," blubbers Sami, "The ones I haven't shipped off to Europe, that is."

Nicole tells EJ she reacted because the holly has sharp edges. They banter about Christmas and opening presents. That gets Nicole into a better mood. EJ leaves. Nicole gets up, rushes around and bumps up, "EJ and I are so happy knowing we'll have a baby. You know, Nicole, you're gonna make this happen. You will find a way."

Chloe says she didn't realize Daniel would be there. Lucas just can't resist showing how clueless he is, "I thought it would be nice if we all spent Christmas together." Daniel escorts Kate out.

Lucas turns to Chloe, "What's the deal with you and Daniel? Anyone can see you don't like each other." Chloe says they just don't get along. Lucas asks her to try to get along with him for his mom's sake.

Phillip gets on Brady for climbing the corporate ladder as Kate and Daniel walk in. Kate asks what is going on with the two of them. Phillip rants about not really running the company any more, "Dad has Brady breathing down my neck. That would be really uncomfortable if my neck weren't made of titanium." Phillip thinks Kate is the Christmas miracle. Brady and Phillip agree to put their differences aside for today.

They shake hands as Victor walks in, "Well, it's nice to see peace on earth at last!"

Stephanie doesn't want to fight. Max says he is just surprised Phillip isn't there. She tells Max HE is the reason they are in this position.

Max consults the Guy Manual for guidance, "Don't worry about it. There has never in the history of the world been a breakup that wasn't the guy's fault."

Chelsea says she can't stand seeing them fight on Christmas. That just inspires Stephanie to throw it into high gear, "Do you want to know why I moved on?"

With that impeccable timing you only find on DOOL, Melanie walks in.

Stephanie points at Melanie, "There is the reason!" Max gives his Mortimer Snerd look.

Mortimer Snerd steps into the scene, "Aw, come on, I don't look that dumb."

Lexie and Abe are at Bo and Hope's house. "Since I'm mayor," says Abe, "I can't accept any gifts. But I do have a cushy dog-catcher job for sale."

Lexie is relieved Theo is safe and OK. They send Ciara for the secret present as Theo zones and plays with Charlie. Ciara brings the present to Theo who looks at it and turns up his nose, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. "

Lexie helps Theo open it. It's some kind of toy truck. Theo chucks it.

Melanie parlez vous, "Joyeux noel, mes amis!"

"That'll be enough name calling," snaps Max.

Stephanie asks Melanie to stay and then leaves to be with her family.

Sami sighs, "I'm sorry for being Debbie Downer."

"I've been meaning to ask you," says Rafe, "How was Dallas?" He tries to cheer her up. Rafe has prepared a Mexican Christmas. He's going to make tamales from scratch, "And then it's time for your present. Trust me, you're gonna light up like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Plaza. That's because the present is that I put a radio in your shower, but I’m not a very good electrician."

Julie tells Stefano he is not welcome. Stefano reminds her, "I own a lot of stock in this hospital and the board sits at my pleasure."

"I wish you a warm greeting and bid you goodbye," says Julie.

Doug comes up and asks Stefano what he's doing there. He pulls him aside, "Nobody wants you here, capiche?"

"CUT!"

"All right," yells the director, "Can we do this episode in English, people?"

Back at Bo and Hope's house, the kids play with their toys. So do Theo and Ciara.

The ragtag crew sits around the Kiriakis table. Lucas continues to search for that elusive clue. He toasts, "May we share a million more Christmases just like this, all together."

Victor asks about Daniel's hand. Flashback. He says he slammed the car door on it.

Victor is concerned, "Can you still operate?"

"Yes," says Daniel, "I can grope with my left hand."

Lucas gets a call and leaves to take it. Victor is happy to see Phillip and Brady being civil to each other. Phillip says Kate sets a great example.

Victor compliments Brady on the way he's handling the fact that his ex wife is there, "It shows dignity."

"No," says Brady, "It shows I'm back on drugs."

"Well, It's admirable," says Victor. He looks directly at Chloe, "We should be hospitable even to the most unwanted of guests."

Kate gasps, "Victor! Please remember, Chloe saved my life."

"And I'll never forgive her for that," says Victor, "Besides, I believe Daniel was responsible for saving your life. Chloe has marrow – big deal, who doesn't?"

"I'd say you don't," says Kate, "There must be ice in your veins."

Lucas comes back and announces he has to leave, "You won't even know I was gone."

"That's not true," says Victor, "We'll be grateful to have a respite from the sound of your voice."

Chloe begs him not to leave her there. "You'll be fine," he promises. With Lucas gone, Kate decides they need to bridge the gap at the table so she has Daniel scoot up next to Chloe, "There – my two lifesavers are sitting together." Daniel peeks.

Doug and Julie play Santa and Mrs. Santa at the hospital. Patch and Kayla join the crowd. Patch sees Stefano and gets nasty. He wants to know what Stefano is doing there. "Unlike you," says Stefano, "I'm spreading goodwill."

Patch isn't in the Christmas spirit, "Get out, bastard!"

"Not in front of the kiddies," chides Stefano.

Patch keeps it up, "I'm telling you, there is going to be a scene."

"That'll be a new twist for this show," says Stefano.

Nicole joins EJ and apologizes for freaking out earlier. He says he's used to it. She wants to talk about the money thing, "I don't want it any more. I just want you and this baby. My wish is next year at this time we'll be here with Johnny and this baby. Actually, any baby."

"I'll bet Johnny wishes he were with us this year," says EJ.

Nicole asks, "Can you forgive me? I won't ever push you away."

Abe finds a present from Theo to mama. Lexie opens it and finds a drawing of himself he made for her. Hugs. "This is the best present I could ever get," says Lexie, "Except maybe for a gift card to 'Mercedes R Us.' "

Max and Melanie talk about their first Christmas without their father. Suddenly, the guy's a saint. Melanie mentions the fact that half of Max' family hates her guts. Apparently, the other half hasn't met her. Max goes back to the kitchen to check his pies. Melanie giggles and joins Santa's little elves. Stephanie and Chelsea tell her they are wrapping presents for children at hospital. Melanie says, "That is what Christmas is all about."

Stephanie asks, "Is that why you came over here Melanie? To give us the meaning of Christmas?"

"I came to apologize," says Melanie, "It was unfair of me to make a big deal about you and Phillip."

Stephanie ignores her. Melanie continues to be a real sweetheart, "Max has moved on, too. With your best friend Chelsea."

Lucas has Allie at the DiMera mansion. Roman shows up behind him and tells EJ, "We have a little Christmas surprise."

Rafe and Sami eat the Mexican Christmas meal. Rafe wishes her a "Felice Navidad."

"CUT! English, people! English!"

The food has calmed Sami a bit. Rafe gets philosophical, "My mother used to say the belly is the giver of genius. Which is good because in your case, it sure isn't the brain." Rafe talks about his mom and Sami gives him the third degree. Rafe clams up. They decide to open presents. Rafe opens his first. It's a penny. Sami's generosity is boundless. Sami explains OMB once offered her a penny for her thoughts and it was an overpayment so she's passing it along to him. Rafe will treasure it.

Now it's time for her present. Rafe opens his computer, "I got you a subscription to www.shirtless-hunks.com."

Chelsea denies hooking up with Max, "It's just that Max is going through hard times and I've (say it with her) tried to be there for him. He was (say it with her) there for me when I needed someone and I'm returning the favor. If something was happening I would tell you."

Stephanie admits she's relieved they aren't together, "I would have a serious problem with that. I now hate the guys guts, but that doesn't mean I'm not still the same possessive clinging creature I was before."

"A drama queen like you would have a problem with too much foam on her latte," says Chelsea.

Patch and Stefano have a standoff. Stefano snorts, "I am here to donate a very large sum of money to the pediatric ward. If I am not here, they will not get that money!"

"GET OUT," screams Patch, "Screw the kids! "

Lexie steps in and scoots Patch off. She asks Stefano to leave. He says he will go if that's what she wants. He leaves.

Doug reads the Christmas story. Patch broods. He looks toward the heavens, "I wanted to be the one to tell your story, Big Dude."

The Lord God Almighty sits on his throne in heaven, "Big Dude. That's what I like about my job. The respect."

Phillip decides to go out for a while. Kate, Brady and Victor stand alone in the foyer. "And then there were three," says Kate.

"Phillip doesn't want me around and neither does my ex wife," says Brady. He leaves. Kate and Victor share a stare.

Back in the dining room, Chloe asks, "Don't you think people will be wondering where we are. You act weird around me."

"No more games," says Daniel. He decides he has to leave, "Tell everyone it was a medical emergency." Chloe begs him to stay. Daniel shakes his head, "This is no good Chloe."

"I know," she says, "But on this show, it's the best you get." Chloe wants to work past the strangeness that has developed between them. Daniel wants to work past her teddy. She thanks him for saving Kate and kisses his cheek. Stares.

Nicole calls and gets Dr. Baker's machine, "You can't squeeze another nickel form me. You will keep your mouth shut or I will kill you!"

There are two kinds of people who don't survive in this crazy world: Pitchers that telegraph their pitches* and murderers who leave threats on answering machines.

*Prevuze – Best sports blog on the Internet.©

Sami bawls as she stares into her computer. Roman and EJ hold up the kids, "It's my babies," she squeals, "And Allie and Johnny, too. My heart is there with you right now."

"I wish you were, too," says Rafe.

EJ gets on and says it's good to see her. They miss her. Sami sniffles. Nicole stands in the background and sighs. Lucas picks his nose.

Doug reads the Christmas story. Phillip walks in and hands a little kid a flower. He gives a big check to the hospital. "Can't I have the check instead," asks the kid. Phillip walks over and smooches Stephanie.

Patch looks toward the heavens, "If you have issues with 'Big Dude,' you should talk about it. Don't keep your feelings bottled up inside."


Previews
========

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If you enjoyed today's recap and haven't left a donation in a while, please consider doing that. If you aren't in a position to donate, support our advertisers. And you could also consider leaving a comment. We enjoy those. Look at it this way... I've already read Prevuze. YOU are MY entertainment.

Very Expensive And Highly Illegal

Nicole sleeps. EJ stares. The baby bump sits beside Nicole on the bed. Nicole wakes up as EJ boils over, "Up to your old tricks, eh?"

Nicole screams, "I can explain."

EJ grabs her by the throat. Her tongue rolls across the floor as EJ yells, "You lost our baby but didn't want to lose the DiMera money, did you?" He picks her up and tosses her out of the room.

Prevuze steps into the scene and strolls out into the audience, offering to sell the Salem Bridge to anyone who bought that ridiculous scene. No takers, though.

Nicole wakes up. Birds chirp. The baby bump bumps. All is well with the world. Nicole cries, "It was just a nightmare... for now."

Chloe samples goodies at Bo and Hope's house. She whisks by Maggie who zones in on the necklace. Homeland Security needs radar like that. Chloe tells her Kate gave it to her. Maggie says she knows if Kate gave her a rock like that, she must really of approve of Chloe and Lucas being together, "Either that or her treatments have caused her to totally lose her mind."

Daniel sits in his room, watches Monday Night Football and sucks down booze, which helps dull the pain of being a Packers fan. He remembers his encounter with Chloe and her nightie.

Lexie sits with Theo at the dock and suggests they go home. She turns to get her purse. Theo recognizes the fact that this may be his only opportunity to get away. He bolts.

Bo hallucinates. He sees a scene in an emergency room, "This child's not breathing!"

Lexie panics.

Bo watches the vision unfold in front of him and runs outside. He bumps into Abe, "Do you know where Theo is?"

Lexie panics.

John drinks at the pub as Marlena comes in. "You look festive," says John.

"I feel festive," says Marlena.

Brady joins them, not looking or feeling so festive. John smiles that smile someone can only manage when his brain is somewhere else. Brady wants to know why he's smiling. "Christmas eve is for family," says John, "Even if you don't like them."

Marlena tells Brady that was John's attempt at humor. It seems to have hit the mark, except for the humor part. Brady thinks John was talking about him when he talked about family he didn't like. John says he wants the two of them to do him a favor.

Doug and Julie arrive at the Brady residence. They announce that they have just dumped Allie on Alice and Mickey. Everyone decides that's OK since Allie is probably capable of watching both of them. Julie ogles Chloe's necklace. Doug stares also, "What necklace? " Lucas thinks it's going to be the best Christmas ever.

Nicole and Stefano are together in the rumpus room. "I want to apologize," says Stefano, "For being..."

Nicole interrupts, "Sexist, overbearing and dictatorial?" Stefano is soooo impressed with Nicole's perception. He kisses her and wishes her a merry Christmas as EJ watches.

Lexie panics.

Bo tells Abe to call Lexie to make sure Theo is all right.

Lexie panics.

Abe calls and asks Lexie if everything is all right. Lexie panics, "NO! Theo ran off!"

"Where are you," asks Abe.

"I'm at the Paul Hollingsworth Memorial Pier."

Abe gasps, "OMG!"

Stefano wants to talk about names, "If it's a boy... how about... Stefano?"

EJ walks in, "I was thinking about... Elvis."

Tony walks in, "I guess my invitation got lost in the mail."

Chloe excuses herself to go call her folks. Daniel gets the call. She asks about his finger. Daniel says, "Oh, you don't have to worry about it."

Chloe says, "But I do. And I can't stop."

Abe and Bo show up at the pier.

Lexie panics.

"We put out an Amber Alert," says Abe.

"OMG," gasps Bo, "Is she missing, too?"

Lexie panics.

"Where do you think he might be," asks Abe.

"I think he dove off the pier," blubbers Lexie.

"Too bad you didn't follow him," says Abe.

Bo goes clairvoyant. He sees Lexie run into the hospital ER.

Lexie panics.

Chelsea comes out of nowhere and picks Charlie up off the dock. She shows it to everyone and...

Lexie panics.

Stefano tells Tony he has an open invitation. Tony says Anna is in Switzerland with Carrie and Austin. EJ and Nicole go off.

John, Brady and Marlena arrive outside the DiMera mansion. Marlena somehow interprets this as some big breakthrough for John because he's recognizing the need for family at Christmas. They gird their loins and prepare for an evening of merriment at the DiMera mansion. "Here we go a wassailing," says Marlena.

Chloe continues to apologize for the way she closed the door on Daniel's finger. Lucas runs up and tells her to wish her mom and dad a Merry Christmas, then runs back into the living room because he doesn't want to miss one exciting moment of this klunker of a party. Chloe tells Daniel she has to go. They exchange merry Christmases and think thoughts of forbidden love and low cut teddies.

We share greetings all around at the DiMera mansion. Nicole drags Brady off.

Lexie panics.

Bo searches and calls for Theo. A kid stands on the stairs. Bo sees him and drops his jaw, "ZACK!" Zack runs. Bo follows.

Lexie panics.

Stefano offers John one of his new cigars, "They are very expensive and highly illegal... Two of my favorite things."

"Like whiskers on kittens," asks John. They light up. Stefano asks John why he is there.

Marlena asks Tony the same thing. Tony says he thinks Stefano is up to something and he's concerned about EJ.

Nicole tells Brady about Dr. Baker. She asks Brady to get money from Victor. EJ walks in and things go silent. "You look upset," says EJ. He turns to Brady, "Why does this happen every time you talk to her?"

Lucas and Chloe look at a picture of Tom and Alice. They talk about all the kids, grandkids, great-grandkids and... I forgot, which generation are we on now?

Lucas asks, "You wanna have kids with me someday?"

Chloe is about as enthusiastic as a condemned prisoner lying on a gurney, "If you want to."

"As long as I have you," says Lucas, "the rest is gravy."

"That's good," says Chloe, "Since your brains are like mashed potatoes."

Julie asks Maggie if she thought Chloe and Lucas would wind up together, "Looks like grandma had a good idea. I can't wait to see the look on Chloe's face."

Lexie panics.

Bo chases Zack. Zack catches up with Theo and they both run. Bo gasps, "Zack! Theo! No!" They run off and Bo chases.

Nicole insists things are OK, "Christmas and hormones make a powerful combination." EJ gets a call and goes off. He comes back and says he needs to do some office things. Smoochies and bye-byes.

Nicole goes back to work on Brady, "I will lose him if you don't help me."

Marlena tells Tony coming there was John's idea.

Stefano says, "I hope we can put our past behind us says Stefano."

"Keep on hopin'," says John. Stefano says he senses tension.

"I'm enjoying this," chuckles John, "The cigar, that is. I just want you to know two things. First, if you harm the people I am... invested in... you will answer to me. Second... Merry Christmas."

Bo catches up with the apparitions. He grabs Zack and hugs him. Zack turns into Theo.

Lexie panics.

Bo calls with the good news, "I got Theo. Which mortuary do you want me to send the body to? "

Lexie un-panics.

Nicole joins Stefano and John and drags John out into the foyer, "I need money. A lot. And I can't tell you why."

"No problem," says John, "Here's a blank check. Of course, when I say blank, I mean it doesn't have my signature on it either."

Marlena chats with Brady. She says she senses a little change in John, "Deep down inside he's glad you're home." Tony brings Marlena's wrap and she asks where John is.

John gives Nicole some advice, "If you're staying here at the DiMera mansion, having a DiMera baby and need money, you're in over your head. I won't give you money, but I'll be happy to set you up in a hotel and pay for an airplane ticket."

Marlena walks up, "John, it's time to hit the road."

"No thanks," says John, "Getting run over once is enough for a lifetime." As they walk out the door John turns and says, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

"You forgot to say, 'God bless us, every one'," says Marlena.

Stefano asks if Nicole is OK. "Why wouldn't I be," says Nicole.

Abe and Lexie arrive at Bo and Hope's house. Where's Theo," asks Hope.

"Theo who," asks Lexie.

Hope turns to Bo, "You did good work, Brady."

"I had help," says Bo, "I'll explain later."

Hope announces, "It's time to trim the tree!"

"I'll get the chainsaw," says Bo.

And so we go through the 2008 version of Bulb-a-paloosa.

John and Marlena have joined the party. John asks, "Why did you bring me here."

"Because this is what Christmas is really all about," says Marlena.

John asks, "Christmas is about stale dialogue and dragging out actors we haven't seen in months just because we don't want to have a real show on that day?"

"Of course not," says Marlena, "Christmas is about all the wonderful traditions like exchanging gift cards with everyone and seeing if you have a bigger balance on your gift card than the one you gave."

"I knew there was a deeper meaning," says John.

Lucas asks Maggie where his ornament is.

It's still at the prison hanging next to Carmine's," says Maggie.

Julie comes up and hands him a package for Chloe to open. She opens it and we find Lucas' bulb inside next to a new bulb for Chloe.

"Chloe and Lucas," says Julie, "Now there are a couple of dim bulbs if I ever saw them."

Chloe is delighted. She takes her bulb out of the box and walks over to hang it on the tree.

CRASH!

Cleanup on Aisle 7. Chloe's bulb lies in a dozen pieces below the tree.

EJ joins Brady and Nicole. Brady leaves. EJ asks if everything is OK. "What I want for Christmas," says Nicole, "is for people to stop asking me that."

Tony walks up and announces he is leaving. "We'll join Father," says EJ, "He's alone in the study."

"Don't you understand," says Tony, "He could be in a packed stadium with thousands of people and still be alone."

"Kind of like the Packers fans felt last night," says EJ.

Nicole and EJ join Stefano by the fire. Stefano says he can't help but think about next year when they hang a stocking for the newest member of the family. He leaves.

Chloe picks up the pieces. She apologizes for being such a klutz. "We'll have a new one made for you next year," says Maggie, "and have it shipped to you and whatever guy you have moved on to after Lucas."

John zones, "It just hit me... How much everybody needs to remember."

Doug speechifies. He says he's eternally grateful to have a permanent place on the tree and in the family. He toasts the Horton family and all it's honorary members. Then he plays as Chloe sings silent night. With Chloe and Lucas it's never a silent night.

Daniel sits propped up on his bed and boozes it up.

Marlena looks for John.

John calls Dr. Taylor, "I need to remember my life. I need to know who I am."

Nicole prays to Baby Jesus at the crèche, "Help me. Please help me." EJ watches. Nicole sobs.

Patch sits in an empty hallway at the hospital, "Hey, doesn't anyone want to hear the story of the Big Dude?"


Previews
========

You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website. Prevuze II should be up no later than noon, Eastern Time.

If you enjoyed today's recap and haven't left a donation in a while, please consider doing that. If you aren't in a position to donate, support our advertisers. And you could also consider leaving a comment. We enjoy those. Look at it this way... I've already read Prevuze. YOU are MY entertainment.

The Girl That Gives Girls A Bad Name

Sub Title: "The Ghost Of Christmas Sucks"

Sub-Sub Title: "Size Matters"

The Titan Christmas Party! Because of the economy they've scaled back this year and are only serving Johnny Walker Red instead of Johnny Walker Black. Some brown-noser works the room and tells Melanie how great the new Form D-782 is.

Melanie works herself away from the brown-noser, but bumps into Sasha. Sasha gets catty, "I'm sure what Titan needed was an eighteen year old consultant."

"Ciara has to work somewhere," says Melanie. She moves away from Sasha and continues to mingle.

Phillip and Stephanie schmooze. Phillip says, "I want to talk to you about surprises. And I have one that's going to blow you away."

Victor and Brady chat in Victor's office. "I think we need a bigger tree," says Victor.

"It's true," says Brady, "Size matters. Of course, that doesn't explain why Chloe is with Lucas." Victor is tired of the chit-chat. He wants to know what Brady has decided about the job.

Lucas tells Chloe he doesn't ever want to leave the Horton cabin. "Most of Salem wishes you would stay away forever, too," says Chloe. Suddenly, Chloe zones out as she flashes back to Daniel's molest-a-thon. Oh, this marriage will work, won't it? Chloe suggests Lucas go to the hospital alone.

Daniel comes in to see Kate. He's hiding something. Kate says, "I can see you have your hands behind your back, what's up with that?"

"I'd rather have my hands behind your back," says Daniel, "But in this case, I have a Christmas present for you."

Bo works on presents in his living room. He holds one of his packages up to the light and looks inside with his new X-Ray vision skill, "OMG! A Kindle! Now I can download the entire set of Dick and Jane readers and have hours of fun learning new big words!"

Phillip teases Stephanie. He won't tell her what the surprise is.

"You're sadistic," she snorts, "I like that in a guy."

"Since you dated Max," says Phillip, "I always thought you liked stupidity in a guy." Phillip says he always envied the way the Bradys went all out for Christmas. Stephanie invites him to go to the Brady Christmas bash with her. Melanie watches and seethes.

Hope walks into the living room and sits beside Bo. "I feel like I've got a screw loose," he whines.

"You've got enough loose screws to start a hardware store," says Hope, "You had another one of those images, didn't you? I think I know why this is happening to you."

Daniel pulls a file folder from behind his back and tells Kate, "My present is to tell you that you are healthy enough to go home for Christmas. You can spend a few days there and then go to the hospice."

Kate cries for joy and hugs Daniel, "I don't know what I would do without you." Daniel zones.

Lucas encourages Chloe to go with him to the hospital, "Come on, what's going on here? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"It's just a feeling I get now and then," says Chloe.

Lucas gets a call, "Hey, Mom, what's up?"

Brady tells Victor he wonders if he can handle the pressure of the job and being around his family and still stay clean. Oh, for crying out loud, of course he can, so he tells Victor he accepts the job, "I'll take it as long as I don't have to wear a suit."

"You can wear a grass skirt for all I care," says Victor.

"Do you think the one I'm wearing right now is appropriate," asks Brady, "I want to make certain Phillip knows I answer to him."

Stephanie rambles about why Phillip should go to the Brady Christmas party. "Let me see," says Phillip, "You invite me to the party, apologize for doing that and then give me a list of reasons why I shouldn't go. How would you like to be on my sales team? " Phillip accepts the invitation. Melanie watches and plans violent crimes. "I especially look forward to the mistletoe at the party," says Phillip.

Melanie calls Max and says she's on her way to the pub to talk to him. On the way out she tells Phillip, "It's hard knowing you're not wanted on Christmas."

"Every day must be Christmas for you," says Phillip.

Lexie and Chelsea walk with Theo through the snow at the docks, which have been decorated for Christmas – the winos in the gutter are all wearing Santa hats. Lexie brought Theo there to watch the ships go by with him. She brought Chelsea so the winos can all be thankful at Christmas that they don't have girlfriends.

Hope tells Bo in some way, the same thing is happening to her. She says she's having nightmares about a child. Bo hugs her and they both go into the fetal position, "You're talking about our little Zack, aren't you?"

"No," says Hope, "I'm talking about our little Chelsea. Having her around is the biggest nightmare ever."

"What about having Ciara around," asks Bo.

"She's never around," says Hope, "In my mind, Zack grows up. He'd be about 30 by now, wouldn't he? " They vow to get through this together.

Melanie whines and says she knows Phillip doesn't want her around. She leaves. The party finally gets started.

Stephanie turns to Phillip, "Tell me you didn't fall for that. She's the girl that gives girls a bad name."

"The girls of Salem don't need any help with that," says Phillip.

Lucas and Chloe join Kate and Daniel in her room. Chloe goes into total trauma when she sees Daniel's mangled hand. Kate gives them the news that she can go home and decides she wants pictures of the big event, "Especially since I've got my makeup on."

"That's not makeup," says Daniel, "We had you pre-embalmed in case the tests came back with bad results." Daniel serves as the photographer. Of course, Kate decides she wants a picture of the two people who saved her life.

Hope walks Bo over to the Christmas tree and shows him the "Zack Ornament." She says she put it on the back of the tree last year so she wouldn't hurt Chelsea's feelings. But now, she thinks it's time to stop hiding it. Damn straight – Bo puts it right on the front of the tree where it can cause a big crisis when Chelsea comes in and sees it.

They stand back and admire the ornament together. Suddenly, Chelsea's ornament falls on top of it and crushes it.

The smoke alarm goes off. Hope runs into the kitchen, "I have to save the turkey!"

"When did Shawn get here," asks Bo.

Chelsea comes into the house and immediately zones in on the "Zack Ornament." She starts to run out. Bo catches her and stops her as Chelsea falls apart. Bo tries to reassure here, "It's OK!"

"Chelsea wails, "Somewhere deep inside you must hate me!"

"NO," insists Bo, "The hatred isn't deep inside, it's right on the surface."

Bo hugs. Chelsea freaks. Hope comes into the room and pours out her compassion, "Chelsea, We don't want to hurt you. You can run over our kids any time you want." She reminds her Bo wouldn't be there without her, "And I'm willing to forgive you for that, too. If you walk out that door it's not Christmas, because you'll still be on the property."

Melanie shows up at the pub. She tells Max about Nick signing his project over to her. She also tells him about Victor making her a consultant at Titan and says that irked Phillip. Max gets sarcastic. She tells him no one would talk to her at the party so she needs a brother, "God knows dad wasn't the best guy but at least I wasn't alone on Christmas. Do you think we could go somewhere and celebrate Christmas like a normal family?"

Max asks, "Do you mean like a normal Salem family or a normal family in the real world? " Melanie says she knows he's spending Christmas with the Bradys.

In return for having to ruin Christmas at the Brady party, Phillip invites Melanie to ruin her Christmas at the Kiriakis party. He moves in on her as Victor and Brady show up. Phillip gives Brady a buddy shoulder slap, "I haven't seen enough of you since you got back."

Brady doubles over in pain, "Hey, watch it! That's where I stick the needle."

Kate serves as photographer as Daniel and Chloe stand like wooden statues next to each other. Kate wants them to relax, "Put your arm around her. Chloe, I want to see the necklace, unbutton your blouse." Chloe unbuttons and the floor nearly collapses under the weight as they roll out.

Kate tells Daniel to perk up, "You look like you're going to the guillotine."

Daniel stares down at 'the necklace' and says, "You don't need a guillotine... I've already died and gone to heaven. "

Lucas snaps. He also takes the picture. Daniel goes to call Phillip and Chelsea and give them the good news. He leaves. Lucas thinks that was weird. So does Kate. Chloe makes excuses for Daniel's behavior.

Phillip gets the call from Daniel. He tells him about the test results and Kate going home. Phillip thanks him. Stephanie joins Brady. He asks, "Is Phillip driving you crazy yet?"

"No," says Stephanie, "We've just kissed a few times."

Melanie whines, "It really stinks to be the Ghost of Christmas Sucks." Max falls for her act and invites her to go to Christmas with him at the Bradys.

Bo and Hope try to reassure Chelsea about Zack. Chelsea decides to forgive herself. We are all so relieved.

Hope leaves to work on the vegetables. Jan spears and the other comatose patients from the hospital must have arrived. Chelsea rambles about Max and Charlie as Bo has headaches.

Lexie shows Theo the ships and sings to him. She hugs him and says, "I love you."

Theo looks up at her, "I love you." STOP THE PRESSES!

Uncomfortable Chloe gives Kate and Lucas some time alone. They speculate about the fact that Chloe doesn't like Daniel.

Outside, Chloe bumps into Dr. SqueezeTheCharmin.

Phillip announces Kate is coming home for Christmas and goes to tell Victor.

Brady turns to Stephanie, "You and Phillip?"

"Just friends," she insists.

"For now."

Phillip gives Victor the good news about Kate. Victor says he also has good news. He tells Phillip about the Vice-CEO spot for Brady, "I want you to make the announcement – right here, right now." The blood drains from Phillip's face. Or whomever's face it really is.

Melanie squeals and plasters herself to Max, "You're the best brother ever!" Now she can't wait for Christmas. He tells her to be on her best behavior.

Melanie asks, "Stephanie will be there won't she? Will it be hard for you? Don't worry I'll be there to smooth things over." Translation: she'll smooth things over like Chelsea smoothed over Zack.

Chelsea gets the message about Kate. She perks up, "Suddenly, I'm hungry." She and Hope go into the kitchen to share a breadcrumb.

Lucas wonders why Chloe and Daniel can't stand each other.

A nurse comes up and hands Daniel the new surgery schedule. Daniel shows her his fingers and says, "I won't be doing any surgery in the near future, but I can grope as well as ever." The nurse leaves. Chloe apologizes for giving Daniel the finger. The broken one that is.

Phillip wonders if this is Victor's way of pulling his chain. Melanie watches and soaks it in as he and Victor argue. Victor says, "I love you Phillip, but if you don't make this announcement, Brady won't be the VICE CEO."

Daniel reminds Chloe she already mentioned she's sorry, "Right after you slammed the door in my face." When he finishes drooling and panting, he decides he should go, "Merry Christmas."

"To you to."

Phillip blows a gasket, "It's your announcement. You make it." He storms off.

Brady watches and asks Victor about the incident. Victor says Phillip has been temperamental lately. Brady chases after Phillip. Melanie continues to soak it in."

Lexie suggests she and Theo go home. She turns to grab her purse.

Bo contemplates Zack's Christmas stocking and has hallucinations.

Theo runs off. Lexie screams and chases.

Bo hallucinates. He sees Lexie crying, "Theo!"

Bo stands crazed, wild-eyed and drooling, looking a lot like you will feel after watching this episode, I'm sure.


Previews
========

You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website. Prevuze II should be up no later than noon, Eastern Time.

If you enjoyed today's recap and haven't left a donation in a while, please consider doing that. If you aren't in a position to donate, support our advertisers. And you could also consider leaving a comment. We enjoy those. Look at it this way... I've already read Prevuze. YOU are MY entertainment.