Better Than Those Old Grainy Porn Tapes

After he saw Daniel and Kristen in bed, I'm surprised Brady's hair didn't turn white.  I saw it and mine did. #DAYS

 

What did we learn from Brady walking in on Daniel and Kristen? Leave the door open—It's so entertaining for your friends and neighbors #DAYS

 

Eve: "Eric! Just the man I want to see." I think she means, "just the gender I want to see." #DAYS

 

Brady just stands and watches Kristen and Daniel.  Live is a lot better than those old grainy porn tapes of his. #DAYS

Every Young Guy's Dream

Brady suddenly realizes if a gal he dates can't make it as a total conniving slut, she dies. #DAYS

If Sami's exit from Salem gets any longer Alison Sweeney will be back on the show before Sami leaves town. #DAYS

Sonny encourages Will to follow his dreams. Yeah, it's every young guy's dream to live with his mom. #DAYS

Kristin's worried about a slut ruining Brady's life.  Maybe she wants to keep that honor all for herself. #DAYS

Where We Left Things Yesterday

Daniel and Kristin find a unique way to express their mutual hatred.

Trash Day

Just imagine the hype and the ratings jump Days Of Our Lives will experience when Sami returns from Hollywood... and EJ from the dead. #DAYS

 

Jennifer says what she and Daniel had is gone. That's the way I feel about my garbage, too, after every trash day." #DAYS

 

Brady ain't buying what Kristin is selling.  In this case it looks like all those drugs killed a few too many brain cells. #DAYS

 

Jennifer says she wants to live in the real world.  Then she shouldn't come back to Salem. #DAYS

 

If He Gets The Milk For Free...

Find the dolly in the garden. #DOOL comes up with yet another creative way to ditch the kids. #DAYS

 

Brady says he has no clue where his relationship with Theresa is headed. I do: if he gets the milk for free... #DAYS

 

Conniving, scheming Anne is acting like a blithering teenager with Kristin. #DAYS

 

Ciara wants to leave, Kristin may; Sami, the kids, Jennifer, EJ: gone... What, are they getting rid of the whole cast? #DAYS

A Scream-Writer

If this story is about Sami, Universal doesn't need a screen-writer. They need a scream-writer. #DAYS

 

Be careful, Will. LA is where writers go to die... or write #DOOL, which is the same thing. #DAYS

 

Chad says he and Jordan aren't a "thing" yet. With guys, it's not a "thing" until you're naked. #DAYS

 

So now it's Chad and Jordan. Man... the women of Salem get passed around like a fast-burning doob at a Grateful Dead concert. #DAYS

Porn Star Turned Baby-Snatcher

JJ plans to use the tired old "I can't bang you because my dad was a rapist" excuse. #DAYS

 

Sami: "EJ loved a good catfight." Hey, here's an idea, let's have one now in his memory. #DAYS

 

Sami doesn't remember the last thing she and EJ talked about. As I recall it was the fact he was spewing blood everywhere. #DAYS

 

Sami tells Nicole: "You're a former porn star turned baby-snatcher." Attempted murder more fits Sami's style. #DAYS

A Fireproof Envelope

OFPS, Stefano get off it. You're only upset because you didn't get to kill EJ yourself. #DAYS

 

Mary Beth: "I didn't tell your mom you got birth control." Say it a little louder, MB, I don't think they heard you in Chicago." #DAYS

 

EJ killed by a junkie. Once again the SPD hits the nail right on the head. Wrong nail, unfortunately. #DAYS

 

Hey, Clyde, I'm thinking next Father's Day is going to be a pretty inauspicious event for you. #DAYS

 

Sami tells Sydney if they're sending the picture to EJ they'd better get it in an envelope. Better make that a fireproof envelope. #DAYS

His Willie Nelson Bong

That microphone in Eve's lamp looks like a big bass speaker. It would have made a great bugging device in the 1950s. #DAYS

 

Ben wonders if Clyde is giving him his Willie Nelson bong. That would make it a family heirloom, wouldn't it? #DAYS

 

John says his head is clear. As many times as he's been conked there's probably nothing left in there. #DAYS

 

Abby says, "Chad isn't like Rafe. He's a complicated guy." Translation: Unlike Rafe, Chad's IQ is above room temperature. #DAYS

My Pet Rat

Brady & Theresa had sex. Theresa: "Brady and I are back together." Brady: "That Theresa sure is a good sport." #DAYS

 

FBI agent: "Your mom should be home for your 30th Birthday, kid." Dang. I hate it when the actors steal my Prevuzisms. #DAYS

 

Kristin calls Eve's apartment "cozy." Translation: "Dilapidated. Run down. I wouldn't let my pet rat live here." #DAYS

 

Sami and Kate looking for that document remind me of me looking for my checkbook. #DAYS

Sack Me, JJ

Popular with the Houston Texans' JJ Watt fans. Perhaps Paige should wear it next time she goes to the Devereaux residence.

Will EJ Come Back?

Irma La Douce

Jennifer says she's at the hospital to get some work to take home with her. Aw, poor gal, she has to resort to doing some work. #DAYS

 

JJ wonders what Paige is doing there.  She's hoping to do you, buddy.  Don't worry... she'll be gentle. #DAYS

 

Paige comes on to JJ like she's Irma la Douce, not some gal looking for her "first." #DAYS

 

Eve wants Paige to follow her dream.  She did. Right into JJ's bedroom; and her dream rejected her. #DAYS

It's Only Naughty If You Get Caught

Fortune cookie: "Have fun. It's only naughty if you get caught." Kate must've been caught a whole lot of times. #DAYS

 

Two men in black suits and sunglasses show up at the Devereaux house and confiscate JJ's guy card. #DAYS

 

People in Salem can date whomever they want.  As long as they clear it with Eve, Julie and Ciara first. #DAYS

 

Paige wants to have sex. JJ doesn't. Maybe they got their scripts mixed up. #DAYS

His Itchy Trigger Finger

Rafe and Abe get a big break that fell right into their laps.  That's about the only way the SPD gets a big break. #DAYS

 

Chad: "If I could have just had a little more time with EJ..." You could have badgered him even more. #DAYS

 

Sami says nothing could have changed what happened to EJ.  Miguel could have controlled his itchy trigger finger. #DAYS

Creepy And Strange

Yet another difference between men and women...

EJ's Memorial

A Minor Case Of Jock Itch

Fear not, fans. For high enough ratings and enough money #DOOL writers can turn EJ's condition into a minor case of jock itch. #DAYS

 

It has to be said. EJ makes a much better corpse than John. #DAYS

 

Kate tells Chad his mother was a friend.  A.K.A. Professional colleague.  I forget... Did they have the same pimp? #DAYS

 

Kate says if there is one thing about EJ, he was a good dad.  Practically perfect. He only kidnapped one of his children. #DAYS

EJ DeadMayora

Given his political past, perhaps we should call this episode EJ DeadMayora. #DAYS

 

Will wonders if Allie is Miley Cyrus. If her mom is an indication, when she grows up she'll come in like a wrecking ball. #DAYS

 

If EJ had taken any longer to fall the show would have been over before he hit the ground. #DAYS

 

As EJ makes his never-ending dramatic death dive he looks up: "Et tu, Miguel?" #DAYS

 

Abby wants to take her time, go slow and get to know each other. Ben agrees. Ben's lying. #DAYS

 

Ben and Abby passed so much slobber  today it shorted out my TV. #DAYS

Ready

Paige is ready.  JJ... not so much.

The Enzyte Smile

Jordan wonders why Ben is so happy.  Doesn't she recognize the Enzyte smile on his face? http://bit.ly/ZuaYlf #DAYS

 

What? You thought John was going to pin it on Theresa after all that buildup?  Silly viewer, tricks are for #DOOL writers. #DAYS

 

Jordan wants Ben and Abby to be crazy happy together.  Well, with Abby in the picture, they've got the crazy part covered. #DAYS

 

Jordan reels off the economics of falling in love: dinners, flowers, motel rooms. Ben's with Abby. She forgot store rooms, showers... #DAYS

As The World Turns

OK, gotta say it... Will's outfit. Yep. That's definitely gay. Either that or he forgot to finish dressing. #DAYS

 

OMG, JJ, go for it.  Paige practically has a blinking neon sign over her head that says, "NAIL ME!" #DAYS

 

JJ is reading "The Great World Spin," a.k.a. "As The World Turns." #DAYS

 

Kristin, Brady, Marlena & John together.  Everyone join hands and sing Kumbaya. #DAYS

Star Of The Week

Kayla could have told Paige the truth about Jack's death... that Abby panicked in the elevator and sniveled Jack to death. #DAYS

 

Brady thinks he needs to thank Kristin. What he needs is to get back on the booze to clear his mind. #DAYS

 

The second time seeing the sequence of John's memory coming back makes my memory want to go away. #DAYS

 

Oh, goodie Parker got Star of the Week... no doubt along with the 15 other kids in his class who got it. #TrophyGeneration #DAYS

Peg Bundy's Wardrobe

Maggie's slacks look like she got them from Peg Bundy's wardrobe on "Married With Children." #DAYS

 

EJ kicks Kate out of the mansion. Kate kicks EJ out of the mansion. The  unstoppable force vs. the immovable object. #DAYS

 

Victor: "No one should live their life in limbo." Better limbo than Salem." #DAYS

 

Caroline wonders why everyone's giving up on Bo. Right. After all, they just heard from him LAST YEAR. #DAYS

Hot To Trot

Nicole cares.  She cares about Eric, she cares about EJ and most of all, she cares about Nicole. #DAYS

 

JJ worries that Abby or his mom could walk in. It would have to be Jennifer. Abby's busy. #DAYS

 

JJ backs off but, wow, Paige is certainly hot to trot all of a sudden. #DAYS

 

Eve: "Jack was a cheater, grifter, absent father, absent husband, pathological liar..." Hey, nobody's perfect. #DAYS

Respect

Abby: Something To Tell Ben

How Was It For You...

A Velvet Elvis Painting

Sami, cut the poor schmuck a break.  Per the Guy Manual, any guy would have lots of crazy things to say about drugged-priest/ho-bag sex. #DAYS

 

Paige, if you didn't want to be the one to tell JJ Kayla was raped and didn't know if he knew, why did you blurt it out? #DAYS

 

Abby thinks the room is "sweet." Sweet? If it had a velvet Elvis painting it'd be the Salem Brothel. #DAYS