You Know You're Having A Bad Day When...

Sarah to Chad: "I believe in second chances." Ask Rex how he feels about that. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "Everett was married to Jada while he and I were dating. How do you think that makes me feel? Chad: "How do you think it makes Jada feel?" #DAYS

EJ: The facts are not on Xander's side." It's more like the DA isn't on Xander's side. #DAYS

You know you're having a bad day when the guy you tried to murder can identify you and he wakes up. #DAYS

Big news: Lani's back and Eli had plastic surgery. #DAYS

Stench

My first thought: Chanel is looking quite matronly today. Then the camera panned out and I saw she's practically not wearing any pants. Initial assessment withdrawn. #DAYS

Johnny: "I don't think Chanel could run the bakery digitally." She could do it using automation, robotics, and artificial intelligence. In fact, with all that, your hope for any job in the future is in the crapper. #DAYS

Jada: "What is your relationship with Clyde Weston, Mr. Stein?" Everett: "Actually my name is Lynch." They could combine the names and call him "Stench." #DAYS

The Hospital Janitor

Next on #DOOL — Ava: "Why did you say Harris waking up is a bad thing?" Stefan: "I was thinking about how Clyde might react." Ava: "Screw Clyde." Stefan: "You might as well. You've done everyone else." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "Did you say you and Everett were in a relationship." Stephanie: "Yes. We were living together in…" Marlena: "I believe the word you're looking for is 'Sin'" #DAYS

Everett: "Could it be true that I'm not who I thought I was?" No one in Salem is ever who they thought they were. #DAYS

Wendy: "Tell me about your childhood." Tripp: "Let's save that for another time." Wake up Tripp. Some evil fiend has kidnapped and imprisoned you. You may not have another time. #DAYS

After a long conversation with Marlena, Everett asks: "Oh, so you're a psychiatrist?" What did you think she was, the hospital janitor? #DAYS

No Love Lost

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "$50,000 was placed in your account by an untraceable source. What do you think about that?" Xander: "I think I can finally afford an Apple Vision Pro." #DAYS

Clyde says Stefan was ordered to shoot and kill Harris. Stefan tells Clyde he did exactly what he was ordered to do. Technically, he did half of what he was ordered to do. He shot but did not kill. #DAYS

Xander: "There is no love lost between the DiMeras and the Kiriakises." That phrase has always puzzled me. Shouldn't it be "there is no love FOUND between the Dimeras and the Kiriakises?" #DAYS

A Run-Of-The-Mill Slut

Next on #DOOL — Patch: "Everett/Bobby was dating you while he was married to Jada." Stephanie: "OMG! I'm an adulteress!" Patch: "Well, since you weren't married, you aren't an adulteress. You're just a run-of-the-mill slut." #DAYS

Stephanie excuses hooking up with Everett when he was married to Jada telling her, "I didn't know." So Everett/Bobby with his amnesia also "didn't know." Steph thinks she gets a pass but not Everett. Just what are the rules here? #DAYS

Stephanie to Everett: "I was your mistress. I was your side-piece." She forgot "home-wrecker," "paramour," and "the other woman." #DAYS

Scenes We'd Like To See

There's nothing like a roaring fire in your home on a chilly winter's night to make you want to sit and reminisce about old memories. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Tom and Alice have wild sex right there on the picnic blanket. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: "It was definitely a night to remember." Kate: "Because it was Valentine's day?" Roman: "No. because I got laid." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alice: "You may not feel like it yet, but you are a member of the Horton family." Lucas: "When will I feel like I'm a member of the family." Alice: "When you get your Christmas tree bulb." #DAYS

Thomas gets $50 per tooth? Every tooth in my head put together wouldn't have gotten me the $5 Leo Gave Him. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "It's hard to believe it's been 30 years since we lived in the house next door to the Horton's." Marlena: "Yes it is. We had some good times on that porch." John: "And shocked the hell out of the neighbors when they saw us having those good times." #DAYS

The Me-Me-Me Gene

Theresa to Alex: "So did the people in your little meeting say you shouldn't get involved with someone with a complex life?" I think it's more likely they were saying he shouldn't get involved with someone who is bat-sh*t crazy.

Sloan's maternal-instinct gene appears to have been spliced out and replaced with the me-me-me gene. #DAYS

Alex thought the way to end the fight with Theresa was to ask her to marry him. It had exactly the opposite effect and Alex should thank his lucky stars it did. #DAYS

Marlena: "I have certainly made my share of mistakes." Even when she wasn't possessed by the Devil. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Theresa: "I thought Alex was going to ask me to marry him." Brady: "I had no idea the two of you were considering marriage." Theresa: "Apparently just the one of us was." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Melinda: "Maybe what you have with Eric is not perfect." Sloan: "What I have with Eric is perfect. What I have with Jude sucks big-time." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stefan: "You need to eat." Ava: "I'm not hungry." Stefan: "When you're depressed, what does being hungry have to do with sitting down with a tub of French Silk ice cream as comfort food? #DAYS

Kate: "Why don't we go upstairs and I'll give you my Valentine's gift." Roman: "But you said you didn't get me anything." That Roman is sharp as a tack. Of course, a tack has an IQ of zero. #DAYS

On Top Of The Girl

Next on #DOOL — Kayla: "Recovering from surgery, Paulina may have difficulty speaking." Abe: "Every cloud has a silver lining." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jada: "You are Bobby Stein!" Everett: "I am no more Bobby Stein than I am Gertrude Stein, Ben Stein, Frankenstein or a beer stein." #DAYS

That picture is not Everett Lynch or Bobby Stein; it's Nick Fallon. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Everett: "What you're saying makes me feel like I'm taking crazy pills." Jada: "The ones you are taking are obviously effective." #DAYS

Stephanie: "Didn't you say after the accident you had memory loss?" Everett: "I can't remember." #DAYS

Jada: "I am not a complete lunatic." That is hard to tell given the way she's acting right now. #DAYS

Johnny sings "On top of the World." Now it looks like he ready to get "On top of the Girl." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "Take a step back. I promise you we will get to the bottom of this Bobby Stein thing. But right now I want to go home and get to the bottom of… you." #DAYS

The Legs That Don't Quit

Chad and Everett: proof that two turkeys do not make an eagle. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "How is Harris doing?" Jada: "He had a rough night." Stephanie: "Most nights are rough if they start out with getting shot." #DAYS

Brady and Kristen argue. Rachael rushes in: "STOP IT!" Finally, an adult in the room. #DAYS

Why did they bring Holly home? She would have round-the-clock care in the Jan Spears Coma Center of Salem Hospital. #DAYS

Leo: "So you have plans tonight with Stephanie – that beautiful brunette with legs that don't quit." Everett: "They don't quit but fortunately they do spread." #DAYS

In different ways, Theresa and Alex are both clueless as to what's going on. #DAYS

That's not a healing bowl. It's one step away from fingernails across a blackboard. #DAYS

Think of how dramatic Theresa's exit would have been if her head was filled with anything but air. #DAYS

Every Hooker In Salem

Stephanie busts into Payla's bedroom finding them smooching. Shock ensues. Later, Kayla is mortified that Stephanie might figure out they're going back in to have sex. This is just wrong on so many levels. #DAYS

They've drug out the old someone's-getting-the-wrong-idea-about-a-possible-proposal script. #DAYS

Stephanie to Steve and Kayla: "Which wedding was your favorite?" Only on #DOOL. #DAYS

Theresa to John and Marlena: "What is your secret for staying in love for all these years?" Six divorces? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John to Alex: "Just because it's Valentine's day doesn't mean you have to be intensely romantic. You just have to get laid." #DAYS

Johnny to Chanel: "Give me your tired feet, your burnt donuts, your lost car keys…" Isn't that what's inscribed on the Statue of Liberty? #DAYS

Johnny and Chanel get married "for the last time." Until Chanel's bisexual urges kick in. #DAYS

Theresa is as stupid, naive, and gullible as Gwen. Coincidence? #DAYS

John paid $100,000 to dance with Marlena? He could have had every hooker in Salem for that much. #DAYS

Down And Dirty

Next on #DOOL — Stefan: "If you love Harris so much why did you get down and dirty with me?" Ava: "Simple – If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with." #DAYS

Sarah and Xander hook-up in the shower. Perhaps in this case cleanliness isn't next to godliness. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stefan: "When will we know for sure Harris won't make it?" Kayla: "When you're at the funeral." #DAYS

Xander and Sarah cuddle… Cops at door: "POLICE! SEARCH WARRANT! WE'RE COMING IN!" Cop-us Interruptus. #DAYS

Salem's Elite Clueless Cops Crew

Paulina opens the door as Chanel walks in loaded with packages. "Thank you. My hands are full. And your wallet is empty. #DAYS

Julie and Chad stand staring at the roaring fire. Julie: "How many times have I told you not to put the full number of candles on my birthday cake?" #DAYS

Harris gets shot. Ava whimpers: "Hang on, hang on, hang on…" That's what she should do. It's common knowledge that thinking you should call an ambulance in these situations is an old wives' tale. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jada: "This is your safe-house? I live right down the hall and I had no idea." Lucas: "That's to be expected. You're a Salem cop which makes you a member of Salem's elite clueless cops crew." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — The Horton house goes up in flames. A mystery man calls Chad: "Maybe nest time you'll listen." Chad: "Who is this?" Mystery man: "Your fire insurance salesman." #DAYS

The Baby Dunking Contest

We know Sloan lacks maternal instincts; but with the NBA All-Star Game next week, we didn't expect her to go so far as to enter one of the pre-game skill competitions: the Baby-Dunking Contest. #DAYS

Kate should have shot Lucas. It would be a lot less paperwork than disinheriting him again. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ava sits down at Tripp and Wendy's table: "We need to clear the air." Wendy: "Why? Because you're not comfortable about my relationship with Tripp?" Ava: "No, because Tripp farted." #DAYS

Harris chastises Lucas for going to the pub. Lucas: "I was hungry. What did you expect me to do?" Room service? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Theresa: "After a day of sobriety you get a coin. Then after a month, you get another. Then you get another one after a year." Alex: "What do you do with the coins?" Theresa: "What else, you buy booze." #DAYS

Sarah doesn't want Xander to go for a run. She suggests another way to burn calories. #DAYS

Not The Way It Works

Patch: "Why am I just hearing about your meeting with Constantine now?" Because you just walked in the door. #DAYS

Sloan to Eric: "Your main concern is Jude." And apparently Sloan's main concern is Sloan. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jawn: "I lied to Marlena and I am mad about that." Steve: "Not as mad as she will be if she finds out." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Theresa: "Did you feel something when I kissed you?" Brady: "Yes, I felt your lips." #DAYS

Brady to Theresa: "We should keep our relationship as uncomplicated as possible." Translation: "We should keep our clothes on." #DAYS

Eric and Sloan going at it hot and heavy on the couch, but Sloan has her legs crossed. That's not the way it works. #DAYS

Clyde: "When I go for something I never fail." So I guess he's in prison as a result of one of his big successes. #DAYS

Her Body Count

Ahh… the SPD has promoted Harris to streetsweeper. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "You were home late last night. What were you doing?" Stefan: "Ava." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "Where were you last night?" Stefan: "At the corner of mind-your-own-business and shut-the-hell-up." EJ: "That's on the south side of town, isn't it?" #DAYS

Harris says he's disguised as a street sweeper so he and Ava can be discreet and inconspicuous. Then they sit down in public and have a long conversation. #DAYS

Jawn the pawn is back. He's so out of it he now qualifies to be a #DOOL writer. #DAYS

Jawn: "Does the past ever stay in the past?" According to Einstein's calculations, in theory your past could be in your future; or your future could be in your present, but only to you, not the people in the future, but their past could be in their future, too. Otherwise the past usually stays in the past. Got it? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jawn: "How is it you know how to make me feel better?" Marlena: "Because I know how to have sex." #DAYS

Paulina: "They scheduled my surgery for tomorrow morning." It's late in the day. She'd better go NPO tout de suite. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "Paulina, there is no way in hell you are missing our wedding." Paulina: "But we're not in hell, we're in Salem." Johnny: "Same difference." #DAYS

Stephanie to Kayla: "I hope I don't have to marry the same guy four times to get it right." She'd rather be with some guy four times then move on. Her body count is higher than the US had in the Iraq war. #DAYS

They Got Lucky

Stefan and Ava… Abe and Paulina… Everett and Stephanie… Man, a lot of people in Salem got lucky last night. They won the lottery – what did you think I meant? #DAYS

When Abe gets his memory back I wonder if he'll remember he has Zack's eyes. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "We confiscated seven kilos today," Everett: "Of Cocaine?" Rafe: "No. It was powdered sugar. We're delivering it to Sweet Bits and I can't wait for the next batch of doughnuts." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Everett: "You are obviously having a horrible day." Clyde: "Yes I am… it started when you and Chad showed up." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "Theresa is really leaning on Brady." Kristen: "And you're worried that the next time she's on him she will be doing more than leaning, right? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Everett: "You claim you are innocent." Clyde: "You're damn right I'm innocent." Everett: "Can you expand on that?" Clyde: "What part of 'innocent' confuses you?" #DAYS

Feelings For Women

Paulina: "Good night." Abe: "Not so fast." #DAYS

Everett: "Tonight was my dream come true." Stephanie makes a lot of men's dreams come true. #DAYS

Ava and Stefan's affair loses its "fake" status and they face the reality of the morning-after from hell. #DAYS

Tripp: "Whenever my mom messes up I get the feeling Stefan's behind it." That was certainly true last night. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "You aren't worried I still have feelings for Allie, are you?" Johnny: "No. I'm worried you still have feelings for women." #DAYS

Tripp to Stefan: "Keep your paws off my mother." Tripp closes the barn door after the horse already got out. #DAYS

Stephanie La Douce

Stefan: "Come on, let's have some wine." Ava: "Well… what else do I have to do?" Turn the page on that steamy novel you've been reading and you'll find out. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ava: "You really miss Gabi, don't you?" Stefan: "Every minute of every day." Ava: "You miss having sex, too, don't you." Stefan: "Every second of every day." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ava: "Would you rather have Gabi in prison for decades or have her free and never get to see her again?" Stefan: "Does the prison have conjugal visits?" #DAYS

Stephanie la douce caves in to sweet-talkin' Everett. #DAYS

Brady: "Marlena is a psychiatrist. She understands your situation." She also understands gossip. #DAYS

Interruptus

Sloan and Eric: Jude-us Interruptus.
Sloan and Eric: Leo-us Interruptus.
Sloan and Eric: Melinda-us Interruptus.
Sloan and Eric: Marlena-us Interruptus. #DAYS

Brady to Theresa: "I have no doubt this magazine will be successful in the future." He said exactly the same thing to Sports Illustrated last week before they laid off 90% of their staff. #DAYS

Lucas: "I have a hell of a story to tell you." Chad: "Let's hear it." Lucas: "Back in 1965, Tom and Alice Horton…" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex to Maggie: "I'm done being a player… unless Allie and Chanel want another three-way." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady to Theresa: "I see a lot of Tate in you… especially the part of him that went to rehab." #DAYS

Marlena to Harris: "I'm always here for you. Please see the billing clerk on your way out." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sloan: "I need a nanny. Every time Eric and I start to have sex we get interrupted." Melinda: "You'll get no sympathy from me. I haven't had sex in six months." #DAYS

Alex: "If I shut that door I might get lucky." Theresa: "If you shut that door you're definitely going to get lucky." Protip: If you shut that door, make sure it has a lock. #DAYS