About To Lose Her Virginity

Un-oh. If Chanel isn't careful she might be about to lose her virgini…. uh… never mind. #DAYS

What a shock! Only one room available for Chloe and Brady. #DOOL veterans saw that one coming before their plane ever took off from Salem. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Chloe texts Phillip a picture of her and Brady propped up together in the bed in her room. #DAYS

Belle grabs Phillip's phone. Phillip: "What are you doing?" Belle: "Trying to stop you from making a total ass of yourself." Too late for that. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "I'm over you." Brady: "I'd rather have you under me." #DAYS

Allie: "I'm not going anywhere." If Johnny and Chanel throw it down right there on the DiMera couch, I'll bet she'd leave. #DAYS

Phillip heads for Wilkes Barre, expecting to find Chloe and Brady in bed Barre. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "Stefano was the kind of man you don't mess with." Chanel: "That's OK, as long as I can mess with his grandson." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "You really think Phillip would have a problem with us sharing a motel room for one night?" Chloe: "One night is all it takes." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "How many times in high school did I tell you jealousy would ruin your life." Phillip: "What you mainly told me in high school was, 'Not until I'm married.'" #DAYS

Sex Is Better For You Than Eating Chocolate Cake

Anna and Tony want privacy. Protip: Try a room with a lock on the door. #DAYS

Tony: "The time isn't right for me to invest in your company. You understand, don't you?" Johnny: "Sure I do, Fredo." OUCH! #DAYS

Xander orders more raw oysters for Gwen hoping it will lead to another roll in the hay. I, on the other hand, have always found that vomiting on my partner kills the mood. #DAYS

Allie: "I'm Chanel's BFF and Johnny is my twin brother." This is as close to incest as you can get without crossing the line. #DAYS

Gwen: "How many calories do you think we burned during that little romp?" Studies show men burn 101 calories per average session. Women burn 69 calories. About the only thing you can conclude is sex is better for you than eating chocolate cake, but not better than going to the gym. #DAYS

Hanky-Panky

When Phillip lies, does his wooden leg grow like Pinocchio's wooden nose? #DAYS

Phillip is concerned there might be hanky-panky on Brady and Chloe's trip to New York. Brady is concerned there might not be. #DAYS

Ava to Gabi: "The sight of you makes me sick." If she means mentally sick, she must've seen a lot of Gabi. #DAYS

This is getting bad. #DOOL didn't have the budget for a food fight. #DAYS

40 Miles of Bad Road

Nicole staggers into the pub. She looks like 40 miles of bad road… just fell on her. #DAYS

Ava nags Rafe about being off with Nicole. She shouldn't be able to go off on him like this if they're not married. #DAYS

Brady to Chloe: "I'm whisking you away." Old Salemites never die. They just whisk away. #DAYS

Apparently Jake considers posting things on a computer to be foreplay. #DAYS

I don't know about Gabi, but Kate sure knows how to lay out a roadmap for undermining Phillip. #DAYS

Roman: "If you had come clean earlier you would have spared all of us a lot of pain." How does that work, Roman? Is there some sort of grace period I'm not aware of?" #DAYS

Man, Roman is really angry with Nicole. You'd think he'd been cheated on in the past by someon… uh… never mind. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "Since when is it discourteous and disrespectful to go on a business trip with your boss." Chloe: "Since you know what your boss really wants to do on that business trip." #DAYS

If I were Rafe this whole conversation with Ava going batsh*t crazy about him and Nicole would only be serving to convince me to dump Ava and head for Nicole. #DAYS

Did Salem just get hit with a hydrogen bomb or was that Ava storming out? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Nicole calls in sick. Now Chloe will have to go on that business trip. Brady: "Drat the bad luck." #DAYS

The Nakedness of Your Brother's Wife

Chanel says she likes everything about Johnny. Checks out his tonsils to make sure she's covered all the bases. #DAYS

Abe to Pauline: "I tried so hard to be mad at you." Apparently he's now horny enough to forgive her. #DAYS

Olivia: "The Bible says 'ye shall not uncover the nakedness of your brother's wife.'" Lani: "That proves no one in Salem has read the Bible." #DAYS

Gwen to Xander: "You did all this for me? I don't know how to say thank you," as she attacks him with the Mother of All Thank Yous. #DAYS

Chanel is a tease. #DAYS

Johnny: "Next time I'll have protection." Johnny must never have been a Boy Scout. Their motto is 'be prepared.'" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "I'm sorry if I was a bit too forward. I thought you were sending signals." Chanel: "When did you get that idea?" Johnny: "When I was prying your tongue out of my throat so I could breathe." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Allie: "I dated a few guys in Europe but never had feelings for them." Tripp: "So you haven't just been around the block, you've been around the world." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "Do you have protection?" Johnny: "I hope you're talking about life insurance." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — "I'm not sure whether or not I have feelings for Chanel." Marlena: "So you're the 'Q' in LGBTQ?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel (on phone): "I ran into that new guy again." Allie: "Did you have fun?" Chanel: "You can't have a lot of fun without protection." #DAYS

TOMORROW


Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "I'm sorry if I was a bit too forward. I thought you were sending signals." Chanel: "When did you get that idea?" Johnny: "When I was prying your tongue out of my throat so I could breathe." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Allie: "I dated a few guys in Europe but never had feelings for them." Tripp: "So you haven't just been around the block, you've been around the world." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "Do you have protection?" Johnny: "I hope you're talking about life insurance." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — "I'm not sure whether or not I have feelings for Chanel." Marlena: "So you're the 'Q' in LGBTQ?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel (on phone): "I ran into that new guy again." Allie: "Did you have fun?" Chanel: "You can't have a lot of fun without protection." #DAYS

Bra and Panties Strewn Around On the Floor

Xander: "EJ DiMera. It's been ages. What brings you here?" Translation: "Know any good lawyers?" #DAYS

Ciara: "I am a slob and you are a neat freak." Ben: "I'm not that much of a neat freak. I certainly don't mind having a bra and panties strewn around on the floor." #DAYS

Tripp: "I just had a great idea." A sentence usually NOT followed by a great idea. #DAYS

Xander: "I could get Justin to be my lawyer." EJ: "When was the last time Justin won a case?" OUCH! #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Julie: "I walked in on Gwen and Xander having sex… coitus interruptus." Jack: "Is that true?" Gwen: "No, it was more like Julie interruptus." #DAYS

The Noble Order of the Cuckold

 Claire is leaving for Africa today and she's going to run around and say goodbye to everyone. Meanwhile her clothes are packing themselves. #DAYS

Claire is running off to work with JJ and Theo. So when she comes home with that baby next year it's more likely it will be Theo's since she and JJ are (distant) cousins. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ and Eric are initiated into the Salem chapter of the Noble Order of the Cuckold. #DAYS

Menage-à-Tripp

Johnny to EJ: "I'm looking for investors for my movie and giving you first crack at it." PROTIP: If anyone ever says that to you, run away like you're being chased by a pack of wild dogs. #DAYS

And we open with a Menage-à-Tripp #DAYS

Kayla to Tripp: "Did you get hung up at Allie's?" Translation: No translation necessary. You know what she was really asking. #DAYS

Claire claims to be a social media expert. That's the same thing as saying she knows how to communicate meaningless drivel to the masses. Just like I'm doing now. #DAYS