The DOOL Code Book

Steve's parrot is wearing an eye patch. Nice touch. It's on the parrot's wrong eye, but that's for camera angle. #DAYS

Kayla tells Joey she wasn't eavesdropping. "I was listening while pretending to be asleep." Apparently her academic credentials do not include a course in vocabulary. #DAYS

Paulina to Stephanie: "You'll be sorry when I call Victor and your other clients and tell them to cut ties with you ASAP. By the time I'm done with you, SJPR will be DOA with a DNR." I'll have to consult the #DOOL Code Book to figure out what the hell that means. #DAYS

EJ to himself: "Get a grip. There is no knife-wielding killer out there." It's Salem. There is always a knife-wielding killer out there. #DAYS

Lady Godiva

Protip for Gabi: Instead of barging in, just stand there and listen if you want to know who Shinn is talking to." Protip for Shinn: Close the door if you want to have a private conversation. #DAYS

Stefan to Chloe: "I know you'll not get over Brady in a day." So he'll wait until tomorrow to hit on her again. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "Why don't you and I just cut the crap." Brady: "I'm not hungry." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kristin: "Accept what you cannot change. That's the serenity prayer, isn't it?" Brady: "My prayer is that you'll walk out of the house and get hit by a toilet that fell from a passing airplane." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stefan: "Let's go celebrate Halloween with Holly." Chloe: "I don't have a costume." Stefan: "I was hoping you would go as Lady Godiva." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "I finally figured out why Brady was going through Kristin's things." Marlena: "Why?" John: "He's a perv." #DAYS

I Can't Wait To Fill Her In

Abe: "Are you comparing yourself to Paulina?" Why not? They're exactly alike except for their race, genter, and sexual orientation. #DAYS

Stephanie: "Sloan will be back any minute." Alex: "Good. I can't wait to fill her in." Really? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "Chanel chose my twin sister over me." Wendy: "That must have been really difficult for you… and lucky for me." #DAYS

Moneybags Johnson

Stephanie says she can get money to pay off Sloan from her dad. Who… Moneybags Johnson?l #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sonny: "So you think Stephanie wants no part of you:" Alex: "That's right. So I'm going to take my most important part elsewhere." #DAYS

Sloan: "Paulina will never get elected." Leo: "The polls say she is ahead." Sloan: "Then she should run for office in Poland." #DAYS

Jakes' Heart

Shinn: "Faint heart never won a fair lady." Stefan: "What about Jakes' heart?" #DAYS

Brady to Kristin: "Our daughter is old for her age." SORASing does that to a person. #DAYS

Nicole models the lowest of low cut dresses:: "How do I look?" Eric: "I don't know about you but your tits look great." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "Brady and Chloe broke up." Marlena: "Why?" John: "Her scars came back." #DAYS

Brady's Deal With The Devil

Brady dumped Chloe so he can be with Kristin and ignore Rachael like parents ignore all the other kids on this show. #DAYS

Chloe to Nicole: "Do you want your marriage to work?" This is Salem. Marriages are supposed to work? #DAYS

I guess Rafe and Nicole are patching things up. For a while there I thought their marriage was going to go the way of the Liz Truss administration. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "Brady dumped me." Nicole: "Join the club." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Nicole: "What can I do? What do you want?" Rafe: "What part of 'stay away from Eric' confuses you?" #DAYS

The First Thing On Her Mind Is Sex

Marlena receives the serum: "What happens now?" Rex: "We monitor your vital signs." Translation: "We check in from time to time to see if you're still alive." #DAYS

Dang. Kayla's back. I was hoping we'd see Rex perform an emergency heart transplant. I realize there was no available donor but he could have ordered a sump pump from Maintenance. #DAYS

Rex says they had to delay giving Kayla the serum because it might have made her worse. How do you make a dead person worse? #DAYS

It takes a great hospital to allow your mortal enemy into your room during visiting hours. #DAYS

Kate makes an instant recovery and the first thing on her mind is sex. What is she… a guy? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena receives the serum and goes into convulsions. John: "You're OK… You're OK…" Marlena: "I'll bet you say that to all the corpses." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Joey: "That bracelet would have matched my tattoo perfectly." Stephanie: "What tattoo?" Joey: "You'll never see it." Stephanie: "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours." #DAYS

The Chloe/Kristin Peace Accord Talks

BULLETIN: The Chloe/Kristin Peace Accord Talks have broken down. #DAYS

Jada, Brady, Rex and Shawn have a tough time talking John out of smashing that bottle. If John can't smash something, John ain't happy. #DAYS

Better tread lightly, Rafe. Nicole can outsmart you with half of her brain tied behind her back. #DAYS

Marlena tells John: "I'm conscious… my mind is stable…" That makes one of them. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rex: "The serum is a 99% match." John: "But that's not 100%, is it?" Rex: "Your math skills are astounding." #DAYS

Lost My Marbers

Tripp to Kayla: "I got angry at myself for all the time I wasted with you." Especially the time he tried to kill her. #DAYS

Kristin says she'll give Brady the orchid if he dumps Chloe for her. Brady refuses. Maybe we should see how Kate, Kayla and Marlena feel about that deal. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "Stephanie thinks I've lost my marbles." Steve: "Both of them?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "If I'm hard on you it's because you're my friend." Nicole; "And because you're a bitch?" #DAYS

I Copped A Few Feels

Marlena seems sicker than Kate. Maybe when the time comes they should give her a double dose of orchid juice. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John reveals that he's a trans male. Marlena: "Whenever we had sex I always knew there was something missing." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kate wakes up: "Have you been here with me the whole time." Roman: "Yes." Kate: "That must have been boring." Roman: "No really. I copped a few feels." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: "Will you marry me?" Kate: "I've been close to death before but not like this." Roman: "Last time we were married I woke up dead the next morning but that doesn't mean something like that always happens." #DAYS

Super-Serious

Chanel to Paulina: "You look super-serious." Or given the context, supercilious. #DAYS

"I'm Wendy Shinn, who are you?" Johnny: "Your new boyfriend after about two episodes." #DAYS

OMG! Chanel made a mistake? I'm shocked. But not as shocked as if she hadn't done something wrong. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stefan: "Whenever I am near you I get ill." Gabi: "That can't be. That's not how STDs are transmitted." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sloan: "I'm a fan of the personal touch." Chad: "I'd like to give you a personal touch." #DAYS

Fifty Shades of Days

Alex dreams he's in bed with Chad and Stephanie, then wakes up to the real sexual triumvirate consisting of Chanel and Allie and himself. It seems when Alex is in bed, "Three's a crowd" does not apply. #DAYS

Is Paulina aware an NDA is void if the agreement involves the commission of a crime? #DAYS

Shinn's sister finds superhero cosplay pictures of Shinn and Gabi. Threesoms… cosplay… just call it "Fifty Shades of Days." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi (on phone): "Where are you? I need you." Shinn: "OK. I'll bring condoms." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "Last night's threesome was a one-time thing." Alex: "I think we should do it again. I've been accused of being a two-timer many times." #DAYS

Ménage Monday

Allie and Chanel sit down with Alex to discuss having a Ménage à twits. Meanwhile Chad is lobbying Stephanie for a Ménage à deux. Today must be Ménage Monday. #DAYS

Stephan-easy invites Chad back to her place. I'm guessing they won't pay a visit to Abigail's grave en-route. #DAYS

The girls want a threesome. Alex thinks they want to go to the Wisconsin Dells. If his IQ was any lower they'd have to water him. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad and Stephanie attack each other. Chad: "I can't do this." Stephanie: "If there's anything a gal hates, it's a tease." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "I know people who would think no guy in his right mind would refuse to have sex with me." Chad: "True, but everyone knows I'm not in my right mind." #DAYS

Get Naked and Get Busy

Allie tries to convince Chanel they should have a threesome with Alex. That may take some doing but then watch horn-dog Alex turn them down because he's so deeply in love with Stephanie. #DAYS

Alex: "Stephanie doesn't want to date me because we work together. So I'll fire her." I don't think Alex has totally thought that one through. #DAYS

Allie admits she's bi. I'm not completely up on all this new gender terminology but I think that means she only has two brain cells. #DAYS

Chad sucks face with Stephanie. This little custom must be a part of the mourning process. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Allie: "We should have a threesome with Alex." Chanel: "Any threesome we have would be you, me, and a strap-on." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "If I agree to a threesome with Alex, how do we make it happen?" Allie: "Gat him over here, get naked, and get busy." #DAYS

Do-Si-Do

EJ is playing Ava like a fiddle. If she doesn't recognize that, she loses her membership in United ex-Mob Bosses of America. #DAYS

Nicole to Eric: "You have a gift for comforting people." And for wrecking your marriage by running out on your new bride. #DAYS

Rafe is with Jada and they walk in for an uncomfortable moment with Eric and Nicole. Change your partners and do=si=do. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: You're thinking of working with EJ? You want a horse head in yourl bed?" Ava: "That's really unfair. EJ is much more handsome than a horse." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Allie: "I know Chanel might want something I can't give her." Will: "You could give it to her if you used a strap-on." #DAYS

Ménage à Tea

Rachael needs a time out… over Brady's knee. #DAYS

Rachael pulls a note out and hands it to Brady – Her Perry Mason moment. #DAYS

Nancy to Mike: "It's not every day you find our your entire life has been a lie." Or that you've been a victim of poor and inconsistent writing. #DAYS

Mike: "There was a time I thought I might be gay. Apparently he's the "Q" in LGBTQ. #DAYS

So five minutes ago Mike hated Nancy, now he's asking her on a date. Refer to my previous comment about poor and inconsistent writing. #DAYS

Nancy notices Chloe and Brady are having a tea party for three – A ménage à tea. #DAYS

Why did Chanel and Allie start a bakery? Because they needed the dough. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Craig: "So you want me to be your sugar-daddy?" Leo: "More like my sugar-ex." #DAYS