ADRIENNE!

New Corporate Overlord

Justin revels in his new position as Kate's boss. #DAYS

 

Looks like Lucas and Adrienne might have tried a new position or two themselves. #DAYS

 

Kate, repeat after me: "I, for one, welcome my new corporate overlord." #DAYS

 

Jennifer: "I almost told you about JJ and Eve." Yeah, well I'll bet Paige doesn't almost give you credit for that. #DAYS

She'll Melt In Your Arms

The Outburst

I'll bet Kate just loves her new boss.

A Question You've Never Asked Your Mother

Lucas: "Soooo... I was thinking." Uh-oh. That's trouble. Lucas' IQ has its own zip code: 00000. #DAYS

 

If the temperature plunged as far as Serena and Nicole's necklines we'd be in for a of a nuclear winter. #DAYS

 

Lucas to Kate: "Have you never shacked up with a married man?" I'll bet that's a question you've never asked your mother. #DAYS

 

Kate and Victor criticizing other's infidelity is like Tim Gunn criticizing someone for being clothing-obsessed. #DAYS

Crazy Is All They've got

Hope to Rafe: "As stubborn as you are, I am even more stubborn." Stubborn is the new dumb. #DAYS

 

I'll give #DOOL one thing — I've never seen a show before with characters named Navidad and Xander. #DAYS

 

Rafe: "Something happened I didn't foresee." With Rafe, that could be the sun coming up in the morning. #DAYS

 

Melanie: "If it's crazy why are we talking about it?" When the conversation is between Melanie and Theresa, crazy is all they've got. #DAYS

Rory's Hero

 

The "I Faked A Brain Tumor Because I Loved You" Line

Chad uses the tired old, "I faked a brain tumor because I loved you" line. I used to use that one all the time. #DAYS

 

Theresa, parents may own their adult offspring in a few third-world countries but not here; not even in Salem. Tell Mommy to buzz off. #DAYS

 

Brady, Melanie didn't immediately say yes to your proposal. Thank your lucky stars and run. #DAYS

 

Hope: "Dinner with Kate and Clyde... I'd rather hold my breath and pass out." Please do. #DAYS

Sainthood Comes, Sainthood Goes

Brady: engagement ring. Will, Paul and Sonny BO-ring. #DAYS

 

Abby points out Jennifer didn't give Paige's feelings any thought. She didn't — sainthood comes, sainthood goes. #DAYS

 

Paige, why are you even listening to JJ's rambling excuses?" #DAYS

 

Abby lectures Jennifer on morality. BWAHAHAHAHA! #DAYS

 

Kimberly isn't just a helicopter mom. She's an entire fleet of Blackhawks. #DAYS

JJ's Condition

 

Adorable JJ

 

Sex On A Conference Room Table

She's female, JJ. You're just supposed to know what she's thinking without her having to tell you. #GuyManual wisdom. #DAYS

 

Marlena says Stefano's psychotic behavior killed Kristen.  Well, yes... that and a 500 foot fall. #DAYS

 

Paul to John: "I'm surprised you haven't advised me to have sex with Sonny on a conference room table." Ooooo... low blow. #DAYS

 

JJ to Paige: "You are too good for me." I think this time JJ is right on target. #DAYS

Paige Clobbers JJ

New Drinking Game

New drinking game... take a drink every time someone in Salem is alone, says something out loud and someone overhears. #DAYS

 

Things I learned on #DOOL Number 171: Whenever you want to evade a question, just say, "it's complicated." #DAYS

 

Eve: "I can explain everything." Translation: "I can't explain anything, but here comes a load of BS." #DAYS

 

At least Adrienne and Justin have a level playing field — Cheater's Field located in Adulterer's Stadium. #DAYS

Paul Smacks Will

Paige Trumps JJ's Surprise

Conflicting Statements

Oh boy: WillPaSon. Translation: I Will Pass On WillPaSon. #DAYS

 

Maggie to Nicole: "My son is reasonable. He cares about you a lot." Conflicting statements, if you ask me. #DAYS

 

Fashion note: Are faux leather shoulder pads the "in thing?" Both John and Eve are sporting them. #DAYS

 

Paul punches will. With a right cross like that, maybe his arm is good enough to go back to pitching. #DAYS

So Many Characters, So Little Time

Another tough workday for Jennifer, shopping for party supplies. #DAYS

 

Now that Justin has destroyed his own marriage he's moving on to try to destroy Sonny's. #DAYS

 

I don't know who's more irritating: Jennifer, Eve, Nicole, Xander, Serena, Daniel, Cole — so many characters, so little time to vent. #DAYS

 

Even in Hi-def I can barely read the messages on those #$@&%*!@#% phones. #DAYS

BULLETIN

You know what would have really spruced this show up... if Marlena would've pulled a reversal & tossed the goons out the window. #DAYS

 

BULLETIN (true story): MO Speaker of House quits in a sexting scandal & is replaced by someone from POPLAR BLUFF. Plot straight from #DAYS

 

Theresa: "My baby's so little and has already been trough so much." Yeah, like having you as a mother. #DAYS

Confused Goons

A Soft Porn Smorgasbord

As Checkered As A Cheap Salesman's Suit

Where we left things off yesterday — Stefano: "Give me one good reason I shouldn't kill you." Marlena: "Would you settle for one lame reason?" #DAYS

 

Guy Manual advice for Daniel: "Nicole's past is as checkered as a cheap salesman's suit, so chasing the slut just does not compute." #DAYS

 

Abe wants Chad's help. Nothing like the police going to the local organized crime family to do their job. #DAYS

 

So, at the start when Serena stabbed Xander. I wish just once they'd have a fantasy like that be real. #DAYS

 

Two things about "Skinny Cow." 1)They won't make you skinny. 2)Implying you're a cow is insulting. #DAYS

 

 

Marlena's Logic

BABY DJ!

OMG! Paul spills the chocolate milk and has to take his shirt off. How original! #DAYS

 

Henrietta the hick from Poplar Bluff gets all starry-eyed when Will says he'll put her in the magazine article. #DAYS

 

Ciara: "You've gotta suck it up, Mom." No she doesn't.  This episode sucks enough as it is. #DAYS

 

Marlena: "I lost a child myself." BABY DJ! The one they never buried. #DAYS

DOOL Cliffhanger 05/12/15

 

A New Boy-Toy

The Hollywood Stigma Trifecta

Brady says they should do whatever it takes to keep Christopher healthy. Easy for him to say; what it takes is Theresa's bone marrow. #DAYS

Daniel assures Brady & Theresa, "There are other excellent surgeons besides me." Modesty isn't his strong point. #DAYS

Ali Sweeney has completed the Hollywood-Stigma-Trifecta...from soap opera actor to reality show host to commercials. #DAYS

I used to have a pair of pants just like Abby's. Mine didn't fit either. #DAYS

The Neanderthal

BULLETIN: Kristen DiMera has been found alive!  She is living under the assumed name Ashley Abbott in Genoa City. #DAYS

 

Cole may have used gloves, but JJ's prints wouldn't be on the drugs. But noooooo... the Neanderthal is so dumb he picks them up. #DAYS

 

Marlena spoke to Johnny about Chad? Sounds like Johnny has been SORASed. He'll probably be Dr. DiMera when he comes back. #DAYS

 

John says he can't fathom having a kid 'overnight.' You know, kinda like he did with Paul. #DAYS

Abe's White Board

Abe's white board... better than a computer any day.

With An AK-47

Melanie wonders where she stands with Brady. Well, we know where Phillip stood with her... on one leg. BWAHAHAHA! #DAYS

 

When JJ walked in and said WTH, I knew he didn't see Cole. You knew he didn't see Cole. The writers didn't know, apparently. #DAYS

 

Virginal Nicole rejects Xander's advances. #DAYS

 

Where would #DOOL be without drugs that wipe your memory? #DAYS

 

Victor wants Xander's protection, but he's to act like he's just a nephew visiting... with an AK-47. #DAYS

Gratuitous Shirtless Scene of the Day

Nicole yells at her phone to ring and it rings.  I just love a woman who knows how to handle technology. #DAYS

 

Jennifer asks Daniel: "Do you have a minute?" OK, I could have handled that but he gave her at least thirty. #DAYS

 

And the Emmy for the Gratuitous Shirtless Scene of the Day goes to... Xander. #DAYS

 

Dang, when Julie went into her thing about her & Doug being alone I thought she'd throw him down on a table right there. #DAYS

Birth Control vs. Self-Control

Perhaps Eve should practice what she preaches.

Parthenogenesis

Parthenogenesis – Virgin Birth

Cole's Predicament

Maybe She Just Can't Read

Justin finds Adrienne & Lucas kissing: "Next time you may want to do that with the door shut." They already did it with the door shut. #DAYS

 

Baseball has started and Paul's on the sidelines. If his contract is like others he's probably still getting paid. #DAYS

 

Lucas says Adrienne knows how he feels about her. The way they leave doors open I'd bet the whole world knows.

 

Will says Kate thinks he's a good writer because she's his grandmother.  Either that or maybe she just can't read. #DAYS

Impatient Justin

 

1-800-SHYSTER

Lucas follows Guy Manual advice: "Never say 'hotel room.' Call it 'a place to talk without being interrupted.'" #DAYS

 

Rafe wonders if Aiden would take Gabi as a client. Geez Rafe, just call and ask. His number is 1-800-SHYSTER. #DAYS

 

Closed captions say, "suspenseful music." It wasn't the conversation so the suspense must be: will Hope or Rafe pay for lunch? #DAYS

 

In the game Salem-opoly, lucky Daniel just got a "get out of Nicole free" card. Dumb Daniel probably won't use it. #DAYS

Cinco de Mayo

We begin today's episode with a panoramic shot of the glistening deep blue waters of the Mid Atlantic. As we pan in, we see a dot, perhaps a tiny boat, infinitesimally small, surrounded by the immense, expansive waterworld that is its home. The sea is calm.

We continue to pan in until the dot becomes a small sailboat slowly meandering through the blue abyss. On deck the captain stands at the helm, juts his chin, whistles the "Sailor's Hornpipe" and surveys the waters like a Neanderthal hunter in search of prey. At the bow, a small girl leans overboard and pets the killer sharks playfully jumping beside the boat in an attempt to find dinner.

The little boat gently bobs as it cuts through the sea. Below, in the galley, the first mate prepares lunch. All is well with Belle, Shawn, Claire and the dozen or so rats that have stowed away on the Fancy Face XLIV. The sharks, however, are a bit hungry.

GASP! Storm clouds form on the horizon!

The storm moves in. The Fancy Face XLIV rocks violently. Cap'n Shawn takes counter measures. Claire lurches forward. A shark jumps and just misses having an arm for an appetizer. The crew has secured most of the items in the galley but unfortunately Belle was preparing mayonnaise sandwiches for lunch. The large industrial-sized jar of mayo sits above the sink and when the boat heaves, the jar comes smashing down into the sink, shattering both the sink and the jar. Belle panics as she sees the concoction of broken glass, shattered porcelain and mayonnaise oozing down what's left of the drain. Everything in the galley... the walls, Belle, the glossy 8x10 photo of Phillip... is splattered with pus-white globs of mayonnaise. Belle screams like the banshee of the Mid Atlantic.

The storm quickly passes. Shawn hears Belle screaming loud enough to wake Davy Jones. He runs to the top of the stairs and shouts, "Belle! What is it?"

Belle screams...

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(Are you ready for this?)

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"IT'S THE SINK! OH, THE MAYO!"

Here's wishing you a better Cinqo de Mayo than Shawn and Belle seem to be having.

Originally posted Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Zoot Suit

Most males have the "Y" chromosome.  Will, however, has the "WHINE" chromosome. #DAYS

 

After that "possum stew" crack Poplar Bluff should sue Will... possum stew is a lot better than the chowdah at the pub. #DAYS

 

Fashion statement: Abby's slacks look like the bottom half of a zoot suit. #DAYS

 

Eric says you can't change people.  If that's the case... Once Misty Circle always Misty Circle.

STFU

Maggie asks Victor: "Do you want to tell me why you were up screaming all night?" The answer to that is 'no,' Vic. #DAYS

 

Oh, I see Theresa had her hair done while she was being grilled by the cops. #DAYS

 

Queen Nicole summons Eric to her office. If I were Eric I'd let her come to me. Losers walk. #DAYS

 

The investigator rattles off Italian to Melanie. Whatever he said I think it means, "STFU." #DAYS

Gollum

Found Kristen