Tuesday, March 31, 2020

The Gospel According to Anna

Justin to Kayla: "Do you still care for the man you married? For the father of your children?" Might not be a road you want to go down, Justin. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Steve's brain chip pops out through the hole where his eyeball used to be. #DAYS

From the Gospel According to Anna: "An eye for an eye, and a shoe for a shoe." #DAYS

The Salem Elvis Chapel

 

 

Friday, March 27, 2020

Hide The Snake

 

 

A Pimp

 

 

Hide The Snake

Abby: "Chad's main priority is to protect the children and me." Crazy
Abby didn't have to add the "and me" part. That was redundant. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "What you and Marlena had was unbreakable." Given
their history, it certainly wasn't un-divorce-able. #DAYS

Brainwashed Marlena marries brainwashed Steve while brainwashed Chad
looks on. This  is truly classic Days of Our Lives. #DAYS

Now married, Steveano and Marlena go upstairs to play 'hide the snake.'
Given her history you could say Marlena has hidden more snakes than
Steve Irwin. #DAYS

Thursday, March 26, 2020

Marlena Evans-Craig-Bradford-Brady-Black-North-Black-Dimera-Black-Dimera/Johnson

Brady says Seth Burns was "receptive" to starting a charity. What did he expect… for Seth to turn down big donations? Seth be like, "OH BOY, MONEY! GIVE ME MONEY!" #DAYS

Kristen thinks there might be something more than pests in the tunnels. Gee, I can't imagine why except those tunnels have probably had more bodies down there than the Salem Cemetery. #DAYS

If Marlena says yes to Steveano's proposal she will officially become Marlena Evans-Craig-Bradford-Brady-Black-North-Black-Dimera-Black-Dimera/Johnson. #DAYS

Marlena: "My marriage is over?" Not the first time we've ever heard that from Marlena. #DAYS

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Salem Slasher Strikes Again

 

 

Kristen's Rotten Life

Ciara wants to take things slow. Having been in prison for a year, to Ben that would mean anything less than the speed of light. #DAYS

Sarah: "My love life is none of your concern." In that case she needs to get Dr. Rolf to erase Eric's memory. #DAYS

Sarah doesn't want Eric and Xander arguing while they are in Mickey's room. Because… you know… 10-month old Mickey understands every word. #DAYS

Kristen: "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Brady." Given Kristen's rotten life, that doesn't say much. #DAYS

A Burned Out Cabin They Can Fix Up

Abby: "Time away from your husband is a good thing as long as it's not too much time apart." Chad seems to still be in the 'not too much time apart' phase. #DAYS

Sonny: "Not hungry, Uncle Vic?" Maybe he thought that flower on the coffee table was lunch. #DAYS

Female viewers: "Humph! I hope Nicole doesn't fall out of that dress." Male Viewers: "I hope she does." #DAYS

Ben to Ciara: "I just want to be with you. I don't care where." I know of a burned out cabin they could fix up. #DAYS

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Conference Table Sex

Conference table sex – a Salem tradition.

 

Monday, March 23, 2020

We're Gonna Need A Bigger Mansion

 

 

Friday, March 20, 2020

The DOOL Kiss of Death

Steveano needs to have Rolf plant a chip in Marlena's head that makes her think Steveano is John Black. Then everybody gets what they want. #DAYS

Sarah to Xander: "There is absolutely no way you will ever lose me." Sorry, Xander, that is the #DOOL kiss of death. #DAYS

Thursday, March 19, 2020

Panties

Nicole: "What are the odds Kristen's baby could be born on the same night with the same birthmark?" I don't know, what are the odds Kristen could impersonate you and seduce Brady with a polystyrene mask? #DAYS

Kristen to Kate: "You trusted the man who made your life a living hell and then kicked you to the curb." Doesn't that apply to just about every man Kate has been with?" #DAYS

If Brady tries on those panties he will immediately turn gay. #DAYS

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Un-SORASing

Lani is shook up about David due to her close relationship to him. And by close relationship I mean none whatever. #DAYS

Princess Gina claims to be Rolf's masterpiece. Me, personally, I'd say bringing someone back from the dead trumps changing a personality with a computer chip. #DAYS

Gina: "I fooled the entire population of Salem for a year." That's about as hard as fooling my dog when I fake throwing a tennis ball and he goes chasing after nothing. #DAYS

BULLETIN: In response to the Coronavirus crisis, Salem has ordered all businesses closed. This has had no effect since almost no one in Salem goes to work anyway. #DAYS

BULLETIN: Titan stock, once more expensive than Berkshire Hathaway, has dipped to $1.98 a share. Merrill Lynch, which rates stocks Buy, Sell, or Hold, has now rated Titan as "Are You Out of Your Mind?" #DAYS

BULLETIN: Since the Coronavirus has a greater effect on older people, Dr. Rolf is busy un-SORASing everyone in Salem. #DAYS

It's good to have Hope back. If she's really Hope… MWAHAHAHAHAHA! #DAYS

Monday, March 16, 2020

Less Painful Than Castrating Him

John has disdain for Kristen simply because she's a DiMera. Of course John himself used to be a DiMera before the writers rewrote history and made him not a DiMera. Now he's a Robicheaux… Or a Ling… or whatever. It's hard to keep track of. #DAYS

Xander gets on his knees and begs Sarah to marry him. Sarah howls with laughter. Her response is just as effective but far less painful than castrating him. #DAYS

Low Bail

Along with Kristen and Brady, I did some conscious remembering myself. I closed my eyes and remembered when #DAYS used to be good.

Will and Sonny finally figure out that Rafe got Evan low bail so Evan would lead them to David. Rare that Rafe is the shrewd one in any group. #DAYS

It's Friday the 13th. Coronavirus is running rampant. Everything is closing down. The stock market is tanking. I feel like we all live in Salem. #DAYS

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

Ages In Dog Years

Evan: "You are not allowed to question me without a lawyer." You were singing like a canary when Ciara had a gun pointed at your head. #DAYS

Will and Sonny draw the line at getting Ariana a puppy. They want her to be the only one in the house that ages in dog years. #DAYS

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Turn On the Juice

Gabi's bone marrow has been transplanted into Mickey. Hope they didn't transplant her personality along with it. #DAYS

Instead of removing Gina/Hope's chip, why don't they just put her head in a powerful electromagnet and turn the juice on? #DAYS

Steve reads Keats to Marlena: "Thou still unravished bride of quietness..." The last time Marlena was unravished, John Keates was still alive. #DAYS

Steveano: "Kate is nothing if not greedy." Kate is nothing if not unemployed. #DAYS

Monday, March 09, 2020

Sweet Talker

Steveano is such a sweet talker. #DAYS

Chad: "One day Gabi will get the punishment she deserves." She already did. She got Rafe as a brother. #DAYS

NOTICE: In order to contain the coronavirus epidemic in Salem, from this point forward monkey sex will be limited to monkeys. #DAYS

Sunday, March 08, 2020

A Gentle Spanking

 

 

Friday, March 06, 2020

His Brain Turns To Liquid

Down goes John. He's had more concussions than the average NFL player. #DAYS

Kate: "There is no way Stefano could be inside someone else's body." He's been inside yours, sweetheart. #DAYS

John gets cold-cocked twice in the same episode. One more time and his brain turns to liquid and pours out of his ears. #DAYS

Thursday, March 05, 2020

A Year of Peace and Quiet

Jennifer: "I lost a year of my life." Yes, but Salem got a year of peace and quiet. #DAYS

Jennifer: "I'm not going to let Gina get to me." Jen runs into the room where Gina immediately gets to her. #DAYS

Steveano: "Hello, Marlena." Marlena: "Hello, Stefano." Helllloooo, Newman. #DAYS

Roman to Kate: "I already put an ad in the Spectator for your replacement." How nineties… apparently Roman has never heard of the Internet. #DAYS

Wednesday, March 04, 2020

Ciara Makes A Citizen's Arrest

Justice served: This execution has taken so long it's like Ben is getting the death penalty for each of the victims he murdered as a serial killer. #DAYS

There are thousands of drunk drivers in prison who would love to know according to Victor, like Maggie, it's not their fault they killed someone. #DAYS

The title of today's episode: "Ciara Makes A Citizen's Arrest." #DAYS

By this time Ben's bloodstream would be pure propofol. #DAYS

Tuesday, March 03, 2020

Anti-Lethal-Injection-Serum

Protip for Haddie: "I'm proud of you" and a kiss on the cheek isn't undying love. #DAYS

The governor is a dick. #DAYS

The spirits of serial killer Ben's victims, including Serena and Paige, gather at the execution. They're not so enthusiastic about delaying it. #DAYS

Oh, good. A whole show of Ben's death throes. #DAYS

Maybe Dr. Rolf's anti-lethal-injection serum will save the day. #DAYS

If Ben's death was any more protracted they might have time to elect a new governor who could pardon him. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: They mixed up the injection Gabi is about to get with Ben's death potion. #DAYS

I get it. They're waiting for May sweeps for someone to rush in and save Ben. #DAYS

Extreme Measures

 

 

Monday, March 02, 2020

Speaking of Psychos...

Protip for Haddie: "I'm proud of you" and a kiss on the cheek isn't undying love. #DAYS

Evan: "I never realized what a psycho she really was." Speaking of psychos… #DAYS


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