Plan Nine From Outer space

Nicole: "After we get out of bed and get dressed is when I realize we have nothing in common except sex." EJ: "Your point?" #DAYS

Meagan Hathaway? Next in line to come back from the dead: none other than Tom and Alice. #DAYS

The stupidity of this plot line is making "Plan Nine From Outer Space" look like a legendary Oscar-worthy cinematic epic. #DAYS

Nicole sees Eric in a priest's outfit and asks, "Is that a joke?" It sure turned out to be. #DAYS

So Kate, Marlena, and Kayla can't team up and take Meagan down? How is it #DOOL has so many women viewers when it continuously minimizes their capabilities? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Eric: "When did you become team Nicole?" Roman: "When you went to the bottom of the barrel and became team Sloan." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Tony: "I wonder if Meagan is trying to bring Stefano back from the dead." Anna: "Your father had a terminal disease." Tony: "I don't think so. He had his own private plane and never was inside a terminal." #DAYS

Lucky Guy

Roman: "The pub is usually busy at this time but business has really fallen off." Maybe someone finally had the guts to taste the Chowdah. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: "We need to find out who stole that orchid, and we know exactly where to start." John: "The Salem Flower Shop?" Roman: "No." John: "The Salem Compost Pile?" Roman: "No." John: "Craig's List Stolen Flowers For Sale Section?" Roman: "Bingo!" #DAYS

Steve: "No one wants to dredge up the past." Then how about if they stop writing these stale "back from the dead" story lines?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kate, Kayla and Marlena have a contest to see who has died the most times. When all the counting is done, it's a DEAD heat. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jake: "I know something bad happened to you." Nick: "Bad? I was raped. I WAS RAPED!" Nick: "Lucky guy." #DAYS

The Sloan Amusement Park

Looks like Eric's all-access pass at the Sloan amusement park may have expired. #DAYS

Suddenly Shinn realizes he didn't raise the sharpest tool in the shed. #DAYS

Dr. Rolf is a stitch, but his science is from an alternate universe. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "Our stocks are in the toilet." Nicole: "Well, for God's sake, don't flush it." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "Post hoc ergo propter hoc." Nicole: "What does that mean?" EJ: "If you want a post to stand you must prop it up." #DAYS

Casual Sex

Scenes we'd like to see: Jada continues her "interactions" with Rafe then meets with her attorney to plan the next steps in the massive sexual harassment suit they are scheming to bring against the SPD and it's clueless commissioner. #DAYS

Nicole and EJ may be taking things one-day-at-a-time, but they're sure having fun doing it. #DAYS

Rafe tells Eric there is only one person he can allow to see Dr. Rolf – her attorney. Eric: "But I work for her." And on her… but let's not let semantics get in the way of things. #DAYS

Junior narcs Johnny and Wendy zero right in on the fact Stefan slipped EJ a Mickey then slide right past it to assuming EJ is "using." He's using all right – Nicole… as much as she's using him. #DAYS

Li wants Gabi to give him six months. Isn't that the length of the average Salem marriage, anyway? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Li: "Stefan may love you but I love you more." Gabi: "You don't know the meaning of the word." Li: "Yes I don. 'More' means 'by an additional amount.'" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "Casual sex doesn't work for us." Nicole: "You coulda fooled me." #DAYS

The Walk-Of-Shame

Johnny: "I saw you come out of my dad's room this morning." When does Nicole take the walk-of=shame? Whenever she is upright and moving. #DAYS

Johnny questions Nicole about her romping with EJ. Nicole: "Well, you know, we were married before and…" Apparently EJ's "benefit rights" have been grandfathered. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena's publisher posthumously releases her latest book on psychology, "Dummies for Dummies." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "What are you doing undressed in Sloan's apartment?" Eric: "Why do you think? They don't call her Sloan Peter-fun for nothing." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "Sloan is working for Li and preventing Rolf from signing this document. You've got to help work on her." Eric: "So what are you saying?" Brady: "Divide and conquer." Eric: "Unless you're talking about Sloan's legs, I'm not interested." #DAYS

1/3 of a Clue

Roman says nothing will ever be able to bring back Kayla, Marlena, or Kate. I beg to differ. #DAYS

Lucas helps John and Steve break IN to prison. Updated Three Stooges plot, perhaps? #DAYS

Roman stops Patch from committing a murder but Patch thinks Roman is the one who is insane? #DAYS

Orpheus says he's willing to offer John, Roman, and Steve a clue. That would give each of them 1/3 of a clue, which is more of a clue than any of them usually have. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Anna: "Save some of Kate's ashes. Keep a little bit of her around. You could talk to her from time to time. Although she won't talk back." Roman: "That would be unusual." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: "I can't thank you enough for helping us break into prison. Now, how do we get back out of here?" Lucas: "That's your problem, man." #DAYS

Busy Fornicating

John: "I think half the town showed up at Kayla's funeral." Everyone except the ones like EJ, Nicole, Eric, Sloan and others who were busy fornicating. #DAYS

Lucas: "Where is Orpheus?" Jailer; "I'm not his keeper." Your JOB is to be his keeper. #DAYS

Patch: "I hope our wives are looking down on us." They've been looking down on you misfits for years. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Lucas (on phone): "Lean on the people who love you." Allie: "I did a lot of leaning on Alex last night." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena's publisher posthumously releases her latest book on psychology, "Dummies for Dummies." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Allie: "I had sex with Alex." Will and Sonny in unison: "LUCKY GAL!" #DAYS

Who's Boinking Who?

All of Salem is busy today contemplating the true meaning of Valentines Day… which is, of course, speculating about who's boinking who. #DAYS

Gabi throws wine on Stefan. He rips off his soaked shirt. Why is it that no guy in Salem wears an undershirt? #DAYS

Gabi runs from Stefan to Li. Nicole sits with EJ and pines for Eric. Eric sits with Sloan and pines for Nicole. Even used cars in Salem require a warranty. Too bad the same doesn't apply to relationships. #DAYS

Roll Me Over In The Clover

Li: "I shouldn't try to win Gabi back with logic or reason." Good plan since those two concepts are completely foreign to her. #DAYS

Nicole: "OK, let's go out… zero expectations." Believe me, they both have expectations. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "You'll notice Stefan isn't standing outside the window with a boom box playing our song." Rafe: "What's your song?" Gabi: "Roll me over in the clover." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Eric: "Sloan and I are a casual thing." Jada: "From what I've heard Sloan and half of Salem are a casual thing." #DAYS

Putting the 'Promise' in 'Promiscuity'

Uh oh! Allie and Alex almost caught with their pants down. Figuratively, that is. Chanel arrived too late for the actual event. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: While Allie and Chanel talk and Alex hides under the table he rips off the loudest fart ever. #DAYS

Allie: "I only want to be with you… I promise." Allie saying that puts the 'promise' in 'promiscuity.' #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "You slept with Alex?" Allie: "Yes but I love you and only want to be with you." Chanel: "Starting today, obviously." #DAYS

One-Time, Meaningless, Casual Sex

Allie: "OMG! What have I done?" Not what… who… Alex. #DAYS

Sarah to Rex: "I'm not ready to do anything with anyone." If last night wasn't doing something I'd like to know what is. #DAYS

Alex: "I used to be a player." Used to be? I guess last night he wasn't playing. #DAYS

Alex to Allie: "It will be better if Chanel never finds out what happened last night." But on #DOOL they always do. Always. #DAYS

Jack: "I've always thought Abigail would take over the paper someday." That might be a possibility since both Abby and newspapers are dead. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Allie: "You have one-time, casual, meaningless sex. I don't do that." Alex: "Until last night." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "Alex made it clear he isn't ready to jump into something." Leo: "He was certainly ready to jump into your bed." #DAYS

PornHub

BULLETIN: The website PornHub has announced from now on it will show nothing but #DOOL episodes. #DAYS

 

Lucy and Ricky Beds

Gwen and Leo have Lucy and Ricky beds. #DAYS

I haven't seen partner switching like this since a key party I went to in the '90a. #DAYS

Note to Chanel and Allie: Binary doesn't mean you flip back and forth like a light switch. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Sarah misses the pillow and cold-cocks Rex. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "Xander slept with me last night." Leo: "And he's a better man for it." Gwen: "I don't know about that but he's a happier man for it." #DAYS

Just Having Monkey Sex

Stephanie bribes the kids by saying she'll read to them. Hope it's not something from the copy of the Kama Sutra she carries in her purse. #DAYS

Thomas: "Are you and Dad dating?" Stephanie: "No, we're just having monkey sex." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "Alex told me you slept with him." Stephanie: "Yes, and those flowers you saw were from him." Chad: "Should I have sent you flowers, too?" Stephanie: "No, if I got flowers from every guy I slept with I'd have to build a greenhouse." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "I can't stay. You and Abe were planning a romantic dinner for two." Paulina: "We'll make it a romantic dinner for three." Chanel: "A dinner for three isn't romantic." Paulina: "Judging by your past a threesome can be very romantic." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Allie drinks Alex under the table… where she discovers she's not as gay as she thought she was. #DAYS

Polly Amory

Eric sits in the pub drowning his sorrows. Sloan must not be available. #DAYS

Sloan: "My ears perk up whenever I hear of someone in need of an attorney." Judging by her past escapades, her ears perk up when she hears of guys needing other services, too. #DAYS

Stephan: "I'm in love with two women. That's a problem." Nicole: "Unless you're into polyamory." Stephan: "No. I'm into Chloe and Gabi. I don't even know Polly." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "You look terrible,." Eric: "I'm fine." Brady: "Nothing says 'fine' like solo day drinking." Eric: "Sloan says 'fine' a lot better but she's not available right now." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Nicole to EJ: "I'm embarrassed. I threw myself at you. Although I must say… nice catch." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — The ASPCA names Sloan and Stephanie "Animal Lovers of the Year" until they find out exactly what kind of "Cat House" the pair has opened in Salem. #DAYS

Stephanie the Strumpet

Stephanie the Strumpet… known affectionately as Steph the Strump, runs into Alex. Is it his day for a romp already or is Chad just unavailable? #DAYS

So Patch is going to commit a crime to get sent to prison so he can kill Orpheus. His plan might get him into prison but it sure isn't going to get him into Mensa. #DAYS

Roman: "You know how security at that prison is… you can't just walk in with a weapon." No, but apparently you can walk in with a bottle of booze. #DAYS

Stop sniveling, Alex, there are other floozies in the alley. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "I lost my virginity at eighteen and now I'm having sex with every guy I come across in an effort to find it." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "Why did you get sent to hell?" Nick: "For losing my virginity to my girlfriend's mom. That's really frowned upon upstairs." #DAYS

Drop Me And Pop Me

Stephanie "Drop Me and Pop Me" Johnson takes inventory: "Let's see, I've got Alex on Wednesday and Chad on Thursday. I'd better get busy and find a guy for Friday." #DAYS

Jordan: "We're here to judge if you move forward or descend the eternal stairway to the bottom floor." They're going to need a slide for Kate. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "You're the kind of gal every guy wants." Slutanie: "That's why I've had just about every guy." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kayla: "Your passing was a tremendous shock to Justin and Steve." Adrienne: "Not as much of a shock as it was to me." #DAYS

Alexus Interruptus

 

 

Stephanie Does Salem

 

 

Conversion Therapy

Tom Brady has now been retired almost as many times as Kayla, Kate, or Marlena have died. Odds are they'll all come back again. #DAYS

Xander: "Take your top off. I need to see if you're wearing a wire." He's been reading the Guy Manual chapter on opening lines again. #DAYS

Sarah: "Kayla was an extraordinary womwn… and doctor…" And Chief of Staph. #DAYS

It's a good thing Salem Furniture Mart is having a mattress sale. Stephanie's is getting worn out. #DAYS

Xander finds out Gwen isn't wearing a wire after all. Chad finds out Stephanie isn't wearing one either. #DAYS

With Chanel no longer in her life, Allie enters the Alex Kiriakis conversion therapy program. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad to Stephanie: "Jack said I can't let Abby's death hold me back… so I'd like to hold your back… among other things. #DAYS