Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde

Oh, good, Victor is on. Maybe at least we'll get some good snark today.
#DAYS

So Steve's doctor doesn't know what he has but he knows there is no
cure. If it's an autoimmune disease maybe he's just immune to cars. #DAYS

Eve runs through a litany of her past lovers, tactfully omitting JJ. #DAYS

Ciara and Claire magically drop the Mr. Hyde act and go back to being
Dr. Jekyll. Kum bay yah, m'lord, kum bay yah… #DAYS

Zero Out Of Three Ain't Bad

Jennifer, walking in on a half-naked Eric, "Drat the bad luck." #DAYS

Kayla: "Can you squeeze Steve in for an exam?" Doctor: "Actually I have
some time right now..." Said no doctor, ever. #DAYS

Lani: "It's not your baby, Eli." JJ: "It's my baby." Eli: "The baby
isn't mine." Zero out of three ain't bad. #DAYS

Neanderthals

Gabi to Lani: "Just tell me what it is. I don't care." You will. #DAYS

If they somehow make JJ the father of Lani's baby the #DOOL writers will constitute scientific proof that humans interbred with Neanderthals. #DAYS

Vivian: "How could you be so stupid." StefanO: "I inherited it from my mother." #DAYS

Salem Cops

 

 

Bad Dream Day

Welcome to another day in Salem:
Where lies are truth
and truth is lies
and no one ever,
ever dies.

We've moved from 'Flashback Day' in Salem to 'Bad Dream' day… in case
you hadn't noticed, what with all the bad dreams. #DAYS

Finding André dead won't have much of a psychological effect on Abby. 
Her brain is already "Abby Normal." #DAYS

Peaky Blinders

Yet another "who done it" story line. After over a half century, #DOOL has completely run out of plots. #DAYS

If Sonny is going for the "Peaky Blinders Look," he needs a trim on the sides. Otherwise he just has a bad haircut. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Steve: “Do you think the booze is causing my eye problems?” Kayla: “No, the booze is calling your alcoholism.” #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Paul: “You can’t move in because of Sonny.” Will: “Because he’s in love with me?” Paul: “No, because he’s the slumlord that owns this building.” #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: “How are you holding up?”  Anna: “A ‘cross your heart’ bra.” #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Steve: “This guy is the best friend I could have.  He’s trustworthy, loyal, helpful...” Kayla: “He’s a boy scout?” #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: “Tell me everything.” Anna: “Everything?” Roman: “Yes.” Anna: “I was born in a small hospital on a rainy night...” #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad to the minister at tony’s funeral: “I realize it was André who was killed but with all due respect the phrase is ‘ashes to ashes,’ not ‘asses to ashes.’” #DAYS

Wingman

Roman: "Anna had nothing to do with André's death. Right, Anna?" Instead of immediately denying it, Anna follows with the patented #DOOL pregnant pause. #DAYS

Desperate Will tries to make Marlena his "wingman" in his quest for Paul's affections. #DAYS

Patch says he can't see because John got him drunk. Kayla claims it was at the New Years' Eve party. So it's a 23 day hangover? #DAYS

He Urned It

Everyone is acting guilty. They've pulled out the old "who killed
Deimos" scripts and changed "Deimos" to "André." #DAYS

In case you didn't catch it, what Abby said to Chad on the phone was,
"Anftr id gtrsf uou'h nryyrt hry obrt hrt whivk." #DAYS

Rafe: "I can't wait to make you my wife." Hope: "I can't wait to make
you my husband." Me: "I can't wait to drink a bottle of Ipecac." #DAYS

I guess André deserved to die. In fact, after seeing Rafe's discovery,
it looks like he "urned" it. #DAYS

Portraits

 

 

Dirty Money

André fires Gabi: "Dirty money is dirty money." With all the crimes the DiMeras have committed I guess he has to fire himself, too. #DAYS

 

Everybody wants André dead, setting up a big "whodoneit." Good thing they've not done that storyline before… not since the "who killed Deimos" storyline they JUST FINISHED. #DAYS

 

Slap!

Maybe Stefan would have better luck with Abby if he had a shower in his office.

 

My Têtes Are Bigger Than Your Têtes

John to Marlena: "You never do anything against your better judgment." Conference table sex excluded? #DAYS

If they don't what Doug's Place, Roman and Anna could go to Chez Rouge or the Cheatin' Heart. They're real places, right? Not sets that have been long torn down?  #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Anna and Roman hit the sheets and Anna sprinkles Tony's ashes over the bed. #DAYS

Be careful, Roman. You're writing your own ticket back to the monastery. #DAYS

Vivian: "I want to have a little tête-à-tête with you." Gabi: "I'll win. My têtes are bigger than your  têtes." #DAYS

Smitten

Vivian accuses Stefan of being smitten with Abigail. OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE!
THIS IS A SOAP OPERA. EVERYBODY IS SMITTEN WITH EVERYBODY. #DAYS

Stefan: "The Godfather is fiction." Well, I'm glad we have the reality
of Days of Our Lives to fall back on. #DAYS

JJ: "Police work isn't for me." Abe: "Walking and chewing gum at the
same time isn't for you." #DAYS

A Spare Clue

Wow. Eli sure has a good memory, doesn't he? #DAYS

Are there any viewers out there who have a spare clue laying around? 
Please give it to JJ because he really needs one. #DAYS

Abby's traded in her Cinnabon hair topknot for an upside-down dreidel. 
Not as effective. #DAYS

JJ: "The future is looking very bright." When it comes to JJ, the future
is the only thing looking bright. #DAYS

A Good Time

Roman: "Right now Anna and I are just having a good time." Translation:
He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane." #DAYS

JJ to Lani: "I will be a great dad to our baby." Key word: "our." #DAYS

I think they're waiting for May sweeps for Lani to tell JJ her baby
isn't his kid. #DAYS

More Dense Than A Platinum Brick On Jupiter

Doorbell rings. Eve thinks it's the pest control guy. It's Vivian
instead. Another job for the pest control guy. #DAYS

JJ hasn't been with Lani since November.  Finds out she's pregnant but
not showing: "I can't believe I'm going to be a dad." He's not going to
be a mathematician, either. #DAYS

Abby says a person's environment has a lot to do with the way they turn
out. If that's true Abby must have grown up in an insane asylum and gone
to a school for pyromaniacs. #DAYS

JJ doesn't get it. He still thinks the kid is his. He's more dense than
a platinum brick on Jupiter. #DAYS

Miracle Cure

 

He Wasn't Firing Blanks

Guy Manual advice for Eli: "When you think she 'looks like she's got
something going on' and she gives you that thousand-yard blank stare,
you can start calling yourself 'Daddy.'" #DAYS

Eli to Lani: "Sleeping together on Christmas eve was a mistake." You
have no idea. #DAYS

Get a clue, Eli. What Lani is trying to tell you is you weren't firing
blanks, buddy. #DAYS

Rafe's Ass Is Grass

Coming to a soap opera near you…

Working Under Your Ex-Boyfriend

Patch (on phone): "Just hang in there, Joe." Perhaps a bad thing to say to someone imprisoned for murder.  #DAYS

 

Abby to half-nekkid Chad: "Best view I've seen in a while." But not the only one. #DAYS

 

Stefan: "I think your lack of enthusiasm is because you're no longer working under your ex-boyfriend." So to speak. #DAYS

 

Lani tells Kayla she and JJ haven't been together since November: "This baby is not JJ's." I think Kayla had probably figured that out. They teach that kind of thing in med school. #DAYS

 

Vivian: "Husband = Manservent." Husbands everywhere were way ahead of her on that one. #DAYS

 

It's A Place Called Salem

Theo's clinical trial will probably not only insure he walks again but
comes back cured of autism looking like a beefed up hot hunk ready to
take on all the women of Salem. #DAYS

JJ: "I feel like I'm living in an alternate universe." You are. It's a
place called Salem. #DAYS

With her whiny Junior High girl mentality if Jennifer made it out of
high school Salem High should have its accreditation revoked. #DAYS

Get over Will, Sonny. There are a lot of fish in the sea. Or should I
say queens in the deck? #DAYS

Stefan Oh! Dimera

Abby discovers Stefan O. is buff... in more ways than one.

 

DiMera Enterprises

How does DiMera Enterprises ever make any money when the only thing they
ever do is try to grab power from each other? #DAYS

Kate: "In order to have a real marriage people have to have trust in
each other… or so I've heard." Bwahahahaha! #DAYS

Chad: "Stefan is a son of a bitch." Considering who his mother is that's
an insult to bitches everywhere. #DAYS

Her Inner Junior High School Girl

Rafe to Ciara: "Why don't we just get it out in the open?" Play it close
to the vest – don't say what IT is until you know for sure Ciara knows.
#DAYS

Jennifer: "It wasn't a kiss or maybe it was a kiss or I don't know what
it meant..." Jennifer is channeling her inner junior high school girl. #DAYS

Ciara: "How could you cheat on my mom?" Rafe: "We were..." (say it with
me) "...on a break." #DAYS

OMG! Roman got laid! #DAYS

A Block Off The Old Chip

Kate sucker punches Vivian à lá her son Lucas. I guess that would make
her a block off the old chip. #DAYS

Will to Sonny: "You've been supportive so I'll be honest with you." So
if Sonny hadn't been supportive Will would lie to him? #DAYS

Chloe to Brady: "Is your fling with Eve real or are you just keeping
your enemy closer?" Enemy or not, it's about as close as you can get. #DAYS

It Certainly Wasn't A Virgin Birth

Isn't "fun run" an oxymoron? #DAYS

It's Stefano's son. Disappointing – They should have gone with the "Stefano had a body transplant" storyline. #DAYS

Vivian: "God blessed me with one of Stefano's children." God may have blessed her with him but in this case it certainly wasn't a virgin birth. #DAYS

Official Police Monkey Business