Beach Volleyball

The only way they could show the gals in the show as naked as Alex and Xander and work it into the plot is that they'd all have to start a beach volleyball team. #DAYS

Sarah gives her reasons for wanting to divorce Xander. Xander tries to convince her to give him another chance with the best argument he's got… by standing there naked. #DAYS

If Xander and Sarah stand any closer together she'll be pregnant. #DAYS

Rolf's formula for reversing brainwashing: Beats headphones, a karaoke microphone, and duct tape. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Paulina: "If you want to apologize to Stephanie you have to be with her in the flesh." Xander: "That's why I want to apologize – so we can get our flesh back together." #DAYS

Have You Ever Seen Him Naked?

Jack to Gwen: "Why are you trying to cover up Xander's crimes." Xander's crimes are the only thing he's covering up in this episode. #DAYS

Jack: "I've lost track of everything I've forgiven you for." I'll say one thing about Salem. Forgiveness is a big thing. If it weren't for forgiveness, no one there would be talking to anyone else. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jack: "After everything he's done, why are you still defending Xander Cook?" Gwen: "Have you ever seen him naked?" #DAYS

In Flagrante Delicto

Sloan goes off the deep end about Eric and Nicole. What happened to the Sloan that gave Eric the big lecture about not wanting a relationship? #DAYS

Allie has a hissy-fit over Chanel and Johnny Hugging and accuses them of wanting to have sex.  At least that would keep the relationship with Chanel in the family. #DAYS

Sloan isn't fond of the pub's chowdah – thinks it's "too heavy." Maybe it would be lighter if they took the clams out of the shell before serving it. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Nicole waits to get sick until she and EJ are in flagrante delicto. #DAYS

Chanel and Allie argue. Time for Dr. Alex to show up for a house call. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: "Why are you suing Chanel for wrongful death?" Sloan: "Did you ever hear of anyone suing for rightful death?"

Next on #DOOL — Nicole: "Thank you for being a gentleman." EJ: "My pleasure… or I guess I should say 'my lack of pleasure.'" #DAYS

Alex' Glistening Buff Body

Allie admires Alex' glistening buff body… Along with thousands of other straight female viewers. #DAYS

Nicole calls Sloan a pathetic slut. If there was a time the words "it takes one to call one" ever applied this would be it. #DAYS

Gabi: "I don't think I broke anything." Except for Stefan's skull. #DAYS

The Eric-Sloan-Nicole scene was unique. It's not every day you see a defrocked priest's two lovers duke it out in front of him. #DAYS

Stefan to Gabi: "I don't want to be with you and I never will." Better start printing the wedding invitations. #DAYS

Allie: "I'm upset just like Chanel but you don't see me making out with the person in front of me." Alex: "No, but being the person in front of you, I'd volunteer for that." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "I could beat you with my hands tied behind my back." Sloan: "You might beat me when my hands are tied behind my back but that's not what Eric does." #DAYS

Some Really Nice Buns

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "Those are some really nice buns you've got there." Allie: "Thank you. I always appreciate it when people compliment my baking skills." Alex: "I wasn't talking about baking." #DAYS

Johnny: "I apologize for everything I said about your mother." Tripp: "I might believe that if you hadn't started everything you said with 'Yo mama." #DAYS

Allie: "To almost kiss someone means there is attraction." Or biology. #DAYS

Nicole: "I just heard about your mother's death. I'm so sorry. How are you coping with it?" Eric: "I'm banging Sloan like there's no tomorrow." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Eric: "You let me sleep in." Sloan: "I let you do a whole lot more than that." #DAYS

Fire And Brimstone

Alex tries to phone Stephanie. No answer. Maybe her new boyfriend turned her phone off. Boyfriends do that sometimes, you know. #DAYS

Abe: "I'm sorry for your loss." Allie: "I appreciate that. I was really into Chanel." #DAYS

This is the first time Marlena is qualified to wear white in a really long time. #DAYS

Sorry Alex. It's ironic that the penalty for screwing up is not getting screwed. #DAYS

Eric's formula for mourning Marlena's death: get drunk and get laid. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "Are you saying you're really dead?" Susan: "Yes, the car exploded and I went up in a fireball." Marlena: "At least that must've saved on cremation expenses." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Susan: "I'm here to help your transition to the other side." Marlena: "What other side?" Susan: "The one with fire and brimstone." #DAYS

St. Felix

Johnny: "Putting those slides of my grandparents together really got to me." Just compiling the pictures of their half dozen or so weddings must have exhausted him. #DAYS

Marlena Evans is dead. May St. Felix, the patron saint of nine lives, go to work on her and bring her back… again. #DAYS

Funeral director to John: "It's an odd request to want to have Marlena buried laying on top of a conference table." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Eric prays: "Dear Lord, I'm asking for a miracle." God: "And I'm asking for a priest who can keep his job." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "Why did you take Marlena to the roof?" John: "It's closer to heaven… makes for a shorter trip after she dies." #DAYS

Better Call Saul

Rafe is getting awfully chummy with Jada even though she's still got Eric's fingerprints all over her. #DAYS

The show opens with EJ playing with himself… Chess, that is. #DAYS

Are Johnny and Chanel going to get back together? Maybe Allie traded Chanel to Johnny for an LGBTQ to be named later. #DAYS

If EJ doesn't represent her, Kristin threatens to tell Stefan what EJ did. EJ spills the beans to Stefan, leaving Kristin without any leverage. Kristen better call Saul. #DAYS

It's probably not good for Marlena to be on the freezing roof in the middle of January but after she dies she'll be joining Kate and Kayla on Melaswen where the average temperature is 75°. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rachael: "Am I in trouble?" Brady: "No, but your mommy really has her ass in a sling." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rachel: "You see m mad. I don't want you to come in and talk to me when you're mad." Brady: "I won't be mad when I talk to you. I'll calm right down right after I give you a spanking. Then we'll talk." #DAYS

A Nicer Bitch

Rafe: "This is the part where I've got to think like Kristin DiMera." Rafe thinking like anybody would be an improvement. #DAYS

Rachael: "It's just a timeout. We won't be gone forever." True but when she comes back next month she'll be 20. #DAYS

For those of you who don't speak EJDiMera, "gormless" means "Inexperienced, naïve, innocent to the point of foolishness." #DAYS

Rafe tells God the doctors have done all they can do. They haven't moved her to a good hospital. #DAYS

Sarah works on Marlena: "Clear" – ZAP! "Clear" – ZAP! "Clear" – ZAP! "It's not working." John: "Try Narcan." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jada: "Do you think there is a mole in the Salem PD." Rafe: "No, but the place is lousy with mice." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Allie: "Kristen has been arrested." Belle: "It couldn't happen to a nicer bitch." Allie: "You're giving her too much credit. You're a nicer bitch than she is." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rachel: "Mommy and Daddy need a timeout." EJ: "What Mommy needs is a spanking." #DAYS

God's Office Hours

Stefan to Li: "Smashing your glass jaw was very satisfying." Lawsuits and assault & battery charges have a way of mitigating that type of satisfaction. #DAYS

Stephanie: "I didn't want to get involved with Alex." So I guess she bought that roll of condoms so she could fill them with water and drop them on people from the roof of a tall building. #DAYS

People are really upset about today's repeating scenes. Not a single one of them involved a half-naked character. #DAYS

Every time the doorbell rang today Kristin yelled for Harold: "I guess it's his day off." Nope. He found the key to the liquor cabinet. #DAYS

That Roll of Condoms

Stefan to Li: "Smashing your glass jaw was very satisfying." Lawsuits and assault & battery charges have a way of mitigating that type of satisfaction. #DAYS

Stephanie: "I didn't want to get involved with Alex." So I guess she bought that roll of condoms so she could fill them with water and drop them on people from the roof of a tall building. #DAYS

People are really upset about today's repeating scenes. Not a single one of them involved a half-naked character. #DAYS

Every time the doorbell rang today Kristin yelled for Harold: "I guess it's his day off." Nope. He found the key to the liquor cabinet. #DAYS

Access To Her Hips

Gwen finds a bunch of empty booze bottles in Xander's room: "Are you absolutely sloshed?" No, if he had drunk all that he would be absolutely dead. #DAYS

If Stephanie is so shook over not getting to spend Kayla's last few minutes with her, what about the years and years she stayed away and never even came to visit? #DAYS

Leo wants to disguise himself by wearing a veil and changing his voice. Sloan thinks that could never work. YET people in Salem seem to be able to put on a neoprene mask and fool people about their identities even when having sex with them. Just saying. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Leo: "Sonny makes me weak in the knees." Sloan: "If he took any interest in you it would have to be because you make him weak in the brain."

Next on #DOOL — Sloan: "I hear you and Stephanie Johnson are attached at the hip." Alex: "We broke up. I don't have access to her hips any more." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "I'm just sick about losing Stephanie." Sloan: "Nothing is worse than a broken heart… except abstinence." #DAYS

**************************
Sloan: "Monogamy equals monotony." And "Sloan" stands for…

Slutty
Lecherous
Over
Active
Nymphomaniac
#DAYS
**************************

Two Dozen Condoms

Alex admits he turned off Stephanie's phone. He will place the following ad on Craig's List tomorrow – "FOR SALE: Two dozen condoms. Recently purchased. Have no use for them now." #DAYS

Will some attorney who watches this show please tell me how Sloan can pursue a wrongful death suit against Chanel for a death that did not occur in the United States? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "You purposely turned off my phone because you're envious of my friendship with Chad." Alex: "I purposely turned off your phone because I wanted a piece of ass." #DAYS

Bigfoot

Roman: "This pub menu is getting a little dull." What? The botulism in the chowdah hasn't killed anyone lately? #DAYS

Note: Kate has NOT been cremated. They sent her through the Star Trek transporter. Her molecules are in that urn. They will be reformed at a later date when Kate comes back from the dead. #DAYS

My God! They've killed Bigfoot and given his coat to Paulina. #DAYS

Don't forget Kate fans: They cremated Tony DiMera and he's still alive and kicking. #DAYS

All Rolf has to do is sprinkle some orchid juice on Kate's ashes and she'll come right back to life. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: "You married a really good woman." Abe: "I know. But then Lexie died and I married Paulina." #DAYS

Shacking Up

Li: "Gabi threw her wedding cookies at me." That's understandable. This convoluted back-from-the-dead-mind-altered plot line is enough to make anyone toss their cookies. #DAYS

With Johnny and Rafe together the total IQ in the room is 100. For the record, Johnny's IQ is 98. #DAYS

Brady is shocked when Chloe tells him she slept with Stefan. 1) Why didn't Brady tell Chloe what was going on? And 2) Why is he shocked… Did he think Chloe was going to join the Vestal Virgins after he rejected her? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Eric: "What kind of guy do you think I am?" Nicole: "The kind of guy who would accuse me of shacking up with EJ while you are shacking up with Sloan." #DAYS

Chilling

EJ shows up at Nicole's door with breakfast. Not to be outdone by Stephanie's striptease yesterday, she has brought her boobs to the party and checks them before answering the door just to make sure EJ gets the full view.

Stefan comes in to see Johnny, "Every flight was either canceled or delayed." He must've been flying Southwest. #DAYS

Recently dead in Salem: Kate, Kayla, and Alex' chances with Stephanie after turning her phone off. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "Enough about me." Nicole: "OK, so what should we talk about?" Chloe: "Me?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "You haven't heard about Kate, Kayla, and Marlena." Nicole: "What's going on with them?:" Chloe: "Let's put it this way… Kate and Kayla are chilling." #DAYS

Stephanie Fiddles Around

Have you ever noticed there is absolutely no train service in Salem? It was specifically designed that way so everyone in town can be permanently off the rails. #DAYS

Nero fiddled while Rome was burning. Stephanie fiddles around while her mom is dying. #DAYS

Orpheus says Kate was looking well. Still loods well – for a corpse. #DAYS

When Stephanie finds out Alex put her phone on 'do not disturb' his chances with her will be deader than Kayla. #DAYS

A Fast Woman

Stephanie thinks she's not leading Chad on. Do women not realize a simple glance says "sleep with me" to every straight guy in town? #DAYS

Kate: "I am not going to the hospital." Roman: "You really should given your prognosis. It's a lousy hospital but they have a top-notch morgue." #DAYS

Kristin: "You and Brady are just putting on a show." With her low-cut top Brady and Eric aren't the only ones putting on a show. #DAYS

Stephanie's reputation as a fast woman has nothing to do with the fact she was a race driver. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "That ankle massage feels great." Chae: "I dated a physical therapist for a while. It didn't work out but she taught me a thing or two." Stephanie: "I see she also taught you how to give ankle massages." #DAYS

Babysitting A Crazy Kid

Next on #DOOL — Eric: "What's the matter?" Sloan: "I'm stuck here babysitting a crazy kid… and Rachael, too." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "I think Kristen is holding something over Brady's head." Marlena: "Like what?" John: "I have no idea. Almost everything is over Brady's head." #DAYS

Swipe Left

Rafe gets a his divorce papers. Sarah thinks she has to divorce Xander. In Salem divorce is so common you just have to go to the marriage.com app and swipe left. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "I'm a doctor. It's my job to help people." Maggie: "Then why do you work at Salem Hospital." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Bonnie: "Was Gwen the other clown?" Justin: "Forget it. Xander isn't going to roll over on Gwen." Xander: "I did that a lot of times when she and I were together." #DAYS

Funk Me

Gwen trying to cheer Xander up by telling him how much Sarah loves him is pretty far out in left field. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "How can I not stay in a miserable funk?" Gwen: "You could funk me." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sonny: "Leo has feelings and dreams." Will: "I know. He has feelings for you and dreams of sleeping with you." #DAYS

EJ Over and Nicole Under

Nicole is reluctant to hop into bed with EJ. She's a little nervous because just like you can come back from the dead in Salem, you can also get your virginity back. #DAYS

EJ: "This kiss could mean whatever you want it to mean." The Vegas over-under on EJ and Nicole taking it all the way is… EJ over and Nicole under. #DAYS

Stefan and Chloe are on the verge of consummating their private New Year's Eve party when suddenly… Gabius Interruptus. #DAYS

If Johnny, EJ, and Stefan all get laid tonight it will be the DiMera trifecta. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Nicole: "We can't sleep together. One of my New Year's resolutions is to stop making decisions I will regret." EJ: "Well, you just made one I regret." #DAYS