A Random Act Of Nastiness

Hope sits in the inquisition chamber, broods and cries as Julie comes in. Julie rushes over to her but but nasty guard Boris Badenov tells her there can't be any physical contact between visitors and the cootie-laden prisoners. Julie asks to speak to Hope alone but Boris denies that request, too. Hope says there is nothing to talk about, anyway.

The Hernandez clan has gathered in Rafe's FBI office. Rafe asks if Arianna is glad she's no longer under suspicion. Arianna bounces off the walls dissing Hope and all the things Hope did to her.

Will comes into the rumpus room looking for his phone. He tells Kate he's meeting Stefano at the pub. Kate thinks he has a lock on the job Stefano has for him, but Will is still nervous. He's decided he likes Stefano, though.

Chad finds Stefano talking on the phone at the pub, "I'd like to talk to you. It's about my mom."

"Don't worry," says Stefano, "I'm seeing to it that a granite marker in her memory is erected at the pier, right next to Tony's."

Sami and EJ lounge at the beach. It's a pec-showing, boob-revealing extravaganza as they sit and talk about the kids playing. Sami says it's awesome to be there with the family, but rips off a sigh deep enough to turn the surrounding area into a vacuum. EJ wonders what that was about. Wackadoodle Sami says, "I know what you're up to. You won't get away with it."

Stefano evades. Chad presses, "She was like two different people and I only knew one of them."

"Which one," asks Stefano, "The respected judge or the lowlife hooker?" Stefano gets uncomfortable and cuts it short. He says he feels sorry about Madeline, but can't help Chad, and leaves.

EJ says he doesn't want Sami to think he's pressuring her. That's all good with Sami, who doesn't want to be pressured. EJ says being at the beach with the woman he loves and his family makes him the happiest man in the world, "I know you say you don't want me to push, but your smile says something different. It says, 'I just got a diamond the size of Mt. Kilimanjaro.'"

We fade out and fade in to a fantasy scene. Sami is sleeping on the beach. Rafe comes up. "We love each other and we both know that," says Rafe, "We belong together." They move in on each other for more than a little togetherness.

EJ asks if Sami is OK, "What are you thinking about?"

Arianna goes off the cliff, "That psycho said I was guilty to cover her own butt!" Rafe says he understood Hope didn't know what she was doing. Arianna says she intends to find out if Hope was faking it. She sets out on that mission.

Hope cries. Julie pats her hand and Hope asks her to watch Ciara for her, "Bo as well... what have I done to his life?"

Julie isn't exactly on Bo's side, "What did he do to yours?"

Hope beats herself up, "Nothing that warranted what I did to him."

Julie begs, "Don't do this to yourself." Hope says it's time for Julie to go. She tells Julie not to come back, "Please take care of my baby... if he ever comes back from that 'round the world boat cruise, that is."

Sami says, "My church believes in original sin. I want to blame Nicole and Baker, but I committed the original sin because I didn't tell you I was pregnant."

Biblical scholars everywhere roll their eyes. God looks down on the pathetic scene and says, "I've gotta have a looooong talk with that girl."

EJ says he understands why she did that. Sami says, "I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself."

EJ insists she will be able to forgive herself, "The weak cannot forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong."

"I like that," says Sami, "I don't have a clue what it means, but I like it."

"I can't take credit for it," says EJ, "Ghandi beat me to it. I know you will forgive yourself because you are the strongest person I have ever known."

"Yes," says Sami, "Yes." EJ gives her a confused look. "Yes," she repeats, "I'll marry you."

Gabi asks Rafe if something is wrong. "Nothing," says Rafe. Translation: "Everything."

Will finds Chad at the pub and asks if Stefano is around. Chad tells him Stefano took off. He thinks he chased Stefano away, "I'm telling you, Stefano knew exactly what I was asking about." Will says he thinks it would be difficult for Stefano to talk to Chad about something like that. He thinks Chad should stop beating himself up, "It will be better when you go to Wake Forest."

"There is just one teeny-tiny problem," says Chad.

Stefano shows up in the rumpus room. Kate accuses him of running away from a teenage boy and then backs off when Stefano gives her a look that reminds her of how many people he's killed for criticizing him. She says she thinks Stefano shouldn't keep dodging Chad. Kate suggests praying all Madeline's secrets were buried with her.

The clouds part. The sun shines. Munchkins dance. The Cubs win the World Series. And Sami accepts EJ's proposal. EJ flips out, "You just said yes!" He picks her up and whirls and twirls her around. Out in the audience, Safes hurl. Giddy EJ wants to tell the kids but Sami backs him down. EJ gets his head out of the clouds and asks to kiss the bride. The bride complies.

"OMG," pants EJ, "Do those boobs come with the deal?"

"Only in exchange for those pecs," says Sami.

Arianna walks into the police station just as they are hauling Hope out of the rubber-hose room. Arianna stares. Hope stares. Arianna erupts, "You owe me, detective!"

"Yes, I do," drones Hope.

Rafe wanders the beach and talks on his phone. Apparently some informant didn't show. Suddenly, Rafe bumps into blushing bride Sami. They share an uncomfortable moment. Rafe says he's sorry for acting like a stupid jerk at the pub. "Stupid is as stupid does," says Sami Gump. She says she's sorry for overreacting.

"What's new," asks Rafe.

Sami swallows her tongue, "Chucklehuff."

"Well, I guess something is," says Rafe, "What is it?"

Chad's teeny-tiny problem is he wants to get into a class that requires business experience, but doesn't have any. Will wonders why Chad needs business experience to get into a business class. Chad says it's an advanced class. Will figures he has what Chad needs. He tells him about the job with Stefano and shows him the project portfolio, "Stefano needs a seventeen year-old with a C minus in math to do this. I almost didn't qualify. I was headed for an A until Rafe started tutoring me in advanced algebra." He suggests Chad work with him and suggests they go talk to Stefano.

DA Woods interrupts the conversation, "Chad, you're not going anywhere."

OK, let's recap. Arianna has gone off the deep end for what Hope did to her. Hope is an emotional wreck, under arrest for more crimes than Jesse James committed. The two vipers meet face to face in the booking area of the SPD and the whole situation is a tinderbox ready to go up in flames. So how does the SPD handle it? They put the mongoose and cobra in the same room together and take bets on which one will come out alive. Arianna sits with Hope in the interrogation room and rants, "You did all that!" Hope agrees she did it all. Arianna wants to know why Hope set her up.

Charles sits alone with Chad and tells him to use his head. So Chad slams the ketchup bottle against his temple to loosen the cap and open it. Kate watches as Charles says he's going to Chicago and the trip could take time, "I may not be back before you go to North Carolina. Things have changed. Plans have fallen through."

"Maybe I shouldn't go to Wake Forest," says Chad.

Sami tells Rafe she saw Baker, "It's hard reliving all that crap." Rafe says he knows that, but reminds her Sydney is safe. Sami thinks Sydney was hurt because of what she did, however.

Will comes into the rumpus room to see Stefano. Stefano apologizes for the change of venue. Will tells him he thinks he's a little over his head with this project and suggests involving Chad. Stefano vetoes that immediately.

Chad thinks he and his dad should get closer now that Madeline has become a permanent grease spot on the concrete at the pier. Cold, uncaring DA Charles has to go.

Stefano tells Will he has to do this project on his own. Will thinks this is more about Chad and his mom than about himself.

Hope insists she didn't intentionally mean to hurt Arianna. "What," snorts Arianna, "Planting evidence was just a random act of nastiness?" Hope is soooo sorry. Arianna says she has been around the prison system's school of hard knocks and knows all the excuses, "And that's what you're using the pills for. I did time and I paid for what I did. I will not let you and your powerful last name just walk away." Hope agrees she needs to pay.

Rafe thinks Sami's guilt works out swell for EJ. She blows up that Rafe brought his name up. "OK," snorts Rafe, "The man is a frickin' saint. He forgives you."

Sami snaps back, "None of this is any of your business. That's t how you wanted it. I don't even know you any more."

Will continues to press to bring Chad into the deal. Stefano continues to refuse. He says he doesn't want the son of a DA involved. Will wonders what Stefano doesn't want Chad to know about his mom.

Arianna thinks Hope is putting on a brilliant performance, "I won't let you play the victim. There isn't a pill that makes anyone that evil sick and venal. In prison the inmates and the screws will see right through you." She gets up and leaves. Hope stares.

Rafe tells Sami EJ would do anything to own Sydney. Sami says she was wrong about EJ. Rafe insists she wasn't, "What happened to the woman who would do anything for her kids as long as they were staying with someone else? You have to face the truth about EJ."

"Your truth."

Rafe blows up, "You are so wrong about him. So wrong."

Doug has now joined the fools parade marching past Hope. She insists she doesn't want a lawyer and will plead guilty. She refuses to hide behind the pills. Doug thinks she is still under their influence. Hope breaks down and apologizes for what she is putting him through, "You must be so ashamed of me."

"Of course I am," says Doug, "But that's beside the point."

Kate joins Chad, "How do you feel about unsolicited advice."

"I thought you only solicited," says Chad. He rambles on about the lack of attention he got from his dad when he was younger, "The guy just doesn't want me around."

"So," says Kate, "He does have a little intelligence."

Sami rants and says she thinks Rafe still loves her. "I do," says Lunk.

"You don't love the real me," says Sami.

"With your 127 different personalities," says Rafe, "No one can even find the real you. But that's a cop out. EJ is pretending to be someone he isn't and you're holding on to the lie."

Sami screams, "I thought we weren't going to fight."

Chad says he knows Kate is trying to be nice, "But you don't owe me anything." He leaves.

"You're wrong about that," says Kate.

Gabi and Arianna are in the woods. Arianna tells her not to worry about her. Gabi thinks Arianna is angry and has reason to be, "But when you went to prison, I was alone with mom and got left holding the bag."

"Don't call our mom a bag," says Arianna. Gabi tells Arianna she needs to move on. "Hope destroyed my life and I don't know how to get it back," says Arianna.

Hope completely falls apart. Doug gets permission from Boris Badenov and runs around to the other side of the table and hugs her. He tells her he didn't see what she was going through.

"BBAAAWWWLLLL..."

Doug finally says what we're all thinking, "Put a cork in it. You are still my little girl and all of us will fight for you."

"Wah-wah blubber-blubber... I'm scared... Wah-blubber."

"I know," says Daddy Doug. Hugs and kisses.

My misery loves scotch, not company. -Brady Black

Sami finds Will working in the rumpus room. He quickly hides everything. Sami says she wants to talk and shuts the door, "It's private. Really... private. Will... I wanted to tell you myself... EJ asked me to marry him and I said yes."

Stefano and EJ talk on the phone. Stefano tells him Sami is back at the mansion. "I have something to tell you," says EJ. Rafe walks up behind him and listens as EJ continues to blab, "I asked Samantha to marry me. She said yes."

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