Sands Through The Hourglass

Christian isn't very Christian. Neither is Evan. #DAYS

Rafe asks Tripp if he can come over and watch Henry. Makes sense. These days daycare charges as much as doctors. #DAYS

The sands through the hourglass run through the little opening in the center until there are no more grains of sand left in the top. Then, turn over the hourglass and the whole process begins again. This is where #DOOL got the idea for repeating storylines and showing flashbacks. #DAYS

Big Boobs

Allie wins the Daytime Emmy for showing the most boob in a soap opera. Shawn wins the Daytime Emmy for being the biggest boob in a soap opera. #DAYS

 

If Shawn Was Any Dumber...

Shawn: "Jan has a condition that requires bed rest." Shawn has a condition that makes him unable to understand the basics of marriage… like bringing the woman you impregnated home like she's a stray puppy. #DAYS

If Shawn was any dumber you'd have to water him. #DAYS

By now in Salem if someone is missing I'd think they would have learned one of the first places they should look is the DiMera crypt. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Shawn: "I choose you. I will always choose you." Belle: "Then what is Jan doing in the room?" Shawn: "She's first runner-up." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "Shawn has visited Jan at Statesville for the last time." EJ: "Well, that's good, right?" Belle: "No. He moved that crazy bitch into my home." EJ: "Sounds to me like the crazy one is Shawn, not the bitch." #DAYS

Flew The Coop

If Jan gets out on house arrest and lives at Shawn's house, that would be worth it for the viewers just to see Belle's reaction. #DAYS

Belle, there may be better people to get marriage advice from other than Eric "get-married-then-take-a-powder" Brady. #DAYS

Shawn gets Jan released into his custody. Just when you thought Shawn couldn't get any dumber… #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Eric: "I judged Nicole too harshly. It lost me my marriage." Belle: "You lost your marriage because you got married then flew the coop." #DAYS

A One-Legged Adulterer

Belle: "Why didn't it occur to you that Jan might be pregnant?" Didn't we establish years ago that Shawn has the IQ of the Rock of Gibraltar? #DAYS

The Vegas Over/Under on how many nights Jake and Ava can sleep together without having sex is now so low it has been taken off the betting board. #DAYS

Shawn: "You don't have to worry about Jan being part of our lives." SHE'S HAVING YOUR KID, EINSTEIN."

Shawn to Jan "Just cut to the chase and tell me what you want." Look in the mirror,  buddy." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "You slept with a homicidal maniac." Shawn: "You slept with a one-legged adulterer." #DAYS

Gabi: "My boyfriend was stabbing me in the back." EJ: "I assume you are talking figuratively and mean with a knife." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jan: "I have been completely honest since I told you about our baby." Shawn: "You weren't so honest when you tricked me into conceiving our baby." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "What are you doing here?" Jake: "I was surfing porn-a-rama.com but wanted a better look at a pair of boobs." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "When did you get into town?" Eric: "I just got here. And when did you get into Nicole?" #DAYS

Effective Types of Prophylactics

Beth to Lani: "There is something I need to tell you." In Salem a statement like that is always followed by something off-subject and mundane or an interruption. In this case Julie barges in. #DAYS

Tripp and Chanel get it on. Does he think this is his way of thanking her for giving him a way to dump Allie? #DAYS

Effective types of prophylactics: The pill, condoms, Paulina. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — "You two are just looking for comfort in someone's arms. It will be cold comfort in the morning." Chanel: "Says who?" Paulina: "Says all the experience I have had with cold comfort in the morning." #DAYS

S,moochie-Smoochie

So Tripp dumped Allie because she cheated on him but he's all buddy-buddy smoochie-smoochie with the babe who banged her. I'll have to ponder that one. #DAYS

Clyde: "Got anything to drink?" EJ: "Care for some Hemlock?" #DAYS

It's just a roll in the hay, Abe. Take it, be glad for it and let Paulina be the one to get hurt. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Clyde: "Oh, so you two want a little alone time… I get it." Ben: "Yes, and if you'll give us that alone time, I'll get it, too." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ciara: "We could name our baby Beauregard Something Weston." Ben: "Beauregard is French, so maybe his middle name should be Quelque Chose." #DAYS

Your Worthless Ass

Bonnie to Justin: "Aren't I your plus-one at the wedding?" Look again. Binnie is definitely a plus-two. And she's got 'em both on view. #DAYS

Leo looks like the Cisco Kid after a can of white paint exploded all over him. #DAYS

Jake thinks there is nothing but junk to watch on TV. Actually, I'm watching one of those junk shows right now. #DAYS

Gabi to Rafe: "Do you have any human emotion at all?" Is stupidity an emotion? #DAYS

Trask to Gabi: "I don't have to explain anything. It's none of your business." Now there are a couple of sentences you rarely hear in Salem. #DAYS

Gwen's day has been a journey from the penthouse to the outhouse. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Trask: "You sold out Gwen to save your own worthless ass." Ava: "There are a whole lot of guys out who think my ass is far from worthless." #DAYS

What About The Tater Tot?

Nancy (on phone): "I'm going in now to face the music." As she heads into the pub to meet Clyde, the music she's facing should be Chopin's Funeral March. #DAYS

Xander: "In just a little while I'll be making an honest woman out of you." Jack: "You mean Gwen isn't a virgin?" Gwen is such a slut she wasn't a virgin even when she was a virgin. #DAYS

Jennifer: "Jack is really proud of the person you've become." She must've morphed into someone besides Gwen. #DAYS

Brady and Chloe discuss how Rachael will feel about their relationship. What about the ole Tater Tot? #DAYS

Her magic 8-Ball

Nancy runs to Bonnie: "I need some advice and I didn't have anyplace else to go." Her magic 8-ball must be on the fritz. #DAYS

Leo thinks Craig drew up the pre-nup for him to sign. Turns out it was Chloe. That's the first time Chloe has ever been the smart one in the family. #DAYS

Ava: "I've managed to stay out of prison for most of my life." Now there's something you should put in your LinkedIn profile. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "Leo is despicable." Gwen: "So he's not perfect… who is?" Gabi: "You're talking to her." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Nicole: "Rafe and I are now more than friends." Eric: "How did that happen?" Nicole: "Well, we took off our clothes and…" #DAYS

Stark Raving Mad

Leo: "I'm tired of you flinging my past into my life." Your past IS a part of your life, Leo. No one has to fling it there. #DAYS

Gabi: "I'm just here as a courtesy call." I'd hate to see her if she was being discourteous. #DAYS

Abby: "Apparently Leo and Gwen are BFFs… Birds of a Feather." Wouldn't that be BOAFs? #DAYS

Xander: "I'll see you at the altar… Mattie." Leo: "It's Leo… Leo Stark." As in stark raving mad. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "Sarah is a strong, independent woma… five-year-old. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Leo: "You and I need to have a little tête-à-tête." Abby: "You leave my têtes out of this." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Abby: "I am Gwen's half-sister." Leo: "Don't you mean her half-assed sister?" #DAYS

A Gay Bathhouse

So now we're taking a trip down memory lane with Craig and Nancy. Who know the final destination would be a gay bathhouse.

So Nancy backing Craig up on "Send In The Clowns" with a kazoo won the Senior Talent Show? I'll bet when Chloe was a kid they used to punish her by making her watch that performance during her time outs. And yes, I know. Chloe wasn't with her parents when she was a kid.  But it's a scene we would have liked to have seen.  #DAYS

A double wedding? Oh, Brother. Only identical twin sisters marrying identical twin Brothers should have a double wedding. #DAYS

Hide The Salami

Xander tells Maggie he and Gwen are getting married. Sarah can be the flower girl. #DAYS

Gwen: "Will you be my matron of honor?" Abby: "Sure. What's the worst that could happen?" I'll bet we find out. #DAYS

Xander to Gwen: "I hope you're as proud as I am of the progress you've made." Pride goeth before a fall. #DAYS

Abby wants to play hide and go seek. Chad wants to play hide the salami. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "Sarah is a strong, independent woma… five-year-old. #DAYS

Drunk As A Skunk

Belle says she's drunk as a skunk. Raise your hand if you've ever seen a single drunk skunk. #DAYS

John: "It's not like you to get yourself smashed in the middle of the day." She must not be a #DOOL fan. Watching it sober can be a terrifying experience. #DAYS

Doug: "Gender reveal parties… there was nothing like that in my day." True, but back then there were only two genders.

Next on #DOOL — John: "Are you drunk?" Belle: "Drunk as a skunk." Pepe Le Pew: "Speak for yourself." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Julie: "Satan keeps people away from those they love." Shawn: "It didn't happen to you and Doug." Julie: "Not after Addie got mowed down." #DAYS

Magic Fingers

Victor to Sonny: "I'm making you CEO of Titan." Whenever Victor makes someone CEO of Titan, he should add the words, "du jour." #DAYS

The old conniving Gwen has certainly turned into one insecure and needy gal. She should tell Xander until he makes a firm decision her legs, like an airline seat will remain in the locked and upright position. #DAYS

Ava gives Jake a massage. This couldn't possibly lead to anything else, could it? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ava: "It's my fault your back hurts. Let me give you a massage." Jake: "I don't know if that's a good idea. The last time I had a massage that didn't lead to sex I was on a 'magic fingers' bed." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Tony: "Sarah has to spend the rest of her life thinking she's a five year old." Anna: "That's not true. Next year she would be a six year old." #DAYSWhy did Ava move in with Jake." Gabi: "She manipulated him." 

Edwina Scissorhands

If Nicole's fingernails were any longer she could play Edwina Scissorhands. #DAYS

Protip for Shawn: In the future, whenever you have sex with Belle, make sure you get proof of identity beforehand.

Shawn should realize when Bo had sex with Billie thinking she was Hope and Hope didn't buy it the precedent for the nullification of the "I-thought-it-was-you-excuse" was forever set in Salem. #DAYS

So Belle is moving back in with her parents? What does she think she is, a millennial? #DAYS

With Andre's appearance, more people have now returned from the dead on #DOOL than have died in the first place. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "I want our relationship back." Jake: "In other words you want me to go back to doing to you what you did to me when you took my job?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "I've been released from jail. I want to thank you for all your hard work." Belle: "I need a written thank-you… in the form of a check." #DAYS

Musical Pussy

Gwen to Gabi: "Don't you have a business to run?" Yes, into the ground. #DAYS

So it looks like we're setting up to have Jake and Ava become a couple as the men of Salem continue to play musical pussy. #DAYS

Tony may have set himself up for a huge breach of promise suit. #DAYS

Between Belle, Jan, Anna, and crazy Sarah in this episode alone I'll say this for the women of Salem: They sure get nasty when it comes to sharing their men. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "Before you gave Sarah that drug it should have been vetted." Anna: "Why would you want a veterinarian to check it out?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Anna: "You're acting like I'm a common criminal." Tony: "Well, you're not common, but…" #DAYS

Into The Ground

Gwen to Gabi: "Don't you have a business to run?" Yes, into the ground. #DAYS

10 Hours of Nudity Per Month

Sarah/Rene: "Put on some clothes." Xander: "I would but my contract with #DOOL requires at least 10 hours of nudity a month." #DAYS

Allie tries to get through to Johnny and vows to send Satan "straight back to hell." A threat like that might work. Maybe ol' Beelzebub is homesick. #DAYS

Sarah/Rene to Xander and Gwen: "Everyone knows you two are in cahoots." Cahoots? Is that the new term for having monkey-sex? #DAYS

Maggie: "We can't force Sarah to take the serum." Yes you can. Just get one of those elephant tranquilizer guns and, BANG! Right in the butt. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Anna: "Tony spends all his time with Rene. How long must I suffer this indignity?" Abby: "How long must I suffer hearing you gripe about it?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Shawn: "I'm glad Rafe is back where he belongs." Belle: "No he isn't. His trial is over and they didn't send him to prison." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "We have nothing to talk about." Jan: "Yes we do. Two words: I'm pregnant." Belle: "Two words: Paternity test." #DAYS

A Totally Changed Man

Ava slaps Nicole. Who the hell does Ava think she is, Will Smith? #DAYS

Allie want's to know what's going on with Devil Johnny. Maybe he's in a bad mood because he has to spend time in Salem instead of taking his annual cruise on the River Styx. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "Are we really going to end things this way?" Jake: "Yes… unless you want one for the road." Gabi: "No. I don't drink this early in the day." Jake: "I wasn't talking about drinking." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — T.R.: "I am a totally changed man." Beth: "You mean you're transgender?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rave: "Ava slapped you? Are you going to press charges?" Nicole: "No. If Chris Rock can take the high road, so can I." #DAYS