Her Blouse Is Open Down To Her Knees

Ciara now realizes she's married to serial killer Ben. Flirts with Theo.
Someone needs to remind her of the ceremony's "for better or for worse"
part not to mention "till death do us part." #DAYS

Kristen should be able to talk her way out of this. She's smarter than
Brady. Of course being smarter than Brady is required of baby sand slugs
before their mothers let them go out on their own. #DAYS

Paulina: "You want to be queen? You gotta get a J-O-B." Chanell: "You
gotta be K-I-D-D-I-N-G." #DAYS

Claire: "I'm still drunk and have a headache after all that champagne.
You think this is the time to give me a lecture?" Belle: "No, I think
this is the time to give you a spanking." #DAYS

Brady: "I've got a lot on my mind." Chloe: "Like?" Probably the fact her
blouse is open down to her knees. #DAYS

Nymphomaniac

Uh-oh! Kate has a headache – an instant sign of impending doom on #DOOL. Oh, well, they've got to get rid of her before she becomes a great-great grandmother. #DAYS

Kate's pillow looks like it is made of bricks. Maybe that's why she has a headache. #DAYS

Kristen claims she's not having fun out of prison. Susan claims she is not having fun in prison. Susan wins that one. #DAYS

Kate is such a nymphomaniac she'll even do it when she has a headache. #DAYS

Born Screwed Up

Priest asks Julie if she's prepared to be a godmother. Julie gives a
speech. Translation: "Yes." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanell: "You gave those two kids a college education
and left me high and dry just because I've make mistakes? Have you ever
heard of compassion?" Paulina: "Have you ever heard of a spanking?" #DAYS

Five hundred dollars for champagne? You guys could have had just as much
fun guzzling Boone's Farm. #DAYS

Looks to me like Pauline needs to use a bit of her dominant personality
to reel in Channel. Like, instead of just taking care of the bill
herself she should make the little brat get a job to pay it. #DAYS

Eli: "Let's do our best not to screw our kids up." That ship has sailed.
It's Salem. All kids are born screwed up. #DAYS

Lani Needs To Grow A Pair

Lani sends Valerie to do her dirty work. Lani needs to grow a pair. Speaking figuratively, of course. #DAYS

Ahhh… the Magic Memory Drug. Stands right up there with magic neoprene masks, doppelgangers, chronic paternal test switching, SORASING, amnesia, coming back from the dead and reformed rapists and serial killers as classic #DOOL trademarks. #DAYS.

Another Helping At The Kate Buffet

I just love it when the President speaks and then a gaggle of windbags come on and tell us what we just heard. #DAYS

I love it when Doug and Julie are on. 95-year-old Bill Hayes is my total hero. #DAYS

Roman to Kate: "So you and Jake are going to grow old together?" Only if Jake catches up with her." #DAYS

After all these years Roman steps up for another helping at the Kate buffet. #DAYS

Low Key

Rex to Kristen/Sarah: "Your perfume sounds like neoprene." #DAYS

Would someone please reserve a Bayview bed for every single woman inside the DiMera Mansion right now? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "I'm not here to seduce you." Jake: "What are you here for?" Gabi: "To wait for you to seduce me." #DAYS

Rafe: "I am trying to keep this low-key." If Sami is in the room nothing is low-key. #DAYS

You think maybe poor Rex is headed for a crash landing? #DAYS

Sami attributes her explosive outburst to "force of habit." When it comes to Sami, that's quite believable. #DAYS

What Ciara Needs

So Kristen is going to try to pull off being Sarah? I suppose it could
work if you're deaf, blind and sustain a head injury that lowers your IQ
to single digits. #DAYS

Kayla: "I think Ciara needs her space." I think Ciara needs for the
Chief of Staph to get her butt into Ciara's room and tell her what's
going on. #DAYS

Kristen disguising herself as Sarah takes Stupid to new levels. This
episode will certainly go down in history. BTW, "history" is the
Sanscrit word for "toilet." #DAYS

Claire: "Ciara said she never wants to see me again." Claire is
certainly a lucky gal. #DAYS

Motive For Murder

Gabi to Ava: "You're standing between me and my morning coffee." Now, THAT'S a motive for murder. #DAYS

Jake and Kate suck face. Rafe stands at the door and takes a moment to reflect on the time he was the one sampling the Kate buffet. #DAYS

Ben: "How is Ciara." Kayla: "She's much calmer." Yeah, because she thinks she'll never see Ben again. #DAYS

Eliminates Any Confusion

Banned in the United States:

On dirait que Ben a une maladie pulmonaire noire. Marlena suggère de le faire vérifier. Il devrait vraiment. Après tout… les poumons noirs comptent. #JOURS

* * *

Marlena says she feels lucky and blessed everyone is doing so well… except for Ben who has run out of lungs to cough up. #DAYS

Sami says she was dropped by her lawyer – her loving sister. Lucas walks in and announces himself as her loving ex-husband. With Sami, we use the term "loving" loosely. #DAYS

Protip: If you walk into a murder scene, don't pick up the gun and shoot the victim even if he's dead. One might think this leads to confusion on the part of the authorities, but it really doesn't. It eliminates any confusion that you are the murderer. #DAYS

Noggin

Julie sees nekkid Xander, Screams, then stands and stares for five minutes to "assess the situation." #DAYS

I'm bawling just like Ben. In my case it's only because I've heard Ciara will survive. #DAYS

Sarah to Kristen: "You should have thought things through before you knocked me on the noggin." Noggin – Dr. Horton knows all the precise medical terms.

A Fire and Explosion Magnet

 Between the cabin, the car wreck, and her cage it's starting to look like Ciara is a fire and explosion magnet. #DAYS

So, Sarah, just promise Kristen you won't say anything and then go out and tell everyone. That's the way it's done when someone is threatening to hold you prisoner. #DAYS

OMG Brady hasn't been laid in months. Chloe's coming on to him like a freight train. In real life a lame nimrod like Brady would be moving in for a piece of ass right now.

If Ciara looks up at Ben and says, "Who are you," I'm going to scream. #DAYS 

A Brain Enema

Next on #DOOL — Ciara: "Are you going to let me go." Evan: "Weeelllll… it could be arranged." Ciara: "I see where you're going with this. You'll let me go if I have sex with you." Evan: "That's not what I had in mind, but now that you mention it…" #DAYS

Evan: "I'm going to kill Ben, put his head on a silver platter and hand it to Ciara." Geez, Evan, that is soooooooo first-century. #DAYS

So now Claire's a hostage. If anyone else gets kidnapped on this show Salem will be deserted with tumbleweeds blowing through the town square. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Ciara drops a lit match down the gas pipe in order to blow the door off her cage. After a long search they finally find parts of her in Chicago. #DAYS

After watching that show I feel like I just had a brain enema. #DAYS

A Triple Pejorative

Pauline: "Someone needs to bring a little pizazz to this one-horse town." Come to think of it I have never seen even one horse on #DAYS. I guess that makes Salem a zero-horse town.

Gabi: "Jake told me he wants to be with Kate instead of me." Roman: "Yeah, Kate's bad news." Roman has good reason to think that, especially since he was murdered the night he married her. #DAYS

Pauline: "Why would they name Jules after this old white lady." Old, white, and female. In today's society, a triple pejorative. #DAYS

Pauline snatches the Godmother title right from under Juile. Eli: "Now what are we going to do?" Simple: have another kid. #DAYS

"How do you feel about dating older women," asks Pauline Cuomo.

A Quick Nooner Now And Then

Thank God they showed yesterday's scene between Anna and Gwen. I'd have
never remembered it after a whole day. #DAYS

Anna to Chad: "The truth is..." Anytime someone on #DOOL says that you
know the last thing you will get is the truth. #DAYS

Gals: There is a pandemic. Don't let that vial go to waste. Jab it into
someone. #DAYS

Low budget rears it's head. Too bad Eli has to do the episode half… uh
2/3 naked. #DAYS

Anna is supposed to be drunk but she isn't even woring her slurds. #DAYS

The way Gabi is chasing after Jake with Gwen on deck to do the same,
Kate's best defense is to be banging his lights out morning and night
throwing in a quick nooner now and then. #DAYS

Gabi: "You still have feelings for me." Chad: "I do… hatred." #DAYS

Gwen's Vaccination

 

 

She Didn't Do It

Allie: "Mom is going to need a really good lawyer." Meh… the fact she's the first suspect means it's almost a certainty she didn't do it. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ava: "I can't blame Sami for shooting Charlie." Rafe: "I understand but she has to be punished." Ava: "Instead of sending her to prison, couldn't you just spank her?" Rafe: "I tried that many times when we were married. It doesn't do any good." #DAYS

Strained Parent-Offspring Relationship

Some of these story lines are moving so slow I wonder if in addition to Gabi's building someone issued a "stop work" order for #DOOL writers. #DAYS

Abby: "You're going to be down here a very long time… and there is no room service." Or restroom, either, as is standard protocol for any Salem kidnapping. #DAYS

Kate vs. Phillip is developing into one of the most strained parent-offspring relationships since the Menendez brothers had that little surprise party for mommy and daddy. #DAYS

Insincere Apologies

Sami: "I'm not saying anything without my lawyer." Rafe: "You are making a big mistake." Protip: In a situation like this, don't say anything without your lawyer. #DAYS

Sami makes so many mistakes and hands out so many insincere apologies she would make a good politician. #DAYS

Sami: "I'm scared of what will happen if you don't help me." Given the fact it's Belle, I'd be scared if she did help. #DAYS

Abduction Opportunities

With all the crap going on between Abigail and Gwen how the hell did Jack think Abby would react when he told her he had to support Gwen? He's lucky she didn't send him on another trip down an elevator shaft. #DAYS

Oh, for God's sake! Justin sniffing around Bonnie is stupid. It's like a family that loses its pet dog, has good old Fido cloned, and somehow thinks they have the original back. #DAYS

Chad: "Abby has not lived in a sane, rational world since Gwen drugged her champagne." Actually Abigail has not lived in a sane, rational world ever, since she was born in Salem. #DAYS

NOTICE: If you live in Salem and have never been kidnapped, we are now opening up abduction opportunities to all persons in the COVID-19 Priority 1 and 2 Tiers. This is a convenient way for you to get your vaccination and be kidnapped at the same time. #DAYS

He'll Pop Up In China

Jack: "Gwen is my daughter. I'm going to support her." Abby: "I just don't know how to react to that." For starters you could move out of the way and let the lead balloon that is now dropping fall on your father's head. #DAYS

The hole Jack is digging himself into is so deep he'll pop up in China any second now. #DAYS

Sarah: "Xander and I are getting married." Chloe: "Want some advice… run for the hills." Good advice. Maybe she'll find a cure for anorexia there. #DAYS

Abby: "Gwen's only goal is to break apart this family." Oh, heck, by Christmas she'll have her own bulb on the Horton Tree. #DAYS

Salem's Town Pollyanna

Abby: "I don't hate your guts as much as I hate Gewn." Abigail Devereaux DiMera – Salem's town Pollyanna. #DAYS

Lani says she shouldn't be reminding "Kristen" of all the good times in Rome. Good times… that's what being in a nunnery is all about. #DAYS

Kristen's prayer: "Lord, please keep Brady from that low-lying slut Chloe and deliver him from her evil." God: "And I thought I had heard it all..." #DAYS