A Sneaky Bastard

Nicole tells Jennifer, "It's not what you think." That's the Salem town motto, isn't it? #DAYS

 

Hope says Giselle is an extremely experienced woman. Code words for "she's a flaming slut." #DAYS

 

Aiden got Giselle a smart watch.  In Salem, otherwise known as a wrist-sundial. #DAYS

 

Maybe Nicole and Jennifer's strategy is to whine Liam into submission. #DAYS

 

Sami says Nick can be a sneaky bastard. EJ says he can, too.  Especially if he's sneaking around with Abigail. #DAYS

 

And Nicole shoots Daniel. The women of Salem really are only good for one thing... incompetence. #DAYS

What He's Been Missing

So, to recap, Nicole is out to save Jennifer's life and Maggie lectures her for butting in. #DAYS

 

Theo points out Maxine is sitting in Lexie's place at the picnic.  Subtle, kid, subtle. #DAYS

 

Brady says he's been missing Theresa. Translation: We all know what he's been missing. #DAYS

 

Nicole whacks Liam and the gals run, letting Liam get the gun. A potted plant has a higher IQ than the two of them put together. #DAYS

 

Sniveling Jennifer and Nicole would make any woman proud. Except for the ones with an ounce of self respect. #DAYS

Contemplating His Sins

Either Nick, Daniel and Ben are all sporting a five-o'clock shadows or they're starting growing beards for the Salem centennial.  #DAYS

 

Nicole, Liam has you trapped in a busy public building. I know screaming doesn't become you, but this would be a good time for it. #DAYS

 

Oh, so Anne was an actor.  Until, that is, she joined the cast of #DOOL. #DAYS

 

EJ stands at the window contemplating his sins.  Well, not all of them or it would have been a much longer scene. #DAYS

 

Abby gives Ben the eye.  Ben must be older than I thought. #DAYS

 

Sonny thinks Nick will hurt Gabi—Ben thinks Rafe will hurt Jordan—Rafe thinks Ben will hurt Jordan.  The circle of life — Salem style. #DAYS

Her Track Record With Older Men

Kate and Sami meet in Lucas' office because he's off interviewing new employees to sexually harass. #DAYS

 

How many teen delinquents does it take to change a light bulb?  One, if Paige helps. #DAYS

 

Sami: "Who knows what Gabi and Nick would have done if I hadn't walked in on them?" I know. #DAYS

 

Abby hugs Daniel. With her track record with older men, I'm surprised she didn't drag him into the supply closet. #DAYS

Hopping Around

If Gabi was a smart phone, she'd have a hand crank. #DAYS

 

Gabi says Rafe can't beat Nick up every time he finds them together.  I suppose every other time would suffice. #DAYS

 

Rafe apologizes for the fight he had with Nick. Translation: for blindsiding Nick with a sucker punch. #DAYS

 

So Giselle Van Hopper dumped her husband.  Apparently Mr. Van Hopper was hopping around, so to speak. #DAYS

 

So, Mrs. Van Hopper can't be generous to the church unless she has a date? Now, there's a real humanitarian for you. #DAYS

Sharp As A Tack

Will says for once it wasn't Nick who did something illegal. Rafe figures it was someone else. Sharp as a tack, isn't he? #DAYS

 

Jennifer says Brady has an incredibly good heart. It makes up for his incredibly drug-saturated brain. #DAYS

 

Rafe says Gabi doesn't have any senses to come to. Maybe Rafe has come to his senses. #DAYS

 

Brady tells Jennifer their conversation should go off the record.  Jennifer must've thought he said off the rails. #DAYS

Blushing

Abby wonders why JJ is blushing. Maybe he found out what she's been up to with EJ. #DAYS

 

Theresa whines they're blaming her for every crime in the book. Maybe she knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. #DAYS

 

I am completely gobsmacked that Jennifer would even speak to Aiden. Then again, she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. #DAYS

 

Abigail's badgering JJ about Paige is why men think women should come with a mute button. #DAYS

Sofa Sex

Sami thinks a fit mother doesn't have sofa sex with her kid around. Ask Will who he caught having sofa sex with EJ. #DAYS

 

Rafe sucker-punches Nick.  Lucas better come out swinging or he'll lose his title as the Salem sucker-punch champion. #DAYS

 

Rafe's favorite Bible verse, Isaiah 1:18: "Come, let us reason together." Rafe "reasons" differences by duking it out. #DAYS

 

Liam's not sure what Nicole is getting at. Nicole isn't sure what Liam is getting at. They're getting at my last nerve is what. #DAYS

She's Been Around The Block A Few Times

EJ says he does nothing to control Sami. That's right. She shoots whom she wants when she wants where she wants. #DAYS

 

Liam: When Nicole asked what you were doing there, "none of your business" would have been better than your wild-ass story. #DAYS

 

Sami says she's been around the block a few times.  She must live on a block the size of Texas. #DAYS

 

Sami: "You're not listening to me." Gabi: "You're not listening to me." Pardon me, but I'm not listening to either of them. #DAYS

 

So Theresa and Eric are what... cousins? It's tough to untangle the Gordian Knot of Salem family relationships. #DAYS

A Perfect Uchi Mata

I think it would have been cool if Chase had pulled a few Judo moves on the creep who attacked him. Or, better yet, Ciara. #DAYS

 

Dan's scheduled a double-bypass. At Salem Hospital that means bypassing two patients to take the day off. #DAYS

 

Ciara says she did a perfect Uchi Mata. If Nicole had said that I'd think it was from the Kama Sutra. #DAYS

 

The only way Eric and Nicole will spend the rest of their lives together is if they're killed in a car crash on their honeymoon. #DAYS

One Clue

Sheryl, threatening Kate is like pointing a gun at someone but holding it backwards. #DAYS

 

Paige's broken phone is ready the next day? That proves #DOOL is fiction. #DAYS

 

Jordan thinks Rafe makes her life complicated.  I'm not sure Rafe has the bandwidth to complicate anything. #DAYS

 

Jennifer doesn't think JJ is interested in page. If Jennifer got a clue she'd have... one clue. #DAYS

Samanthus Interruptus

Abby tells Paige her mind wandered.  And it obviously never came back. #DAYS

 

Lucas is riding a runaway freight train to a sexual harassment lawsuit. #DAYS

 

Lucas and Sheryl start to get busy and... Samanthus Interruptus. #DAYS

 

The scene where JJ walked out half naked to find Page was as lame as a racehorse with four broken legs. #DAYS

Bait-And-Switch

Sami says her wedding with EJ will be a disaster.  Of course it will.  It happens during May sweeps. #DAYS

 

Eric can't marry Nicole because she has a past. So that thing about God's forgiveness is just a bait-and-switch scheme I guess. #DAYS

 

Nicole says Sami's the Liz Taylor of Salem. No, Liz wasn't dumb enough to ban a guy like Stefano from her wedding(s). #DAYS

 

Therady; Gabick; Danifer. We saw more monkey sex in this episode than that @BronxZoosCobra sees all year in the primate exhibit. #DAYS

Sitting On A Tack

Gosh, we had a wedding and nobody interrupted and nobody got shot.  What's this world coming to?" #DAYS

 

When Caroline was hesitating the look on Roman's face looked like he was sitting on a tack. #DAYS

 

Creepy Liam not only had a great hiding place down by the couch but he was also in a perfect position to peek up Nicole's skirt. #DAYS

 

 

Oblivious Self Involvement

Since this is a gay wedding I expected rainbow tuxes.  Then I remembered that would just mean it was any wedding in the '70s. #DAYS

 

Roman didn't bring a date.  Of course if he did, given his success with women, that would also mean this was a wedding in the '70s. #DAYS

 

I wasn't sure what it was Mystic Carmel lit but there is every indication it was the world's biggest doob. #DAYS

 

Carmel: "Sami was a horror show of oblivious self-involvement." Yep. There is no doubt it was Sami he was with. #DAYS

St. Elvis

Brady wakes up beside Theresa. Did I hear Maureen McGovern singing "The Morning After" in the background? #DAYS

 

Gabi's going to be changing Arianna every two hours so no one's feelings get hurt.  Or their nostrils, for that matter. #DAYS

 

Brady: "Did you think I'd bolt before you woke up?" Theresa: "You wouldn't be the first." [Insert lecture about using protection]. #DAYS

 

EJ to the rescue. If anyone can get Marlena ordained it'll be St. Elvis. #DAYS