Welcome To The Land Of Misfits

Kayla comes into Chez Rouge and smiles as she sees Patch across the room. As she goes toward him, Patch sucks beer out of a longneck. He wipes his sleeve on his mouth and rips out a belch that rocks Salem. Kayla thinks it was soooo nice of Patch to do this. Yeah, it's tough arranging a night out at a restaurant. She wonders if this is his way of avoiding the call to Benjy. EJ walks in. Patch eyes him, literally, as he crosses the room.

Sami can't believe what a great day it has been. She's had a nice conversation with Kate and now Kate has set up this TV thing for her. Sami thinks it's weird being back at the cabin. Lucas doesn't remember anything bad happening there, though. All he remembers is being next to the fire with Sami. He asks if Sami is ready to go in. Sami stares.

Miraculously, someone has rebuilt the cabin. Inside, the TV crew works on placing the beam exactly where is should be. Kate supervises. The workers set the beam on top of a dummy. Who knew reality TV could be so real? Lucas, for one. He sees the dummy and remarks the only difference is he is more muscular than the dummy. Especially between the ears.

Nick asks the cop why they can't just let Shawn go. The cop tells him Shawn's friend has accused him of kidnapping. Shawn insists Phillip isn't his friend

Willow walks into her hotel room and rages against Phillip. She doesn't like the way he is ordering her around. She touches her tummy, "Nobody treats me like that, Kiddo. Bad boy Phillip will find out the hard way."

Phillip breaks into the place where Shawn and Belle have been hiding. The room is dark and silent, "Belle, I know you are in here."

A baby cries. Phillip approaches a woman sitting on a cot holding the crying infant. "This is the end of the line, Belle," snarls Phillip.

Of course the woman huddled there with her baby is Stacy, not Belle. "Where is she," barks Phillip.

Stacy wants to know if Phillip is a cop, "Please don't hurt my baby."

Phillip tells her to get out. Stacy protests, "It's freezing out there!"

"Well, move quick then and you won't feel so cold," says the humanitarian, "You'd better go if you don't want to see me dismantle this slag heap." Stacy decides this might be a good time to go as the demonic Phillip rants and yells for Belle. He punctuates it with his demonic laugh.

Belle walks out, "I hear you, Phillip. And the people back in Salem probably can, too."

Stacy meets up with the brat and tells her Phillip bought it. She hands the baby to Chelsea. Chelsea turns around and we see Claire in her arms. The brat tells Claire it will be OK and thanks Stacy for doing this. Stacy leaves. The brat tells Claire they have to find her mommy.

Phillip grabs the "baby" Belle is holding. He sees it is a doll and totally freaks. He smashes the doll and screams, "What the hell have you done?"

Shawn tells the officer he is Claire's father. Phillip is a liar. Nick says he can prove Shawn isn't a kidnapper. He gives Pete Roman's number. Pete wonders if Roman Brady is any relation to Shawn Brady. Nick explains how Salem is the most incestuous town in the US, riddled with nepotism. Pete supposes it couldn't hurt to call Roman. He leaves.

Shawn lays into Nick, "Thanks. You just handed him my head on a platter."

"At least your head is something you don't use very much," says Nick.

"That's true," says Shawn, "But that was a really nice platter."

Nick says he called Mickey. Mickey consulted his copy of "Law for Dummies" and found out Shawn has violated a local court order, but it is not an extraditable offense, "He thinks we're OK, but he'll call and let me know for sure after he looks up the word 'extraditable.' "

Pete comes back, "I got the whole story."

Bruce asks Sami if she is ready. For the first shot, he wants the camera on Sami and wants her to tell the story. Sami sits down and they start taping. ACTION!

Sami weaves her tale. Bruce loves it. Lucas and Kate, too. Sami pauses and asks for water. Bruce calls for a cut and tells everybody to stand by. Lucas thanks Kate for doing this. Kate oozes slime, "I think this will allow everyone to find out what kind of a woman Sami has become."

Lucas gets a call and leaves. Sami continues. She says she tried her cell phone after the roof collapsed but there was no reception. Oh what a tangled web we weave... Sami cries as she tells about jamming a two-by-four under the rafter. The producer wants to see her reenact the scene. Sami frets.

Patch folds his cell phone. He thinks there is a rain cloud on the evening. He called Bo and found out EJ has been released. Patch gets up to go over to EJ. Kayla wants him to call Benjy instead. Patch won't lean on a boy he once thought of as a son.

Patch sits down with "Squire Crumpets."

Sami is nervous. She thought they would hire an actress to do this part. Bruce says they were gong to, but this will make it more exciting. Bruce tells her this rafter is much lighter than the other one. She won't have any problem. Sami agrees to try. ACTION!

Sami moves rubble and tries to pry the rafter. She grimaces and falls. Kate smiles.

Willow picks up Phillip's expensive watch and tells "Kiddo" this is her first lesson in life, "Always get payment up front."

Belle says she isn't afraid of Phillip, proving she really is bonkers. The way Phillip is raging, Satan himself would back off. She claims Stacy had her own child. Claire is somewhere safe. Phillip becomes unglued. He wants his daughter. Belle tells him he always did hold a grudge against Shawn. Phillip moves to the level of Star Trek Insanity. He boldly freaks at a level where no man has gone before, "You think this is about Shawn? There is only one person I want to see suffer for the hell I've gone through. And that's you, Belle."

Pete says Roman said Shawn was right. There was no violation. Pete releases him and tells him, "But you'd better get your act together, son." HA! And someday they'll raise the Titanic, too.

Nick tells Shawn what a tremendous role Chelsea played in pulling this off. The brat listens. She walks in with Claire and hands her to Shawn. She says, "We did it."

Nick says, "No. You did it."

Shawn thanks Chelsea. She says it was no biggie. Shawn says, "Are you kidding? You went against Phillip and Victor and won!" We share a tender moment of love. Shawn will never forget this. Hugs. Shawn asks where Belle is. Chelsea tells him she's distracting Phillip at the warehouse.

Belle tells Phillip Claire isn't his. She was the one who went through the pain of the miscarriage. Phillip says he used to think Mimi was the most deceitful person he knows, but it's Belle.

Sami strains trying to lift the beam. Bruce tells her not to overdo the acting, but thinks she's doing a good job of making the lightweight beam look heavy. Sami gives up. She claims the beam is somehow different than the other one was; it's in a different position or something. She tries again as Lucas rushes in. Looselips screams, "Stop! You're gonna hurt the baby! Enough!"

Kate asks, "Are you pregnant?"

Bruce calls for extra shots of the outside of the cabin. The crew leaves. Kate wants to know why Sami and Lucas didn't tell her about the pregnancy. Sami says they were just waiting until after the first trimester. Lucas tells Kate she should be happy about this. Kate asks if Sami is sure. "What," asks Sami, "Am I sure I am pregnant, or am I sure you should be happy about this?"

Belle screams at Phillip, "You jumped from condiment to condiment and your only thought was to rip a baby from its mother!" Phillip tells her to shut up. Belle seethes, "Or what, you'll kill me? I was wrong about you. You would. Go ahead! Do it! But you will never see Claire again."

"DO-IT! DO-IT," chants the audience, "MURDER-SUICIDE! MURDER-SUICIDE! "

Phillip says he is done with this. He's going to find and raise Claire, "And see which parent Claire ends up hating." He storms out.

Shawn walks out of the police HQ with the group. Chelsea says Belle will be there soon. Wojo-Merle walks up and says Belle should be on her way any minute. But he has bad news, "The freighter left 20 minutes ago. But the good news is I can get you three passports and passage on a cruise liner, which leaves in three hours. It will cost you three grand."

Nick gets an idea. He'll be back with the money in less than an hour. Merle tells Shawn to meet him at an all night diner when Belle gets there. He leaves. Chelsea tells Shawn not to worry. They wonder what Nick is up to. "He's amazing," says Shawn.

"Who woulda thought," says the brat.

"Thought," says Shawn, "Should I know that word? "

EJ thanks Patch for the heads up in Mexico. He tells Kayla she looks ravishing. Patch just rolls right off the cliff, "Don't you even look at her!" Patch wants to talk about what EJ knows about him. He wants to know what EJ made Benjy do. Patch rambles about the dinner with Benjy that night.

As Patch drones, EJ taps his dinner knife on the table. Patch enters the Twilight Zone. Patch... Knife... Patch... Knife... Shaking and obsession...

Kayla chimes in. She says Steve told her about Mexico. She begs EJ to help him. Patch zones and tells him to stop it. EJ taps the knife. FREAK OUT, "MAKE IT STOP!"

Kate says she is excited. She thought she and Sami were trying to put the past behind them. She doesn't want to make the same mistake she did with Will. Kate says she won't mention a word and congratulates them. She calls Bruce back in.

Sami doesn't know if she's up to lifting the beam. Kate tells the crew Sami is exhausted, but she wants a shot of the beam being lifted off the dummy's leg. The one lying on the floor, that is. So she tells the crew to roll the cameras. The crew tapes as Superwoman walks over and lifts the beam. Sami steams. Lucas tells her not to worry about it. The she-devil smirks.

Belle joins the group of marauders. Shawn asks if Phillip hurt her. Belle says he didn't, "He's off chasing Stacy." Shawn tells her about the freighter leaving, and Nick's mysterious trip to get money. Belle tells him they have to do something because Phillip is out of control and will never leave them alone.

Phillip comes in and asks what Willow is up to. He grabs her, "Nobody takes what's mine, unless it's a body part." He rummages through her purse. He accuses her of robbing him and asks what happened to the ten grand.

"Gone," she says. He throws her out. "Where am I supposed to go?"

"Whore yourself out," snorts Mr. Compassion.

Phillip's phone rings. Phillip picks up. Pete says, "I have news about Shawn Brady."

Nick rejoins the group and gives Shawn and Belle the money. Shawn asks if he robbed a bank. "It's not stolen," says Nick, "But don't ask me how I got it."

Shawn says they will pay him back. Nick and Chelsea tell the Kiddie Korps to take care as they leave.

Nick and Chelsea stand alone. The brat asks, "Do you know what time it is?"

Yes, Nick has pawned his coveted graduation watch, "You can replace a watch but not a child."

"You couldn't replace Claire either," says Chelsea. She can't believe they actually pulled this off, "We make a good team."

Patch has a knife at EJ's throat. Kayla calms him down enough to let EJ escape.

EJ points at Patch and screams, "You are a bad pony! You will go to jail for attempted murder!"

Chelsea can't wait to go home. She gets a little depressed when she talks about having to check her email, but her somber mood is interrupted as Shawn and Belle come back. Belle gives her two letters – one for her mom and one for her dad. Shawn hugs Chelsea, shakes hands with Nick and they ride their tricycles into the sunset.

Sami and Lucas come out of the cabin. Lucas says their prayers were answered the night they were trapped there.

The crew cleans up inside. Kate congratulates the guys. Bruce wants to know if she really had to stick it to Sami like that.

"Sticking it to Sami is exactly what I intend to do," says Kate.

Willow comes into the Mason Street hovel and collapses. A figure hovers above her. Willow screams, "I have mace!"

"Don't waste it on me," says Merle, "I'm immune to it by now." Willow says she lost everything and she's all alone.

"Well, you're not all alone," says Merle, "Welcome to the land of misfits. Maybe I can help you."

Phillip wants to know why Pete let Shawn go. Pete says the case wasn't in their jurisdiction. Phillip snarls, "You've made a very big mistake."

"Look," says Pete, "Back home, you may be a rich bigshot. Around here, you're just another tourist. Why don't you just leave?" Pete walks away.

Kayla tells Steve he needs help. They can't live like this any longer.

Rage wells up inside him. Steve runs back inside. The camera jiggles as Patch and EJ struggle and fly through the window. FF.

Previews
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Phillip asks, "How do I know this isn't just another one of your scams?" Willow says, "It wasn't a trick. It's Shawn's. He's my baby's father." Phillip says, "Man, he really gets around, doesn't he? "

Sami screams, "Lucas, it was a scam! I was set up again by your mother!"

Patch is behind bars. He tells Benjy, "Give me answers or I could lose Kayla. If either one of us ever meant anything to you, then tell me what you know."

EJ tells Kayla, "Anybody who crosses me is going to get exactly what they deserve."