Too Many 'Shrooms

Shawn and Belle both continue to suffer from a complex rectal-cranial inversion. A rectal-cranial inversion is where you think with your butt. A complex rectal-cranial inversion is where you think with your butt, but, unfortunately, you're a dumbass. They wander aimlessly through Canada and meet up with a – OMG! It's WOJO! Wojciehowicz! From Barney Miller! Wojciehowicz – "spelled just like it sounds!" Where you been, Wojo?!

Wojo says his name is Merle. But we know different. Merle stammers and grasps for words as he shows them around his shelter. He realizes he isn't making much sense, "Sorry – too many 'shrooms." He says he's been helping kids run from the draft since 'Nam. Shawn says he's not a draft dodger, "And the war is over."

"But there's some kind of war going on, isn't there," asks Wojo-Merle.

"Yes," says Shawn.

"Close enough," says Merle, as he leads them inside and shows them their cots.

Lucas tells Victor to calm down. Victor can't calm down. They have to get Claire back now. He wants Lucas on the next flight to Toronto, "I want you to find Claire and bring her home."

Lucas says, "I'm sorry, boss, but I can't do that."

Nick is on the phone with Abby. He wonders how a smart guy can make so many mistakes. Chelsea wants a job in the research lab and Dr. Rebert does the interviews. And to make matters worse, Chelsea has started to be nice to him. She said she likes him. Abby tells him to chill. He isn't locked into this job thing.

Rebert, of course, picks this moment to walk in with a job opening for a lab assistant, "You know anybody who isn't afraid of rats?"

"No," says Nick, "But I know a rat who wants a job."

Chelsea comes up to Abby and asks if Nick said anything about the job. Abby reminds Chelsea she isn't the only one looking for a job. Chelsea reminds Abby she the only one connected to Nick, though. Abby announces she decided to go back to college full time. The brat squeals.

Sami munches crackers as they bring EJ in to meet with her. EJ is infatuated, "I didn't dream it. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

Chelsea is soooooo excited. She and Abby will be college girls. She wonders which sorority they should pledge. Abby isn't sure she wants to pledge a sorority. She has heard the sisters can be pretty mean. The brat says she is the queen of mean and will protect her. Abby says, "So that's why you want to go to college – you want to find a home."

Belle says, "The place looks nice." Translation: dump.

Wojo-Merle says, "Well, there are no bugs, no leaky roof. It's not home but that's why a lot of kids bail on going underground. It can be a rough life. Rule number uno. No dope." Uh-oh. That rules out Belle and Shawn. Merle goes on, "And keep the cell phone off 24-7. There is a pay phone over there. Keep it to three minutes, 'cause they can tap that, too." He asks if Claire is their kid, "You guys aren't kidnappers are you?"

Victor tells Lucas this wasn't a request – it was an order. Lucas says, "This doesn't have anything to do with my job. This is personal business. Shawn is your grandchild."

"Shawn is dead to me," snorts Victor, "I want Claire back." Lucas asks why he doesn't send Phillip. "Because I don't trust him," says Victor, "Every time he leaves the house, more body parts wind up missing."

Sami don' wan' no bull. She needs to talk. She starts with Lexie. EJ wonders when Lexie snapped. Maybe it was when Sami blackmailed her. EJ points out honest Abe exposed Lexie's lie. Sami thinks that doesn't mean EJ isn't responsible for her and Tek's disappearance. EJ says they have no evidence. He was in the boathouse that night, but waiting for Sami, and she didn't show up. He claims he left before John came.

Sami asks, "If you're so innocent, why did you hold me at gunpoint and force me to help you get through the roadblock?"

"Because you set me up," says EJ, "You owed me. I can forgive and forget. That night in your arms I never felt so complete."

Sami doesn't feel that way, "Shut up. You were behind both Lexie and John. You're so smooth. Just like a well-oiled snake."

EJ suggests she go to Roman if she thinks there is so much evidence against him, "You won't do it because these guys don't have a thing."

Shawn tells Wojo-Merle Claire belongs to them, "The system is trying to take her."

The 'shrooms kick back in. Merle drones, "When the revolution comes the system is what will smother and die. Just like a brain cell on 'shrooms." He gives them a world map, "The yellow countries do not have extradition with the USA."

Belle looks over their options, "Algeria, Bangladesh, Afghanistan."

Merle chimes in with his favorite, "Don't forget Russia. It's a socialist paradise."

Shawn brings him up to date on history, "Russia hasn't been socialist since the wall came down."

"What wall?"

Merle floats off into his own paradise. Shawn asks, "So... how's your Russian?"

"I can whine in any language," says Belle.

Lucas doesn't understand why Victor can't trust Phillip. Victor says, "The war and losing Claire have changed Phillip. I don't want anyone to get hurt. I want you to find Shawn and Belle and convince them I won't press charges." Lucas asks if he finds Shawn and Belle, what if they turn down the offer. Victor gives him his best "I don't like being turned down" look.

Nick studies peptide interactions in a microscope. Dr. Rebert comes in and tells him he is meeting with a promising applicant. Chelsea walks into the room, "OMG! It's you. Dr. Shane Patton. I'm your dark angel."

Oh, those crafty writers fooled you again. Back to reality. Nick tells Dr. Rebert-Patton he will let him know if he finds anyone. Dr. Rebert leaves. Nick sweats.

The brat says maybe she is looking for a home, "Sometimes I think about the Bensons and how good they were to me. And what a rat I was." She reminisces. The Bensons are history, and now it's over with Lonely Splicer, too. Billie has her own life to deal with. She thinks Billie's issue is with the guy she was with the other night. She thinks Billie is really into him, "But how much monkey sex can you have with your kid in the next room? I think she really likes him."

Sami says she doesn't have any evidence against EJ. She knows Lexie would never leave her son behind. She demands he tell her what he did with Lexie and Tek. She also says she has forgiven John. She doesn't hate anyone except EJ.

EJ chuckles. He's glad she hasn't gone completely 'Mother Teresa' on him, "I'd hate to think you were no longer the passionate woman who made love to me that night."

Sami nukes, "Made love? Are you insane? You raped me!"

EJ says, "No. That would imply some kind of resistance on your part. You can think whatever you want to, Samantha, but we both know the reason you didn't put up a fight was because you wanted it just as much as I did."

Victor says if Shawn and Belle refuse to come back, it will be Lucas' job to convince them. If they won't come with him, he has to bring Claire back. Lucas says, "One good kidnapping deserves another? I refuse to do it."

Victor does his best George Bush, "You're either with us or against us. It's time for a decision. Whose side are you on?"

Sami says she hated every second of it. EJ says, "Milady, methinks thou doth protest too much."

Sami says she came because she knows what he's capable of. She wants him to know she didn't tell anyone what happened. He has no reason to target her. He says he wouldn't put her through that. She isn't on his hit list. He doesn't have a hit list. He also thinks having him out of her life is the last thing she wants.

Shawn and Belle have 300 bucks. Jethro ciphers. That won't get them to Russia. Belle suggests pawning her wedding ring. Shawn asks if she really wants to do that. Belle says it doesn't mean anything to her, and it's worth thousands. Suddenly Brainiac sees tropical islands, sand and sun. Belle sees the blackness of despair, so they're both happy. Belle says, "We left everything behind."

Shawn asks, "So what... do you think we made a mistake?"

"Not for me," says Belle, "For you."

Lucas says Victor is unbelievable. He doesn't want any part of this.
Victor says, "I imagine, then, you'll take your opinion and your strong moral code to your next position. You'll either go or start searching the want ads."

Nick shows up at the pub. The girls tell him about their college plans. The brat asks about the job. Nick stammers. He tells her there is nothing available. She thanks him for checking. He can't believe he isn't being more insistent. Abby has to go work a shift at Chez Rouge. She's the only person left in Salem Maggie hasn't fired lately.

The brat asks if Nick remembers the night he came by to tell her Lonely Splicer's real name. "Mom's boyfriend was there that night. I was just wondering if you have any idea who it is."

EJ says, "If I had wanted you dead, Samantha, the police would have found your body in the cabin next to Lucas. I could never hurt you. I want to get back with you. I think you want the same thing."

"All I want is you out of my life."

Impossible," says EJ, "But I have an interesting proposition. My lawyers are working as we speak on getting me out of here. I'm going to rebuild my business. I want you to work for me again." Sami refuses. He says she doesn't have to make up her mind now. All Sami wants is his promise she won't wind up dead. "Your wish is my command." He kisses her hand, "I could never harm the mother of my child."

Shawn says Claire is the most important thing in his life. They have had tough times. It doesn't matter any more. They are friends. That will get them where they need to go. Claire is with her mom and dad and that's what counts. Belle says once she is old enough to understand she will tell Claire what an amazing thing Shawn did for her, but it will still be a few years before Belle is old enough to understand. She says Shawn reminds her of her dad. Shawn squints.

Victor can't have anyone working for him whose judgment he can't trust, "You won't be able to find a job anywhere. I will pass the word and have you blackballed, son."

Lucas sneers, "I am not your son, that we know of yet. I am proud of that. You can take your job and shove it." Lucas turns and leaves. Victor searches for Vaseline.

Nick says he doesn't know anything about Billie's private life. Chelsea reminds him she saw the belt. Nick chokes. She's not asking him to track the guy down unless he wants to.

Sami has been chosen to bear the next DiMera child, "Let me ask. Is there... a... bundle of joy?"

Sami says she was using protection.

"Pity."

"Not to me."

"I'll just have to try harder next time."

"There won't be a next time," snorts Sami, "If you try to touch me again, I'll kill you." Sami slings her purse at him on the way out. A swing and a miss. "Keep me and my family out of it!"

EJ does his best Bo imitation, "Yes, dear."

Nick says he would help if he could. The brat says she was kidding, but she understands he can't always tell because of all the times she has treated him like dirt. She moves in and kisses him.

Sami storms into her apartment. Lucas wonders where she has been. Sami says she was at the mall. She didn't know he would be upset. She goes for a kiss. Lucas backs off. He tells her Victor fired him because he wouldn't go to Canada. Sami asks if he told Bo about it, and Lucas says he did. Sami thinks he did the right thing. Lucas doesn't think so. He's unemployed and she's pregnant. He tells her about Victor threatening to have him blackballed. Sami suggests she could get a job. Lucas vetoes it. He will provide for the family.

Sami argues. Lucas doesn't want her working while pregnant. Sami says, "This is not 1957. Women work when they are pregnant."

"Just like it should be says Lucas, "Besides, with Victor blackballing me, what kind of a job do you suppose I could get – 'Welcome to burger barn. You want fries with that?"

"That's pretty much what you're qualified for with or without Victor's support says Sami, "Besides you're the kind of guy an employer would want. Just like you're the kind of guy a girl can depend on. An unemployed cripple." Sami hugs and worries.

The detective tells EJ he has been released. EJ takes his belongings, signs and leaves. Outside he makes a call to Kate and gets voice mail. He says he's sprung and wants to get together for a business meeting. Totally optional. He walks out of the cop shop, "Ahhh... the sweet smell of freedom."

Belle asks if calling home is too risky. Shawn knows of one phone in Salem that might not be tapped.

Nick hyperventilates. He has to go. Chelsea thought maybe they could hang out together. Nick stammers around and agrees. Just the two of them. As they walk out, the pay phone at the pub rungs.

"Come on," says Shawn, "Somebody pick up."

Nick urges Chelsea to let it ring, "It has to be a wrong number." Pan in on the pay phone.


Previews
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Max asks, "What is it?" Mimi whines, "Connor said that those bones – they're my father's."

Chelsea says, "I'll do it. I'll deliver the money."

Belle says, "Shawn, you're talking about Africa." Shawn says, "We will take care of Claire."

Bo asks, "Can we talk about this later? I mean this whole thing..." Roman says, "It involves a stolen delivery truck so, no, we need to talk about it right now." Patch plays the bobblehead.